Getting Sucked In

There are times when I forget to take a step back and look at the big picture.  I am not talking about a picture hanging in a museum, rather I am talking about life.  But I am guessing that most of you figured that out without my telling you.  Anyway, whenever I get sucked into the nitty gritty of life, there seems to be a loss of perspective and anything that goes awry tends to get to me.  It burrows in like a mole into soft loam and drives me to anger.  Anger for me is toxic; it's like a slow creeping tidal wave, slowly sucking the life away, building up out of sight, and then crashing down on top of you.  I hate it when I am angry.  Once anger sets in, its like a black cloud that envelopes me, grips me tight, and blocks my view of anything and everyone around me.  Over the past week there have been a few different instances where I have gotten  angry over stupid, small, and inconsequential events.  It literally takes me hours sometimes to dispell the fog of anger, and sometimes even that angers me.   Luckily, I don't go through bouts of anger too often (luckily for me, but more for those around me).  Also, I have gotten better at talking myself out of it, essentially breaking through the black cloud that seeks to hold me in its grasp forever.  Many times, I find that my anger stems from my judgement of others, my unrealistic expectations that I hold others to, and my complete and utter disatisfaction when things don't go my way.  At times, I don't have problems with anger, other times, like this past week, I have a horrible times scrubbing the shadow from my life.  But I guess that is what life is about; the ups and the downs, and hopefully learning through it all.  It seems every times I go through one of those dips in life, I do manage to learn something about myself and how to improve.  Yet, even though I might learn lessons along the way, the real test is putting what I learned into action the next time a dip comes.  Sometimes I am more successful than others at applying the lessons I learned previously.   It seems this past week I forgot most of the lessons I learned and had to re-learn some of them.  I think I am past it though, ready for the next up swing in life (hopefully), and ready to get back into the game.  Its funny sometimes when I look back and realize that everything I got angry about really didn't matter in the long run.  Nothing that happened over the past week had any bearing on how the future will turn out, yet at the time, it seemed like the future hinged on the outcome of certain events.  How foolish we can be.  Oh well.  For now, its time for me to sign off and wait for my faster computer to come home.  Look for a longer post tomorrow, hopefully, and if it doesn't come, I won't get angry about it.