I have reached a point in my life, or rather an age, that seems to be a confluence of two worlds. Perhaps it is simply due to my wide array of friends, ranging from a few years younger than me to a few decades older than me. Or perhaps it is just that I have reached a point in my life that feels different. To lay it out as simply as possible, I have essentially two types of friends; those that have children and those that don't. Amongst those friends that have children, there are a select cadre that have had their children grow up and move out, providing an even more unique prespective. However, for the sake of this post today, I will focus mainly on those friends of mine who have children at home (mostly younger) and those that don't have any children. The differences between the two groups; the attitudes espoused, the perceptions of life portrayed, and the general concensus of forward movement in life seemingly come from different worlds. It wasn't that long ago that I belonged to the group whose attitudes were geared away from children, were geared more towards self gratification, self interest, enjoying life on one's own terms rather than focusing on family first. It is a weird place to be in. There are friends of mine who I sometimes consider inviting over for dinner, but never take that step in asking them because to begin with, our lives our crazy with an 18 month old, work, and making ends meet. Followed closely after that, I can tell that they are in a different place than I am in regards to life. They enjoy going out to eat more, drinking more, or to keep it simply, enjoying life without the responsibility of having a family to take care of and provide for. On a similar note, I get invited to go out with this "younger" group of friends (younger only by a few years) on occasion, to parties packed with kegs and jello shots, to chili fests, to the shooting range, to whatever. I rarely take them up on these offers, however, because in terms of the parties, I am past the days of all night keg parties and drunk people making asses of themselves. That isn't to say I don't have those occasional nights when I have a little too much to drink, but for the most part, those days are behind me. And while I am on the topic of drunk people, it is hilarious to see someone make an ass of themselves, but too much, too often and it just gets annoying.
In terms of other events that I get invited to, most of the time I am busy at home either spending time with our son, taking care of regular household maintenance, or simply too tired to make it out. I know, it sounds like my life has turned pathetic, but I actually enjoy my life. Its just that most of the time I don't have any extra time to hang out with friends, especially on a last minute basis. Its a weird transition to make from being able to make spur of the moment decisions to having to plan gatherings weeks or months in advance in order for them to work. Such is case with my group of friends that have children. Whenever we do get together with them, which is seldom since most of my friends in this group of younger children, I usually know at least two weeks in advance of a get together. With an 18 month old in the house, getting together with friends is much harder. I know what it must seem like to the group of friends without children; I am abandoning them. That's hardly the case however. I cherish their friendship and when possible get together with them, but I am not going to go hang out at a party with drunk people just to see a few of my friends. Its just not worth it to me. I guess this strange age that I am in really struck me on two occasions in the past month. The first was when I was out a dart match on Thursday night with friends. There was talk about one of my friends buying his girlfriend the class to get a pistol permit. Those classes are mostly on a Saturday and her excuse for not getting it was that she couldn't take a Friday night off from drinking. Not even thinking about the group of friends I was with and the fact that they are a tad bit younger than me with no kids, I said, "Just wait till you have kids, there will be many Friday nights when you don't go out and get drunk." All conversation stopped and they looked at me like I had five heads. Pretty quickly, they responded that they weren't having kids anytime soon and how could I suggest something like that. Obviously they took it the wrong way because I was simply joking, obviously a "parent" joke that some people didn't get, but it brought me back to the reality of who I was actually hanging out with. Oh well, I had a sip of my beer and let them carry on their conversation.
The other instance I realized the weird place I was in was a few weeks after that. Let me preface this next examply by saying that even just a few years ago, if a friend invited me out for drinks even in the middle of the afternoon, I would have agreed and headed out with them. Nowadays, with a child around, I rarely have an alcholic drink before 6 at night. I just don't want to have even a mild buzz when I am spending time with my son. In fact, there were times even just 5 or 6 years ago when I would have gone to lunch with a friend, had a couple drinks, and not gone back to work. But those days are past me. On to what happened a few weeks ago. I was doing a small job in a condo complex when lo and behold, a friend of mine pulled up to do work at the condo right next to the one I was working in. I didn't know he was going to be there so we chatted for a bit before going to work on our respective jobs. A little after lunch time, I was done with the job for the day and as I was about to leave, my friend asked if I wanted to head to the bar and get a couple of drinks. I actually thought about it for half a second before declining because I had to pick up my son from daycare and spend time with him in the afternoon. He was kind of puzzled, but thats my position, no drinking if I am going to be with my son, no ifs, ands, or buts. So thats where I am at right now. I am stuck in between two worlds right now, the world of no worries, free wheeling fun, and that of responsibility and a different form of fun that comes from family. I enjoy the friends I have in both spheres, however, it seems as a parent you move quite quickly into the latter world where reponsibility takes the reigns. I know there are parents out there who don't have the same view that I do and still think that with a child in the house they can do whatever they want. I don't fault them for their views, however, their views are not my views. While its a weird place to be in right now, I still enjoy every second of it and make sure I live every second to the fullest. Such is life, a series of changes that occur, never letting us get settled, never allowing us to relax (although some might think they can). Well, back to work today after too short of a weekend, and oh yeah, I caught my wife's cold again which she caught from our son. (Damn rhinovirus!)
In terms of other events that I get invited to, most of the time I am busy at home either spending time with our son, taking care of regular household maintenance, or simply too tired to make it out. I know, it sounds like my life has turned pathetic, but I actually enjoy my life. Its just that most of the time I don't have any extra time to hang out with friends, especially on a last minute basis. Its a weird transition to make from being able to make spur of the moment decisions to having to plan gatherings weeks or months in advance in order for them to work. Such is case with my group of friends that have children. Whenever we do get together with them, which is seldom since most of my friends in this group of younger children, I usually know at least two weeks in advance of a get together. With an 18 month old in the house, getting together with friends is much harder. I know what it must seem like to the group of friends without children; I am abandoning them. That's hardly the case however. I cherish their friendship and when possible get together with them, but I am not going to go hang out at a party with drunk people just to see a few of my friends. Its just not worth it to me. I guess this strange age that I am in really struck me on two occasions in the past month. The first was when I was out a dart match on Thursday night with friends. There was talk about one of my friends buying his girlfriend the class to get a pistol permit. Those classes are mostly on a Saturday and her excuse for not getting it was that she couldn't take a Friday night off from drinking. Not even thinking about the group of friends I was with and the fact that they are a tad bit younger than me with no kids, I said, "Just wait till you have kids, there will be many Friday nights when you don't go out and get drunk." All conversation stopped and they looked at me like I had five heads. Pretty quickly, they responded that they weren't having kids anytime soon and how could I suggest something like that. Obviously they took it the wrong way because I was simply joking, obviously a "parent" joke that some people didn't get, but it brought me back to the reality of who I was actually hanging out with. Oh well, I had a sip of my beer and let them carry on their conversation.
The other instance I realized the weird place I was in was a few weeks after that. Let me preface this next examply by saying that even just a few years ago, if a friend invited me out for drinks even in the middle of the afternoon, I would have agreed and headed out with them. Nowadays, with a child around, I rarely have an alcholic drink before 6 at night. I just don't want to have even a mild buzz when I am spending time with my son. In fact, there were times even just 5 or 6 years ago when I would have gone to lunch with a friend, had a couple drinks, and not gone back to work. But those days are past me. On to what happened a few weeks ago. I was doing a small job in a condo complex when lo and behold, a friend of mine pulled up to do work at the condo right next to the one I was working in. I didn't know he was going to be there so we chatted for a bit before going to work on our respective jobs. A little after lunch time, I was done with the job for the day and as I was about to leave, my friend asked if I wanted to head to the bar and get a couple of drinks. I actually thought about it for half a second before declining because I had to pick up my son from daycare and spend time with him in the afternoon. He was kind of puzzled, but thats my position, no drinking if I am going to be with my son, no ifs, ands, or buts. So thats where I am at right now. I am stuck in between two worlds right now, the world of no worries, free wheeling fun, and that of responsibility and a different form of fun that comes from family. I enjoy the friends I have in both spheres, however, it seems as a parent you move quite quickly into the latter world where reponsibility takes the reigns. I know there are parents out there who don't have the same view that I do and still think that with a child in the house they can do whatever they want. I don't fault them for their views, however, their views are not my views. While its a weird place to be in right now, I still enjoy every second of it and make sure I live every second to the fullest. Such is life, a series of changes that occur, never letting us get settled, never allowing us to relax (although some might think they can). Well, back to work today after too short of a weekend, and oh yeah, I caught my wife's cold again which she caught from our son. (Damn rhinovirus!)
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