My wife and I received a very interesting book for Easter from my parents called "Simplicity Parenting". My wife is reading it first, has barely gotten a quarter of the way through the book, and already the impacts of it are amazing. The question posed as the title of my blog today is not one of the questions posed in the book, but the answer, however, is contained within. I have a feeling that most parents aren't going to like the answer to the question, may fight the answer with objections based solely upon their own feelings, and consider it to be rubbish. So what is the answer you ask? Is it 10, 20, or 30 toys? If you guessed any of these you would be wrong. The answer is actually half of the lowest number, 5. Before I get into the reasoning behind having only around 5 toys total, let me say that we have significantly whittled down our son's collection of toys (which we thought was already relatively small) but he still has more than 5, I would say between 10 and 20. So while we are working our way down to that "magic" number, we have not gotten there yet and I don't know if we will ever quite get down that far. Regardless of whether we actually get down to only 5 toys, the impacts of reducing the quantity of toys available for him to play with has been remarkable already. Here is the simple answer, too many toys creates anxious children, an inability to focus, and could lead to other developmental issues such as a sense of entitlement. For some reason, I don't think most parents who are reading this would have thought that the ramifications of having too many toys could be anxiety, restlessness, etc. Yet they are there, and we have seen a difference in our son's behaviour already. Before I go farther down this road of explanation, let me first say that removing toys from his collection was actually quite an easy task, perhaps made easier because he is only 18 months old, I don't know. Yet to take away the toys, we did it right in front of him. We took the bag from his mega blocks, went up to his room, started pulling all the toys that he rarely if ever played with, and put them in the bag for temporary storage till we decide what to do with them. We may keep some of them for a potential future child down the road, the rest we will probably donate or get rid of.
So getting rid of the toys did not create any sort of hysterical reaction from our son, in fact, he didn't even really care that we got rid of all the toys we did. Yet after those toys were gone, even though he rarely if ever played with them, his behavior started changing. It wasn't like turning on the light and having a whole different child, but since those toys were removed, his focus in playing with the toys he has has increased. He is capable of spending more time with specific toys than he was before and doesn't get as frustrated when something doesn't work the way he wants it to. While he is still a ball of energy, bouncing off the walls like a maniac sometimes, he also has his quiet times of focus, building with his blocks, rolling his cars around, and reading his books (flipping through them). If you think about it, it kind of makes sense that having too much stuff creates anxiety, especially amongst young children. A child's mind can only focus on a given amount of things and by putting too many things within the child's world creates a world that is overloaded, crowded, and in the same sense, overloads them to the point where they become anxious. Anxiety may not seem like that big of a deal, but if it is left to linger within a child, it will become part of who they are stay with them into adulthood. In addition to creating an anxious child, too many toys stifles creativity because it increases action between all the toys, but doesn't allow a child to focus on one toy and the possibilities that the toy can hold. Which brings me to another point about which toys are best. Fixed used toys, such as dolls, kitchen sets, or anything that can not be manipulated for other uses, is a fixed use toy and does not foster within a child a sense of creativity. Blocks, building sets, train sets, etc, or toys that have open ended possibilities and allow a child to explore them, to make them their own, and to create a world in which the toys bend to their whims, not the child bending to the design of the toys. Thinking back now, the only toys that I actually remember having are the ones that I was able to be creative with, my Brio trains, my Lego's, my K'nex, my blocks and puzzles. Almost every other toy that I might have had over the years has faded from memory because I either didn't use it that much or it didn't hold the creative possibilities that I needed as a child.
A similar limit is placed on books (especially at a very young age) and other child hood objects although my wife has not yet reached those parts of the book. It is interesting to see friends of ours who have children and how many toys they have. Most of our friends who have children have a plethora of toys, too many in our minds, and I can only begin to imagine what their children think. What will be more interesting, especially from a psychological perspective, is to see how those children grow up compared to our son. I will not make comparisons as to better or worse, but having a background that is part philosophy, part psychology, part English, and part observer of people, I am fascinated by the differences between people, and especially now, children. I find it amazing to watch different children and how they interact with their parents. It is fascinating to see how close the apply actually falls from the tree and how none of us are immune to it despite what we may believe. For the better part of our lives, we resist the fact that we are different from our parents in drastic ways, yet as we grow older and begin to see the bigger picture, we start to realize how we really are our parents children and how much of an influence they have on us when we are growing up. Even now, I see how much of an impact everything we do has on our son. Every action made, every word spoken, is absorbed by our son and stored for future processing. Nothing slips by a child and if we think it does, we are only deceiving ourselves. Which is why, if we are to reduce the toys and clutter that our child has, we must also ensure that our lives are uncluttered and not full worthless trinkets and un-used items stored in boxes. Children are very perceptive and can see through anything we do, especially if it goes against what we are teaching them. There is a lot to being a parent that we need to be cognizant of and I feel that many parents don't go that extra mile to ensure that what they are doing is the best thing they can do for their child. Yet, its not my place to judge. I feel that we are doing is right for our son, and whatever other parents do is up to them, I will not hold it for or against them. Yet, when I come across information that I feel may help some parent out there, I share it, not to put myself up on a pedestal and say look at me, but out of a desire to see other children grow up healthy and happy, that is all. So how many toys did you have growing up?
No comments:
Post a Comment