Fear of Death

While this topic is not necessarily one that occupies the front page of any newspaper, it nevertheless seems to be ingrained in our social consciousness.   It is widely accepted that most people do not want to die.  We want to hold off the inevitable as long as possible, struggling to the very last minute to stay alive and prolong our existence.  The medical field has made advances in keeping people alive whether it be through new procedures after a heart attack or new medicines to stave off the inevitable.  In general, everyone seems to be living a longer life due to better nutrition and awareness of what is needed to live longer.  Yet regardless of how long we live, whether it be to an early age of 40 or a very old age of 105, there is an inherrent fear that accompanies death and a distinct sorrow and sadness that infuses the lives of those who are close to the one dying.  Is death a sad event, absolutely, and I know that I would like to put it off as long as possible.  But in addition to the fear of death, there also seems to be a lack of acceptance of the inevitable when it begins to happen.  Death is part of life.  Death is something that every living thing on this planet must go through.   So why then is there such a distinct fear and lack of acceptance of it?

From an early age, we begin to learn about death, either through the pets that we have as children to random roadkill we see on the road to grandparents that we might barely know at the time.   Beginning at that age, we start to push death to the side, not wanting to admit that it will happen to us.  We feel the sorrow that accompanies a family member dying and want nothing to do with it.  We seek to push it to the back of our minds and relegate it to the recesses of our consiousness until a time when we must deal with it where it comes flooding back in torrents.  We learn about the infectious sorrow from those around us who sometimes struggle to move on after a loved one dies.  We see the tears and the grief and often times feel it ourselves.  And we have every reason to feel sorrow and grief.  But at the same time, there must also come an acceptance that for whatever reason the person died, whether it be a car accident, health issue, or natural causes, no matter how much we fight it, there is nothing we can do to bring them back.   No matter who we want to make responsible for the death of a loved one, they are gone and we must deal with it.  Some deal with it better than others, but in most cases, regardless of the cause, we dwell on the actual event of death. 

As we deal with the deaths of those around us, we begin to bring into our consiousness a fear of the event because of the impact it will have on those around us when the time comes for us to die.  Often times, people struggle and fight to the last minute, not accepting their own mortality.   Not having been there, I obviously do not know what its like to lie on your deathbed facing the inevitable.  Yet having known that this day would come for your entire life, it seems that more people would accept their fate when it is presented to them.  In general, most people are unprepared for their own death, not knowing how to deal with it and not wanting to relinquish their tenuous grip on life.  I believe that a big part of the reason that people feel so much sorrow at the death of a loved one is because they see this inner struggle going on and are helpless.  If more of us could die with dignity and acceptance when the day comes, we may impart a different sense of the event to those around us.  If we can offer consolation to those around us from our own death bed, their grief and sorrow might pass a little sooner.   If we can all begin to realize from an early age that we will be on our death bed at some point and accept this fact, when the day comes, events might flow a little more smoothly and our families might have an easier time dealing with it.

In accepting our own mortality, perhaps we can begin to see death as a way to celebrate the life that a person lived rather than dwelling in sorrow on the event of death itself.  Dwelling on the event and imparting an overwhelming sense of sorrow and grief will not help anyone.  Grief and sorrow must come, but they can be dealt with in a different way.  If we choose to celebrate the life that a person lived, we can begin to see past the event itself and instead of holding onto their death, hold onto the life they lived and keep it closer to our hearts.  There are some cultures that celebrate the life that was lived when someone dies and it seems that while the tears flow and the grief abounds, a celebratory spin lightens the mood and forces them to move past the event of death.  Death is a solitary moment in our existence that if we choose to dwell on the one moment, in can infuse a sense of perpetual sorrow and grief.   By celebrating death, we can look past the event and look instead on the impact that person had on family and society while he was alive. 

Perhaps one reason why we fear death so much when it comes knocking is because many people simply float through life, living while not really living.  Even more so today, people do not spend enough time interacting with those around them or spend enough time actually living and enjoying life.  If we come to realize earlier that we will die someday and not bury that notion somewhere in our subconsious, we can approach life with renewed vigor and tenacity.   If we invest time and energy in relationships with those around us, when it comes time to die, we can do so with dignity and knowledge of the fact that we lived a wholesome life and did the best we could.  Death is not an event we should be afraid of.  It is an inevitable fact of life that we were born and so we must die.  Once we can come to terms with this, our lives will be more wholesome and complete.  And when we die, let us urge those around us to celebrate our lives and move quickly past the event of our own death.  Let us start today by living our life with renewed vigor and tenacity, establishing deep connections with those around us and seeking to make a positive impact on those around us.  My favorite quote, which I mentioned before at some point embodies this notion:  "Carpe Diem"  Sieze the Day!