If you are looking for advice on parenting, there is no shortage of it these days. Bookstores, either physical or electronic, are full of resources for parents. It seems that everyone these days has an opinion on what the best way to raise a child is and they are not afraid to write a book about it. From helicopter parenting to your tiger mom and everything in between, it seems there is a book for every type of would be parent. These days, one can almost match a parenting style to their own personality, essentially finding the one that will best reinforce their own ideas on what it means to be a parent and how to go about actually carrying through with the parenting process. I think part of the problem with figuring out which style fits a certain person best arises from the fact that we have become a global society that has become greatly diversified even compared with our society a hundred years ago. Back when families lived close together and grandparents helped new parents raise their children more than they do now, figuring out how to be a parent was probably a lot easier. Back then, one had only to look to their surrounding family and step into a parenting style that was carried down through generations. There were adjustments obviously made from one generation to another, but parenting seemed to flow more easily back then as opposed to now. With the subsequent diversification of our society and the dispersal of families across a nation, two things happened that ultimately paved the way for a whole slew of new parenting styles to be birthed into reality.
The first, in my mind, was the dispersal of the close extended family. With more and more families living farther apart from each other, it becomes difficult to get the advice and support necessary for new parents to step in to the role of parenting themselves. Grandparents might be around every so often, but they slowly drifted away and gave up their role as parental supporters. They could obviously be reached by phone, but their physical presence, once deemed a great assistance to new parents, disappeared leaving new parents questioning their own parenting actions. This in turn, I believe, led to a sort of quest for new parents to find advice outside their own family on how to raise their children. Some decided to go it on their own, struggling through, finding the right way, and in the end possibly writing a book about their efforts to help other parents. Others, however, searched out every book possible to give them an edge and hopefully raise their children to be prodigies. In tandem with the dispersal of the extended family came the increased diversification of our society. With a steady flow of immigrants came new ideas on parenting from almost all regions of the globe. Some were obviously similar to parenting styles already being practiced in the United States while others were completely unique in their approach and execution of being a parent. With the influx of new and different parenting styles, new parents had more options from which to choose. So with all this coming together over the past century and leaving us now with a multitude of different parenting styles, what is a new parent to do? Which style fits which parent best and how do we reconcile our style with other's styles?
To me, I think that most new parents at least have a notion of how they will raise their children based upon their parents and how they were raised. However, it seems most parents these days are looking for that extra bit of advice that might help them make it through as a parent with the least amount of stress as possible. (I know, being a parent is inherently stressful, but still, the less stress the better.) I myself have read a few books on parenting, nothing proclaiming to be a specific style with overt methods for me to follow, but rather books based on the basics of raising a child. That being said, I did not go out a find the books myself, rather they were presented to me by my parents as potentially useful tools. I read those books because I believe my parents did a decent job at raising my brother and I and as such, probably have some good insights as to how to be a parent. But everyone is different and my path to parenting may not be the best for someone else. For most new parents, I feel that if they trust their instincts, they will probably do just fine. The problem arises when we worry too much if what we are doing is enough or not enough. This questioning, while good in small amounts, can lead to excessive stress if we question too much. Every couple is different and every child is different. If we keep it simple and focus on the basics of raising a child, then everything will turn out just fine. However, if we buy into any of the multitude of styles out there, we could potentially turn our own lives as parents into a living hell. Is parenting easy? No, not by any means. But on the other hand, parenting wasn't meant to be this process that we need to get a degree for. For millennium, parents have been raising their children without extra advice or access to different tools, and you know what, their children grew up OK, had children of their own, and perpetuated humanity. If parenting were meant to be overly difficult, our society would look a lot different than it is today. To me, the best advice that can be followed by any parent is KISS or Keep It Simple Stupid. I don't mean to be harsh, but I follow that advice myself. Parenting will be hard, but it should also be fun. Lets try and keep it that way.
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