There is an opinion section in the NY Times called Room for Debate that often times catches my eye. The idea of the section is to have a question answered by 5-6 people. The question today was when and if parents should bring children out to restaurants, bars, or anywhere in general. Going further, the question ponders whether it is parents being too selfish and wanting to keep up their normal lives or if it is something else altogether that drives them to take their kids everywhere with them. Now, the question refers more to those children who are out of control and make every head turn when they enter the room, not necessarily the well behaved children who you hardly even notice at the restaurant table with their parents. The opinions I read never granted a free pass to those parents whose children are absolute devils when brought into public, but they did differ a little on when children should be left at home with a sitter and when they should be brought out. For my part, I am not going to comment on the opinions I read, but rather offer my own seeing as I have an almost 11 month old son. On my end, our son has not been to a restaurant or any other place that would require him to sit still for an extended period of time. After all, he is 10.5 months old, doesn't talk yet, doesn't walk yet, and can't understand the meaning of inside voice and outside voice. Further, he doesn't have all his teeth yet and as such can't eat the regular food served at a restaurant. And just to make it clear, I would never bring my son into a bar at any age under 21, I'm just not going to do it.
Now, that being said, it is necessary to bring children out into public. I'm not talking just about the every day outings which are necessary, but also those outings that end up in a restaurant with food being served. I have a feeling that this is probably one of the most stressful times that a parent can have; bringing their child to a restaurant for the first time. There must be a certain amount of trepidation and anxiety going into a situation where you are surrounded by other people trying to enjoy some nice food and conversation without a screaming child nearby. Yet, all parents must bring their children to restaurants at some point, if not for the food, at least to teach them manners. I for one wouldn't bring my son to a restaurant until he understood at least the basics of right vs. wrong and had learned how to act politely. Now, I know that children love nothing more than to test their parents. So I am sure that when I do believe it is time to head to a restaurant for dinner, he will pick that night to try pushing the limits, I just know it. What makes a restaurant trip with kids successful in my mind is how the parents react when their children either throw a tantrum, start screaming at the top of their lungs, or decide dinner time is a perfect time to play tag in a crowded restaurant. It seems that a growing number of parents seem to not care what their child is doing and lack the fortitude to discipline their child. Its unfortunate because it gives parents with children a bad name in restaurants and makes the servers wary about coming over lest a soggy french fry be thrown their way. So how would I react if my son decided dinner time at a restaurant was the perfect time to go batty? I would do what my parents did.
I don't remember the story specifically because I was too young at the time, but my parents have told me of what they did when I was younger. It seems that I wanted to test the limits one time when my parents took my out to a restaurant. I don't remember what I did, but I am sure that I either acted out, started to throw a tantrum, or something along those lines. When I wouldn't stop at my parents behest, they warned me that if I continued, my dad was going to take me to the car and my mother was going to finish dinner by herself. Well, I acted out again and that's exactly what happened. I spent the rest of dinner with my dad in the car while my mom ate hers in the restaurant. Guess what, I never acted out again and my parents had no more issues with me at a restaurant. Was it easy on their part to simply scoop me up and take me out, denying me dinner at a restaurant? I guarantee it wasn't, but that was their job, to teach me how to act properly in a restaurant. Frankly, I wouldn't be writing about this right now if more parents actually did the job of parents. But alas, the world is full of good and bad parents and unfortunately, the one's who miss the mark seem to be gaining numbers. All the good parents can do is continue as they have and hope that their children will follow in their footsteps when it comes time to raise their own children. For now, I will continue to enjoy dinners at home with my wife, especially since our son goes to bed at 530 and going out to dinner wouldn't really be an option right now anyway.
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