Figuring Out the World

A child between the ages of 18 months and about 3-4 years old does some of his/her most important learning during that time period.  That learning involves figuring out exactly what they are capable of, how they interact with the world, and what their bodies potential truly is.  Its not learning that can come from books or school and much of it can't even be taught.  While children at this age definitely need some help from time to time in terms of how their bodies function, the only way we can truly teach them is by showing them.  This isn't to say that parents aren't necessary, for they truly are, but in my mind, a parents role during this time is more about keeping them safe, setting guidelines and rules, comforting them, and being that steady rock around which they run to and fro.  When it comes to figuring out the world around them, little kids are best left to their own devices to figure things out.  This period obviously doesn't include letting young children play with fire, knives, or anything with which they can cause themselves serious bodily harm, but almost everything else should be left on the table for them to experiment with and to play with.  How many parents these days seek to provide everything for their young children including a knowledge about how they should interact with the world around them?  I think that too many parents want to do everything for their young children to the point where it takes the experimentation out of their little lives.  Trust me, sometimes it is a struggle to sit by and watch my son playing with something without getting involved.  Yet, those times when he needs help or wants me around, he comes over and shows that he needs that help or attention.  I think that a mother's instinct to protect, while a very necessary instinct, comes into play a little more often than it should.  I even see the difference between my wife and I and how we let our son play.  Its not a big difference, but there is a noticeable difference between how quickly my wife will go to help our son before I will.  I tend to wait a little bit longer than she does (not much) just to see if he will be able to figure something out on his own.  One example of this that pops to mind occurred a few weeks ago in our backyard. 

 

We have a wagon for our son that he likes to get pulled around the yard in and at times likes to push and pull the wagon himself.   A few weeks ago, about the time he was starting to really figure out how to climb in and out of the wagon by himself, he was trying to get out and couldn't get one of his feet over the side.  In fact, it was wedged in a corner, just enough so he couldn't get it over the side, but not enough to the point where it was actually stuck.  He started complaining a little bit and my wife wanted to head right over and help him out.  I held her back a little and said we should give him a little more time to see if he would be able to figure it out on his own.  So we gave him a little more time, he wiggled in and out, but couldn't figure out to move a little farther down the side to be able to get his foot over the rim.  So we went over and I offered him my hand.  I didn't pick him up and place him on the ground, I merely gave him my hand for extra support so that he would be able to get his foot over by himself.  Now there is no stopping him when he wants to get in or out of the wagon by himself.  If we wants to go for a ride, he heads right over to the wagon and climbs in by himself.  I'd like to think that by offering him my hand instead of just lifting him out of the wagon that he was able to gain a little more confidence in his ability to climb in and out on his own.  Even when it comes to trying things within our house that both my wife or I know won't work, we let him figure it out on his own.  Occasionally he will try and put one of his books into his cardboard house through a window that is obviously too small.  I verbally tell him that it won't fit but that's the extent of what I will do to help him out.  Eventually, through trial and error and not being able to get the book through the hole, he figures out that it won't fit.  If I had just taken the book away as a sign that it wouldn't fit, what is that teaching him.  The same goes with almost everything he lays his hands on.  Unless it will cause him harm, I try not to interfere.  Even when he goes to climb the little retaining wall that surrounds part of our fire pit, I don't intervene.  As much as I am concerned about him falling and possibly bumping his head, I have to let him climb on his own and figure out his body. 

There is one instance that comes to mind when it comes to other parents and how they interact with their children.  I witnessed a young parent, (older than me however) with a young boy around 5-6 years old interact over a bicycle.  The young boy was riding around his driveway when the dad calls him over and tells him that they have to raise the seat on the bicycle just a little bit so that it will make it easier for the young boy to ride.  I saw the bike and while the seat could have been raised a little bit, I didn't think it was that big of a deal as he wasn't having any trouble on the bike with the seat where it was.  The young boy obviously felt the same way, asked why, and when the father persisted, he insisted that he didn't want the seat raised.  Regardless of what the boy wanted the father told him to bring the bike around back so that they could raise the seat.  The boy begrudgingly agreed and brought the bike to have the seat raised.  With the seat raised, the boy didn't like how the bike was and when asked if it was better, said no.   In a situation such as this, I would defer to the boy's judgement as he is the one riding the bike.  If he likes it the way it is, let him keep it that way.  Why is there a need to force our will upon a young child when they are figuring out the world?  In my mind a better option would have been to tell the boy that when he is ready to raise the seat, to go to the father and ask.  He knows his body and how the bike rides.  If he feels the seat is fine, then let it be.  It is such an inconsequential thing to make a big deal about.  Eventually the boy will figure out that if the seat is raised, it mike make it easier and when that time comes, he knows to ask to have the seat raised or the father can show him how to do it himself.  But that's me.  I know there are many different ways of parenting out there, but one surefire way to let kids figure out themselves and the world is to let them plunder along, keeping them away from danger, but otherwise letting them be.  Rules are necessary, but complete assistance and intervention are not.  I love that my son is curious about the world and not afraid to try things, figure things out, and only in great times of need comes for assistance.  I feel it will make him that much more confident later on knowing that all he has to do is try and he will be able to figure something out.