So my grandfather, Dziadziu in Polish, has not been doing so well lately. Within the past couple of weeks he has been rushed to the hospital twice from his assisted living facility for issues with congestive heart failure. This is the same issue that he dealt with last year about this time when he first had an episode where he began having chest pains and it turned out his lungs were filling up with fluid. What it all boils down to is that his heart is tired and not functioning like it used to. In fact, two of the valves barely work at all. At this point, there is one option that could be utilized to help him live a little bit longer, but he doesn't like that option; surgery. The surgery wouldn't bring him back to a hundred percent obviously, but it would give him perhaps a few more years on this earth. But, as I said, he wants nothing to do with it. He knew of the option last year and declined, and once again, after these two latest episodes, he is still declining to have the surgery done. To be honest, a big part of me doesn't blame him for not wanting to undergo surgery at his age of 87. He has lived a good life and at his age, surgery is a lot more complicated than it would be on a younger person. The only reason that he has made it through three episodes of his heart failing in the past year is that he is at an assisted living facility that is within a minute of a hospital. If it wasn't for those two factors, he probably wouldn't be here right now. There is one minor hiccup in his decision not get surgery however, and that is my grandmother, Babci. For his whole life, my grandfather has done everything for his family, and when it came down to taking care of his wife, my grandmother, there was absolutely no hesitation. When she went blind due to diabetes over a decade ago, he did everything. He helped wash her, helped her to the bathroom, cooked food, cleaned the house; in short, there wasn't anything he didn't do. Yet, as time went on and his own health started to deteriorate, they needed help. Thus, they are in an assisted living facility where he doesn't have to do as much, despite the fact that he wants to. Even now, he cuts up her food and feeds her as she doesn't have the self confidence to do anything on her own. Herein lies the issue.
As much as I admire him for taking care of my grandmother to the extent that he has, part of me wonders if he hasn't created a monster in the process. (I use monster in the best possible way and not literally obviously). With him doing everything from washing my grandmother to feeding her, he has enabled her to get by without doing anything on her own. As she is younger than my grandfather, she has a very good chance of outliving him. Yet she can barely do anything on her own. There is simply too much fear of the unknown on her part and not nearly enough self confidence to learn anything at this point. I wonder what will happen to her if and when my grandfather passes away. The assisted living facility where they currently reside will not permit her to stay as they require that residents be able to partially function on their own, which includes going to the bathroom by yourself, essentially taking care of the little things that pertain to life, washing, pooping, eating, peeing, walking around their apartment by themselves. With my grandfather gone, my grandmother would have to move somewhere else, and it would be a horribly difficult transition for her, if she could even make it. Here is yet another kicker; the doctor's are giving my grandfather a maximum of six months to live unless he gets the surgery done. There is now an unfortunate timeline that he is on and yet he still refuses the surgery. As I said, a big part of me agrees with him for not wanting to get the surgery done, however, a small part of me wishes he did, just so he could maybe ease my grandmother into living her life without him. Wait, there is one more kicker, he doesn't want to tell my grandmother that unless he gets the surgery he only has six months. I don't know what to do. He is a stubborn Polish man, just like the rest of his family, and most likely won't listen to anything that I or anyone else says. My only concern is that without telling my grandmother, the shock of losing him will be that much greater and consequently that much harder to deal with. I personally don't see a good ending to any of this.
At this point, I don't know what to do. I pray for him, and hope that maybe he will reconsider the surgery, while at the same time hoping that he stays his course, at least for his own sake. They have another doctor's appointment this coming Thursday during which maybe the doctor can talk some sense into him, yet, like I said, part of me agrees with him in not getting the surgery done. My biggest desire is that he at least prepares my grandmother during the remaining time he has so that his death doesn't hit her like a brick wall. I feel for both of them. I only wish that my grandmother had listened to her doctor's 15 years ago when they told her that the diabetes she had would make her blind and partially deaf. She didn't, the diabetes took its toll, and we are now left with our current situation, all of which sucks. I could imagine things turning out differently, but it wouldn't do any good. I could say that maybe if she had taken better care of herself than my grandfather would also be a little better off, but none of that matters. They made their decisions and here we are now. It sucks dealing with three grandparents with failing health, but it is what it is. For now, I will simply pray for all of them and hope that whatever happens, they suffer the least amount of pain possible. As long as they don't suffer, I will be happy for them. I know that they won't be around forever, but it doesn't make watching them decline any easier. For now, let us hope that my grandfather tells his wife exactly what is going on and doesn't create the illusion that he is doing better than he actually is. Let us hope.
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