The Curse of Integrity

Upon reading the title of my blog post, you are probably thinking to yourself, how can integrity be a curse at all?  Isn't integrity lauded by many as a trait that should be held by almost everyone and yet at times it seems as if it is held by very few?  So why do I consider it a curse?  Well, to be perfectly honest, I don't consider it to be a curse across the board, merely in a limited sense when it comes to work.  To me, integrity, however you wish to define it, means that someone cares to a large extent about the impact that their actions have on others.  It means carrying something through to the end, putting in your best effort every time, and ensuring that everything is the way it should be; all this regardless of the impact it has on one's self.  I look up to those who I deem to be people of integrity and seek to avoid those who aren't.  Without wanting to sound conceited, I consider myself, for the most part, to be a person of integrity.  I would like to believe that people can rely on me both in my personal and professional life, and while I do have my slip ups here and there, I try to ensure that they don't directly affect anyone.  Still, none of this answers the question as to why I consider integrity to be a curse.  Many may not understand it, but those who find themselves in my position will probably agree whole heartedly with me.  I consider it to be a curse because once I commit to something, especially when it comes to work, I will follow it through to the end regardless of the monetary cost to me.  For example, I present to you the current job that I am working on.  As is normally the case when it comes to exterior work for me, I underbid this current job compared to the time it will take me to complete it.  I didn't horribly underbid it, but regardless of the amount, I know that I will not make quite as much as I want to on this job.  Yet, despite that fact, I have and will continue to put in my best effort on this job till it is completed.  I will leave no detail overlooked and I will do my best to ensure that I bring the house as close to perfection as is humanly possible.  Its the way I was taught and it is the way I do things.  I put in my best effort regardless of the amount of money I will make at the end of the day.  Do I kick myself in the ass sometimes?  Absolutely!  But I can't and won't change the way I do things because I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did.  I am devoted to my customers and never let on that I may have charged less than I should have.  It is not their problem and never will be their problem.  It is mine alone to deal with and as such, I bear the burden alone. 

 

I would like to think that it is because of my work ethic, my devotion to the customer regardless of the monetary value, that keeps the work coming in.  It is also because of this work ethic that I absolutely despise hiring others to work with me.  I have a very hard time watching someone else work who doesn't put in their best effort every day.  There is a very high standard that I set both for myself and for others and I find that there are very few people out there who can reach that standard.  So rather than hire someone and complain about how they aren't doing their best work, I simply don't hire anyone.  Even when it comes to working on my house, I have friends in the industry who I can have help me, but I rarely do as I don't think their work ethic or devotion to detail is an par with mine.  In my current project of renovating my son's new room, I had a friend come over and help me re-enforce the floor.  I purposely didn't work with him as he was doing the re-enforcing, but rather cleaned up the house as it was the weekend of the demolition.  Once the day was over and he had left, I finally took a look at the work he did.  Let me just say that up until this past weekend, I contemplated ripping out almost everything he did and re-doing it myself.  It irked me because I had explained how certain things were going to need to be done, he didn't feel like listening, and as such boards were not level, not flush with the joists they were being nailed to, and it essentially looked like he had rushed through just to get as much done as possible.  That is not how I work and there is a reason for that.  It bothers me even more because he should have known better.  After all, he is 15 years older than me and has been doing this a lot longer.  Yet, that is the way of things for me.  My integrity is my curse and as such I will continue living with it.  I guess I had a little complaining to do today, at least to get it off my chest, and now will move on with the rest of my day.  I sometimes find myself wishing that people cared more about what they did instead of just receiving the paycheck at the end of the day.  Obviously they can get away with their less than perfect work because they are still in business, yet I can't bring myself to do anything less than the best.  While there are many times I am glad that I care about what I do, there are certain times when I wish I didn't.  But I vow never to stoop below what I know I am capable of.  And of course, the answer as my wife puts it to me is to just charge more for my work.  Easier said than done.  There is also the side of me that seeks to not rip people off, even though I really wouldn't be, it is not my style.  Oh well, time to get the day rolling.