Mother Kills Her Children

There was some devastating news this morning out of Newburgh, NY in which a mother drove three of her four children into the Hudson River in a minivan.  From the report, it appears that she had been involved in a domestic dispute beforehand and afterwards piled her four children in the van, but before driving into the river, let the oldest child out.  The child ran to the nearest fire station, but by the time he alerted them and they responded to the incident it was too late.  Even when they responded, it took them over an hour to find the van in the murky waters of the Hudson.  The children who perished were 5,2, and 11 months old.  The child the mother let out of the van was the oldest at 10 years of age.  He could have taken care of the three others had she let them all out of the van, yet for some reason decided they needed to die with her.  What could have been so horrible about the domestic dispute that drove her to kill herself and 3 of her four children?  Now that 10 year old boy has to live the rest of his life without a mother or siblings and has to live with witnessing the event first hand.  Would it have been better if she didn't stop and drove them all into the river?  Psychologically for the boy, maybe, but at least she took mercy on one of her children. 

I am of the opinion that life, no matter how bad it might get, shouldn't drive someone to take their own life.  And it never gets bad enough where children should be dragged along for the ride.  If this mother's domestic dispute was so bad that she wanted to leave everything behind, she could have left the children in the house and just started driving, never turning around, never coming back, and starting a new life elsewhere.  Would this have been traumatic on her children, absolutely, but not nearly as bad as what the 10 year old boy witnessed.  Perhaps she feared for the life of her children at the hand of her husband/partner.  Why couldn't she have simply dropped them off on a corner near a police station and then taken off.  If she really felt like she needed to take her own life, she should have let them all out of the car and driven herself into the river.  At least the 10 year old would have had siblings and a sense of purpose in life.  But now, what is he left with?  A single child with a father who was once part of a family of 6.  

I don't know the specifics about this woman's situation, but it seems that a lot more people lately, when sliding down the slippery slope of depression and anxiety in life feel the need to drag others with them.  Maybe its for consolation that they are not alone, maybe its a vain attempt to make others feel what they are feeling, or maybe its simply because need company on their trip to hell.  Whatever the reason, people need to step up to the plate and deal with their issues.  Society has led us to believe that there is an easy out for any situation, whether it be drugs, alcohol, abandonment, or even taking ones own life.   Society wants us to believe that life should be easy and if it isn't, we should make it easy with substances or leave it altogether.   What example is this setting for others or our children.  What happens when this young boy grows up and gets into a situation that is overwhelming?  Will he follow his mother's example and drive himself into a river?  I believe that there is a greater propensity for him to do so.  If not necessarily killing himself, perhaps he will turn to the closest pill or bottle to relieve himself of the need to deal with the situation. 

Too often, when we run into a situation that is difficult or overwhelming, we want to run, naturally.  We have no desire to dig down to figure out what the root cause is and try to fix it.  We bury it, stuff it under the rug, ignore it any way we can, but it never goes away unless we face it head on and resolve it.   There are times, when working with others, that something can not be resolved, but no situation warrants the taking of a life, especially your own children.  Life is difficult and once we can all realize that it takes work to get through life, especially the hard times, good times will come.  Every part of life is not difficult, but if we start to cover up the problems or ignore them, life will get worse.  The only way to improve life is to deal with the ghosts in the closet and move on.  Everyone will have issues they are going to need to deal with whether it be with spouses, children, family, relatives, friends, etc.  It is a part of life, period.  Once we can come to accept that, we can began to work on improving our lives.   What are the ghosts in your closet?  Lets all start this day by making sure our family knows we love them.   Kiss your children if you have them or simply your spouse, partner, or girlfriend/boyfriend.   If we start every day like this, there is a good chance the rest of the day will be better.  Don't run from your issues, deal with them, but start with love.  Till next time, cherish those around you.

Abortion and the Government

It is time to tackle this incredibly divisive issue seeing as it is playing an increasing role in forming a budget for our government and the inability to truly reconcile any issues with it.  Let me start by saying that I am a Catholic and as such do not believe in abortion and am wholeheartedly against abortion.  As such any references to religion will be from the stance of a Catholic merely because I do not know that stance on abortion from another religion's perspective.  Let me also state that I believe that our government should be minimally intrusive in the personal lives of individuals and its current size should be reduced greatly.  Abortion, whether you believe that people should have the choice or not, is not one that should be decided by the goverenment and here is why; there has been no clear agreement amongst scientists or individuals as to when a fetus becomes human and whether it should be considered in essence the killing of human life.  In the case of murder of an individual, the law is distinctly clear.  Until there is a decision reached from outside the government that the moment of conception is the point when human life begins (which I agree with) or that human life begins sometime after that, the government should not stick its medlesome hand into the decision of individuals. 

That being said, the government should afford no money either for or against abortions based upon the fact that there is no clear distinction or agreement to be had.  Even if a decision is reached, funding should not occur simply because not everyone agrees with it and the money being used, taxpayer dollars, comes from everyone.   At this point, as it stands in the law, people should have the right to choose whether or not to have an abortion.  In the end, if you are religious, God will decide after you die whether you made the correct decision or not.  Who are we to play the hand of God?  If people wish to kill their unborn child, let them, its their decision and they will have to live with it, but why should my taxpayer dollars go to help them with that decision?  How can I hold this view as a Catholic?  Because in the end it boils down to free will.  As humans, I believe that we have the ability to choose between two options, good or evil, correct or incorrect.  Once an institution begins to dictate what we can or can not choose between, our free will begins to be eaten away.   Every person has the right to choose to kill someone else as long as they are prepared to face the consequences.   The same holds true for abortions.  Everyone should have the right to choose as long as they are willing to face the consequences.  Should there be consequences?  In my mind, yes, but not according to a number of other people.  The government to my knowledge does not fund bomb-making schools or terrorist cells or gun distribution centers as they should not.  So why is there even discussion about funding abortions?  Yes, I know that currently there is no law against abortions, but that does not make it morally right for them to use my money to fund something I don't agree with.  Will they do it anyway, of course.

In 95% of cases, abortions are not a medical necessity, it is merely the choice of an individual to not deal with the consequences of their actions.   If you are walking down the street staring at your phone and trip over a root sticking up out of the sidewalk, fall and crack your head, are you responsible?  Yes, even though in this sue happy society, someone will attempt to place blame on someone else.   So should the government fund the surgery you need after tripping and falling over a tree root?  No.  Granted these are two widely different issues, but in essence it comes down to personal responsibility when it comes to dealing with the consequences of your actions.  The government should play no role in funding anything that deals with the consequences of personal actions, period.  The government, in mind should be minimalist.  It should uphold and maintain the laws of the land as agreed upon by all and ensure the safety and security of the population.   Of late, it seems the government needs to stick their hand into everyone's business and have a say in how everything is run.  Increasingly, they seek to strip away our free will a little bit at a time by dictating what we can or can not do.   The fact that our government's budget couldn't be passed for 6 months over discussing how intrusive they wanted to be is testament to this.  On top of that, this whole abortion issue was one that seemed to be one of the top discussion points that almost shut down our government.  To fund abortion or not to fund.  I say lets fire our senators and congressmen who increasingly act like pre-schoolers and start with a new bunch.  The fact that not a day goes by where they don't attempt to pass the blame to each other and bicker over such inconsequential issues shows that they do not have the true spirit of our country in mind. 

Our founding fathers created this country to have a small government, with limited ability to intrude on the lives of the population.  We have strayed far from this original plan of theirs and it is time to re-make our country in their vision.   Unfortunately, we can not fire our senators or congressmen and must now wait till their terms are up to get them out.  I still maintain that we get rid of the whole bunch and start with fresh blood, not this tea-party crap that is in essence a super conservative republican bunch.  Lets get some people under thirty in there, up-end this beurocratic B.S., eliminate special interest groups and lobyists, and get back to the basics.  

So I guess I have strayed slightly from the issue of abortion, but it is in there and it is an issue that needs to be dealt with.   Perhaps the overall issue we really need to deal with is dealing with the consequences of our actions.  Should there be a law that punishes someone who has an abortion?  Personally, I believe there should be (again it is my opinion and anyone is free to disagree with me).   Regardless of whether a law is ever passed that supports my decision, there should never be any funding for any abortion.  I don't care if someone is poor and they can't afford an abortion, they should have considered the possibility of pregnancy when they had sex.   Lets fight to keep government smaller and less intrusive because that is the overwhelming issue at hand.  If government was kept as small as it was intended to be by our founding fathers, we wouldn't be dealing with this issue now.  But alas, that is a mighty task to undertake and it doesn't seem likely that it will happen anytime soon.  For today at least, enjoy the fact that you are alive and your mother didn't have an abortion because you wouldn't be reading this today if she did.

Fear of Death

While this topic is not necessarily one that occupies the front page of any newspaper, it nevertheless seems to be ingrained in our social consciousness.   It is widely accepted that most people do not want to die.  We want to hold off the inevitable as long as possible, struggling to the very last minute to stay alive and prolong our existence.  The medical field has made advances in keeping people alive whether it be through new procedures after a heart attack or new medicines to stave off the inevitable.  In general, everyone seems to be living a longer life due to better nutrition and awareness of what is needed to live longer.  Yet regardless of how long we live, whether it be to an early age of 40 or a very old age of 105, there is an inherrent fear that accompanies death and a distinct sorrow and sadness that infuses the lives of those who are close to the one dying.  Is death a sad event, absolutely, and I know that I would like to put it off as long as possible.  But in addition to the fear of death, there also seems to be a lack of acceptance of the inevitable when it begins to happen.  Death is part of life.  Death is something that every living thing on this planet must go through.   So why then is there such a distinct fear and lack of acceptance of it?

From an early age, we begin to learn about death, either through the pets that we have as children to random roadkill we see on the road to grandparents that we might barely know at the time.   Beginning at that age, we start to push death to the side, not wanting to admit that it will happen to us.  We feel the sorrow that accompanies a family member dying and want nothing to do with it.  We seek to push it to the back of our minds and relegate it to the recesses of our consiousness until a time when we must deal with it where it comes flooding back in torrents.  We learn about the infectious sorrow from those around us who sometimes struggle to move on after a loved one dies.  We see the tears and the grief and often times feel it ourselves.  And we have every reason to feel sorrow and grief.  But at the same time, there must also come an acceptance that for whatever reason the person died, whether it be a car accident, health issue, or natural causes, no matter how much we fight it, there is nothing we can do to bring them back.   No matter who we want to make responsible for the death of a loved one, they are gone and we must deal with it.  Some deal with it better than others, but in most cases, regardless of the cause, we dwell on the actual event of death. 

As we deal with the deaths of those around us, we begin to bring into our consiousness a fear of the event because of the impact it will have on those around us when the time comes for us to die.  Often times, people struggle and fight to the last minute, not accepting their own mortality.   Not having been there, I obviously do not know what its like to lie on your deathbed facing the inevitable.  Yet having known that this day would come for your entire life, it seems that more people would accept their fate when it is presented to them.  In general, most people are unprepared for their own death, not knowing how to deal with it and not wanting to relinquish their tenuous grip on life.  I believe that a big part of the reason that people feel so much sorrow at the death of a loved one is because they see this inner struggle going on and are helpless.  If more of us could die with dignity and acceptance when the day comes, we may impart a different sense of the event to those around us.  If we can offer consolation to those around us from our own death bed, their grief and sorrow might pass a little sooner.   If we can all begin to realize from an early age that we will be on our death bed at some point and accept this fact, when the day comes, events might flow a little more smoothly and our families might have an easier time dealing with it.

In accepting our own mortality, perhaps we can begin to see death as a way to celebrate the life that a person lived rather than dwelling in sorrow on the event of death itself.  Dwelling on the event and imparting an overwhelming sense of sorrow and grief will not help anyone.  Grief and sorrow must come, but they can be dealt with in a different way.  If we choose to celebrate the life that a person lived, we can begin to see past the event itself and instead of holding onto their death, hold onto the life they lived and keep it closer to our hearts.  There are some cultures that celebrate the life that was lived when someone dies and it seems that while the tears flow and the grief abounds, a celebratory spin lightens the mood and forces them to move past the event of death.  Death is a solitary moment in our existence that if we choose to dwell on the one moment, in can infuse a sense of perpetual sorrow and grief.   By celebrating death, we can look past the event and look instead on the impact that person had on family and society while he was alive. 

Perhaps one reason why we fear death so much when it comes knocking is because many people simply float through life, living while not really living.  Even more so today, people do not spend enough time interacting with those around them or spend enough time actually living and enjoying life.  If we come to realize earlier that we will die someday and not bury that notion somewhere in our subconsious, we can approach life with renewed vigor and tenacity.   If we invest time and energy in relationships with those around us, when it comes time to die, we can do so with dignity and knowledge of the fact that we lived a wholesome life and did the best we could.  Death is not an event we should be afraid of.  It is an inevitable fact of life that we were born and so we must die.  Once we can come to terms with this, our lives will be more wholesome and complete.  And when we die, let us urge those around us to celebrate our lives and move quickly past the event of our own death.  Let us start today by living our life with renewed vigor and tenacity, establishing deep connections with those around us and seeking to make a positive impact on those around us.  My favorite quote, which I mentioned before at some point embodies this notion:  "Carpe Diem"  Sieze the Day!