So in addition to reading the news online, I also get the weekend NYTimes. As I was sifting through some older papers, ones with articles I had been meaning to read, I came across a short piece in the Sunday Review, NYTimes' op-ed section. This article was written by a mother who has an 18 month old son living with Tay-Sachs disease. It is a rare disease, one she had been tested for while pregnant with her son Ronan, and the one she received negative results for from the tests. The tests were wrong and her son had this disease. This rare disease slowly degenerates the body making life past 3 years old impossible. (To read about what it does, check out the op-ed piece here.) It is a sad story, especially if you have children, but the mother/author of the piece manages to put things into perspective. She talks about throwing any planning they had done for their son's future out the window as it was useless now. She also talks about ensuring his life is comfortable and essentially allowing him to do what he wants. I get all of that. With only a year and a half left to live, which parent wouldn't completely spoil their child? She also talks about being willing to fight a David and Goliath type battle if it meant she could save her son and eliminate this disease from his system. But where she pulls it all together is at the end where she says, "Parenting, I've come to understand, is about loving my child today. Now. In fact, for any parent, anywhere, that's all there is."
Its the last lines of her article that really put things into perspective. How many times do parents get too caught up in the future that they can't enjoy the moment? I myself try not to think about the future and what my son will grow up like. Is it hard not to envision what we want our children to be like, what kind of adults they will become, how they will fit into society? Absolutely, but the more we get caught up in looking to the future, the more we are not present for our children. All our children want is for us to be present to them, be attentive in the moment, to enjoy their company, but most of all simply to love them now. I'm not talking about parenting here, instilling discipline or anything else, I am simply talking about enjoying every moment we have with our children and not taking anything for granted. It may seem sometimes that we have all the time in the world to get it right, to spend more time with our children; but some people never get that time. All parents would do well with a little perspective from time to time, something that shows them how good they have it and how lucky they are that they have healthy, thriving children. Our children deserve all of our love. If we start from there, the rest will fall into place.
Watching my own son grow and develop is an amazing thing. I cherish every moment I have with him and wouldn't trade any of it away. I only hope that I can remain focused on the present and not get caught up in the future and what it holds. I'm not saying that people shouldn't plan for the future, I am simply saying that plans are only good if we make it there. To invest all of our time in planning for the future is to completely give away today and the moments we have now. Some people might claim that there aren't enough hours in the day. While I would agree, it is often a matter of prioritizing; putting what's truly important ahead of the rest. To me, my son and wife are the most important part of every day. Work? Yeah its necessary, but I find myself putting off some of the things I need to do for my business at home because I would rather spend time with my son. I know he can't talk yet, can't walk yet, but he knows my face and smiles like crazy. He is repeating sounds now and frankly, I want my son to know who I am. I don't want to have my nose buried in business stuff when I can have my nose buried in his belly. All I know is that my family comes first, and I try not to take anything for granted . If only more people could put more focus on their own families, life would be so much better.
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