Conflicted Schedule

If you have been reading my blog over the past few months, I am sure that you have figured out by now that I thoroughly enjoy spending two days at home with our son during the week.   It is mostly out of necessity, but despite that fact, I never objected to taking that time in the first place.  Any time spent with our son is fantastic, even if I have to.  The facts that necessitate my staying home are on one hand, the woman who watches our son can only watch him three days a week, and on the other hand, adding two extra days of day care elsewhere would be too expensive and detrimental to our son's development.   So why talk about the conflicted schedule now?  Well, at first, staying at home two days a week didn't have that much effect.  My wife and I had saved up some money and slowly ate away at it to support the day care and the two less days of work that I fit in during the week.  As time progressed however, the reality set in that working only three days a week meant that much less money coming in to support our family, all the while spending money on three days worth of day care.  Needless to say, money got tight.  On top of that, work got slower this winter than it normally did for me which meant even less money coming in.  It got down to the point where I was working one week, not working the next, and then working again.   Our household is definitely dependant on two incomes coming in.   So what to do.  Well, work is picking up at an exceedingly rapid pace for me, which is good, but stressful.  I find the need to work longer days on Monday, Tuesday, and Friday, and have added in Wed afternoon.  I will probably be adding in Thursday afternoons very soon and possibly Saturdays. 

So now that we have enough money coming in, where is the conflict?  The conflict arises in that in order to truly take care of the amount of work I have, I will have to give up my two days at home with our son come mid April.  That is the time when my wife's mother comes back from her winter in Florida and can watch our son essentially the entire week.  Will it be a great help to us?  Absolutely.  I wouldn't deny her the opportunity to watch our son and even now welcome the help that she will so graciously give us.  But there is a part of me that doesn't want to give up those two days at home, despite how much I need to.  I will get some time in the morning with the little man as we wait for his grandmother to show up, but that is only a few hours, part of which he will probably nap.  Then I will be off to work, only to come home just before he goes to bed or after he is already sleeping.  Not ideal circumstances in my mind.  I relish the time I spend with our son and will have a hard time giving it up.  I know I will have the weekends with him, but I have them now and to be selfish, I want more time with him.  So that is where the conflict comes in, mostly inside me as I seek to tackle my work load, bring in enough money to help support our family, and also get in enough time with our son.  To me, family is the most important thing, to be there with our son as he grows and develops, and to show that I am around and can be present to him.  This, I am sure, will just drive me more to focus on my yoga training so I can drop this whole painting gig I have going on right now.  I am sure that I won't drop the painting entirely, I still do enjoy it, but it may be relegated to only a summer occupation whereas currently it is year round work. 

I know that by focusing on getting certified to teach yoga, I will have more time in the mornings and during the day to spend with our son, but that brings with it other issues that will need to be dealt with.  As I am sure that I will most likely set up most yoga classes in the afternoons and evenings to begin with, I will get to spend less time with my wife.  The two fold goal of becoming a yoga instructor is as follows, to ease the stress on my body by switching careers and to allow me the flexibility to watch our son during the day when my wife goes back to work in the fall as a teacher.  I will definitely get more time with our son, but the time with my wife will diminish and it will take a more concerted effort on my part to make sure that I am there enough for my wife as she needs me to be and consequently, as I want to be.  But for now, I must only focus on the present, for we never know what the future may bring.  At this point, I just need to ensure that I get to spend enough time with our son so that I don't miss too much of his development and growth.  Focusing on the family is my number one objective and would be much easier to do if I didn't need to bring in money.  But then again, I suppose that bringing in money is a way of focusing on the family, making sure that we have what we need to get by, pay the bills, and live our lives.  Its not easy these days, but somehow it always works out for the best.  I just need to remind myself to trust that everything will work out and not get stressed out about the way things happen.  Everything happens for a reason and the more and I can remind myself of that, the more I will be able to focus on living and not on the stresses that prey on my life.  Enough of that though, I get today with our son and I will cherish every minute of it before I go to work this afternoon.