"To have children or not?" That is not the ultimate question, but it seems these days more and more people are questioning why they should have children. I had the same question about a year and a half ago, "Why would I want to bring a child into this world?" Everybody has different reasons for questioning why they would want to have a child or why they should have a child. One of my main reasons for questioning was due mostly to the state of the world. Why would I want to bring a child into this world full of evil, full of wars, famine, and what appeared to me a deteriorating social structure? My other reason was money. How could we afford a child when we were barely getting by as it was? Well, in the end those questions didn't really matter because everything gets figured out, you have a child, and life goes on. Over the past weekend, during a morning meeting with some gentlemen from my church, my former question was brought up by me. Afterwards, an older gentleman came up to me and told me that the same concern that I had about bringing a child into this "evil" world was one that he had before, his father once had, and a number of people that he knew had. The world has always had its wars, its issues, and it seems that the very same question that I had is older than I ever envisioned it to be. However enduring the question is, it never seems to hold that much sway in the long run as children are born and the question gets put on the back burner for another generation to consider. So what about the question though, does it still hold sway in me? In a sense, yes, but not in terms of having a child as I now have a five month old, but more in terms of how the world will affect him.
There in lies a big issue. How do you raise a child in the type of world we live in where no one seems to care that much about anyone else around them and we seem to be regressing as a society into selfishness? I have come to see it more as teaching our son how to live in the world rather than letting the world dictate to him how to live. There seems to be a balancing act involved, a certain degree of sheltering when our son is younger followed by a slow, gradual process of acclimating him to the world, its vagaries, its temptations, but more importantly, its wonders. I have come to look at the situation completely differently now that I have a child versus when I didn't. Looking at the situation now, every new life that comes into this world is a new possibility for change, a new "light" against the veil of evil if you will, and has the potential to turn things around. Its not about letting the evils of the world change our son (they might or they might not) but more about giving him the tools he needs to move past those evils, those temptations, and effect a positive change on those around him. When you look at an infant, your perspective changes, you no longer see darkness, but rather bountiful innocence, a yearning for all things positive and uplifting, and a radical shift from evil. To me, it is this innocence that changes everything, my perspective on him and the world, and in turn myself and the burden that I must now carry of showing him how to perpetuate his "light" and innocence when he gets to the world. Perhaps not everyone who has a child takes that burden so seriously, but I feel it is one that needs to be. For how else can we raise children if don't take the time to consider how we raise them.
Its not so much about raising children properly, for that is part of it, and to be quite honest, everybody has their different methods, their own unique approach, and as we are all unique individuals, no one approach is perfect or better than any other. A new child is just full of so much love, all they need at first is to have that love reciprocated, returned to them unconditionally. That innocence, that light they have, is because they have not experienced any act that takes love away, that deprives them of that necessary connection to others. The love between a parent and child is dimensions away from that of the love between a husband and a wife. There are no words that can do justice to the feelings that a parent has for a child. That question I had about why I would want to bring a child into this evil world has been spun around and re-framed now. Now, the issue is how do I ensure that my child remains a "light" in this world, a shield against the darkness. I know that despite my best efforts I will not be able to shelter him (not that I would necessarily want to) or keep away from the evil and darkness in the world, but if I give him everything I have, love him unconditionally, and give him the tools to stand up for himself, to be that "light", then that is all I can do. Parents are human, and as such are prone to making mistakes. I know I will not be a perfect parent, nor will my wife be, but as long as we keep it simple, actually be parents, and show our son how to live a good life, than maybe he will follow suit and grow up to be man who can make a difference, a man who can chip away a little at the evils in this world, a man who can in turn be an example to others as to how to live a "good" life. In time we shall see, but for now, we will keep the love flowing and the innocence going.
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