Listening to People

So a while back, probably close to six months at this point, I wrote about being attentive and listening to people.   Sometimes I still find it difficult to truly pay attention to someone when they want to talk to me.  Many times it is my own impatience that gets in the way, driving me to respond in a monosyllabic manner, grunting, uttering uh huhs, and acting distracted.  Perhaps it is because if I act interested, I know I will get drawn into a conversation that will take longer than I would like.  Sometimes I feel that I am too involved in my own drama and thoughts to really hear what they are saying or show interest in it.  I am usually aware that I am brushing people off, cutting short conversations that could end up having some substance to them, but there are times when I find myself just not caring.  I know it sounds horrible.  How can this guy who writes about being attentive, about listening to people, about being present, get so distracted and not practice what he writes about?  Well, the short answer is, I'm human and prone to not following my own advice.  I'm not going to make excuses for my actions, they just are what they are.  I will admit though, that even when I am brushing someone off, acting distracted, or trying to end a conversation more quickly than the other person would like, I personally feel like a jackass at times.  I know it is not the right thing to do, yet I just can't help myself.  Often times when this happens, my mind is elsewhere, occupied with things I have to do, places I need to go, or other things that I think are more important. 

Well, this isn't always the case.  Just yesterday as I was working, a gentleman that I know came up to me and started talking.  While it would have been really easy to just brush him off, respond as if I was totally uninterested, I didn't.  I engaged him in a conversation and as it turned out, I didn't have to do that much talking.  He simply needed someone to listen to.  Did I completely stop working?  No, but I slowed down, taking more breaks to look at him and show that I was actually listening.  And yes, I did respond to him, participating as much as possible, and he seemed truly grateful for it.  He ended up talking to me, while I was up on my ladder, for probably 15 minutes.  He told me a number of different stories and since I was actually listening to him, I remember what they were.   This was a gentleman I used to run into years ago and at that point in my life, I would try to completely avoid him because I knew if I encountered him, then I would be talking for easily 15 minutes.  But what is 15 minutes of my time when someone wants to talk.  When you think about it, it really isn't that long.  Who knows what might come of any conversation.  We never know if someone is just seeking for an open ear or an accepting person to listen to them.  We may not even need to talk most of the time, just be present, attentive, and truly listen to what they have to say.  It may be they need to get something off their chest, tell a story about something that happened in their life, or just feel connected to other people. 

As it turned out, one of the stories this gentleman shared with me was about my long time friend, Gaspar Simon who passed away a few months ago.  The story he told brought back memories, affirmed a connection that we had through Gaspar, and it was just another instance that showed how truly amazing Gaspar really was.  I had never heard the story he told me about Gaspar and it was great to add it to my memories of that man.  You never know what you may find out just by listening to other people.  It is amazing what happens when you take that time, devote yourself to that other person for a brief part of your day and just listen.  I know we all lead crazy lives.  We have things that need to get done, that we feel are more important than taking the time to listen to others, but are they really?  I find that most of the things that we need to get done are not that important in the overall scheme of things.  Even if they are, most of the time they can wait at least another 15 minutes to get done.  It won't be the end of the world if we are a little late for an appointment, or a little late getting home, or anything else for that matter.  I know that I need to devote more of myself to actually listening to people.  There are many times when my mind wanders during a conversation and I really don't hear what the other person is saying.  Or like I said earlier, I try and end the conversation before it really begins because I don't want to take the extra time to listen.  I was going to say we should all try to listen more, but I will end by saying that I am personally going to try and listen more to others and what they have to say.  Being an opinionated person and one prone to distractions, it is not always the easiest thing for me to do, but damn it I am going to try my best.