Lets Forget the New Year

If I think about what this New Year has held so far, it can be a little depressing.  OK, so definitely not depressing, just rough and "trying" so far.   Yet even as I write that its been rough and trying, which in ways it has, it is also just life running its course with more events demanding my attention, having an impact on me, and making me step up and fulfill the demands of being a husband, father, and grandson.  I'm sure that I will probably preaching to the so called choir here, but its not always easy to step out of yourself and focus solely on the needs of others.  I have plenty of things that I need and want to get done, they just have to be put aside temporarily as I focus on more important things like health and family.  So in light of all that I have just said, probably increasing your curiosity as to why I want to forget that its a New Year (which I will get back to later), lets move on, or, if you will, jump back to Friday.  The day started off well enough.  As I had darts the night before, I expected to be exhausted, however, arriving home and actually getting to bed before midnight negated the exhaustion I expected and simply left me a little more tired than usual.  In fact, I was less exhausted than I was the previous two days.  So that was the good side of the day, as well as the fact that everything else went fairly smoothly.  Even when things got rough later in the day, they weren't so much bad as they were difficult to deal with.  The afternoon on Friday had me doing quite a bit of traveling.  From my current job in Monroe, I went down to see Baba (my grandmother for the new readers here) in Westport.  I brought with me two pictures for her, one of her, my son, and myself seated on a couch in the lobby of her "facility" when we went to go visit about a month ago, and the other one of my wife, son, and myself in front of our Christmas tree.  I arrived to find her sitting in the hallway outside her room, rubbing her eyes and looking generally tired.  She brightened up when she saw me and was extremely grateful for the pictures I brought her.  I was even elated that she remembered both my son's name and my name.  During the hour that I spent with her, just sitting in the hallway talking, I asked her how she was feeling as she had pneumonia about a week and a half ago.  She misunderstood my question, or forgot that she had pneumonia, and instead gave me a glimpse as to what it is like to have dementia and know it.  Upon asking how she was feeling, she said "Its like going and living through hell.  There are times when I can't figure who I am or what I am doing.  I can't figure out what I am supposed to do or where I am.  Sometimes nothing comes to me at all."  It was incredibly saddening to hear that come out of her and while she did remember my son's name and my name, I don't know how long it will be before she forgets everything.  Yet, even when she does, I hope she gets as excited to see her family as she does now.  All in all, while she is in decline, she still has some of her wits about her, although maybe not as many as she did a couple of weeks ago.  Yet that was only the start of the weekend.  After I left Westport, I had to travel down to New Cannan to pick up my wife's artwork from a show that she made it in to.  From there I stopped at a friend's house in Norwalk to drop off a book about babies as he and his wife are expecting their first in May. 

While at his house, my wife calls me to tell me that our son doesn't want to go to sleep.  In fact, he decided to scream his head off multiple times before finally falling asleep.  Don't worry, she didn't leave him up there the whole time by himself.  Rather, she went up once or twice to hold him, rock him, and then put him back down upon which he commenced his screaming again.  By the time I got home at 7:45, he was asleep, my wife was exhausted, and dinner had yet to be made.  As we always have home made pizza on Friday nights, it was well within my ability to make dinner myself, which I did.  It was an interesting but very good pizza.  I used some leftovers that we had from the week, namely lamb, brussel sprouts, bacon, and a few small chunks of potatoes.  It was extremely tasty.  We had dinner and then both of us passed out on the couch watching TV.  Saturday started off pretty well.  The three of us; my wife, son, and I, decided to go on a hike into the woods during the morning hours.  We were out in the woods for about an hour and half, which by the end of, our son had fallen asleep in the backpack carrier.  It was the cutest thing.  We got home, he went down for a nap, and then I went back into the woods with our two dogs for another hour and half.  I got home to find our son eating his lunch in his high chair with his wool hat on.  Odd, but according to my wife, he wanted it on.  Then the weirdest thing happened, he started acting really funky, out of it, and in fact, his temperature spiked to 102 for about a minute before dropping back to a 100 and remaining there for the rest of the day.  We have no idea what brought it on or why it happened, but the whole afternoon found our son acting quite lethargic and totally not himself.  A normally active almost 15 month old who loves to run around the house struggled to play.  What was even more weird and disconcerting is that it didn't take much to calm him down.  For much of that afternoon, he spent his time laying on my chest, sometimes my wife's, and just staring into space.  Definitely not himself.  As it was his first fever, it was a little frightening to see the sudden change in his demeanor and personality.  However, his temperature didn't go above 101 for the rest of the day and he actually fell right asleep and slept through the night. 

Then came Sunday.  We normally go to the 7:30 AM Mass at our church as a family, but as our son had a fever on Saturday, we felt it would be best if he and my wife stayed home to rest.  On top of that, my wife wasn't feeling that well either so it was probably best that both of them stayed home.   When I got home he seemed to be doing OK, he just didn't look like he was feeling a 100%.  At one point, he got all cuddly again and laid down on my chest with his head to the side just staring.  After the previous days events, we immediately took his temperature and found that it had spiked again, this time not as high, but it was definitely over a 100.  Within 5 minutes it was back down to around 99.  However, he was still super tired and almost fell asleep on my chest.  Figuring it was a good time for a nap, I carried him upstairs and proceeded to rock him till he fell asleep.  I tried putting him into his crib but as soon as I stood up from the rocking chair he started screaming.  Not wanting to push him too much, I sat back down, rocked away, and he was back asleep in under a minute.  Normally, I would have no problem letting him scream for a bit in his crib, but with him not feeling well, I just sat and held him for an hour while he napped.  Upon waking up, he simply switched positions, laid on my chest and just stared.  Definitely not himself.  We tried putting him down for a nap later during which he didn't nap, but I did, and then spent the rest of the day entertaining him.  He was more normal than Saturday, but still not himself completely.  My wife was on the downward spiral all day, progressively feeling worse and worse as the day went on.  I made dinner after our son went to bed while my wife relaxed on the couch.  We ate and she went to bed by a little after 8.  So that was my long weekend, which didn't really seem like a weekend at all.  Today we are keeping him out of daycare and bringing him to the doctor.  My wife took off from work because her throat is really bothering her and she feels the need to go see a doctor as well.  I guess it will be a doctor visit kind of day.  Myself?  Well, while not feeling a 100%, I am doing much better than both my wife and son are doing.  I am taking the day off as well to take care of the two of them and make sure that everything goes smoothly today.  Lets just hope I don't get sick and can keep on keeping on.  (I know that its not proper English, but I always wanted to use that in something, so there it is). 

So to quickly sum it all up, why do I want to forget that its a New Year?  Frankly, because if I forget that its a New Year, its easier to deal with the extremely rough start.  In essence, it makes it seem like just a tough turn of events instead of a New Year getting off to a hard start.  So that's my take; I am simply going to pretend that this month is a continuation of 2012 and when things take a turn for the better, and only then, will I start to act like its 2013.  It may sound stupid, but it works for me.  I hope this week is better than last week.