Lets be perfectly honest with each other here, it is a seldom and rare occurrence when people remain friends throughout their lifetime. Things change, life draws people apart, and sometimes feuds break out that are irreconcilable. Perhaps the most difficult situation to understand is when there is no clear reason or no clear reason given for why a person ceases all communication. The effort is put forth by one person but not reciprocated by the other; at all. Disagreements, while difficult, are more easily dealt with as a reason for friends going their separate ways than simply an absence of communication. Questions linger indefinitely when communication simply ceases. So why am I writing about friends parting ways? Simply put, because I had a friend for years who has simply dropped by the wayside. We played lacrosse together in high school and quickly became friends. After I graduated and went to college, we had no contact for a few years, but soon after returning to town, I found this friend of mine and life picked up where it had left off. My college days were a mere pause in a friendship that seemed likely to continue for years to come. We remained friends for almost a decade, spending time at the bars when we were younger and later simply heading off for a hike as often as possible. Even through girlfriends and eventually my wife, our friendship remained. Then it started to fall apart for reasons unknown to me.
It was the winter before my wife and I got married and my friend had found a new girlfriend. I had been in a class with this girl back in college and my wife had actually worked with her for a while at a restaurant. There were a few slight issues that we had with her and in an effort on my part to be a good friend, I was completely honest. I told him, "Listen, I am not a big fan of hers, don't think she is right for you, but if you are happy with her then be with her, I'll get over my issues." Sometimes it seems that honesty is not the best policy although even looking back now, I wouldn't take back anything I said. As is usually the case when a friend starts dating someone, he wasn't around as much, choosing instead to spend more time with his new girlfriend. I had no problem with that, I had done the same on many an occasion, even when I met my wife. It remained that way until we got married at which point communication dropped significantly. We were married in June and after that we hung out a few times over the summer at which point there was no more communication. The only time there was any was when I texted him or called, there was no effort on his part to initiate any conversation or effort to get together and hang out. At that point I got frustrated. We had been friends for over ten years and all of a sudden it seemed like he wanted nothing to do with me or my wife despite the fact that before his girlfriend, the three of us had hung out quite a bit. The only thing that I could think of was that his girlfriend, then fiance, then wife, didn't like us and for some reason didn't want either him or the both of them to hang out with us. Maybe his life got to busy and he just didn't think of calling anymore. I really don't know because I never found out why he seemingly dropped off the face of the earth.
There is another reason that I am writing about this now. Due to some coincidence or whatnot, his fiance and my wife got pregnant at the same time. The only way I found out about this was through other people. By that point, we hadn't talked in close to a year despite my periodic efforts, and the only information I ever received about him was through mutual friends. Recently, I found out that he had finally gotten onto Facebook and had friended some of our mutual friends. I thought to myself, maybe this will be the means by which we finally re-connect and re-establish our friendship. I was daring and sent him a friend request. Well, that was about two weeks ago now and that friend request for all I know has slipped through the cracks. I never received a response. Yesterday I found out through a mutual friend (see a theme here) that his wife's water had broken. Once again, I will reach out today, send him a text or even call maybe to offer my congratulations. I highly doubt that my call will be answered or my text will be responded to, but at least I will have made another effort. Maybe one day our friendship will continue, but for now it is lost in the fog of oblivion. And you know what, I have told people that I don't care anymore, but there is still a part of me that does, that wants to know what happened, that wants to continue the friendship that we once had. I also know that maybe it isn't meant to be and that I should just let it drop and move on. I do move on most of the time, but I periodically wonder what happened. It is that unknowing that bothers me, that lack of explanation for why communication dropped off and we went our separate ways. Maybe it is better in the end that we did. I don't know. But for now, I will reach out once more, see if I get a response, and if not, maybe try again in six months or so.
Sad
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