Type 3 Diabetes and Alzheimer's

It appears that eating healthy can not only help your body, but can also help your brain.  As I was flipping through the imaginary online pages of the NYTimes this morning, I came across an article that caught my eye called "Is Alzheimer's Type 3 Diabetes?".  The title is pretty much a dead give away as to what the article is about.  Essentially, scientists are drawing stronger and stronger connections between the onset of Alzheimer's and poor eating habits associated with low insulin levels.  Type 2 Diabetes, the kind that people develop over time versus the kind your born with (Type 1), is a disease in which the body over time produces lower and lower insulin levels.  This can lead to a wide range of health problems that, once passing a certain point, are incurable.  Well, it appears that low insulin levels within the body have a much farther reach than previously thought.  It is now being shown that low insulin levels also affect the brain by reducing brain function.  If left to develop long enough, the low insulin levels in the brain start causing all the signs of Alzheimer's; loss of memory, disorientation, possible loss of personality.  While nothing has been concretely proven yet, the connections are becoming more and more apparent and when you look at the rationale behind it, it all starts to make sense.  After all, Alzheimer's has not been around for centuries, rather, it is a more recent discovery and has been on the increase almost every year.  All indications show that it will continue to increase unless something is done about it.  Well, perhaps we now have a remedy, or at least a way to avoid it altogether and that is perhaps the simplest of all remedy's; eating healthy. 

The whole reason this caught my eye and drove me to write about it is because one of my grandmothers, Baba, seems to be developing Alzheimer's or some form of dementia as she progresses through her 90's.  Trust me, at 92 years old, she has lived a long life and there is probably little that can be done to reverse anything at this point, but imagine if we had known about this sooner.  The positive effects of eating healthy seem to have no end in sight.  With all the new diseases that have come about over the last 50-60 years, it is about time we started making the connection between the influx of garbage food (i.e. McDonald's) and the influx of all the diseases (i.e. heart disease, Type 2 diabetes).  Imagine the health care reform we could enact for ourselves if we all simply started eating healthier.  We could literally save billions of dollars each year if we just cut out all the processed foods, fast foods, snack foods, sugary drinks, etc that we consume every year.  But there is a far more important reason than money to start eating healthier and that is to prevent unnecessary deaths due to the effects of eating unhealthy.  Perhaps the worst out of all the diseases we can get is Alzheimer's.  It is a mostly slow decline, affecting those around the victim (term used loosely) more than the victim themselves.  With Alzheimer's, the victim only notices the effect at the beginning and slowly but surely loses the ability to function, remember, and live.  The effect on the surrounding family is devastating.  Here is a family member you have known your whole life and now they can't even remember your face, who you are, or their relation to you.  It is a sad and slow way to die.  Yet, if we can prevent this from happening, why wouldn't we?  Simply put, the allure of fast food, processed food, and sugary foods is just too hard to resist for a lot of people.   It is much quicker than cooking your own food and often times cheaper.  Yet the long term effects are much more costly when you boil it all down. 

How many more diseases need to be discovered or linked to poor eating habits before we decide enough is enough and start making a change for the better?   For some, that change will never happen unfortunately, but hopefully for many, they will see the benefits and start to change themselves before it is too late.  I have concerns even now within my own family about eating habits.  I will not indicate who it is, but if they are reading this now, they will probably figure it out for themselves.  All I will say is that I hope they make a change before something irreversible happens to their body.  Life is too short as it is.  Why would we want to sacrifice more time just so we can get a Happy Meal for $2.00 (For the record, I don't know what the exact cost of a happy meal is these days)?  In any case, I am sure that for my grandmother it is too late to change the course of events.   Getting an ornery women in her early 90's to make changes to her diet would be a feat akin to my son climbing Mount Everest when he can't even walk yet.  There is always hope though.  Perhaps if she did decide to eat healthier now, the decline could be slowed down and she could keep her wits about her for a little longer.  Then again, maybe it wouldn't make a difference at all.  All I know is that the link between low insulin levels and Alzheimer's is one that many can find comfort in.  With many people worried about developing Alzheimer's or seeing their family members go through it, they can now find comfort in the fact that by starting to eat healthy now can change the course of events in the future.  Why take a risk at losing your memory when the only thing standing in the way of prevention is eating healthier?

The Roaring 20's

Some of you may be wondering why I am going to talk about the 1920's in my blog today.  Well, I am not.  The roaring 20's I am talking about, rather, is the decade we all live through after our teens and before we level out in our 30's.  Having just graduated from the 20 something club, I can say that it was a tumultuous time for the most part.  A while ago, it must have been either in my late teens or early 20's, I read somewhere that adolescence doesn't technically end until around the age of 27.  This is, according to scientists and those in the know, when the brain finally finishes connecting all the pieces and leaves us with who we are essentially.  This isn't to say that the brain doesn't change over the course of our whole lives, but the majority of connections are made and enforced from the time we are born till we are 27.  Each decade leading up to that age seems to be filled with its own set of challenges.  The first decade of our lives I feel is one of the easiest.  We are figuring out the world around us and learning everything possible.  Our teens are outwardly perhaps the most challenging as our hormones are raging and we figure out how society functions and how we relate to one another.  Our 20's, once we have learned all the basics plus some, figured out how to relate to others socially, we must then go through a period where we figure out who exactly we are.  For me, at least, the 20's were a time of getting to know myself, adjusting to it, and attempting to figure out what exactly my role was in life.  Well, the first two items were tackled during my 20's and a good portion of the third as well.  That being said, the third item I mentioned is still developing and I think is a perpetual question that lingers with us as we age. 

I personally wouldn't want to go through my teens or at least early 20's again (the latter half was better).  Looking back now, I must say I really struggled to figure out who I was and where I was going.  It was a journey of ups and downs emotionally with lots of experimentation along the way.  I believe now that most of it was an effort to define who I was in society and how best to relate to others based upon who I was.  I see others going through their 20's now and see a lot of inner struggle.  I know that when I was there, I managed most times to put on a good facade, make everyone believe I had my stuff together, while inwardly I was a struggling.  It is much easier to see this in others having just lived through it than while you are actually there or if you are removed by time from that tumultuous decade.  I must say, the roaring 20's for some is probably easier than it is for others, but I believe that everyone goes through a period of questioning during that time and most likely some introspection.  I feel for those going through that period right now.  Especially in this day and age where we are bombarded by messages of who we should be or what we ought to do, the journey isn't easier, in fact, I would hazard to say it is more difficult.  With the influx of information coming in, it is at times difficult to sort out who we are from who we aren't.  Those who managed to figure themselves out in their teens have a much better time during their 20's, but there is still struggle.  My only hope is that those in their 20's now don't lose sight of themselves amidst all the confusion that is going on around them.  I have had friends who have gotten stuck in their 20's and never left, some physically, others mentally.  Not all succeed at getting through it, however, if the foundation is good, then you will make it through.

I think that is the core of what gets us through our 20's, our foundation.  If we don't have a solid foundation that we built with our parents during the first decade of our lives, then it is a lot harder to lose sight of ourselves when we reach our 20's.  Having solid basis of ethics and morals behind us is a great boost when we need it.  For me, there were many times where I floundered and wondered how I would ever move on from where I was.  It required stripping everything else away and remembering who I was when I was younger, the way I was brought up to be, and the spirit and strength I had inside of me.  It was not easy to get back to the basics, but it was necessary and it turned out for the better I feel.  The trials I went through will never be forgotten by me.  They have become a part of who I am, not necessarily in defining who I am now, but in some sense providing perspective on my life and teaching me about what to do and what not to do.  Ah well, that decade is now over for me and hopefully all those going through it now will make it through to the other side.  That's all I got for day, tiredness has taken over. 

The Crashing Euro

When you look at the exchange rate between the Euro and the U.S. dollar, the Euro is still the stronger of the two, or at least has the higher value.  Yet when you look at financial crisis still sweeping through some countries within the Euro zone, it is hard not to wonder how long the Euro can sustain itself with entire country's economies on the brink of collapse.   You can look at any number of reasons why there are currently issues with the Euro and still not fully comprehend the entire problem that the region is facing.  What it all boils down to is that there is no central government with enough power to control how certain country's deal with financial crisis.  Each country within the Euro zone is completely autonomous despite the currency that ties them together.  Each country has differing fiscal policies, different ways of running their countries, and perhaps most importantly, different cultures and mores when it comes to every day life, work, and money.  These have all played a vital role in dictating to a certain extent how this crisis has unfolded and perhaps will dictate in the future whether or not the Euro is sustainable or whether it was just a bold failed attempt to unite country's under one currency.  To me, the biggest factor is that there are two competing structures within the Euro zone, the European Central Bank and the individual countries that are members of the EU.  While the Central Bank is responsible for monitoring the flow of money and ensuring the money goes where it is most needed, it has recently been shown to be at odds with member country's fiscal policies.  While working quite well in times of prosperity and little economic strife, it has been shown through the financial crisis that there are some grave issues that need to be resolved if the Euro is to survive as one unifying currency.

In order to fully understand why there are currently issues within the EU, perhaps it would be best to make a comparison to the United States.  I am not saying that one structure is better than the other because believe me, the United States has faults of its own, however, in regards to monetary policy, perhaps we can gain a few insights with the comparison.  To me, the EU would be like taking all 50 states and making them independent countries.  Nebraska could run itself completely differently with different laws and governing structure than say South Dakota yet still share the same currency.  If Nebraska ran into trouble because they didn't manage their money well enough and needed a "bail out" if you will, you can be damn sure that South Dakota would put up a fight arguing against it because they seem to be doing just fine.  S.D. would probably want Nebraska's fiscal policy revamped and stricter controls put into place if extra money were to be sent there.  Nebraska would balk saying that they can't be controlled by some external force.  The situation would end up in a stalemate with neither side completely moving towards the middle and working with the other.  Why?  Because each one is a sovereign state with its own interests to guard and its own populations to keep happy.  Sound familiar?  Obviously I am taking hints from the EU to make the comparison, but I can completely understand why there are so many issues when it comes to resolving the financial crises that are embroiling certain countries within the EU while others are doing remarkably well (Spain and Germany respectively and lets not forget about Greece).  To me, the only way that the Euro can show its sustainability is to create more of a central government that has the ability to enforce certain policies, fiscal or otherwise, within the EU's member countries.  Yet I personally don't see that happening either. 

In order for more unity to occur within the EU and for the EU to be sustainable in the long run, it would mean there would have to be more blending of countries.  There would have to be some unifying fiscal policy that all countries would adhere to along with a centralize government that actually had the control to enforce those policies.  As it is, I see the cultures amongst the member countries as being too radically different for something like this to ever happen.  The individual cultures of the countries has a lot to with this current financial crisis.   Reconciling a relaxed Spanish culture with a more rigid German culture is, I would imagine, extremely hard to do.  In the United States (while different states can feel like different countries at points) the underlying culture is more homogeneous.  The United States, to coin the old term, is a melting pot where cultures have come together, unified, and become a separate entity altogether providing some unifying substance to the people who live here.  In Europe, bringing centuries old cultures together and making them all function harmoniously would be a very hard thing to do.  I am not saying it is impossible, it would just take enormous amounts of flexibility on separate countries parts to make it happen.  I am not suggesting that Europe become a melting pot like the United States.  I think that each country within the EU has its own special place and I wouldn't want to see that diminished, however, there needs to be some blending of policies, cultures, and yes, ego's if things are to get any better.  Anyway, that's what I think needs to happen if the Euro is to live on.  I could be totally wrong, and if I am, I ask that someone enlighten me as to what would be a better move.  For now, lets just hope that the EU gets their act together and prevents another full blown, world wide financial crisis from consuming us once more. 

State of the Economy

I find that it is almost impossible to label the overall health of the economy.  You can use general indicators to give a glimpse of the economy and its overall standing, but those numbers rarely tell the whole story.  There are unemployment figures thrown into the equation, GDP indicators, overall production, economic growth as a whole, blah, blah, blah.  Yet when you break down all statistics, you will find that some areas are doing better while others are doing worse.  Some states seem to be rebounding while others are still stuck in the quagmire.  Even if you expand the view to include a more global picture of our economic situation, it is almost impossible to get a comprehensive view.  So what exactly am I trying to get at here?  Instead of tracking the overall health of the economy and how it pertains to us and our lives, perhaps we should focus more on what we are doing to improve our lot and how we can go about doing it a little better.  Just within the state of Connecticut there is an enormous gap between those who are doing well and those who aren't.  To be grouped into one major statistic saying, "Oh, jobs are down in Connecticut," or "Job growth is stagnant", or "There is a slight uptick in job growth and economic production,"  can be quite annoying.  I have talked to people who can't find work and to those who are having trouble keeping up with the amount of work.  I have personally stopped listening to any measure of our economy because I find it often times to be disheartening and frustrating.  Too often people take that measure of the economy and apply it to everyone. 

I have people ask me on a fairly regular basis how work is going and if I am busy with the assumption that I can't be doing overly well because the economy isn't doing overly well.  Nothing could be farther from the truth.  Those I deal with on a business level would probably agree with me.  I am in constant interaction on a weekly basis with business owners who are experiencing nothing but solid growth.  Yet I also hear about the flip side without necessarily experiencing it first hand.  When I go to the hardware store to buy paint and supplies for work, I hear about a good number of contractors who can't find any work at all.  Here is the kicker though, I also hear about these contractor's quality of work (which is less than par) and I am not surprised.  While the overall health of the economy may be somewhat stagnant with mild growth at best, it seems there has been a shift in what people want when they go shopping for services or products.  Don't get me wrong, there is still a large portion of the economy that looks to save money (I am still one of those as I like to keep what I earn) and go the cheaper route.  However, there has been a slight shift away from that when it comes to certain individuals.  There seems to be a growing number of people who prefer a higher quality over a cheaper price knowing that the cheaper price might turn out to be more expensive in the long run.  If you look at all products and services though, isn't that the case?  If you are looking to save money, you can go out and buy the cheap version of a toaster for $10 dollars.  Sometimes you will get your money's worth plus some, but often times you will find that you will need to replace that toaster more often than if you splurged and bought a $50 dollar toaster.  The same goes for services.  You can save money and go with the cheaper person (and have their work red-done sooner) or you can go with the more expensive person (and have their work last longer).  It seems that people's buying habits are flipping slowly from cheaper to longer lasting, even if it means spending a little bit more. 

What it all boils down to is positioning yourself for success within the economy.  While not everyone can experience overwhelming success, I am a firm believer that if you put yourself in a position to be successful and work hard towards it, you will flourish.  I am personally looking to hire one or two painters due to the influx of work that has been coming my way.  I have never seen anything like this even before the economy took a nose dive into the toilet.  I deal with people who are saying the exact same thing, yet we still hear that our economy is struggling to re-emerge as a potent global force.  The only reason our economy has yet to flourish the way I know it can is due to over regulation and political meddling with the economy.   But I am not going to delve into politics today, I simply want to stay with the economy.  I have said this before and I feel it necessary to say it again, if people want to work, there is work for them out there, it just may not be what they were trained for or what they want to do.  In my attempt to hire people, it is a struggle to find people who actually want to work hard and will put in their best effort.  It is sometimes mind boggling to hear people complain about their economic situation yet not be willing to get up and do something about it.  After all, this is the country of opportunity.  While that opportunity may not be sitting, waiting for you on the door step, it is there for those who want it.  To make the most of any opportunity takes effort and people need to realize that there will never be cash floating around in the air.  If people want to work, go find work.  If people don't want to work, all I ask is that you don't complain about it.  (Disclaimer:  I am sure I will get some flack for what I am writing about today, but it is simply my perspective and not necessarily indicative of other's feeling towards the economy.  I know a lot of people who have honestly struggled to find work and still can't.  I also feel though, that by re-inventing who we are and re-investing our efforts towards our strengths, then anyone can find work.)

A Family Weekend

Before I go any further, let me first say that no, I am not talking about the family weekends that most people now associate with colleges.  Rather, I am simply talking about this past weekend in reference to the amount of family we saw both on my side and my wife's side.  Saturday was our celebration of my parent's birthdays.  As their birthday's are a week apart, we normally celebrate both in one fell swoop on the same day.  On top of their birthday's being a week apart, they are the same age which makes it easier for me to remember how old they are.  So to celebrate we went over their house during the late morning for a little cookout and to share our presents with them.  We tried to plan it perfectly so that our son was in a good mood when we got there and hopefully would take a nap at some point during the early afternoon hours as he is used to doing when he is home.  Well, the first half of our plan worked out fantastically.  We got to my parent's around 11 and our son was in a good mood as he normally is at that hour.  We brought his toys over and he was all set to go, roaming around the house, exploring his favorite table in my parent's living room, and bringing joy to his great grandmother who seems to be OK whenever he is around.  I got sent to the grill not long after getting to their house to fire up the charcoal and get the chicken cooking.  Once all the food was ready, we sat down to eat and our son got to try asparagus for the first time and much to our surprise, actually liked it.  He also got some small pieces of chicken to go along with the asparagus and his pears and peaches which we brought along just in case.  Its amazing what a baby is fed compared to what we eat at a meal.  We would almost never pair pears and peaches with chicken and asparagus on the same plate.  But that's a baby's life, eating what your fed.  When we were almost done with our meal, he started getting a little cranky and as such, we decided to try putting him down for a nap.  Being in a strange place, he cried for a little bit before finally nodding off.  We were hoping for his normal nap of an hour and a half or at least an hour but instead got a measly 20 minutes.  The short nap unfortunately led to us leaving a little earlier than we intended so we could get him home and settled down for a little before getting him into bed at 530. 

With our son getting barely half the amount of time napping that he normally does, Sunday morning was a little rough.  We normally go to church at 730 Sunday morning.  Yesterday was a different story.  Our son was overly fussy, prone to bursting out in tears over nothing, and as such we decided against going to church so we could try and get a good nap out of him before heading up to see my wife's family.  The issue with going to church at 730 is that Mass is starting right around the time that our son normally goes down for a nap.  On a normal weekend, he does OK, but my wife and I both had the feeling that he would not be OK at all if we went.  So a nap it was for our son.  He got a little over an hour and was in a much better mood upon waking up.  With him napping for a while, my wife and I had the opportunity to get our lunches made for the week and to clean up the house a little bit.  Come eleven o'clock, we were on the road again to my wife's aunt's house.  There was a bunch of her family gathered there to partially picnic, partially to celebrate my wife's cousin's 44th birthday.  There were more people gathered than we had at my parent's house the day before and as such, our son was a little shy to begin with.  Soon after though, he was making his way around the kitchen, playing with the other kids who were there, and saying hello to everyone.  Once the food was cooking on the grill (which I didn't have to do), we all moved outside where our son was perpetually occupied with the leaves, bark, grass, slide and wagon.  The first objects he is always fascinated in, the objects supplied by nature for his entertainment and curiosity.  The slide he absolutely loved.  It was a little kid's slide with four small steps up and a short little slide to the ground.  He couldn't quite make it up the stairs by himself as they were really steep and slippery so we placed him at the top and held his hands as he slid down with a smile plastered to his face.  By the 30th time or so, he was figuring out that he had to lean forward on the slide in order to remain in a seated position all the way down.  The wagon was a model of the old Red Flyer wagons except that it was an all terrain version with over sized wheels and higher sides so you couldn't fall out as easily.  He went for a few rides around the yard by himself and once with his cousin who is almost 2 years old.  I think his favorite object of all though was a log, about 18 inches tall with the bark falling off, that he stood at for about 20-25 minutes just playing with the bark.  He kept going back and forth between the log and a huge boulder that was right next to it.  Needless to say, he completely enjoyed himself and once it was time to leave, fell asleep in the car within 5 minutes. 

All in all, it was a really enjoyable weekend spent with family.  I consider myself lucky these days to have a good amount of our family still living in Connecticut.  My side is a little more sparse, but with my wife's and my family combined, it makes for a good amount that we can visit within a 45 minute to an hour drive.  Sometimes I just wish the weekend was longer.  While I thoroughly enjoyed the time spent with family, the weekend flew by.  Last thing I knew it was Friday and now I am heading back to work again for a nice long work week.  My wife has a day off during the week so I will not be taking my normal day off to watch our son.  Luckily I got to spend a lot of quality time with him this weekend so I won't feel too bad about missing my day this week.   Yesterday I spent a little more time with him than Saturday so my wife could catch up with her family some.  Most of the time with my son yesterday was spent just watching him explore his surroundings and occasionally taking him for the wagon ride like I mentioned and guiding him down the slide over and over and over again.  Next weekend should be a little slower with nothing planned as of yet.  Who knows, though, plans change.  For now, I will simply keep this past weekend, the beautiful weather, and the time spent with family in my mind to get me through the week. 

1 and 92

Yesterday was my day at home watching our son, the now weekly routine that has begun since my wife went back to work.  It was another beautiful day, a little bit chilly, but beautiful.  We didn't go to the beach like we did the previous week despite the fact that part of me really wanted to.  Instead, after playing around our house in the morning and after his nap, we went down to visit his great grandmother, my Baba.  My mother in law who has been watching him four days a week usually takes him to see my other grandparents, Babci and Dziadziu, so I figured I would go visit Baba.  Neither my son or I had seen Baba in probably close to a month and it was definitely time for us to make the trip down there.  For those of you who don't know (which is probably most of you), she has been having trouble with her memory and it looks like it might be the early days of either dementia or Alzheimer's.  I don't know enough about either to tell the difference, but it is one of the two.  That being the case, I wasn't sure if she would recognize me.  From what my mother has been telling me, she has never forgotten my son.  She has a picture of him right by her bed that she tells me she likes to look at every day to remind herself of how beautiful he is.  If anything, I hope that she can hold on to the memory of him the longest as it seems to bring her the most joy right now.   But anyway, she did remember me (so I think) and let me into the house.  To be honest, it was probably because I was holding my son in my arms as I walked up to the back door of my parents house. 

Needless to say, she was overjoyed that we had come to visit.  She dropped whatever she was doing, I think it was dishes, and joined us in the living room to play.   I had brought a little box of toys with us so that he had something to keep him occupied.  Out of all the toys in the box, he took out the two Tupperware containers to play with and left the rest either in the box or on the floor.  I don't know what it is about simple objects that fascinate him so much, but he loves them and often will choose them over his regular, colorful toys that are supposed to be so attractive to little tykes like him.  In the living room of my parents house, they have a wooden table with an opening in the middle and a glass top.  I had to obviously remove all the fragile and delicate objects from the table top lest they go flying onto the floor with the swipe of a tiny hand.  Sure enough, onto the table the Tupperware went and that's pretty much where it stayed unless my son wanted to move.  At times he put the smaller one in his mouth and crawled around, at others, he held one in each hand and managed to do the same.  One of his favorite parts of the table was the passage under the glass.  It was just the right size for him to duck his head and crawl through.  Once, as it goes with little kids, is never enough.  He had to crawl through the table multiple times, back and forth, before he was satisfied.  Through it all, my grandmother had a huge smile plastered on her face and loved every second that she got to spend with her great grandson.  While she didn't remember my son's exact birthday, she knew it was coming up very soon.  Her birthday is less than a month after my son's and I find it quite amazing to watch these two people interact, one of them about to turn 1, the other about to turn 92.  There seems to be a good amount of pep and vitality left in my grandmother although I am sure a big part of it had to do with her great grandson visiting her.  She even tried to hold him by the hand so they can walk together.  Unfortunately, my son doesn't like interaction with people he hasn't seen in a while and shied away a little at first.  He warmed up quickly though and was soon babbling and offering his toys to her. 

Despite all the happiness, I could definitely see hints of my grandmothers memory troubles show through a little bit.  While she never asked who I was, she also never called my by name which is a little out of the ordinary for her.  Either she didn't want to be embarrassed for not knowing who I was or she simply didn't want to call me by name.  All that mattered was that she remembered my son's name.  There were some other hints as well, subtle, but still there.  During our conversation while my son was playing with his toys, she said something along the lines of, "Its my daughter's birthday today, I have to find a card for her."  I just found it odd that she would refer to her daughter like that considering that she is my mom.  Nothing major, but I have heard from my mother that there are days she won't remember that my mom is her daughter at all.  But I guess that is how it goes, you have some good days and you have some bad days.  I just hope for her sake that when it starts to get worse that it doesn't drag on and cause her undue anxiety and pain at not being herself.  She knows now that she is slowly losing it and I can imagine its not easy for either my mother or her to go through as she lives with my mother and sees her every day.  I can tell already from the emotions welling up inside me as I write this that I will not have an easy time with Baba losing her memory and slowly making her way downwards.  I will probably have a little bit harder time with her than I will have with my other grandparents as she used to watch me for a few years when I was just a little tyke like my son is now.  I know I will have to deal with it at some point and I am also aware that we don't get to choose when we have to deal with it, but I would rather it not happen now.  But when would be a good time, now or 2 years from now.  Now might be easier considering my son's age, but who knows.  In any case, I will make every effort to visit her as often as possible while she still remembers who her grandson and great grandson are.  I have such loving memories of her that I will never forget and I can't wait to share them with my son when he is older. 

Human Equality

All mankind was created equal.  Now, the question arises, who made man equal?  Did God make man equal or did man make man equal?  The reason I ask this is because there is this presumption on certain people's part that seems to indicate that man made man equal.   I personally believe that only God created man equally and it is up to us as humans to decide whether or not we will treat one another as equals.   As many people know, mankind throughout most of history, has had individuals or groups of individuals who do not view all mankind as equals.  There have always been those who look down on others, feel that they are of a higher quality than others, and as such deserve more than others do throughout life.  This has been the case since the Romans were in power thousands of years ago to the current day where you will still find groups of people subjugating other groups of people for any number of reasons.  Man has never quite viewed mankind as fully equal despite small pockets of people who adopt that view.  Even looking at this issue from a religious standpoint, there are those within a religious establishment who view others as inferior due to their differing beliefs or actions.  It is an issue that I feel we will never quite get rid of as long as mankind has free will.  This isn't to say there haven't been attempts to get all mankind on the same playing field because there has.  These attempts usually fail however due to that one small fact that I mentioned before, free will.  Just look at most of the socialist, communist, or Utopian societies for an example of how mankind's attempt at equality fail.  Even within our own representative democracy you will find that people are not always treated equally.  There are those aren't afforded equal rights despite the fact that they should.  There are those that are exempt from certain laws while all others are held to those laws.  It is not an equal society. 

The problem that arises with mankind's attempt at large scale attempts to level the playing field in terms of equality is that there always has to be one person or one group of people who make the decisions on behalf of the whole and as such, there is no true equality.  The society's that attempt to bring equality to its citizens usually fails because within that society there are those who feel that they are better than those around them.  Regardless of which society you look at, you will always find at least one person who feels entitled to more than the others.  Often times, as is the case in the United States right now, many people feel entitled to more than they deserve.   Those who are well off feel entitled to the money they earned and don't see why they should share it with anyone.  Those who are poor feel entitled to help from others, regardless of who it may be.  Any attempt to equalize things, either through a socialist government, communist, or whatever, always fails because it is a forced equality.  If every single person within a society that adheres to socialist ideals is not on board, then the society will eventually fail.  Forced equality is not really equality, rather it is a feeble attempt to equalize life while marginalizing certain groups and their feelings.  If man has free will as I am sure that most people agree we have (despite those determinist's out there), then how can we espouse a system that makes everyone equal on all grounds despite the feelings of certain individuals to the contrary.  If we truly want to create a society based upon equality, then it can not come from the government level, it must come from the individual level.  All attempts to force equality fail because you can not force people to change their perceptions on reality.  What we can do is change our own perceptions about those around us, treat each other as equals and hope that by setting the example of equality, we can change the perceptions of others around us. 

Part of the reason I am talking in depth about my views of equality is because in the United States there seems to be a lot of talk about how our current president is slowly turning our society into a socialist one where everyone is being slowly brought to a more even playing field.   Especially in the United States with its incredible diversity of people, you will never get everyone on board to support a socialist society or a government that leans towards socialism.  These systems don't work because they never truly create equality, only a facade of equality.  People will still be marginalized and you will still have those that are seemingly exempt due to their wealth or their status.  Equality must start, as I mentioned, from a personal level.  What we all need to do is inspect our own views of humanity and see if we truly view each other as equals despite appearances, status, income level, etc, etc.  If we find one person or one group of people that we feel differently towards, than we don't honestly view everyone as equals.    Being perfectly honest on my part, there is still a part of me that automatically makes assumptions about certain people and as such, I must say I don't view all humans as equal.  I try my best, but it is a work in progress.  The more we can move ourselves to a mentality of true equality, the bigger impact we can have on those around us in terms of showing how humanity is truly equal.  The best way to spread true equality amongst us is by setting examples.  Mind you, we can't simply turn it on and off, we must adopt equality for ourselves and live it every day.   Then and only then will there be hope of creating a society where everyone is equal, where everyone is provided for because those within a society help each other out.  It can not come from a government or some entity that tries to rule us, it must come from within.  Therefore I say, out with socialism and any form of government that tries to level the playing field.  I say look within first and change yourself. 

Cutting Foreign Aid

I saw an article this morning in the NYTimes that caught my eye.  It seems that the Russian government wants the U.S. to stop funding a variety a programs in their country from pro-democracy groups, to health programs and other civil society programs.  From what they are saying, the U.S. is meddling in their affairs and doesn't want our money anymore.  You know what, I am perfectly OK with the U.S. cutting our funding to Russia if that's what they want.  After all, its not our country, its theirs, and if they don't want our help or assistance, then so be it.  Unfortunately, this comes in the wake of a good amount of political unrest and dissatisfaction within the country that has been growing since Putin returned to office this past spring.  In addition to all the current unrest, the Russian government is putting in place tighter restrictions and consequences of criticism and libel against their government.  Putin it seems wants to squeeze his iron fist a little tighter than it already is and make life just that much more miserable for his people.  I find it unfortunate that the will of one person can make such a difference for millions of people.  Perhaps Putin should listen to the voices of people living in his country and hear what they have to say about what is going on.  Wait, he does, as long as it doesn't contain any criticism against him or anyone in power.  All told, Putin wants to end the upwards of $50 million dollars we spend there annually.  The foreign aid going to Russia began after the cold war ended and in part helped them recover and grow to where they are today.  Currently, some of that money is going to fund election monitoring groups that seek out ballot fixing and dubious ways of running elections.  No wonder Putin wants the money to stop.  With less money funding these groups, he will have more of an opportunity to fix elections and get the people he wants (including himself) into power.  

All told, $50 million is a drop in the bucket when compared to the total amount of foreign aid we dole out annually and pennies when compared to our own defense budget.  However, perhaps we should start listening to what countries want more than we have been.  If a country exhibits ill will towards the U.S., either from the government or its citizens, I say we cut their funding.  Why should we give money to a country that obviously doesn't like us or our policies.  There are certain countries, I will use Pakistan as an example, that receive upwards of $3 billion dollars each and every year.  The only countries that receive that much are Afghanistan, Pakistan, and Israel.  However, those three countries alone account for close to $10 billion dollars a year.  Last time I checked, Pakistan wasn't a big fan of the U.S.  So why are we still sending that much money to their country if they clearly don't like us.  (Hint: it has to do with nuclear weapons, security, oil, etc.)  I say we simply cut that money, keep it at home and devote it towards perhaps creating some jobs in this country.  When you add up all the foreign aid that the U.S. gives out annually, it amounts to somewhere in the realm of $58 billion dollars.  While that number is still not even close to our defense spending budget (if you include all agencies related to security, our defense budget is around $830 million) it is a good chunk of change that could be put to better use here.  Think about it, we have travel bans on people going to Cuba, yet we send them foreign aid.  Where is the sense in that?  Perhaps I am naive, but I would like the U.S. to get back to focusing on our own problems for once instead of trying to fix problems in other countries. 

What we need is a one year moratorium on giving out foreign aid.  Lets just keep all the money here for one year and see what people's response would be.  There is so much dissent coming from every corner of the globe about how the U.S. likes to meddle in other countries affairs that perhaps we should take a step back for one year.  Just one year and I would like to see the response from all the countries we give money to.  Perhaps then, with less money going abroad and supporting everything from pro-democracy initiatives to health programs, we could begin to whittle down our defense budget.  By cutting our DoD budget (Department of Defense, approximately $530 billion/year) in half, we could save about $1 trillion over just 4 years.  That's a big number.  We can't perpetuate our enormous deficit and hope to come out on top, it just won't happen.  Let us simply play isolationist for a year and let things fall where they may.  I am not saying to reduce the security we need state side, but abroad, lets get rid of it.  To jump back to the whole issue that ignited my fingers with fiery speed this morning, perhaps we should here what a Russian citizen had to say about what the Russian government is doing.  This man couldn't understand why the U.S. aid upset the Kremlin so much, "Free elections are not an American goal - that is absurd," he said, "they are a Russian goal."  Let the people do the talking I say. 

A Vicious Cycle of Growing Government

Since the United States entered the recession in 2008, many more people in this country have had a hard time making ends meet.  The number of "poor" people has skyrocketed and for some, finding a job seems to be a hopeless cause at this point.  I saw in the news this morning an interesting statistic brought to light by one of the presidential candidates, Mitt Romney.   This statistic was the percentage of people who don't pay income tax in this country.  That number is 47% (46% actually, but close enough).  When I first heard that number I thought that it couldn't be possible, nearly 150 million people not paying income tax in this country.  Well, that number turns out to be correct as of 2011.  After reading about it a little more, I understand why that number stands where it is.  A good portion are elderly and the rest don't make enough to qualify them to pay income taxes.  There is a small portion that make above a certain amount yet take enough deductions to equal everything out.  Now here is my problem with all of this, our government is increasing in size every year, yet the number of people paying income tax has decreased.  As it turns out, the top 10 percent of the population when it comes to income payed nearly 70% of the tax burden in the United States.  Should the top earners shoulder more of the burden?  Absolutely.  But even with all that is collected in taxes, our government still spends more than it takes in.  So how can we sustain a growing government with a shrinking tax base?  The simple answer is, we can't.  If a company experienced a reduction in profit for whatever reason, they wouldn't hire more people.  Instead, they would lay off who they needed to in order to remain in business with hopes that things would turn around in the future and they would be able to hire new people again.  However, with the recession we went through and are still dealing with the effects from, our government has decided to do the opposite, increase spending and the number of government agencies.  Frankly, it is a business model that is doomed to failure. 

So with all that said and many people clamoring for more aid from the government, what are we supposed to do?  With our government taking in less money that it used to, it can't simply increase services and aid without finding another source of income.  Unfortunately, there are millions of people in this country who do need help.  This is where the conundrum arises.  Some would say we have to tax the rich more and give more to the poor.  Personally, I don't like the idea because we would still fall short, our society would edge more towards socialism, and people would begin to feel entitled to the aid they receive from our government.   My first idea would be to shrink the size of our government and its budget to correspond with what is collected in taxes.  Without balancing our budget, we can't even begin to look at anything else in terms of aid or social services.   Part of balancing the budget would mean shuttering certain departments within the government and in large part, shrinking the size of the defense budget.  Some people would argue that if we did any of those things that we would increase the number of those without jobs as certain people would have to be laid off in the process of shrinking our government.  Unfortunately, life isn't fair and lay offs are part of life if you are in the work force.  To simply keep people employed when you don't collect enough money to pay for everyone is folly.  After shrinking the size of the government, perhaps there should be programs instated by which private corporations and individuals can earn tax credits for donating money to the needy or starting social service programs within their given area of operation.  By doing this, we would take social services out of the government's hands and place the burden on corporations and the wealthy.  Think about it, large corporations and the wealthy already look for every tax deduction they can take and if offered another for improving social services in their area, don't you think they would take it?  I do.  By doing these few things, we can make a big difference in our country's deficit, our general moral and feelings towards the government, and potentially reduce our country's deficit while still helping those in need. 

My biggest problem with relying on our government for social services and providing for those in need is that they simply hand out money as long as you make under a certain amount or don't have a job.  Governments were not made to provide for those in need.  Simply put, we as people need to make sure that our fellow citizens have what they need to survive.  I know that not many people view it the same way, but it is up to all of us to help those in need, not some government entity doling out freebies.  The purpose of a government in my mind is to run a country, establish and enforce laws, and ensure the safety of its citizens both through the judicial system and through a military.  Beyond that, a government should operate as minimally as possible.  Unfortunately, our government is the complete opposite.  It tries to do too much for too many people and often forgets its sole purpose.  Yes, there are a lot of people in need, but our government should not be the one to take care of them.  Instead, it should be the communities that these people belong to that help them out.  Just look back a hundred years.  Back in the early 1900's, people who were in need relied on families, churches, or their community to help them.  Yet in the wake of social security, welfare, general dispersal of families across long distances, all that has changed and people instead rely on our government to take care of their needs instead.  To change all of this would be a monumental feat, and I unfortunately think it is one that will most likely not happen.  Our military budget will not shrink due to the military industrial complex and our government will not shrink in size due to the outrage that the people who rely on it for assistance would bring about.  Similarly, with fewer and fewer people getting involved in their communities, we are pushing people closer and closer to the edge of society, isolating them, and essentially telling them they are not worth our time.  So do we change or does our government change?  I think we need both, our government needs to step back and shrink and we the people need to step up and do more for those in need.  If you own a home and a car, then you can help someone in need, even if it is a little bit.  That right there is the best social service you could ask for, not government aid, but one person helping out another.   

Back to My Son

While I have much to say about world events, the upcoming elections, and other topics; I must get back to talking about my son for today.  This summer, while I was only working 4 days a week and taking the extra to spend with my family (wife and son), it was not the same as spending the whole day alone with my son as I do when my wife is in school teaching.  It seemed that when both of us were home with him, there was always something else for me to do around the house because my wife was capable of watching our son while I did other things.  I absolutely took time to spend with him as well, but it was not nearly as much as I was used to during the school year.  But seeing as it is September and my wife is back at work, I now get a whole day during the week to spend with our son, to watch him grow, to play with him, and to just enjoy being around him.  I forgot how much fun I have with him on our days off and it is now starting up again.  The big difference between spending time with him now versus even a few months ago is that he has developed more of his unique personality, has grown tremendously, and is now much more active and inquisitive.  In short, he is much more engaging now than he was a few months ago.  Last week I got a special treat as I had Thursday off with him and Friday I had an afternoon wedding to go to so I got to spend some extra time with him Friday morning after I took care of a few hours of work.  Those two days were packed full of experiences that I will not forget.  So to move past the intro of my new current schedule, I will get into the nitty gritty now. 

Thursday was an absolute picture perfect day.  It was nice and cool in the morning with very low humidity and when it did warm up, it wasn't at all oppressive or disgusting.  That being the case, I decided that I needed to bring our son to the beach for the first time.  Despite the fact that we had the whole summer to get to the beach, often times it was too hot or too humid for it to be enjoyable.  Therefore, last Thursday was our first excursion to play in the sand.  We went down to Silver Sands beach in Milford and walked along the relatively new boardwalk there until we found a good place to park the stroller and get dirty.  We didn't get that far into the sand before our son wanted to sit down and see what the mysterious white stuff was that we were walking on.  Once plopping down onto his but with his legs fully extended, he proceeded to stick his hands right in the sand and pulled up hand fulls of it, only to let it fall through his fingers onto his pants or into a pile.  Amidst the sand there were obviously little rocks, seashells, and a variety of flotsam washed up from some far corners of the earth (or more likely just down the shoreline).  Every seashell he picked up was thoroughly inspected and placed in a pile.  With our son, nothing ever really stays in a pile, rather, it is just a holding place until he decides a new pile needs to be made or an object needs to be discarded.  This continued for quite some time, about 45 minutes to be exact.  Every time I offered him my hand to get up and walk a little farther in the sand, he would simply look at my hand and go back to playing with the sand.  He wanted nothing to do with moving from his little spot.  Eventually I picked him up and brought him down to the water.  With his feet in the wet sand getting softly lapped at by the little waves, he tried walking right into the water, pants and all.  As he can not quite walk yet on his own, I prevented it and brought him back to dry land (or sand if you will).  It was amazing to watch his curiosity with this new found substance, sand, and all the treasures to be found buried in its soft embrace.  We were down at the beach for close to 2 hours before making our way back home.  The fresh salt air tired him out completely and he almost fell asleep on the ride home. 

Friday brought a few different surprises for me.  I wasn't with him the whole day but I did get to watch him for a few hours while my wife ran out to the doctors.  During that time, I decided to cut my hair while our son was feeding himself cut up peaches from his high chair tray.   Normally, I only cut my hair a few times a year.  The point at which I recognize the need to cut it is when I get up in the morning and it looks like crap (bedhead) and I can't just venture out into the world and look decent without work.  So I grabbed the electric shaver, adjusted the setting, and sitting in front of him, began the process of getting rid of most of my hair.  The first few swipes brought a look of shock to his face.  As I continued though, his bottom lip started to curl downwards into a pout and his eyes began to tear up.  It slowly got worse the more hair I cut off of my head.  I didn't even finish cutting my hair because I didn't want him to get too upset.  When I put down the shaver and reached over to comfort him, he burst out in tears and said quite loudly and with complete seriousness what I interpreted as "enough".  He can't talk yet, but what he said was pretty damn close and made complete sense given the circumstances.  He quickly recovered once I put the shaver down and all was not lost.  Despite his getting upset, it was extremely cute to watch his concern over his dad's changing features.  Once I stopped, I got back to putting peaches on his tray so he could feed himself.  At that point, he did something he has never done before.  The way I fed him was to put a little pile of peaches in front of him from which he could grab individual pieces and shove them in his mouth.  He ate most of the pile and when there was one or two pieces left, he picked up one at a time and reached for me.  Unsure at first of what he was doing, I simply opened my mouth thinking he might be wanting to feed me.  When I did that, he reached a little farther.  So I met him in the middle, he stuck his hand in my mouth and let go of the food.  In short, he fed his dad the last few pieces from the pile of peaches in front of him.  With the pile gone, I put a new pile there and he repeated the same procedure; ate the majority of the pile and fed me the last few bites.  It was adorable.  After each bite I made sure to thank him for sharing his food with me.  He did this a number of times before he was completely full and wanted nothing more to do with food.  So with those being the exciting events of last week, I can't wait to see what this week holds as I spend yet another day alone with him.  Every week is a surprise and every week is joy on my part. 

NBC Disgraces 9/11

Its now been 11 years since those dreadful attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon and not everyone feels it is important to remember the tragedy and the life lost.  There are those that feel it is time to move on, time to move past that day and look to the future.  You know what, if people feel like that, it is there prerogative and I hold nothing against them for feeling that way.  I, however, feel that it is still important to look back and remember what happened, not so much to dwell on it and have it anchor us to the past, but more to respect the heroism that occurred on that day and the senseless loss of life we experienced.  Whatever your decision, to remember or not, a decision must be made.  You can't have both as NBC tried to do on 9/11.  While I didn't see what they did, I heard the audio clip on the radio yesterday morning and found their actions to be quite despicable.  For those that didn't witness it first hand, here is what they did.   While running through their normal programming for that morning, they simultaneously played the live feed from the memorial services in New York; the ringing of the bell, the moment of silence, and the playing of taps.  Hold on to your seats though as that is not the worst of it.  What drives the nail into the coffin is that instead of taking a few minutes to respect those watching the memorial services in New York that was playing in a little box in the corner of the screen, they talked right over it, the bell, the silence, and the playing of taps.  How much more disrespectful can you be than to talk while you can hear the events in New York taking place?  Well, they took it down one more notch as it was a Kardashian (I don't really care if her name is spelled wrong) being interviewed and she was talking about getting her breast implants replaced.  As I mentioned before, its despicable in my mind. 

I mentioned the choice that people have, to either remember or to not.  NBC royally screwed up by trying to do both.  I guess they felt that by putting the memorial services in a little box in the corner of the screen that it would be enough to satiate those that wanted to remember.  Maybe, but if you are going to do that, don't talk over it.  Take a few minutes out of your breast implant conversation to maybe observe the moment of silence and listen to the playing of taps.  Yet that is not what happened.  Another simple solution would be to not have it at all signifying that they have moved on and will not be honoring the day and its events.  I don't have a problem with that either.  But you can't do two things at once, especially when it is the remembrance of a day that changed many lives in this country and abroad.  The only reason I know about this is because a radio show dealt with this issue for quite some time yesterday.  They were perhaps more enraged than I am about this whole ordeal.  While I was listening to them, they brought up a really good point about the programming that NBC did that morning.  They mentioned that regardless of what NBC might say, their programming was planned months in advance and they knew exactly what they were going to do on 9/11.  It wasn't just some accident that the memorial services were playing while a big breasted bimbo blabbed over it.  It was all planned and that alone makes it even worse.  Through their actions, they are saying that this bimbo is more important than the events that happened on 9/11.  I don't care who you are or what you believe in, a Kardashian will never trump 9/11.  While I rarely watch NBC as it is, I will definitely not be watching them anytime soon.  In fact, I am going to try to boycott their station as I feel what they did disrespected too many people. 

What really got me this year in listening to the radio on 9/11 was the account a person had about exiting the building after the first plane hit while he was working there.  Eleven years later and he was still getting choked up over the day.  What got to this man most, and what hit home for me was the account of him and hundreds of others making their way down the stairs and watching firefighters laden with gear climbing up the stairs to save lives.  As we know, most of those firefighters who were in the building did not make it out.  It is those lives we remember on the anniversary of 9/11 and the thousands of others who died because of the attacks.  There was also the account of two firefighters, cousins, working together at the Trade Centers that morning.  One of them ushered out some people, handed them off to his cousin and went back in to get more.  He never came back out.  For NBC to say that these memories deserve to be talked over by an idiotic bimbo is to say that the heroism exhibited on that day doesn't matter.  NBC essentially pulled down their pants, popped a squat, and shat on the memorial services of 9/11.  They would have been better off not playing anything at all about the memorial services or even mentioning them.  But alas, we have some idiotic people in places of power and they sometimes make really bad decisions.  As a result, I strongly urge everyone reading this to boycott NBC and urge your friends and family to do the same.  We should not let this fade quietly into the night.  NBC needs to be held accountable for their actions. 

Being a Man

Its funny when you think about what it means to be a man.  There is still this entrenched perception by most of society that in order for a male to be a man, he has to have his proverbial "s#it" together.  A male must be strong and secure enough to weather the working world, family, and the life in general.  Yet, I wonder, how many men out there actually consider themselves as fitting within this mythical mold generated by society.  The theory of what it means to be a man isn't new, rather, its been around for decades and has yet to change in a way that reflects our changing world.  Till it does, men will still be held under the microscope and scrutinized.  Now, don't get me wrong, not everyone is wedded to this view of what it means to be a man.  There are a good number of people who view a man differently, but I still feel that the majority of people, when asked what it means to be a man, will give you a definition similar to the one that I gave you.  This image is perpetuated through many avenues and while it may be changing, it also plays havoc with the psyche of young and old men today.  Whatever men do, there is always a little voice in the back of their heads reminding them of what it means to be a man.  Myself, I am not immune to that little voice either although I try and kick it out of my head as often as possible.  Part of the issue is that when you go out in public, other men have this ability to make themselves seem like they have everything together, everything figured out, and they are strong and steadfast in what they are doing.  I will let you in on a little secret; most men, despite what they may say to your face or the way they may act, do not have their it all together and figured out.  Rather, as with everyone, both male and female, life is a roller coaster that deals unexpected blows and often times exacts just as much of a toll on men as it does on women. 

Earlier this week I had a meeting with a group of men.  What I thought was going to be a planning session turned out to be something else entirely.  Instead of doing any planning, we merely talked, caught up with each other, and shared what we had dealt with over the summer.  It was a small group of six men, myself being the youngest, and that meeting alone helped me more with that ingrained vision of manliness than anything else I have done in a while.  In short, it took that theory of what it means to be a man, ground it up, and dropped it on the floor like a pile of elephant dung.  What I witness instead was what it truly means to be a man, at least what I think it means to be a man.  There was not one person in the room hadn't dealt with some issues over the summer and some were having trouble dealing with them it seemed.  Yet, while everyone shared the issues they were dealing with, not one pretended to have all the answers or be strong enough by himself to get through it.  As a younger man witnessing this, it gave me hope for the future.  As I am only thirty and probably still have a long life ahead of me, there was always a notion in my head that I would one day have it all figured out, together, and life would be easier in some respects.  OK, so maybe I never thought life would get easier, but I did think that maybe in terms of figuring out who I am would be easier.  To see older men (I am not talking about men in their 70's, just men older than me by at least 10 years) deal with issues, struggle with them, and sometimes not know the answers was comforting in a way.  Perhaps comforting is not the right word, re-assuring might be a little more apt as I could see that I didn't have to worry about getting my "s#it" together any time soon.  There is no final answer in life, nor will we ever truly figure everything out.  The best we can do is come close to figuring things out till life flips and we start figuring things out again.  It is a constant process it seems of evaluating, reconciling, re-evaluating, and living.  Being amongst other men who are willing to share their stories and willing to listen as well is not only re-assuring, but refreshing in a way as well. 

So I will offer up a new definition of what it means to be a man.  A man is someone who can admit to not being perfect, not having everything together, and still live life to the best of his ability.  I am not saying that men should not act strong if they want to or act like they have everything together, but along with that they should recognize within themselves that it is perfectly OK to struggle with things, to hit a wall and not be able to climb right over, to question things without knowing the answer.  It seems that too many men today feel that they can go it on their own, deal with their own issues on their own terms and end out on top.  This isn't always the case and I feel that most men, despite what they will admit in public, will agree with me.  I will be the first to admit that I don't have everything figured out and probably never will.  The comfort comes in knowing that I am not the only one and that other men who are older than me are dealing with issues in some ways similar to mine.  I look out at the world sometimes and feel sorry for those who can't see life differently and get depressed when life turns hard.  It almost seems that the midlife crisis that many men talk about is merely the point where a man feels he should have figure everything out and having not done so, goes berserk and tries to remedy it all by retreating to his teenage years.  If all men could just see that we all struggle, we all have issues that aren't easily resolved, and that life perhaps is not meant to be figured out, perhaps the image of what it means to be a man can change.  I am thankful for where I am in life, thankful for the men I listened to and shared with earlier this week, and thankful that I am aware that my life will be a series of ups and downs that I will never be able to fully control.  The best I can do is ride that roller coaster, enjoy the ups, weather the downs with help, and perhaps come out at the end a better person than I was at the beginning.  I don't have to be strong, I just have to be who I am, nothing more, nothing less. 

Knowing Too Much

It struck me yesterday at some point, I don't know when, that the more we learn about the world, the more anxiety we potentially build for ourselves.  With scientists, researchers, analysts, and whatnot continuing to discover connections and learn about even the smallest particles that are the building blocks of our world and humanity, perhaps we are learning too much.  Just look back 50 years ago (way back before I was born) and you will see there was no way of knowing what we know now about the world.   Back then, there was seemingly no need to worry about pesticides or other chemicals in our food, no need to worry about lead in paint and gas, no need to worry about aerosols and global warming.  Now, we know that pesticides, lead, and aerosols are bad.  That's only the tip of the iceberg as we all know.  There are dangers lurking everywhere around us that can potentially cause us harm and shorten our lives.  Were we better off 50 years ago when we were living in relative naivete about the world around us?  Was the stress level less because we didn't have to worry about how anything we touched, bought, or breathed could harm us?  Maybe, but then again, maybe there were less of these dangerous substances floating around the atmosphere and lurking in our foods.  While our life expectancy has gone up, so has the rate of chronic illness.  Are these chronic illnesses a product of our extended lives or merely a side effect of something we did when we were younger?  There always seem to be more questions than answers. 

While we may not have known about all the potential dangers lurking in the world around us 50 years ago, we also didn't have the fear inspiring media that we have today.  Any new discovery that scientists make about links between certain diseases or cancers and the substance or negligence that causes them brings about a 24/7 media campaign to alert us about what we can do to save ourselves.  We have to watch out for A B, and C because it will cause X Y, and Z.  Better be careful about D, E, and F too because those are just too frightening to talk about.  For those in the know, our society is built around fear and the dangers around us.  We have to wash our hands 5 times a day minimum or we could contract the deadly cold from a stranger.  And you better watch out for that breeze blowing from the west that may contain deadly pathogens hell bent on shortening our life or at least making it miserable.  If one listened to all the warnings out there, we wouldn't leave the house without a hazmat suit on, we would have HEPA filters in every room to suck every horrible nugget out of the air, and we would only eat sterilized organic food that didn't touch a single surface since leaving the ground.  With all this "knowledge" about the world and its dangers, how is one not supposed to worry about what they are potentially doing to themselves.  Stress and anxiety are just as crippling as heart disease.  If we live with stress and anxiety in our lives, we are shortening our lives just as much as if we ate McDonald's every day.  Neither is good for us, yet neither will go away.  It seems the only remedy is to tune out the world and its warning about a doomsday virus and simply live. 

Fifty years ago, people simply lived.  They had stress and anxiety, yes, but I don't believe it was felt to the degree that it is felt now.  From my perspective at least, the stresses that people were under 50 years ago were all related to normal every day life.  People worried about work, money, and family.  They didn't necessarily worry about Johnny next door who touched a dog that was seen walking through a puddle on the side of a street and could now be a walking petri dish.  Don't get me wrong, many of the things we have learned about are valuable, but how are we supposed to keep track of all the noxious substances that permeate our lives and try and eradicate them?  I don't think we can, to be honest, and if we try, stress and anxiety will beset us like a bad case of the bedbugs.  Sometimes I wish I were a little more naive about the world and its dangers.  If I was, I wouldn't have all this information floating through my head making me question every single thing I buy or every action I take and how it could affect my life in the future.  Granted, trying to live a healthy and long life is a noble cause, but if it builds stress and anxiety in our lives, then perhaps it really isn't worth it.  I want to live a long life, but I don't want to worry about everything around me that could shorten my life.  The answer isn't simple, in fact, its more of a Catch 22 than anything else.  No matter what we do, nature will run its course and we will perish when we are supposed to, perhaps sooner, perhaps later, but the end is inevitable.  I just want life to be simple (I know, I know, it isn't and it never will be) and free of too much worry.  And yes, I also know that worrying is within my control, but sometimes it is hard to keep all the excess worry away when all you hear is warnings and more warnings about the world around you.  For my part, I will continue to live as I have and only pay heed to the worst of the worst.  The rest of those noxious, horrible substances that reside somewhere in the middle will simply not get my attention.  I want to live a long life, but I want to live one without excess stress and anxiety.  Probably won't happen, but I can dream. 

School Discipline

I am wondering if anyone outside the United States has heard about "scream rooms", "seclusion rooms", or physical restraints inside of a school.  I am not talking about schools from the 1950's or earlier, rather I am talking about schools now, in the present, in 2012.  Personally, I had heard about a "scream room" in Middletown, Connecticut, but outside of that one instance, I hadn't heard about these types of rooms or restraints at all.  Unfortunately, it seems to be quite a common occurrence throughout the United States.  You probably won't find these types of rooms in a private or upscale public school.  Instead, it seems that most of these instances occur in overcrowded or underfunded schools.  There are some frightening statistics that accompany these rooms and restraints.  During the 2009-2010 school year, 40,000 children had to be either physically restrained or placed in a seclusion room.  The majority of these children had learning, behavioral, developmental, or physical needs.  This is an issue that seems to be on the rise (although as my wife pointed out, as the population rises, so do the instances such as this, and the likelihood that more people will hear about them).  To me, this speaks about issues on two fronts, schools and parents.  I can't entirely place the burden on schools as I feel part of the issue comes from troubled families that either don't have the time or won't make the time to understand and work with their children in such a way that prepares them for school.  Obviously there is only so much a parent can do sometimes with their children and I don't want to make this about bad parenting which I don't believe it is.  But I do feel that in some cases that parents carry some of the burden.  Enough about the parenting as these instances are not occurring within households, but rather within schools that are supposed to keep children safe and help them grow and learn. 

I am torn in my opinion on this issue.  On one hand, I believe there are times when a student who exhibits violent behaviour needs to be restrained in order to maintain the safety of the other students and teachers.  However, beyond that, I don't believe that seclusion rooms or any type of discipline along those lines should be used.  It seems to be the easy way out to me.  Instead of dealing with an issue as it arises and working with the child to overcome whatever problem they are having, teachers and aides simply remove the child from the equation till they are manageable again.  If anything, I would think that seclusion rooms or scream rooms for that matter simply make the matter worse.  This type of discipline doesn't solve anything, it simply upsets and frustrates the student who is the victim of such discipline.  In one case in the article I read, a kindergartner who threw tantrums was placed in a "seclusion room".  She was placed there for up to an hour each time, sometimes three or four times a day.  This "seclusion room" was nothing more than a janitor's closet with nothing in it save for a light bulb and maybe a chair.  One day the girl had to use the bathroom and instead of getting her clothes wet, she took them off to pee.  Once the teacher or administrator found out, they simply called the parents, told them their daughter had taken all her clothes off and they needed to come pick her up.  To me this is on the border of abuse if not outright abuse.  What kind of mental scars will this child develop from being placed in the seclusion room?  I don't know and frankly I don't want to.  In the end, it is wrong and unacceptable. 

I understand that things are a lot more difficult in schools that are underfunded or overcrowded.  The money isn't there to hire enough teachers or aides and there are simply too many children for the teachers to deal with on a personal basis.  However, this shouldn't provide an excuse to utilize seclusion rooms as an easy out for children with problems.  In another case, a fourth grader was placed in a duffel bag, the drawstrings pulled tight, and placed outside a classroom like a bag of trash.  Is this the proper way to handle a child with issues?  Not in my mind.  Again, I am picking the worst instances to highlight this issue, but if these few issues are highlighted, how many more are there that we haven't heard about?  What this all boils down to is figuring out how to even the playing field when it comes to schools.  The schools that are overcrowded or underfunded need help and unless we figure out a way of helping them, this issue will perpetuate itself.  Instead of placing the onus on scores and tests to receive adequate funding, perhaps we need a different model where a school receives funding based upon the student population.  We shouldn't single out the best schools to receive more funding.  Rather, we should direct more funding to the schools that need it.  There should be a set amount of funding that goes to public schools from the U.S. government and it should be allotted based upon need, not scores.  However we deal with it, the issue of seclusion rooms and restraints needs to be addressed before it gets out of hand.  I just know that if my son was ever placed in a seclusion room, I would go ballistic.  But then again, would I even know about it?

"Honey Boo Boo", Really?

There is a relatively new show out on TLC that goes a bit too far down the stupidity trail if you ask me.  The show, "Honey Boo Boo", is yet another reality TV show that follows a redneck family through their every day lives.  I have not personally seen the show, but I have watched the trailer for it and quite frankly, I plan on never watching the show.   Just from watching the trailer I feel like my IQ dropped about 10 points.  I don't believe there is one sentence spoken by any of the cast that is actually formed or spoken properly.  English seems to be a second language for this family coming right after stupidity.  From what I have heard, one of the younger girls in the family was on another show on TLC, "Toddlers and Tiaras", and this new show gets down and dirty in exposing the lives of this one family for the nation to gawk at and ridicule.  There was even an article online (I forget from where) which poses the question of whether or not people are laughing along with the family in this show or laughing at them.  From my point of view, as horrible as it is, I would be laughing at them.  Besides prostitution (which I guess this show is a form of), I don't think there are many other ways that a family could sell themselves to make money like I am sure this family will be making.  It almost seems as if TLC is running out of unique families to create reality shows around.  Lets just look at some of what they have on now.  There is "Sister Wives", the show about a polygamist family, they have the show about the little people, "Toddlers and Tiaras", "My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding", need I go on?

I understand that there are unique people out there that have a story to tell, but come on, following a redneck family and their idiotic antics does nothing to educate the nation that seems to be attracted to this show.  Perhaps it is educational on second thought.  The lesson to be learned might be, "If you don't do well in school, you could end up like this redneck family."  Hey, all ridicule aside, they do seem to have a lot of stupid fun from what I saw on the trailer.  Yet, I still have a problem with this exposition on such a large medium of one's family.  They obviously don't have a problem with exposing the nitty gritty details of their lives, but perhaps there is an underlying reason for all of it.  It seems that anyone with a unique story can go to TLC, make a pitch, and get a show modeled after themselves.  Part of the problem is that people have become bored with watching ordinary families go about their daily lives on TV.  Viewers now need the completely eccentric or odd family to watch on TV if they are to stay tuned to TLC.  In my mind, TLC has gone down the tubes in terms of quality TV despite the fact that this show, "Honey Boo Boo", pulled in more viewers than the Republican National Convention.  Maybe its like going to a circus and not being able to pass the freak show tent.   We all know what happens at the RNC, but none of us know what goes on in the lives of this one freakish family.  Thus, people can't help but turn on the boob tube and stare at this oddity of a family running around like chickens with their heads cut off. 

I am sure that with the ratings that this show is getting, this redneck family will be raking in some money.  After all, isn't that the main goal of putting your family on TV?  To let everyone watch and ridicule them.  In that sense, it is prostitution, selling one's self or their family, for money.  I wonder how money will ruin this family, because in a lot of the shows aired on TLC over the years, families have been ruined by the money they make.  I for one, would like to see a retrospective of all the reality shows aired on TLC over the years and see how the families are doing now versus when they started their shows.  I know it will never happen, but it would be interesting to see.  For now, I will state again that I will not watch this show simply due to the fact that it shouldn't even be on TV.  Obviously my opinion isn't shared by millions of viewers, but that's not my problem.  If people want to watch this show and simultaneously watch their IQ diminish, then be my guest.  I just hope that the children in this show don't get any more screwed up than they already are by being paraded around the reality TV show world.  After all, it is only reality for so long before the family portrayed starts playing into the camera and creating a world that isn't necessarily real anymore.  Only time will tell where this family will end up and how they will fare after TLC is done with them.  Hopefully it isn't worse off than when they started. 

Another Vermont Trip

As I mentioned earlier this week, I spent the long weekend of labor day in Vermont with my wife and son.  Once again, the weekend went by way too quickly and left both my wife and I longing for at least one extra day or two before heading back to work.  Unfortunately, we couldn't stay an extra day.   But back to the weekend.  This past camping weekend was a little different than any other we had gone on with our son.  All the previous trips were made as a family with the three of us and our two dogs packed into one car.  Things changed a little this past weekend as my wife had to work and couldn't get out till 230 in the afternoon.  With that late of a start, we wouldn't get to Vermont till at least 6, the latest 7.  That would have left us with scarce little sunlight left to cut the grass and get the entire camp set up.  In addition, with our son's bedtime being at 530, we would have had a fussy little guy on our hands.  Instead, what we did was take two cars up, my wife's car and my work van.  As I had the day off, I packed up the car with the food, clothes, our son, and the dogs and headed up early in the day.  We were on the road by 10 and in Vermont by 1:45 which included a stop to feed our little man some mango's and peaches.  I was expecting the trip with just the boys and the dogs to be a little trying as I had to take care of everyone.  I was kind of hoping our son would sleep most of the way up, but instead he decided to sit there and stare out the window or play with the straps holding him in to his car seat.  Out of the almost 4 hour trip, he maybe slept about 40 minutes.  Not ideal, but he didn't fuss at all the rest of the trip so I really can't complain too much. 

When we got there, I let the dogs out to run around and got our son situated in his stroller with his bottle of milk to watch me work.  And work I did.  As he was sitting watching, I trimmed a good 75% of the grass and weeds, got the tent set up by myself somehow, and got almost the entire kitchen and eating area up and running.  The whole time he just sat, watched, and babbled away.  After I had everything pretty much set up, which took me about 2.5 hours, it was time to play.  At the end of any day when our son is getting tired, all he wants to do is walk around and tire himself out some more.  Vermont was no different.  So we walked around the clearing multiple times and ended up sitting down in the grass so he could play for about half an hour.  He was absolutely fascinated by the tall grass, the clover, and the variety of weeds that grow randomly up there.  As he was sitting there, he would gently go to grab a stem of grass with some seeds on it, and once within his grasp, rip it out.  Most of the time, he would just throw the grass to the side and grab for some more.  Every so often, he would offer up a gift of grass to me and place it in my hand.  It is very cute to watch.  But Friday offered us only limited time to play in the grass as I had to spend the rest of the time setting things up.  The part I was worried about most was putting him to bed by myself.  Every single other time we had gone camping with him, he screamed his head off the first night we were up there for at least half hour to forty five minutes and throughout the night.  Often times, my wife would head in to calm him down so he could get back to sleep in our tent.  I was expecting the worst as I headed into our tent, bottle and baby in hand.  As he drank his bottle, I sang to him trying to settle him down.  By the time he finished, I could see he was tired, but he hadn't quite fallen asleep in my arms.  Figuring the best option was to place and run, I placed him in his little pea pod tent and made my escape.  The worried look on his face as I placed him into his tent and re-assured him everything was OK was priceless.  He didn't start crying right away, but about 30 seconds out, he started his screaming. 

As I was expecting the worst, I sat down and waited to see how long he would carry on for.  Much to my surprise and delight, the crying/screaming only lasted about 5 minutes if that.  He was then silent for about half an hour before crying/screaming again for another 5 minutes after which I heard nothing till the morning.  It seems that as he grows older, he is getting more accustomed to sleeping in a tent in the middle of the woods.  The only downside to camping with him right now is that he doesn't want to nap during the day and if he does manage to fall asleep, it is only for a very short time and then he is wide awake and ready to go.  Aside from the minimal naps, he did very well.  He slept more than he usually does through the night averaging 13 hours instead of his normal 12.  He didn't even mind the cooler weather that we had this past weekend in Vermont.  It got up into the low 70's during the day and 40's at night.  Perfect weather for camping.  We still have one more family camping trip planned for October.  It will be right around his birthday, Columbus day weekend, and it is sure to be quite a bit chillier up there.  I am sure that he will be fine as he normally is.  For now, as I work through the long days, I will think about the cool relaxing weather up in Vermont and wait for the weather to slowly make its way down to Connecticut.  Hopefully the cool weather will come sooner rather than later and push all this nasty humidity out of here. 

Victim of Vandalism

Who, you might ask, am I talking about in the title of my blog?  Myself, unfortunately.  For the most part, the area where I live is quaint, quiet, and nice.  There is one street about a block away that harbors a good amount drug issues, but any issues that arise rarely spill out of its little enclave.  There is rarely any violence in our whole town and theft doesn't seem to be a big factor either.  Vandalism, however, has been an issue this past summer with whatever punks are running around thinking its fun to destroy people's property. (7 above ground pools have been slashed)  What makes it even more surprising to me is that we live on a fairly busy street that people use as a cut through to the heavily trafficked main street that runs through town.  On top of that, I have been the only victim on our street that I know of.  This past Thursday night was not the first time my van was vandalized, but it was by far the worst.  The first time it happened was probably about a month and a half ago.  That first time it was merely a drive by egging on the back of my van.  It wasn't a big deal as I noticed it first thing in the morning and was able to wash it off before it did any damage.  On top of that, my van needed a good wash down so I didn't really mind to much.  This past week, however, was a different story as the punks walking around in the wee hours of the morning decided to use grey spray paint and cover one whole side of my van with crude and obnoxious words.  I won't repeat the words here, but suffice it to say that any well raised boy would be pummeled if he ever uttered these derogatory words to his mother.  Needless to say, I was livid when I found out.  Even worse, my wife was taking my van to work on Friday as I was leaving early with our son in our car for Vermont. 

So Friday morning, amidst my pacing, venting, a scheming, I called the police, filed a report, and got told that they would keep an eye out.  Beyond that, they couldn't do very much, which is understandable.  Unfortunately, that didn't quite satiate my immediate desire for revenge.  I won't lie, I was promising all sorts of bodily harm to the punks if I found them.  The first idea that popped into my head for revenge (if I caught them in the act again) was to bring out my sledge hammer and break their kneecaps on the pavement.  By doing this, I figured that it would pretty much prevent them from ever running around with a can of spray paint again.  Think about it, how many punks do you see vandalizing things on crutches.  It is just not an optimal way to go about vandalizing things if you want a chance at getting away.  While that desire to break knee caps has diminished greatly, it has not entirely disappeared yet.  After calming down for a few days, I began to think more practically about the situation and a more rational reaction if I caught them again.  Despite the struggle I would fight within myself to not grab the eight pound sledge hammer, I decided that a more measured response if I caught the punks would be to give them an option.  That option would be, clean this off now and go home or I would call the police and have them arrested (and possibly break a knee cap or two).  I figure that by giving them an option to clean their vandalism or get arrested, it might have a longer term impact than just breaking knee caps.  I started actually empathizing with the perpetrators and thinking about what brought them to the point where they felt the need to run around and destroy people's property.  What is their home life like if this is what they resort to for fun?  I also thought that just calling the police wouldn't really make an impact.  Chances are, if the police were called and they were arrested, the cycle of vandalism would merely get put on hold and the anger within them would not dissipate.  However, if they actually got the option to clean their mess and go home instead of sitting in a holding pen overnight, they might actually change.  It still might not make a difference, but at least I wouldn't feel horrible for simply breaking their knees. 

But that is neither here nor there.  The incident is over for now and hopefully it won't happen again.  The only change I have made so far at the house is to move my van from the end of the driveway to the front where it is less likely they will attack it (it is a big blank white canvas after all).  I had thought about getting one of those infra red, motion sensor cameras, but I probably won't do that because it will just make me more paranoid.  For now, we will just leave things as they are and hope that something like this doesn't happen again.  The part of this whole story that made me change my mind about how I would react if I caught these wily punks in the act was what happened when my wife drove the van to work, which happens to be a high school in Woodbridge.  Obviously as she drove in, everyone saw the side of the van and stood aghast as she drove by.  Within minutes, it was all over twitter and essentially the whole school knew.  After a while, a few of the teachers and administrators told her to bring it over to the auto shop in the school and see if they could clean it off.  Well, about 4 or 5 high school kids brought out brake cleaner and scrubbed the side of my van till the spray paint was gone.  I was utterly surprised when my wife drove into our campsite in Vermont and the van was clean.  I was preparing myself to wake up early Saturday morning and start scrubbing the van with a different cleaner that probably would have ruined the finish.  So in addition to having my van cleaned, I now know how to get spray paint off of a vehicle.  So despite the frustration and anger that I had as the incident occurred, I now am overly grateful to the kids at Amity High School who cleaned my van for me.  So I will buy a few cans of brake cleaner for them and thank them profusely .  For now, the incident is behind me and I am only hoping that it doesn't happen again.