Curiosity of Children

Our son has reached the wonderful age of almost 3 where memory starts to really take hold and curiosity is at an all time high.  In addition to that, his imagination is running rampant and his perseverance in any activity is astounding.  So now that I have all my superlatives and descriptors out of the way, let me get down to how awesome my son's age is.  Not that I don't love my daughter just as much, its just that she is at a different stage in her life being only 8 months old.  Never fear, I shall be spending time talking about her as well, but for now, I'll talk about my son.  As when I went on sabbatical back in May (yes, I am calling it a sabbatical because it sounds like I meant to stop writing that way), every day brings something new from our son that is amazing and awesome.   While he has his moments of throwing tantrums, they are not a constant presence, and all in all, they are not as bad as I sometimes envisioned them being.  The only part of the tantrums that really get under my skin is when he gets calm, looks you right in the eye, and does exactly what you don't want him to do.  He knows he is doing something wrong, he just wants to get under your skin.  I still love him through it all.  While we have rules about what our son can and can not do, when it comes to trying new things, we don't inhibit him.  If he wants to climb up on the stool that is taller than he is, we let him try, and often to our amazement, he gets up it by himself.   Once he sets his mind to doing something, he often times accomplishes what he set out to do.  If he can't, he'll ask for help at which point I will show him how to do something and he will do it by himself.  Perhaps the ultimate came the a few weekends ago when I was watching him play outside.  I was sitting in a chair up on our patio and when he saw me sitting there, he told me he was going to bring the ladder up there so we could do some work.  Mind you, this is a six foot aluminum step ladder.  So I said, "OK, go ahead."  He started dragging the ladder up, but didn't make it too far as it is much bigger than he is and a little awkward to carry.  So instead, he decided he was going to set it up.  He didn't ask, he just laid it flat, grabbed it by the top, and walked it up to a standing position at which point he pulled the legs apart and proceeded to walk up it.  I think if I had seen myself watching him, I would have seen my jaw on the ground.  I had never showed him how to set up, especially not walking it up from the top like he did, and yet he managed to put the ladder up all by himself.

Its not just putting up a ladder, but its exploring anything and everything and making an attempt at doing everything himself.  There is nothing (unless its extremely dangerous) that we won't let him try by himself.  If he wants to pour syrup on his pancakes, we let him, even if it means pouring the lake of syrup that has inundated his pancake back into the bottle.  If he wants to pour himself some milk, we let him, even if it means cleaning up the flowing river of milk that escaped the cup he was attempting to pour the milk into.  I live his independence and drive to do things himself.  Do things take a little bit longer sometimes?  Absolutely, but its worth it in my mind.  I would rather have things take longer and allow our son's confidence in his own abilities to grow than to just do everything myself in the effort to speed things along.  Whenever our son has a question about something (which happens to be all the time), I do my best to take a few extra minutes, explain things to him, and even go show him things if possible (such as cranes, lifts, excavators, bulldozers, tractors, etc.)   Its not just our son who is curious about everything, but our daughter, now that she is past the half year mark by 2 months, is growing more and more curious about the world around her.  She watches everything her brother does with wide eyes with what I'm sure is the intent of replicating it when she is old enough.  I think a lot of the curiosity that my son exhibits and that I'm sure my daughter exhibits as well is due to the fact that they must interact with the world without a screen in front of them.  We still do not utilize phones, TV's, or computers as babysitters and I feel that it is doing them a world of good.  Our son, having occasionally watched my wife and I use our phones as actual phones, has a few pretend phones that he likes to carry around and call people on.  It is the cutest thing, he will tell us who he is calling and have a brief conversation with them.  Sometimes, he asks us to call them on his phone at which point we get to have those awesome one sided conversations.  His imagination is definitely taking hold and showing itself in a big way now.  Just within the past month or two, he has really made leaps and bounds with his imagination, memory, and even his overall understanding of the world and how the pieces fit together.  Trust me, he is still a long way from figuring everything out, but then again, I would have to say the same thing for myself.  None of that matters though.  At night when we put our daughter to bed first, he still always gives her a kiss and says, "I'll see you tomorrow!"   Its the cutest thing and I wouldn't trade it for anything.  

Where to Begin

In case anyone was wondering, I did not just fall off the face of the earth back in May.  (I think that is when my last blog post was)  Rather, the big event that put my writing on hold was the return of my wife to work after finishing her maternity leave.  While getting my wife and one child out of the house manageable with including a half hour of writing in the morning, I quickly found out that getting my wife and 2 children out of the house (including writing) wasn't going to happen right away.  And as most of you might know, once you stop doing something that has become a habit for a while, the longer you wait to re-start that habit, the harder it is to do so.  Yet here I am, hoping to re-start my morning writing.  While I will strive to make it an everyday occurrence, I can't guarantee anything and will be more than satisfied if I can sit down and actually write 3 days a week.  In any case, while my wife going back to work may have been the driving factor with me moving away from writing for a bit, there was a whole confluence of events that managed to keep me away for the whole summer.  

A brief overview of my life since May will now commence.  After my wife went back to work, she stumbled upon this awesome house that had just recently gone on the market.  I looked at it, was impressed, and we started the ball rolling with how we could buy it.  The kicker was, we couldn't sell our old house due to the still depressed market.  So, we somehow made it happen where we held on to the old house deciding that we would rent it out while also buying the new one.  Having not bought a house since before the market crashed back in 2008, I was completely unaware as to how ridiculous getting a mortgage has become.  They need to know everything about everything.  It wouldn't put it past the mortgage company to request a DNA swab to verify that it was in fact me requesting a mortgage.   Yet, it all went through somehow and we moved into the new house this past labor day.  So when I say this summer has been a whirl wind, I am not joking.  I have no idea where the time went, can't believe its October already, and am still flying by the seat of my pants.  The most important part in all of this is that everyone is happy and healthy.  For now, I must run and get the house ready to roll, but I am back, and hope to stay back now.  

The Crazy Train

Yes, I currently consider myself to be a permanent passenger of the crazy train called life with 2 young children.  Nothing is predictable and all plans must have a certain degree of elasticity built in.  Yet, despite grabbing my spot by the window on the crazy train, it has so far been a smooth ride.   I thought it was amazing having just our son around, but since the birth of our daughter almost 4 months ago, it has become even more amazing.  There is scarce little time to do much else other than work and spend time with the family, but that is as it should be right now.  I am lucky to have a flexible schedule that allows me the freedom to arrive home before dinner most days, actually eat dinner as a family at the dining room table, and be there for our children.  Could I work more?  Sure, I could always stay later at work, get a little more done, perhaps increase the frequency of the checks I receive for completed work; but just to have that extra money isn't worth it to me not to see my children every day.  We make ends meet and that is all that matters.  So by making myself available to my children and wife in the afternoons and on weekends (that's right, unlike other contractors, I very rarely work weekends), I get to see many stages of their development.  Our daughter at this point has begun grabbing for and holding on to rings that dangle from her chair.  While engaged in tummy time, she can roll herself on to her side and is struggling with all her might to start crawling.  And with all of this activity, she still maintains and happy disposition the majority of the time, perhaps even more so than our son exhibited when he was her age.  While I didn't forget the amazing times I had watching our son go throw the early stages of development, it never ceases to amaze me how quickly they learn and how quickly they change.  Which leads me to our son.  While just a little over 2.5 years ago he was where our daughter is now in terms of development, he now has gotten to the point where he must do everything himself without help.  If he tries and tries and tries and still can not complete one of his objectives, he will then ask for help, but not until he exhausts all avenues of effort himself.  Just last week, he decided he was going to climb a rickety pile of logs I have stacked along our fence.  He held on to the fence, climbed all the way up, and proceeded to put his arms on top of our 6 foot fence so he could look at the cars on the road.  I allowed him to do this one more time before informing him that we don't climb up the logs to the top of the fence.  I just couldn't not let him try it.  Even when it comes to pouring himself milk or apple juice, he wants to do it himself, which he largely can except for the occasional spill.  Its awesome to see him develop his personality and become his own unique person.  Perhaps the greatest thing about our son that I heard from his daycare is that he is beginning to show signs of empathy.  Whenever he sees another child in his room at daycare either get hurt or get upset, he gets concerned and wants to make sure they are OK.  To me, that's amazing, especially at his age.  Even with our dogs, I had to give them a bath the other last weekend and I normally leash them to our fence to make sure they don't run off in the middle of a bath.  Our son was outside to help and as I was about to hook up Aspen to the leash, he almost broke down crying.  I had to stop what I was doing and explain why I was leashing up Aspen and that I wasn't going to hurt him.  I couldn't ask for a more caring son.  Simply amazing.  But speaking of our son, he just woke up and I must now end this so go get him.  Oh, and on a side note, my handlebar mustache is getting shaved off today.  After growing it to almost 7.5 inches from end to end since last October, the heat and humidity is making it become unbearable, so it must go. 

Impressed I Am

This past Easter weekend, our son and daughter thoroughly impressed me with their behavior.  The first occurrence was on Good Friday.  As is our family tradition at this point, we attended the afternoon service at our church on Good Friday after which we went out to an early dinner with my parents and my brother and fiancee.   Throughout the week, we were questioning whether it would be a good idea to go out to dinner as our dinner reservations were set for "witching hour", that glorious time that almost every parent experiences where their kids go haywire.  Our daughter, for the whole week leading up to Good Friday had staged a freak out session every day at 5:30 almost on the nose.  To top it off, Friday morning saw our son being a complete mess.  He was tired, cranky, and had fits of crying for no apparent reason.   It got to the point that we questioned whether or not we should even go to the service, but figured we would play it by ear and make the call after he woke up.  Well, it seemed a nap was all he needed and we decided to go.  He behaved well throughout the service and afterwards, we decided to take a chance at dinner and see how it all turned out.  Well, what was expected to be a trying experience by me turned out to be a pleasant dinner with family.  Our son was actually a joy to have at the dinner table and turned out to be very helpful.  He loves his bread so he started out with rolls and then moved on to his sweet potato fries.  There was nothing else that he like, so that's all he had, and was perfectly fine with it.  He even drank his water out of one of the nice glasses that they had at the table, no issues, and all at 2.5 years old.   One thing that was a little funny that he did was after finishing every roll was he would hand his plate to the server when they came around.   He ended up going through half the bread plates at the table, but it was well worth it.   What most impressed me throughout the meal was that he sat there nicely, never acted out, always listened, and we actually got to enjoy a nice dinner at a nice restaurant.  And our daughter, while only 3 months old, was wonderful as well.  We brought her stroller in to the restaurant and were able to rock her as we ate so there was no freak out session on her part and everyone was happy.  So Good Friday was a success.  Then came Easter Sunday. 

 

Easter Sunday was a good day.  Most importantly, we got to spend the entire day with family, including my grandparents who made it to church in the morning and then stayed pretty much the entire day at my parents house, which is a rarity for them.  Our daughter did what she did which was behave pretty well, napped when she needed to, and that was pretty much it.  I must say, she definitely seems to have a more peaceful disposition than our son did at her age.   In any case, what most impressed me about Easter Sunday was just something our son did during dinner in the afternoon.  He wasn't really in the mood to eat so I asked if he wanted to get down and play, to which of course he said, yes.  I don't know what I was expecting, but I didn't expect our son to just go into my parents living room and quietly play with his toys, which is what he did.  We could hear him talking to himself periodically, but other than that, the only sound coming out of that room was the sound of toys.   I was happy with the outcome.  It was nice to see that my wife and I are obviously doing something right when our son can go and play by himself without a TV or iPhone for entertainment and be perfectly content.  That is just who he is.  Also during our afternoon dinner, we suddenly hear the back door open.  I hadn't seen anyone go towards the back door and when my wife came into the dining room, I knew it must be our son who managed to open the back door and let himself out onto my parents deck.  He is an unstoppable machine.  It doesn't take him long to figure something out and when he does, he wants to repeat that action over and over and over again.  The other day, my wife and I saw him sitting in our large kitchen cabinet, slowly opening and closing the door, staring at the hinge.  It is one of those complex hinges that allow the door to open 170 degrees and he just sat there and watched how it worked.  It was really cool to watch.  I must say, our son is getting to a most spectacular age, where curiosity is rampant and the possibilities of what he can learn are endless.  I absolutely love it.  And while I love our daughter just as much as our son (her personality is starting to shine), I can't wait for to get a little bit older so she can start interacting more with us. 

Growing Up Fast

Having children a little over two years apart has shown me just how quickly time flies.  A little over two years ago, I was going through seeing my son grow from this little lump of baby flesh into a toddler who gets into everything and has the tenacity and persistence to tackle anything he sets his mind to.  Now, I look at our daughter who is going through the same stage our son went through and it amazes me how quickly they go from this little breathing lump of nothing that eats, shits, and cries to a little person who can communicate with you, make you smile, laugh, and push every button they know how to.   They say that there is a big difference between boys and girls when they are younger and growing up.  Boys tend to be on the crazier side, full of energy, bouncing off the walls, and always darting back and forth between one activity and the next while girls are more apt to be calmer and more likely to go color in a corner by themselves.   I personally can't speak to that difference yet, but in ways, I am glad we had a girl as our second child, if only to ease the craziness of the first few years of life.  That is in no way saying that I would trade any second of our son's craziness, its just nice to think that when our daughter reaches the age that our son is now, perhaps things will be a little quieter and different.  I am sure I will be amazed regardless of how our daughter grows up, but for now, she is just working on holding her head steady.  (Which by the way she is doing really well now).  Our son, on the other hand has turned into quite the helper, and also the adventurous go-getter who will figure out almost anything he wants to get himself involved in.  This past week, I parked my Jeep Wrangler inside the fence that closes in our backyard.  Well, my Jeep for, last week at least, became our son's jungle gym.  Being a Jeep, there is very little damage he can actually do to the inside of it, and as such, we let our son run wild through it.  Every day after daycare all he wanted to do was to play in the Jeep.  He figured out how to open the Jeep door (just within his reach) and how to pull himself in, by getting a leg over the lip of the door and grabbing on to the steering wheel to pull himself up.   Conversely, to get out, he held on to the steering wheel and let himself slide down on to the pavement.  He did this over and over and over again in an effort to master it and I am sure to cement the fact that I will let him drive the Jeep at some point (which I probably will if it is still around in 10 years).  All kitchen cabinets, despite a good child lock, have become fair game for our son.  He has figure out how to unlock them himself and let himself into everything.  Luckily for us, he likes to focus on the cabinet that holds all our pots and pans.  He gets in there, re-arranges everything, and sometimes just takes everything out so he can make his new bed in there.  And there is no keeping our son indoors unless we lock the deadbolt.  Lastly, (for today at least) and I actually kind of like this last one, is that we let our son go up to his room on his own to play.  He has mastered the steep stairs in our house and loves to go re-arrange his room.  He is getting to the point where he can largely occupy himself and is developing a little sense of who he is.  As time passes, I know it will only get more interesting as our daughter becomes more agile, starts sitting, crawling, and walking, and begins a life of personal interaction with her older brother.  I just hope it stays as good as it is right now between the two of them. 

The Kaufman's; Foolish or Not?

So if I understand the article I read this morning correctly, there is a huge debate raging over this family from California that decided to take their young children on a sailboat trip from Mexico to New Zealand and half way through needed to be rescued.  It was supposed to be a month long trip and two weeks in, their one year old daughter fell ill and their boat lost steering capability.  They were rescued successfully and are now en route on a Navy ship back to San Diego.  The big debate is not over their trip itself, its about their decision to make the trip with their two children ages 1 and 3.  Many, from what I hear, feel that it was completely irresponsible of the parents to take children that young on such a long and potentially dangerous and deadly trip across the Pacific.  Others feel that they did the right thing by following their passions.  Well, I wouldn't be writing this right now if I didn't have an opinion myself.  I personally feel that in following their passion of making a cross ocean trip with their family, toddlers in tow, they did the right thing.  It seems like they were as prepared as they could be and luck just didn't go their way in the end.  So be it.  Many people are rescued for far stupider things from the ocean and on dry land.  The fact that they had a 1 and 3 year old with them does not bother me at all.  Would I make the trip under similar circumstances?  If I felt that I was prepared and my wife was fully supportive of the trip then yes, I would do the same thing.  I don't feel there is anything wrong with what the Kaufman family did.  Why do I teach my son at the age of two how to use a sharp bread knife or let him climb a ladder or sit him on top of my six foot fence so that he can get a better view of the world?  Because I don't feel the need to shelter him from every possible accident that could happen.  Do I let him use the bread knife alone without help?  No that would be stupid just as letting a 3 year old climb the rigging of sailboat without a life vest would be stupid.  And I am sure the Kaufman's did not let their 3 year old climb the rigging at all.  The fact is, we all have to take risks in this world and if we teach our children how to take those risks early on, with a backup plan in place, then they will be better off in the long run.  So the trip didn't work out so well for the Kaufman's.  That does not give the rest of the United States the right to jump on their backs for taking their children with them on the trip.  How many parents neglect their children at home on dry land and do not get any attention at all from the media?  How many parents beat their children at home and don't get the same kind of media attention?  To me, it is asinine that we are making such a big deal out of this whole thing.  The Kaufman's made a decision, and you know what, if they had made it successfully to New Zealand, we probably would not have heard a damn thing about them.  Why?  Because they would have been successful, that's why.  They are safe and alive, and its now time to move on.  I am sure they learned a lot from the trip and actually had a good time the first two weeks.  Life has its ups and its downs and they unfortunately are now dealing with one of those down times except for the fact that they know they are safe and alive.  The downside?  Dealing with us on the mainland of the United States.  I wish them good luck in navigating the much more dangerous waters of modern media. 

Climbing the Ladder

Two days ago now, I was playing outside with our son upon my arrival home from work, and as the normal course of afternoon play unfolded, it saw us mostly running around the back yard, chasing each other, and at times, me just watching him wander around, pick up sticks and stones, and move them to other parts of the yard.  At some point, he wandered over to our driveway where I had temporarily put my Gorilla ladder (one of those ladders with independently adjustable sides that can be placed on stairs or other uneven surfaces).  Me being the brilliant dad that I am, I thought to myself, what better time than now than to set up this ladder and see what he does.  So I grabbed the ladder with him watching, and set it up so it was a six foot step ladder.  After watching me grab the ladder and set it up with a great deal of curiosity, he went right up to it, hesitantly placed his hands on it, and then started climbing up.  I never told him to climb or anything other than "be careful", he just took it on his own initiative that it needed to be climbed.  Ladders are not a new phenomenon to him, but up until a few days ago, we wouldn't let him get above the first step due to his relative lack of balance.  With his balance greatly improved, I had very little trepidation about his ability to climb the ladder in front of him.  So up he went, a little hesitant at first, looking down, gripping the ladder tightly with his little hands, but up he went, 3 out of the five steps.  He looked around when he got to the top and discovered that there was a much better view of the world when his head was six feet above ground than when he was standing actually on the ground.  He then came down only to immediately climb back up.  He did this a few times, getting more adept with each ascent.  A few times he climbed up to the fourth step, but with less to hold on to, he didn't stay up there long and quickly retreated to the safety of the third step.  He did this over and over and over again, the appeal of climbing daddy's ladder not ceasing for at least 20 minutes.  As much as I wanted to grip his shirt tightly while he climbed (we were standing on pavement after all), I didn't.  I merely kept my hand about 6 inches behind his back, just in case, and let him climb on his own volition.  There were a few times he almost asked for my help, but within seconds, figured out his predicament and resumed his safe climbing.  What surprised me the most was not his ability to climb, I knew that was there, but the safe way in which he did climb. 

 

Watching him climb was almost like watching a safety video by OSHA on how to properly climb a ladder.  He maintained three points of contact at all times (OK, most times) while climbing, and he always ensured his feet and hands were properly placed before proceeding either up or down.  I think the biggest reason that I set up the ladder for him to climb was due to my grandmother, Baba, who had my climbing trees by the age of three.  She had me climbing up trees by myself and from that point on, I had relatively little fear of heights.  I have always had a healthy respect for heights and the dangers they espouse, but never a fear of them unless I place myself in a dangerous situation which I have learned to avoid at all costs.  But that early education on climbing I feel was beneficial to me.  I taught me not to fear heights, it taught me that I could accomplish a feat of climbing on my own, and it gave me confidence to approach other endeavors with zeal.  While I can't force my son to do anything, I can give him the opportunities to push his own boundaries and figure out what he is capable of.  If he ever needs serious help with anything he does, I will be there to help him, but for the most part, I encourage him to figure things out on his own, to become a problem solver, and to persist in whatever he is doing.  I can see the benefits of that already.  Right now, I see it in the simple things that he takes on such as moving a wagon through the back yard, searching for his missing keys, unlocking the kitchen cabinets.  He has a distinct determination and even a little patience, that is hard to find these days.  You can see it in the focused look on his face and in his ability to look at all possibilities before succeeding in whatever he is doing.  Yes, our son is only 2.5 years old right now, but I love every second of watching him grow, learn, and tackle any obstacle in his path.  When he turns three, you can be sure that I will have him in a tree, with me, learning how to climb it, which branches not to hold on to, how to balance your weight over your feet, and how to most importantly enjoy it. 

Not Missing the Little Things

Technology has a way of sucking people in like an indiscriminate vacuum hose flicking through the air like a snake captured by its tail.  Its tantalizing grip is like the song of the sirens, irresistible to the ears of so many people, yet largely unfulfilling.  People can laud the improvements its made in their lives, the connections between friends it has restored, the speed with which it has seemingly increased daily life, and yet, for all the praises technology receives, it can not bring us closer to our children.  Rather, it is more like a large wedge that gets innocuously placed between parent and child, driving slowly downwards and pushing them away.  I am not talking about teenagers here as it will be years before my own children reach that age, but rather, young children.  I am more attuned to young children, both my own and those of other parents, and in merely observing them, we can learn so much about them and to a certain respect, about us.  As young children develop, their own personality and actions are initially based upon what they view in their parents.  They mimic what parents say, how parents act to a certain extent, and in some ways, they offer us a mirror to gaze into a see how we as parents are actually doing.  Philosophically, some would argue that babies and young children are a blank slate that gets written on, developed, and over the course of time burgeons into a little unique human being.  To a certain extent, though not entirely, I believe in the blank slate idea.  If we as parents get angry over the smallest event going awry, then you can be sure our children will learn to get angry over similar events and issues.  If we as parents laugh and love in life, accepting those around us for who they are, then are children will be more likely to laugh and love in life as well.  Nothing is ever set in stone and not all children will mimic every aspect of their parents life or for that matter take everything that their parents did and incorporate it into their own being.  Yet, children do largely take a good portion of who they are from their parents.  I can see it in my own life and through that of my parents, and I can see it in those of my friends who I have known since childhood.  Its slightly uncanny how children develop into adults based upon their parents, family, and the community around them.  Which all leads me back to technology and children.  If we as parents use technology incessantly in our lives, keeping our eyes glued persistently to the screen of an ipad, computer, or smart phone, then our children will learn to do the same and yearn to mimic our behavior.  But technology has a different impact as well, and this has more to do with us as parents than the effect it has on our children.

 

If we as parents keep our eyes glued to these devices of technology, then not only will we teach our children to do the same, we will miss a big part of our children's lives.  We will miss the little moments in our children's lives that are simply magical, profound, and fleeting.  We can miss that moment of our child peeking their eyes over the bowl of cookie dough being mixed in the mixer, seeking to understand what is going on and yearning for that first taste of it.  We will miss that moment of our child skipping through the back yard to the beat of their own drum on the way to no where in particular.  We will miss that concentration they exact on opening up a cabinet door, the gears churning in their heads, trying to figure out the hidden mechanism.  And we can miss that longing gaze they cast our way as they play in their rooms and look to see if we are involved with them.  It is all these moments and so many more that will simply never happen for parents if their eyes are glued to a smart phone or stuck behind the lens of a camera.  We may catch the moment as it winds down or just after it ends, but we will never get back the full moment as it unfolds, climaxes, and subsequently winds down.  It will just never exist for us.  Sometimes, as I watch our son go through one of those moments or hundreds of others I have been witness to, I am immensely grateful that I did not have my eyes glued to my phone.  I then think to other parents and what they might have done instead, and while not all would have been glued to a phone or stuck behind a camera, I fear that many would have been.  Sure, a camera can capture their look or that moment, but it is not the same as being in the moment with a child and having no interference whatsoever.  There is something to be said for raw human to human interaction sans technology.  For thousands of years, we learned how to interact with other humans by seeing their face and dealing with them without distraction.  We learned how to become part of a community and the importance of eye to eye contact.  These days, much of that is slipping away.  Yet, for all that I use my phone during the day and the computer at morning and at night, I rarely have use them when I am around my children.  I would rather be intimately involved during every moment I am around them than be distracted by some device that sucks my attention away.  I cherish every "moment" I have with my children and would never regret not having my phone in my hand during one of them.  Just saying, but maybe we need to disconnect in order to connect sometimes. 

Through the Night

Its been a little over two months since our daughter was born and it seems like we may have lucked out a second time.  Our son started sleeping through the night at a little over two months old, or at least a solid eight hours during which my wife could get a good chunk of sleep in.  Well, our daughter did her first eight hour stretch of sleep through the night the other day and we are hoping that it stays that way.  Of course, I would have to be the one to throw a monkey wrench into the mix, which I did last night, by letting our daughter fall asleep too early in my arms, but I couldn't help it.  Regardless, she has one eight hour stretch under her belt and things are looking like they might continue that way.  It would be fantastic if she could figure out how to sleep through the night, night after night, before my wife goes back to work in a week and a half.  I think she can do it and we will do everything in our power to make it happen (which of course is not that much).  So aside from everyone being healthy and our son adjusting remarkably well to having a baby sister, that was the biggest news recently.  In fact, our son every other day or so, asks if he can old his sister on his lap, to which we of course reply that he can.  I can not even begin to tell you how happy I am that he loves his sister and isn't acting violently towards her.  In fact, he hasn't even asked if we can return her.  We have heard horror stories from other parents about how the older sibling has a very hard time adjusting to having a baby around, but all in all, our son is doing great.  The only area in which he gets a little jealous is over the attention that my wife has to give our daughter.  Yet, despite that little pang of jealousy, he remedies it by desiring to be with my wife more often than not.  And still, no violence.  I know as both my son and daughter get older, they will have their disagreements, their little shoving matches, their desire to hold on to as much privacy as space will allow, but for now, all is peaceful.  I am of the thinking that if we can keep the peace as long as possible, perhaps it will stick around as they get older and they will become the best of friends.  Only time will tell how their relationship will develop, but we are going to do everything in our power to make sure it turns out to be a happy relationship.  Oh well.

 

I am pretty sure I said this when our son was the same age as our daughter is now, but I will say it again in regards to her; I can't wait till she gets to at least six months old.  She is starting to show signs of being a human, with her personality occasionally peeking through, but all in all, she is still a full blown baby and I am just not a baby person.  I know some people love babies and would just love to keep their children in the baby phase.  I am definitely not one of them.  Give me a toddler, or a child, tantrums and all, and I will be content.  The incessant screaming that sometimes comes from babies is just not for me.  And as such, I think my wife and I are pretty much set on capping our family at four, the two of us and two kids, done.   Perhaps it is the fact that I have a 2.5 year old son running around the house or the fact that I am 2.5 years older and dealing with a screaming baby, or a combination of the two, but my patience for screaming is just not there anymore.  I can of course muster up the patience to deal with a screaming baby, you just sort of tune it out, but there are times when it just grates on my nerves.  Don't get me wrong, I love our daughter to death, the same as I love our son, I just need for her to get a little older and stop screaming so much.  My wife keeps on reminding me that our son screamed just as much, but I maintain that she screams more.  Yet, none of that matters because come summer time, she should be adjusted much better to life outside of her mommy.  When I am holding our daughter, there are times when I flashback to holding our son.  The two of them at times look remarkably alike.  You can tell there are slight differences in their facial features and the way their head is formed, but for a good part of the time, they look very similar.  One thing is or sure, having two young children around the house leaves very little time for anything else.  Its just a matter of sleeping less and trying to fit more into the hours of the day when we are awake.  Yet, I wouldn't trade it for anything.  There is nothing you could give me to take all this away and return life to the way it was before children.  I could ramble on, but I won't today.  Instead, I will go make breakfast. 

Age Old Cure for ADHD

Depending on who you talk to and what articles you read, Attention Deficit Disorder and its accompanying Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder are either becoming an epidemic or are being over diagnosed.  ADD and ADHD respectively started becoming prevalent when I was younger.  Some of my friends were diagnosed, got the medication, and claimed to get better.  These days, about 1 in 9 children are diagnosed with the disorder and almost all are placed on medication to help them cope and to "cure" them.  But the drugs are not really a cure, they just subdue the symptoms, and to date, no one can actually claim to have found a cure.  Well, I think I have.  While not scientifically proven through a double blind study or with large quantities of children split into two groups to measure its effectiveness, I'm standing by my meager findings.   Granted, my son does not have ADD or ADHD, but upon viewing him during his afternoon witching hour or during a weekend morning where his routine throughout the week is skewed and thrown out the window, one might think that he had the "disorder".  In the afternoons, he tends to be a little scattered, jumping from activity to activity, running back and forth like a maniac, and lending plenty of evidence to the phenomenon that every parent knows all to well, the witching hour.  On weekends, he can be scattered due to the lack of a set routine as he is used to on the weekdays.  All this can make for a child that seems to be fully engulfed with a disorder on par with ADD or ADHD.  Yet, I know he doesn't have either despite appearances.  So what is this magical cure that requires no prescription and no ingestion of some foreign chemicals miraculously assembled so as to alleviate symptoms of some "disorder"?  Simply put, the great outdoors is my magical cure.  There is nothing quite like it to settle a cranky, disorderly child.  In the midst of the worst tantrum, all we have to do is open up our backdoor, put boots on our sons feet and let him go outside and everything he was feeling and acting up about inside goes away.  Its almost as if some magical switch was flipped within him that changes the whole nature of his being and puts him on a new path to normalcy. 

As I mentioned before, our son does not have ADD or ADHD, but seeing the difference between our son indoors and outdoors is phenomenal.  I bet if he had the choice, he would play outside all day and possibly even sleep out there if given the option.  Yet, at 2.5 years old, those are not options that we will entertain at this point in time.  Perhaps this summer he will have the ability to play outside for a majority of the day, but right now when the temperature lends itself more to jackets, hats, and runny noses versus shorts, t-shirts, and a tan, we will limit the time he spends outside.  Being an outdoor junky myself, I couldn't be happier that he wants to spend as much time outside as possible.  Almost every afternoon we have to bring him inside screaming when it is time to make dinner, all because he wants to keep on shoveling the shrinking piles of snow in our backyard or get those last few minutes in his sandbox in.  (Yes, even now in the cold he wants to play in his sandbox).  And the past two weekends we have gone on family hikes, our daughter who is 2 months old, our son, my wife, and I, venturing into the "wilderness" for an hour to decompress, enjoy nature, and just be together as a family.  On both weekends, our son walked the entire way himself and didn't want to leave when our hike was over.  The last hike we went on brought us to Southford Falls State Park where our son was enchanted by the waterfall and him and I literally spent a half hour throwing sticks into the water.  Every time we ran out of sticks, his response was, "Find more sticks?"  To which I always responded, "Of course we can find more sticks".  Well, I responded that way up until it was time to go.  I guess one of my biggest fears now is that there won't be any children his age who actually want to go play outside.  I'm sure there will be a few here and there, but I fear the majority will be stuck inside glued to their TV's, computers, and iphones.  It was happening when my brother was younger.  His friends mostly wanted to play inside when he wanted to be outside.  I can't keep technology from our son forever, but for now, I would much rather have him go fall in the mud (as he does quite often) and get some bruises than be plastered to the couch with a screen inches from his face jostling his young brain and creating a life of dependency on technological gadgets.  We shall see what the future brings, but for now, lets celebrate the fact that in addition to loving the outdoors, he put his pants on by himself just the other day.  They were backwards, but they were on and he was proud of it. 

Time Disappears

Needless to say, since the birth of our daughter, life has been a little crazy.  I signed on this morning, looked at the date of my last post, and was quite surprised that it has been over a month since I have even been on here to do any writing.  Quite frankly, I don't know how I managed to squeak in the few minutes I have right now to do even this quick little bit of writing.  But anyway, I am here, writing, but not making any promises on the continuity or frequency of my future writing.  All I can say is that I am still alive, our family is doing well, and time, well, it seems to disappear.  Whenever someone tells you to appreciate every moment because time moves quicker as you get older, listen to them.  I am only 31 years old, and yet, since our son was born, time has seemed to pick up pace, or rather, every empty moment is now filled with something, and while time may not have actually sped up, the illusion that it has is quite real.  But with all those spare moments seemingly filled up, I still manage a few breaks for myself here and there, and when it comes to spending time with our son or daughter, I make every attempt to be there with them in that moment.  Don't get me wrong, the transition from moving a mile a minute during the day to being completely absorbed with my son or daughter is not easy.  The pull of work and everything around me, beckoning me to keep moving, to keep busy, to quell that insatiable desire to do more, is not always easy to turn off.   Yet, when I am with my son or daughter, my cell phone gets put down, calls go unanswered, and my attention turns to what is really important in life; family, especially my wife and children.  And while life has been crazy, time disappearing like sand through open fingers, life has also been good.  There is not much I could actually complain about, not it would matter if I did.  My family is healthy despite the random cold that seems to infiltrate any household with children in it, and work is going well.  What else could one ask for despite being a random million dollar lottery winner?  I guess a list could be put together, but I don't need much.  I'm happy.  My family is happy.  We pay the bills.  Life is good. 

"Meet the Fockers" Teaching Moment

A few weeks ago, as I was laying on the couch, sick as a 14 year old dog with measles, the movie "Meet the Fockers" came on.  I had seen the first movie, "Meet the Parents", a while ago, but had never gotten around to seeing the second one.  I found it to be hilarious.  It was a wonderful clash of cultures, parenting styles, and almost everything else that you could imagine.  Yet, despite laughing my sick butt off on the couch throughout the movie, there was one moment, that while hilarious, was also a stark reality of the way children learn.  Repetition.  There is a point in the movie where Ben Stiller's character is left to watch a young child, between the ages of 1 and 2, by himself.  He is given specific instructions on how to handle the child, and yet, he manages to screw everything up, at one point uttering "ass hole" directly in front of the child.  The boy, previously unable to talk, decides that those two words will be his first and in drawn out rendition, looks right back at Stiller and says, "ass hoooooooole".  I couldn't stop laughing.  I think part of what kept me laughing is the fact that I have a son, probably a little bit older than the boy in the movie, who now repeats almost everything you say.  It may not be repeated right away, but it will get repeated at some point.  A perfect example of that is an incident that happened over the last few days.  As my wife has been home watching our daughter, I have been taking our son to daycare in the mornings.  On the way there, he loves to point out different trucks, buses, and excavators at work sites.  So in the spirit of conversation, I decided to start pointing out the different colored signs that line the side of the road as well as the traffic lights.  Whenever we would come to a red light, I would point it out and say, "Red light means stop."  Then, when it turned green, I would say, "Green light means go."  Innocuous really, and I just figured I would get the jump on driver training when he is super young, but it turned poignant when I came home from work the other day and my wife asked me if I had pointed out the traffic lights to our son.  "Of course I had", I told her, "why?"  It turns out that as my wife was driving him home, she stopped at a red light and then as soon as it turned green, our son said, "Mommy, green light go."  While this is an innocent example, it just proves how careful we need to be as parents with what we say around impressionable young children.  So, while "Meet the Fockers" is a true comedy, it does come with some moments that almost every parent can identify with as tangible and taken right from reality, however it is twisted for a movie's plot line.  Our son repeats almost everything.  Some of the funnier ones are when I am getting him up stairs for bed and say, "Chop chop, lets go."  He will repeat it verbatim including his own name in the statement as well.  He even tries to mimic my whistle that I use for calling the dogs although right now he is just blowing air through his mouth.  While its precious, it also keeps me on my toes because I know if I slip up even once now, and utter a "less than favorable" word, he will repeat it and probably use it at the worst possible time, like when we are in church and everyone is quiet.  (Don't worry, that hasn't happened yet, but I can see it potentially happening.) 

Will They Get Along?

I would have to say one of my biggest concerns that came up in the month of January regarding the birth of our daughter had nothing to do with the actual birth, but rather how our son would react to having a new addition to our family.  I didn't have much of a frame of reference to go from as my brother and I are 7 years apart, almost a lifetime when you are that young.  With my son and daughter, the distance separating them will be about 2.25 years.  We had done as much as we could to prepare him for the eventuality of having a younger sibling, but how much could we really do when he is only 2.25 years old and can't fully comprehend the full impact that having a younger sibling will have on his life?  We read books about being a big brother to him, we talked to him daily about being a big brother and how we would need his help, and every night before bed, we asked him to kiss the baby in my wife's womb.  Some days he would say he was excited to be a big brother, some days he would say he wasn't.  And yet, every night before bed, he would still kiss his younger sibling good night, before she was even born.   The whirlwind of my wife giving birth two weeks early caught us all by storm, including our son.  Yet, despite being swooped up by his grandmother from our house the night before my wife gave birth, he did remarkably well.  His potty training went out the window for a week, but as we are starting to get back to normal, so is his pottying ability, at least part of it.  When we were in the hospital, he with his grandma to visit two days in a row and each day was excited to give his younger sister a kiss.  All in all, I think his fascination of having such a small child around trumps any ill will he may be feeling.  A week into our new life, his first stop upon coming down in the morning is to check on his little sister in her napper and make sure she is there.  Even when my wife went to pick him up at daycare yesterday, his first question was "Baby sister at home?"  It wasn't "Hi Mommy" or anything like that, it was to ask about his sister.  There still is a little tension, especially when I go to pick up my daughter and hold her.  You see, most of our daughter's time right now is spent with my wife, eating, being held, and of course, sleeping.   I have been running around, taking care of our son while we are all at home, and haven't had as much time with our daughter as I have with my son.  Yet, despite the fact that he doesn't want me to hold our daughter all the time, once I explain it to him, he settles down and moves on...most of the time.  I know there will be some sticking points, especially since he is approaching the terrible age of 2 and a half, the age where every response begins with "no" and upon further consideration might possibly change to "yes".  But for now, he is adjusting well.  I honestly feel that if he had a younger brother, he might be having a little bit harder time adjusting.   And there is always the fact that his little sister can't do too much to interfere with his way of life right now as she is essentially a lovable, breathing, eating, and pooping lump of flesh in human form.  I love her to death, I just don't love this first stage of life.  But anyway, both of my children hold equal spots in my heart and I will do my best to make sure that neither is more loved than the other, but rather that they are loved equally and I would do anything for both of them (within reason obviously).

A New Reality

January came and went and here I have a new baby girl, a new addition to my family.  It was a week ago today that my wife and I were getting ready for our trip to the hospital, the only thing holding us up were the contractions that didn't want to start immediately after her water broke last Sunday night.  We both thought that we had at least another week before she went into labor, at most another two when her actual due date was.  Yet, that wasn't what was in store for us.  Rather, for whatever reason, (perhaps my hurried trip through Costco that incidentally made my wife walk a little too fast), my wife became one of the roughly 10% of women who have their water break before they go into labor.  Oh joy.  Once again, something we weren't expecting.  Luckily for us, my wife has a group of doctor's and midwives who are more lax than most when it comes to rushing along a pregnancy.  After her water broke, they told her to just wait at least 24 hours before calling in.  Well, we went in the morning after her water broke just to make sure things were OK, which they were, and after which we went home to wait it out.  Then came the flurry of activity to get things in order.  Call my parents to grab our son and watch him for a few days, get our bags by the door and ready to go, and then wait.  So maybe not quite the flurry of activity I alluded to, but still, we didn't know what to expect or what was going to happen.  The only thing we knew was that we wanted to the contractions to start so that we didn't get any flack from her doctors.  Sure enough, Monday evening, the contractions started and we waited till the last possible moment, about 11:30 at night, before heading to the hospital.  For those women out there who haven't had their water break before labor, it sucks as there isn't that cushion of water to help soften the contractions.  The labor is much harder.  But after about 8 hours in the hospital, our new daughter came flying out, almost literally.  In fact, she came so quickly that the midwife and nurser didn't even have everything ready.  It was a short flurry of activity as when our daughter's head came out, her umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck with her right hand shoved against her face.  They tried telling my wife to hold on, but for any woman who as given birth, you know that it is easier said than done.  They worked quickly, I rushed them along, and within a minute our daughter was free and breathing.  Being two weeks earlier than her due date, she was only 6 lbs, 9 ounces, and yet, she was only an inch shorter than her brother's 21 inches at birth.  There were a number of people who had guessed correctly that my wife was carrying a daughter (we didn't know until she came out) and I was not one of those who guessed correctly.  Just two days before my wife's water broke, I had a dream that it was a boy.  Boy was I wrong (yes, pun intended).  So now life has taken a turn for the crazier, and yet, the it doesn't seem that bad.  Our son is adjusting well, and despite the fact that I have a lot more to take care of around the house, I'm making it work.  It just what I have to do and quite frankly, its not stressing me out at all.  I have a healthy wife, daughter, and son, and I couldn't be happier.  Life will work itself out, and for now, its going smoothly.  I'm sure it won't always stay this way, but for now, its good.  Of course, this past week held now work for me as I was home helping out, so today will be the real test as I head back to work.  More on our amazing daughter and son tomorrow, hopefully.  But for now, my family is up and I must get to work around the house getting things moving. 

OMG, the PV

Yes, I did just essentially title my blog in acronyms, and while most people will readily understand what OMG stands for, PV has some room for interpretation.   It could stand for Private Video, Potential Visitor, Prospecting Voraciously...I could go on.   But none of these are what PV actually stands for.  Rather, PV stands for Polar Vortex, that seemingly newly named phenomenon that is currently blasting the majority of our country with strong winds and bitterly cold temperatures.  Its not just the cold temperatures, those most of us can live with, its the wind chills that are biting in, bearing down, and setting records in a number of places.  I would name those places, but frankly, I don't feel like looking them up right now, I just know that I saw that records were broken yesterday in a number of places.  Yesterday was actually quite warm where I live in the North East.  We got a bunch of rain which melted almost all the snow from late last week and the temperature hovered around 50 degrees.  Practically balmy out there.  Then the rain stopped and the temperature dropped and at this point I want to keep on rhyming but won't.  I was thinking about the term "polar vortex" this morning as I was experiencing the wind chills of -8 degrees first hand at 4 A.M. on my walk with the dogs.  They were cold, I was bundled up and still felt the bite, and it crossed my mind that a vortex is one of two things; either a powerful circular current of water or the shape of something rotating rapidly.  The first definition, as I thought about it is definitely off the mark.  If there was a powerful circular current of water and it was deemed "polar" in nature, wouldn't that inherently indicate that it was frozen?  And if it was frozen, how could it be a powerful circular current of water.  It would be more like a monument that one could view at one's leisure rather than a weather phenomenon that is being used to explain this current blast of cold air.  The other definition, might work, however if something is rotating rapidly enough to have an effect on almost the entire United States, you would think that the population living closest would be absolutely decimated.  Regardless, I think that the term is merely something conjured up by meteorologists to instill a sense of dread or overwhelming distress.  All we need to know is that its cold, and if you go outside and stay out there for an extended period of time, you better damn well be prepared for it or you will suffer the consequences.  As for my walk, it was a half hour, I survived, it was invigorating, and frankly, the cold (as long as I am bundled up and ready for it) makes me feel more alive than any amount of heat and humidity ever will.  Bring on the cold, I love it, and I still don't wish I was in Florida with whatever temperatures they have down there Bryan Shaw.