Babies, Men and Emotions

If I could teach my son only one thing in his life, it would be to recognize and be in tune with his emotions.  There are obviously many things besides tuning into emotions that I would like to teach my son, but I feel that emotions, how to label them, how to recognize them, and how to deal with them is by far the most important.  To me it has many benefits ranging from dealing with others, dealing with work, and most importantly, dealing with our own lives and the fluctuations in emotions that we experience every day.   So why is it that I want to teach my son this one thing above all others?  It is not one specific instance that made me wake up one day and say, "I need to teach my son about emotions", but rather a confluence of events and ideas that has made me think more about my role as a father.   Yet it is not just about being a father, it is also about showing my son what being a man looks like.   Granted, it is my view of what a man should look like, hopefully shared by others, but it is that notion of being a man that I want him to learn from me, not from society.  Maybe I am wrong, but when you look at the majority of men in society, there are a good number of them who have trouble dealing with their emotions and in certain situations dealing with others because of their trouble with emotions.  I am not pointing fingers at any one man, I think all men have trouble at times being truly honest with themselves about their emotions, yet I think it is an area that needs attention.  If I can take steps to show my son what it means to be a man and be in touch with his emotions, then maybe he will have an easier time later in life when he has to deal with raw emotions on a larger scale. 

So why is it that men have more trouble being honest about their emotions than women do?  It seems that no matter which man and woman you compare, women will have an easier time communicating and dealing with their emotions than most men will.  To me, it all goes back to early childhood and how we were raised.  There is a big divide between how young girls and boys are treated in my mind.  (This statement does not include everyone because I know there are exceptions).  For the most part, girls from an early age are taught how to deal with emotions better than boys are.   Boys, even when they are young, have expectations placed upon them that they simply must deal with whatever they are feeling and most times suppress it.  There is no place for emotions in manly sports or activities and thus, boys must not put their emotions on display, or dare I say, communicate them to others.  The foundation must be set strong from an early age because once outside influences come into play, all bets are off.  If you look at society, men are the stoic, do it all, go getter types who throw emotion to the side and reach for the stars.  Yeah, great, but if you can't communicate how you are feeling to others, then how are you supposed to truly get anywhere.  It is through the communication of feelings and emotions that we are able to build rappor with others, build lasting relationships, and truly get in touch with who we are and where we are going.  Yet men aren't supposed to really talk about that stuff.  Women are, at least according to society.  So if boys are taught early that it is indeed OK to relate how they are feeling and the emotions that are roiling through them, then perhaps they can stave off the invasive disease that is society.

So maybe I have it wrong.  But there is a big part of me that doesn't think so.  Emotions are something that everyone has to deal with, men and women, yet often times women have an easier time doing so.  The only way we can change this trend in society, which by all means has been embedded for generations, is to start with our own children and start talking to them about their emotions, what exactly it is they are feeling, and how best to deal with those emotions.  It is no easy task as even now I hesitate communicating my emotions to others, or at best feel awkward when doing so.  Yet every day that goes by, I try and tune myself in to what I am feeling and what is going on inside of me so that I can communicate it better to others and in turn teach my son how to communicate his feelings.  I don't recall what my childhood was like in regards to emotions and being taught about them so I won't even venture a guess.  All I know is that my son is a blank slate (not entirely) through which I work with him, teach him, and help him grow into a man.  It is not going to be an easy task, of that I am sure, but it is one that is of utmost importance.  I feel that there is nothing more valuable to him than to learn about emotions from an early age.  He will have to deal with other boys that are not in touch with their emotions, but perhaps he will be able to deal with them better if he is in tune with his own emotions and understands what is going on inside of him.  I guess we will just have to wait and see how this all plays out. 

Baby Tales

As we approach our son's eighth month of life on this planet, the speed at which he is learning things is increasing, much to my amazement and joy.   But beyond just figuring out the world around him, his physical features have changed drastically.  My wife and I were flipping through pictures of our son over the past eight months, slowly working our way back to the time he was born, and to sum it all up, he is hardly recognizable from early pictures to now.  Of course you can tell his basic features have remained the same like his eyes, hands, and feet; but his face has grown and developed beyond recognition.  What used to be a squishy little face with puffed out cheeks and over sized lips has grown into a handsome little boy with well proportioned features.  Most notable about his face and head is that his face has elongated, drawing his cheeks in somewhat, and the top of his head has filled out, both with hair and brain mass.  Looking at him now makes us wonder just how he developed so quickly.  But I guess that it is just nature taking its course, our little man growing into his body, slowly but surely.  The other fantastic part about his growth goes beyond the physical aspect to his psyche.  What used to be a squirmy lump of flailing flesh has grown into a more coordinated human with a personality; one that laughs, responds, and shows intrigue at anything new introduced to his life.  To say that watching the growth of a human is amazing would be putting it mildly.   Nothing that I watched or heard could have prepared me for the excitement, joy, and awe at watching my son grow, nothing. 

Perhaps the most exciting part about watching our son grow, despite the changes in his physical appearance, is watching him figure out the world around him.  It goes beyond the simple exploration of every little nook and cranny that he can access without our intrusion.   Now it has grown to encompass watching him figure out his own body in relation to everything around him.  He is gaining an awareness it seems of his own body, not in the sense of what parts are what, but more about how it functions and what he is capable of doing with his body.  Just yesterday he tried climbing the stairs in our house at not even eight months of age.  To me, that is quite amazing, but maybe I am just overly excited about what our son is capable of doing.  According to my wife who witnessed the event, our son started by crawling over to the stairs, grabbing hold of the first step and raising himself up to his knees.   From his knees, he was able to grab a hold of the second step and raise himself to his feet.  Finally, before he was whisked away by my wife, he started raising his right leg to put his knee on the first step.  We didn't want him to get too far because he is still working on his balance and there is a part of us that is just not quite ready for him to be climbing stairs.  Its amazing what happens when you let babies figure out the world on their own.  Its not like we let him go and leave, but if he is involved in the exploration of a certain part of our house or is intent on playing with the pots and pans he drags out of our kitchen cabinets, we let him go and don't interrupt him (unless of course we perceive an imminent danger in something he is doing).   While he is involved in his exploration, we usually explain verbally what he is playing with and what it is used for.  Just can't wait to see what is next with our little man. 

He is also starting to draw different associations between my wife and I.  This difference really started presenting itself over this past weekend while we were camping.   Perhaps the best way to succinctly put this is that he looks to my wife more for comfort and to me more for play.  Whenever he would get overly tired or agitated over this past weekend and I would try picking him up, he started looking around for his mommy.  When he saw her, he started fidgeting and reaching out his arms to be held by her.  Amazing to see what connections he is making in that little head of his.  Its not that I don't comfort him, but when he really needs it, he searches out his mommy for it.  Conversely, he does play with my wife, but whenever he sees me, he breaks out in a big smile and starts babbling away.  We also developed a little game over the weekend that he plays with no one else.  It is called the screaming game according to me.  It all starts off one of us opening our mouths wide and making the "ahhhh" sound.  We go back and forth until at one point, he starts increasing the pitch as high as he can before his voice cuts out, all the while wide eyed and with an enormous smile plastered on his face.   I find it cute and adorable although his highest pitch gets to my wife a little bit.  Oh well, such is life.  On top of the screaming, he is slowly increasing the number of consonants he uses in his persistent babbling.  I have said it before and I will say it again, he is such a joy to have as part of our family.  While I am enjoying every minute, I wonder what it is he will figure out how to do next. 

First Camping Experience

Well, our son survived his first camping experience at 7.5 months of age in Vermont.  Instead of going through the story of his experience piece meal, I suppose it would be best to start from the beginning, which would be this past Friday.   With my wife being a teacher, we couldn't embark on our journey to the great North till about 2 in the afternoon.  Luckily my wife was able to leave work a little bit early as she had her last period free.  Otherwise we would have left even later and encountered a lot more traffic.   But regardless, we left around 2 and it took about 4 hours to get up there, due in part to a little bit of traffic and a necessary stop to feed our son.  Despite those factors, the car ride went smoothly.   Unfortunately, we arrived just after our son's normal bed time, rendering him fussier than usual.  Despite his fussiness, we still had to cut the grass, set up the tent, and get everything situated.  Despite the fact that we arrived past his bed time, he did OK.  We were a little frantic, trying our best to get things done as quick as possible so we could get him to bed.  Bed for him in Vermont is a little sleeping tent placed inside our much larger tent, mainly to keep him from rolling all over the place.  Being new parents and not knowing any better, we decided to stick to our normal routine that we would have followed were we at home, namely feed him and put him to bed where he falls asleep.  Well, we didn't take into account that he was in a strange place, in the middle of the woods surrounded by sounds and in a tent that doesn't even closely resemble his crib.  Needless to say, our first attempt at putting him to bed didn't go over to well.  Soon after placing him in his tent, he started screaming his head off.  We tried letting him scream himself to sleep for about 15 minutes before realizing that sleep was not going to come easily to him and that he was probably scared out of his mind.  So we went and brought him back out for a while till he calmed down.  My wife then tried a different tactic that actually worked.  She read her book to him for a while, then placed him in his tent and sang to him slowly closing the zipper.  She continued singing till his eyes closed and she could slowly make her way out of our tent.  Success. 

After the first night, we had no clue how the rest of the weekend would go.  He did manage to sleep through the night, waking up at his normal time of 530.   From that point on, camping was fairly easy with him.  He babbled away most of the day, more than he usually does, and was in good spirits overall, fascinated by everything around him.  The only other tricky part to the weekend was the naps.  Normally for his naps we put him in his crib where he falls right asleep.  Well, up in Vermont, he wanted nothing to do with napping in his tent, rather, the only way he napped was when he got tired enough and passed out in his stroller.  He didn't quite get as much nap time as he normally does, but he got enough to keep him content.  We even found that he doesn't really mind bug bites yet.  As he is so young and vulnerable, there was no way we were going to cover him with bug spray loaded with DEET.  That being the case, the mosquitoes loved him and loaded him with bites.  Trust me, it wasn't horrible, but he did get bit a number of times.  For whatever reason, the bites didn't get enlarged and he didn't even try scratching them.  Looking back now, I think I got more bug bites than he ever could have.   So the fact that he didn't mind mosquito bites, and wasn't allergic to them, was a big plus for us.  On top of being in good spirits for most of the day, he also decided to triple his intake of solid foods, taking us completely by surprise and forcing us to ration the food we had for him so we could make it through the weekend.  All in all, everything was fantastic after that first night.  He is a little trooper and will obviously come to love the outdoors. 

Putting him to bed the other two nights we were up there was a piece of cake once we learned the trick.  It made life so much easier for us and we will be forever grateful that he is a good sleeper.   Even when he is napping, once he is asleep, he is asleep till he wants to wake up.  Sunday morning after breakfast, I decided to split some wood using a combination of a sledge hammer, wedge, and ax.  I started splitting the wood before our son went down for a nap.  We knew he was due for one as his eyelids kept drooping lower and lower and his head started slumping to the side.  I didn't pay much mind to the fact that I was making a considerable amount of noise while our son was about to go down for a nap.  The noise of splitting wood, only about 40 feet away, did nothing to keep him from his nap and once he was down, it did nothing to wake him up.  We consider ourselves lucky indeed.   To know that our son loves camping before he is even a year old makes us truly happy.  We normally go up to our land in Vermont at least 6 times over the course of a summer, normally just for a long weekend, but having the virgin camping experience of our son under our belts will make it that much easier going forward.  It seems that no matter the situation, our son adjusts really well to it.  At this point we are looking forward to our next camping trip with a slightly older son. 

Arctic Open for Drilling

It is known to many people that oil companies have been sucking oil out of the ground in the arctic for decades now.  Yet, all that drilling so far has been done on solid land, not over open water.  Well, all that is about to change as President Obama has approved permits to oil companies to start drilling test wells and eventually start pumping oil out of the seabed.  It seems that the likely recipient of the majority of these permits will be Royal Dutch Shell, the oil company with the longest history in the region.  After years of trying to convince the local natives in the area that offshore drilling would be beneficial to them, it seems like the oil companies have finally struck the right cord.  Both parties have agreed to various different compromises that would hopefully satisfy everyone involved.  The biggest issue that the natives have is with the potential disruption to the wildlife in the area, particularly the whales and other seafaring creatures that they hunt during the summer months.   The hunt for whales and other animals is part of the culture and lifeblood of the natives in the area.  They have been hunting for generations and largely depend upon the food for their well being.  To have any sort of disruption, whether it be noise that scares them away or an oil spill which could kill them off or send them elsewhere, would be catastrophic to the local population.  As I mentioned, though, compromises are being reached that will hopefully accommodate the natives fully.  So is all this drilling really worth it?  Will the amount of oil we suck out of the ground make that much of a difference?  According to some, it will.  Yet I have my doubts.

There are a couple of major reasons why some, especially those in the oil industry, want drilling to proceed.   Perhaps the most obvious reason is the potential profits to be reaped by the oil companies themselves.  They may claim to have the country's best interest at hand when making these decisions, yet they wouldn't be pushing this hard to drill if they weren't going to fill their coffers with a tremendous amount of money.   As it stands, Shell has spent an ever increasing amount of money on lobbying efforts in Washington over the past decade or so.  Last year was the highest at about $14 million dollars.  The previous years were nothing to laugh about either with amounts spent on lobbying never falling below $8 million dollars.  With that much money invested in trying to crack open off shore drilling in the Arctic, how could they stop until they succeeded and had a chance to recoup that money and fill their pockets even more?  I know I wouldn't if I was in their shoes.  But that is merely one part of the equation.  Another reason there is this enormous push for off shore drilling in the arctic is to try and make our country energy independent.   Lets think about this though.  We all know that there is a limited supply of crude oil in the world and that regardless of how many more wells we drill, production will start to decline in at least another 50 years.  Energy independence to me means that we don't have to rely on foreign sources of oil or anything else ever again.  So how does this all compute?  To me it doesn't.  Demand in the United States for oil is not declining by any means; if anything it is growing along with our population.  Adding new oil from the off shore drilling in the North Slope area will only satiate demand for maybe 20 years if that.  To me, that is not energy independence, rather a vain attempt by oil companies to reap as much profits as possible before the world's oil runs dry. 

Now imagine if Shell had taken the close to $50 million dollars it has invested in lobbying over the past 5 years and invested it in renewable sources of energy?  First off, they would be breaking new ground and creating a new source of income for themselves once the oil runs dry.  Second, it could truly push us towards energy independence as renewable energy sources will not run dry, will not harm the environment as much as oil could, and will create long term sustainable jobs.  At this point, there is nothing we can do about preventing the drilling from occurring, but what we could attempt to do is enforce strict guidelines and procedures that the oil companies must follow to keep the environment safe and the local natives source of food safe.  Energy independence to me can not come from new sources of oil because they will run dry along with all the present sources of oil.  The North Slope has been actively drilled on land for decades and has supplied our nation with about 1/5th of its oil.  Yet on shore supplies are declining and less and less is making it through the Trans Alaskan pipeline.  Yet one more reason for new drilling to commence; keep the oil flowing and the pipeline functioning.  I could go on, but I won't.  I will merely end here and go enjoy myself in nature for the weekend.  Till next week, may the sun shine upon your face and the wind be always at your back (I don't know why I wrote that, I just felt it was a good ending.)

We Have a Crawler

Tuesday afternoon had to have been one of my most exciting moments as a parent thus far.  No, our son has not started reciting Shakespeare or doing the tango across the living room with an imaginary partner, but he has started crawling on his hands and knees.  He still moves faster on his belly using his perfected commando crawl, but his latest endeavor is improving the speed of crawling and attempting to stand.  So what exactly happened?  Well, I got home late Tuesday afternoon, just a little after my wife did, and I walked in to see our son slithering his way towards me.  As he usually does now when he is done on the floor, he well make his way directly in front of you and flail his arms and legs to signal he wants to be picked up.  Well, as I hadn't seen him all day, I swooped him up in my arms and gave him a big kiss.  My wife still had to bring in things from the car so I watched him while she took care of her stuff.  When she left the house, I promptly put our son back on the floor because he was getting fidgety.  After placing him on the floor, I got onto my hands and knees and tried racing him to the living room from the kitchen.  Well, I got there first and turned around and saw him watching me.  As soon as I stopped and turned, he looked down and put one knee forward, then the opposite hand.   He paused for a second, then moved his other knee forward and then the opposite hand.  It was very slow at first and only lasted a few feet before he transitioned into the commando crawl to pick up speed.  Upon getting closer, however, he went back up to his hands and knees and crawled a few more feet.  It was truly amazing to see, almost as if he finally figured out by watching me the correct way in which to move his knees and hands to create forward movement. 

Unfortunately, my wife did not get to see his first crawling experience as she was outside and I couldn't exactly leave our son on the floor to go get her.  Our son did manage to eek out enough energy to put on a short show for my wife after she came in.   And the crawling wasn't just a one time fluke, he continued the efforts yesterday when I was home with him and is slowly picking up speed.  I have a feeling that standing and walking are not far off at this point and I will explain why.  Even during the process of learning how to crawl on his hands and knees, our son has also worked on walking his feet forward with his hands on the floor and butt in the air.   It almost looks as if he is doing infant yoga (downward dog for the enthusiasts out there).  He will even do variations of it, lifting one leg in the air, leaving himself in a tripod position for a few moments or sometimes lifting a hand while keeping his feet and other hand firmly on the ground.  All this being said, his balance is improving quite rapidly.  Yesterday, according to my wife, our son walked his feet really close to his hands in a crouching position.  From there, he decided to straighten his legs (standing forward bend).  At that point, one might think that he would be done and go back to the floor, but not our son.   Instead, he tried lifting one hand a little, testing his balance and maybe, just maybe, trying to stand up.  His efforts did not last that long however and he quickly retreated to the safety of the floor.  Needless to say, our son is an ambitious little munchkin and loves to push the limits already. 

So as our son is pushing 8 months, not quite there but past that halfway point, he continues to amaze us.  Whether its his incessant curiosity with the world around him or his adorable laugh that he breaks out quite frequently, I couldn't be happier.  It is a little funny in a way to watch shyness start creeping in.  Even amongst people he has seen before, he has taken to looking at them, studying their features, and then burying his head in either my wife's or my chest.   It is just so adorable.  He has come to love his fruits, not so much the vegetable as of yet (except sweet potatoes) and is eager to eat three times a day.  The solids can be tricky, however, as he got constipated over this past weekend and try as he might, just couldn't get the poop out.  So, in an effort to help things along, we fed him prunes and boy did they work.  Luckily, neither my wife or I had to deal with the repercussions of the prunes.  Monday, it was my wife's mother who had to deal with the poop.  Monday wasn't that bad, however, but Tuesday was a different story.  He was at his daycare on Tuesday and the report we got directly from the lady said that his poop was incredibly extensive and got everywhere.  Lucky for us, not so lucky for her.  On the plus side, he did enjoy the prunes which we mixed with peaches for him so at least we know a sure fire remedy for the future.   What I am really excited, and maybe a little nervous about, is our camping this weekend.  It will be our son's first camping experience (in tents mind you) and we shall see very soon how it all goes.  Till tomorrow, live today for what it is and kiss your children if you have them. 

Male Relationships

This past Thursday I watched a movie with 65 other men about male relationships.  Now don't go building any opinions yet, let me explain.  The movie night was sponsored by the men's group at my church.  Yet, despite the fact that all the men who gathered were religious, the movie was not.  The sole purpose of the movie was to delve into male relationships and society's perceptions of them versus what male relationships really look like or could look like.   Now your probably thinking, what do men need to know about male relationships?  Personally, I feel men have a lot to learn about what a male friendship looks like.   But then again, that is my personal opinion that may or may not be shared by other men out there.  The movie itself is relatively new and is called "Five Friends" by Hank Mandel.  (Check out the trailer here)  So that no one is left in the dark, let me give you a very brief synopsis of the movie.   As a documentary, the movie goes into Hank's life and looks at five male friendships that he has.  It talks about the intimacy that Hank has with these other men and how each of their lives benefits from the friendship.   Now I used the word intimacy, scary for most men, yet I use it only in the sense of revealing one's life, one's issues, one's concerns with another.   In an effort to get you to check out the trailer, I will end my synopsis there.   (There is a reason I am not a film critic).  Yet, despite the short synopsis, I feel I have given enough information that the rest of what I talk about should make sense.  If it doesn't, check out the trailer. 

There are a lot of aspects about the movie that I could delve into and talk about and probably will over the course of a few weeks.   What I wanted to talk about today was a comment that was made by one of the men after the movie finished.   This young man, probably about my age in the military, asked if there were plans to make a movie about the friendships or bonds between men in the military.  He asked this because he couldn't formulate a friendship outside the military as strong as he could with men in the military.  I started thinking about this and drawing connections with the movie.  One of the themes that the movie talks about as being integral in any deep relationship between men is trust.  There must be a sense of trust between two people if their relationship is to gain any kind of substance.   If we don't trust someone else, how can we talk honestly with them about our lives, our concerns, our excitement?  In short, we can't.  If you think about the military, they are trained to trust each other, to place their lives in someone else's hands, to depend utterly on the men (and women) they are in service with.   The trust that men in the military have with each other goes above and beyond the trust that almost anyone else every experiences.  The majority of the population never has to place their life in someone else's hands or depend upon someone else to save them or watch over them to the extent that people in the military do.  It is most likely because of this deep seated trust that there is such a strong bond between people in the military, especially between those who serve in the same unit.  For the majority of us, trust is fleeting, hard to earn, and easy to break.   Out of everything the military does, perhaps the one thing that I have just recently come to appreciate is their ability to forge such a strong bond between people; based on trust.  No wonder it is hard for this man to build friendships as strong as the one's he has with his fellow soldiers.  If he can't trust someone else with his life, how can he trust them with simple information about himself?  He probably feels that he can't. 

We could all do with a little more trust, especially men.  To take this idea and apply it in a broader sense to men, lets look at society and what society expect in terms of trust.  If you watch the news or listen to the radio, you have probably all heard about the Homeland Security saying, "If you see something, say something".  (I also talked briefly about this Monday).   The whole campaign by Homeland Security is built on eliminating trust.  We are not supposed to trust anybody or anything anymore, but rather report them if they look suspicious.   It goes beyond that, however, to the media and persistent relaying of incidents that degrade any trust we might have for someone else.   How are we supposed to move past this issue of lack of trust in society and build trust between one another?  Its not easy, in fact, it is probably one of the most difficult things we will do in our lifetimes, build trust between us and someone else.  Some of us are able to trust others without question, yet I feel these people are few and far between as compared to the majority.  For most of us, it takes time and effort to expose our inner feelings and desires to someone else, especially man to man.  For many men, it never happens and they live their lives closed and without any meaningful male relationships.  I personally have a few friends that I can claim I am intimate with, that I can claim I can tell anything and have no worries about how they will take it or respond in kind.  How many friends do you have that you can say that about?  Maybe its time for men to shed their facade of toughness and imperviousness and seek to trust other men with their feelings and emotions.  I know, I know, men are not supposed to have feelings and emotions, but I have news for you; they do and they are not going away.  Let us all work on trust this week and see if we can't build a level of trust between us and someone else that will allow us to truly deepen a friendship with them. 

Bright Blue Eyes

When our son was born, one of the decisions we made for him was to not have prophylactic eye drops placed into his eyes.  The sole purpose of these eye drops is to prevent the newborn from contracting an STD from the mother's birth canal among other potential infections.  If the mother does not have any STD's, then there is no need to worry.   The drops themselves can cause blurred vision, clogged tear ducts, and minor swelling and redness.  Seeing our son open his eyes for the first time, I am glad that we made the decision we did.  Further, after seeing countless pictures of newborns with puffy eyes squeezed shut, it reinforced our decision to not have the drops administered.   I know he won't remember specifically, but I just couldn't stand the thought of keeping sight from our son for any amount of time due to an external substance.  As he didn't receive the drops, he had his eyes open soon after birth and quite frequently after that.  But enough about what transpired 7.5 months ago and on to his brilliant blue eyes as they are today.  I can't help but stare at our son when he stares at me.  His gaze is filled with inquisition, curiosity, and love.  I know he can't verbally express these things yet, but his personality has developed so much, one can intuit what he might be thinking just by gazing into his eyes and seeing him looking back at you. 

One of my favorite things to do with our son is to lay on the floor with him and just stare at him.  He might be crawling around, playing with toys, or just babbling, but every so often he will glance over at me either to check where I am or to make sure that I am still present.  Sometimes when he glances over, I will roll on the floor so that my head is upside down as I am gazing back at him.  He gets completely intrigued by this and crawls his way over, never taking his eyes off of mine.  Depending on his mood he will either crawl over frantically or take his time.  In either case, when he gets within arms distance of my face, he will pause and slowly reach his hand out towards me.  Staring intently at me, partly with curiosity, partly with love and excitement, he will touch my face with his hand.  To be fair, sometimes his touch is more of a grab and snatch, an attempt to take my nose, cheek, or lips with him when he moves on.  Most of the time, however, he will simply gently explore the contours of my face with his hand, gliding it over my nose, eyes, cheeks, and forehead, all the while staring into my eyes.  When he is done exploring and staring, he will giggle on occasion, almost always smile, and move on to whatever else has caught his attention.  It is moments like these that I live for now, the simple act of staring into my son's eyes and having him stare intently back at me.   If I could stare into my son's eyes all day and make money doing it, I would. 

There is no part of me that wishes I could change my decision about the drops in his eyes.  Looking at our son now only reinforces our decision to let our son develop without medical intervention from the outset.  He still has not received any vaccinations nor will he.   Behind those baby blue eyes is an intently curious person slowly growing.  Just this past weekend he figured out how to pull himself up onto his knees while exploring our DVD player and stereo.  Unfortunately the camera was not at the ready and we missed the opportunity to catch him in the act.  We also have a feeling that he might just skip the whole hands and knees crawling and go right to either hands and feet crawling or just plain walking.  Instead of persistently trying to crawl forward on his hands and knees, he likes to extend his arms and legs and walk his feet forward forcing his tiny little butt high into the air.  He has gotten himself to the point where he can pretty much keep his feet flat while also keeping his hands on the ground.  Walking is still a ways off and even now, his hands don't move forward with his feet, only his feet move forward.  In a way it is helping him with his balance as he must keep that little butt of his balanced in the air.  I have peeked in on him while he is in his crib before a nap and even there he gets on his hands and feet and goes through the motions.  That would explain to us the sound of thunder coming from his room as he loses his balance and his butt goes crashing into the sides of the crib.  In any case, he just never ceases to amaze us.  Now we can see a little more how time will just fly right away and he will grow up quickly.  But again, we are taking it one day at a time and cherishing every minute. 

Arrested for Art Installation

I had plans this morning of writing about a different topic, but as usual, before I begin my writing, I peruse the online NYTimes for any interesting articles that might catch my eye.  Well, if you couldn't guess by now, an article did catch my eye and what normally I would have delayed writing about for a day or two, I feel I can't put off and will instead write about today.   The article talks about an artist that was arrested early Saturday morning for installing art around Brooklyn.  Supposedly, a witness saw a suspicious package hanging from a tree and called the police about it.  The "suspicious package" was a hanging plastic bag embossed with the "I Love New York"  logo that Takeshi Miyakawa  was hanging on light posts, trees, and other tall objects.  The hanging bag contained an LED with a battery inside connected to a plastic box that was attached to the tree.  The bags that Miyakawa was hanging were timed to light up with the start of a design festival, a positive tribute to NY according to people who know the artist.   It was supposed to be a surprise, but evidently, it was more of a surprise to the artist than to anyone else as he was arrested for his efforts.   The arrest came because the bags and plastic boxes looked like fake bombs and as a result, he was charged with reckless endangerment and placing a "fake bomb or other hazardous substance".   I can understand the authorities concern, to an extent, but I think that they went a little too far with the arrest and subsequent charges that accompanied it.  Just because someone called in a suspicious package doesn't necessarily to me mean that he should be arrested.  (Full article from NYTimes linked here)

Now, before I get lambasted for supporting artists and not taking into consideration the "safety" of the general populace, I will say that he should have notified authorities about his efforts and his plans for the art installation.  Granted, he wanted it to be a surprise, but he probably wouldn't have been arrested if he had simply told the police about it.  As it is now, he is being held until a psychological evaluation can be performed on him.  Beyond his lack of notification of authorities, I feel that he did nothing that warranted an arrest.  People have become so ingrained with the message "If you see something, say something" (the attempt by Homeland Security to get people to call in "suspicious packages and objects") that anything out of the ordinary can be and often is, called in to the police.  We have become ingrained with an automatic sense of fear when it comes to anything out of the ordinary.  Now, if someone forgets their briefcase or bag somewhere, it has the potential to bring out the bomb squad to take care of it.  If someone looks like they don't belong in a certain area, people can call him in just because he doesn't belong.  The same goes with this artist.  Someone saw a bag hanging from a tree (a very awkward place for a bomb in my mind) and perhaps considered that someone was trying to blow up a tree.  I know, I am downplaying the supposed severity of the situation, but don't you think that once the police showed up and found Miyakawa working on his art installation they could have asked him what he was doing and did a little investigation on their own?  Or is that to much to ask the police to actually investigate what is going on before arresting someone for "reckless endangerment and placing a fake bomb."  To me, this just flies right in the face of reason, slaps it around a little bit, and does nothing to increase people's sense of security. 

While I have a problem with the arrest of the artist, I have a bigger problem with this paranoia that we have been inculcated with.  Do we need to be vigilant?  Absolutely, but how far is to far when it comes to vigilance.  Is it too far when we start impeding upon the way of life of an individual such as Miyakawa?  Or is it simply keeping the general population "safe"?  In this case, there was no danger at all to anyone, yet he is still being held and is being put through a psychological evaluation.  If there was ever evidence that the NY police force has turned their city into a "police state", one need go no farther than this story.  If an arrest was warranted, which they felt was needed in this case, than arrest the man, see what he was up to, and let him go.  Don't hold him on bogus charges and then put him through a psychological evaluation.  That is going far and beyond what is due and diligent.  Yet, if you look back through history, artists have often been persecuted for their creativity, mostly because others didn't understand it at the time or feared that it would upend their view of the way things are.  Just because the police didn't understand Miyakawa's efforts this past weekend, doesn't mean they should have gone to the lengths they went to.  As I said before, this probably all could have been averted if Miyakawa told the authorities.  Yet, on the flip side, he wanted it to be a surprise and obviously telling the authorities would have negated the surprise somewhat.  In any case, my plea here is to not let the paranoia that is slowly infiltrating our society grab hold of you.  Live your life and let others live theirs. 

A Glimpse of Future Exhaustion

Yesterday was a very long day, in fact longer than I have had in a while.  Not that I am complaining about it because as I have been told numerous times, I can complain, but its not going to do me any good.  In any case, by the end of the day yesterday, I caught a glimpse of what life will be like for the next 18 years of my life, at least; pandemonium.   Mostly pandemonium because yesterday didn't involve any taxi services for my son or anything else regarding a future crazy schedule of his, it was just an extra long day at work followed by more activity.  The day started off at 330 in the morning when my wonderful brain decided that it was time for me to get up.  As is usually the case when this happens, I got up instead of trying to fall back asleep for another half hour before my alarm went off.   The extra little bit of sleep I would have gotten wouldn't have made a lick of difference for me.  It was obvious that I had gotten enough sleep, and despite the ungodly hour as it might seem to some people, it is normal for me.  From there on out, I don't think I stopped going till I went to bed besides the obvious breaks for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.   After the normal morning craziness, trying to get a family ready for the day, I was off to Stratford.  That was just to pick up a check for a job before heading off to Orange for the morning and early afternoon.  

Orange held a world of fun for me as I got to sand for a good part of the time I was there, about 4 hours of straight sanding in a row.  I didn't mind because that is what I do after all, sand houses to get them ready for painting (amongst other preparatory activities).  So by the time early afternoon rolled around and I started oil priming, my arms were already exhausted.  Work continued in Orange till around 2 when I headed up to Naugatuck to my second job for the day, more sanding.  Instead of a house this time, I was working on a deck, removing old stain in preparation for new stain.  Instead of sanding by hand, I was able to use an orbital sander, saving some of my muscles, but using other ones instead.  That continued on for about another 3 hours leaving me totally unrecognizable.  When I finally stopped sanding, I looked like the color of the wood as I was covered in a fine coating of dust.  Just what I was looking for, a naturally occurring tan that washes right off (totally joking there).  I probably would have worked longer but I wanted to try and make it home in time to see my son before he went off to bed and I had to leave again.   I did manage to see him for about 2 minutes in the evening, I got to shovel some food down my gullet, and then I was off again, this time to see a movie with a group of 50 guys (more about that next week).  The movie was fascinating, even more so as it was the second time I saw it.  I managed to stay awake through the movie and the subsequent conversation that was had afterwards.  After that, it was back home for me and into bed which didn't happen till around 11:15.  Four hours and 45 minutes later, my alarm went off.

So why did I recount my day yesterday for you?  Probably because I was exhausted this morning and felt like sharing.  It was also due to the fact that at the end of the day yesterday, I thought to myself, I only have another 18 years of this, and it is not going to get any easier.  At this point of my life, I can't imagine fitting in the mandatory parental taxi service that comes with a growing child.  I just don't see how it will work.  Yet, despite my inability to see into the future and make things work out in my mind, I know that everything will work out somehow.  I don't quite know how yet, but I am sure that things will.  What I probably need to do is buy stock in a coffee company and buy only their coffee as I have a feeling there will need to be a hot pot of coffee nearby for the rest of my life.  For now, I will simply manage the best I can, trying to sort through everything, make everything work, and still somehow function at the end of the day.  Oh yeah, I have to somehow figure out how to make a little more time for my wife and son so everyone can be happy.  All in due time, all in due time (don't know why I just wrote that, but it could be because my brain hasn't made all the necessary morning connections yet and is still waiting for another cup of coffee before doing so).  Now on to today, have to leave the house by 6 for my morning meeting and then off to work till about 6/630 tonight.  Can't wait for tomorrow!

Changing Demographics

The big news today, at least for those who are interested in demographics and how they are constantly changing, is that for the first time in United States history, non-Hispanic white births dipped below 50%.   It isn't much lower than 50%, but it signals a changing face to America.  The country that was founded by European settlers is now taking on a more worldly look, or at least it will in the future.  The United States used to be called a melting pot (it still might be, but I am not up on my terminology), but it seems that the term was once used to mean the integration of one European race with another, say Irish with Polish.  There has always been debate over the term "melting pot" as it signifies a blending of different races and cultures, and in turn, a certain detachment from one's original ethnic origins.  People have always been concerned over preserving their "home" culture, their roots if you will, while at the same time integrating with other cultures, races, and ethnicities.  People don't want to forget their roots, and while I agree that it is important to remember where one came from and the family history that is unique to each individual, I also feel it is important to adopt the American culture, to change and adapt, to move forward.  The big question now is, how well has integrating races and cultures gone?  While the term melting pot was once used to refer to whites integrating with other whites, to what extent has it gone beyond that to include integration among all races and ethinicites.  Personally, I don't think we have gone far enough. 

If you look at the ethnic landscape of America, you will see that it is not quite the melting pot that we purport it to be.  Furthermore, we are still dealing with difficult issues of race and ethnicity in relation to discrimination and injustice.  While the makeup of our country may be reaching an equilibrium of sorts, it is merely on the charts and has not quite reached reality yet.  Have we improved from 50 years ago?  Absolutely, but there is still a lot of work that needs to be done to reach a point where all ethnicities and races can say they are treated equally and fairly.  To illustrate why we need to work on inequality and injustice, one simply has to look back 2.5 months to the case of Trayvon Martin, the young black teenager who was killed in a gated community in Florida.  This is not by far, the only case that is racially charged and a red flag signalling where we need work, but it is merely the latest.  To drive the point home of working towards true equality and fairness, one only has to look as far as the hallowed halls of Congress to see how much work needs to be done.  When one gets a glimpse of Congress, one sees mainly a sea of white with specks of color interspersed.  Granted, we have come a long way since the days of slavery, segregation, and Jim Crow laws, but we have not reached equilibrium in all areas.  Yet another area that will show how relatively un-equal we are is education.  We have still not figured out how to create an equal opportunity education system.  We have tried and tried, but we have not reached the point where everyone is educated equally.  This perhaps is the area that will need the most work if we are to truly become the melting pot that is the United States of America.

Lets be frank here, is America a bad place to live?  I personally don't think so, but then again, I am a non-Hispanic white person, so my answer might not adequately reflect the majority.  Yet, despite that fact, the opportunities every citizen has (while not always perceived to be equal), provide the basis for creating a true melting pot where almost everyone can be considered equal.  Will we ever reach a point where everyone can consider themselves equal to everyone else?  Optimistically, yes; realistically, no.  The only reason I say no is because no matter how hard we try, there will always be some group that feels disenfranchised, impeded upon,  or discriminated against.  It is simply human nature, there will always be some people who feel the need to be better than others and that will have an effect on our national identity and culture.  We can still improve, in fact we have a lot of improving to do, and I do think we can reach a point where there is minimal discrimination and feelings of ill will, but it will take a lot of work to get there.  Look, I am proud to live in the United States.  Having said that, I truly hope that we can create a society where every culture, race, religion, etc can feel welcome and equal to everyone else.  In light of our changing demographics, we need to become more open and accepting of everyone, not just people who look like us or believe like us.  This is, after all, the melting pot of all cultures, races, and ethnicities and maybe one day we will reflect that.  (Article linked here)

Empathy for a Grandmother

Yes, I used that word again, "empathy", a word that I seem to be coming back to more and more of late.  Recently, I have been reading the "Brain Rules for Baby" book and empathy has been a big theme in that book in relation to raising children.  However, through reading the book and in turn inspecting my life and the lives of those around me, empathy has gained traction in my mind.  It has forced me to look at how I utilize empathy in my own life, sometimes less, sometimes more, and how I can teach empathy to my son as he grows older.  In dealing with family members especially, I have tried to take a step back from situations and see those situations from their perspective to try and understand where they are coming from.  Obviously this is not always the easiest thing to do and I am not always successful at completely understanding where someone else is coming from.  Granted, I know empathy is probably one of the hardest things we as humans can do honestly, but sometimes I come upon situations that either drag me in too deep or baffle me as to how I should respond.  And this is where one of my grandmothers comes in, Baba, my mother's mom.  The whole reason I am bringing this up today is because of recent events that have unfolded, most notably a few from mother's day when we were all gathered together at my parents house.  As I mentioned on Monday, we had a total of 6 mothers there, quite a few to reckon with, but it seems the one that needed the most reckoning with was Baba. 

So here is where the empathy comes in, or at least an attempt at empathy.  How does one empathize with a woman in her early 90's who has lost three husbands, spends most of her days alone (by choice as options for socialization are offered to her), and is slowly losing her memory?  How exactly does one place themselves in those kind of shoes and arrive at a point where one can say, "I understand where she is coming from and I feel for her."  Parts of her predicament are easier to empathize with than others, but then again, it all depends on the circumstances.  This past Sunday as we were all gathered together, Baba was the one craving most of the attention.  Almost all of us were seated in the living room with our son playing on the floor.  All the great grandparents were obviously excited to see him crawling around, the advances that he has made, and were all in some way trying to get his attention.  By far, Baba had to be the loudest and the most adamant about getting that attention.  Understandable from my perspective, maybe a little overboard, but understandable as she is the one out of everyone gathered who has the least interaction with others.  But it doesn't stop there.  After our son received more attention than he could handle and became a little over-stimulated, I whisked him out of the room.  The conversation that followed seemed to center on events in the news and occurrences in the world until Baba chimed in needing to add her two cents on a topic totally unrelated.  The rest of the conversation went silent when she chimed in and she continued to tell her stories.  I can empathize with her to an extent because I know her so well, but to someone who doesn't, it is much more difficult to see past her sometimes ornery, demanding nature to the underlying issues that she is dealing with. 

Its tough to envision sometimes what life must be like from her shoes.  After all, how many of us have escaped the grips of WWII, moved countless times to different countries, lost three husbands, lost a daughter, and on top of that have very little left that we can call our own except family?  I would guess that there are very few people if any, who can imagine going through something like that.  Granted, none of that excuses her actions from time to time, but it offers a glimpse of what it must be like now for her.  Empathy, for me especially, is difficult in this case.  Every time I think I understand where she is coming from, another part of her life surfaces or influences her that I had completely forgotten about previously.  Still, I try and empathize and in ways, I think it might be easier for me to do than for my parents who live with her day in and day out.  If I had to live with Baba, I think empathy would be even harder for me to employ than it already is.  But I guess in attempting to empathize with Baba, perhaps the hardest case out of my family, it makes it easier to empathize with others and put myself in their shoes.  In the end, what more is there to do than to simply deal with a person, love them as best you can, and help them with their life?  Not much, but it isn't always easy to do.  I must say, I am normally very good at dealing with Baba, but Sunday tested me.  There was just something about ensuring minimal stimulation for my son coupled with being loving and empathetic towards everyone else that drained me.  Sunday evening found me completely exhausted, probably because the day was emotionally draining.  It was still a good day, don't get me wrong, just trying at times.  In any case, on to another day at home with my son!

Water Main Electricity

I read an article last week in the NYTimes (I know, surprise surprise) about a fascinating new idea for an eco-friendly way of producing electricity.  Now if you haven't figured it out from the title of the post this morning, I will give you a little hint, the electricity would come from generators attached in some way to the water mains that feed New York City.  The way New York City gets its water is from a gravity fed system, similar to an aqueduct, that starts 125 miles away in the Catskill Mountains and makes its way down into the heart of the city.  To feed the thirsty city, nearly a million gallons of water flows down every minute with an initial power of 600 psi.  The momentum is such that it is capable of reaching the sixth story of almost every building in the city.  With this amount of power, some people have theorized that there is tremendous potential for producing electricity from the flow of water.  One company has already been formed that is starting the research and testing phase to see if it is plausible to generate electricity from the water.  While it wouldn't be enough to feed the energy appetite of all of NY city, it would be enough to ease the grid somewhat and provide electricity to pump stations, sewage treatment plants, or other small services.  The question is, would it be worth it to invest the money to install these hydroelectric generators to the water mains.  The only answer for now is, we shall see.

I personally have other questions that weren't necessarily addressed in the article (linked here).  My biggest concern would be the decrease in water pressure if these generators were installed.  I am sure that we all remember a little bit from science class and the lesson about energy.  Energy does not just appear out of no where.  Consequently, if the energy of the flowing water was used to power hydroelectric generators, it would in part decrease the power that the water had because the water would be turning turbines of some sort to create the electricity.  If the power of the water was decreased too much, then it might not reach the sixth story of the buildings in NY as it used to necessitating the installation of thousands of new pumps to provide the necessary lift to bring the water to where it needs to go.  Perhaps I am wrong and the power of the water would not be affected as much as I think it would.  After all, I am not a scientist or anything close to it, so it is merely a question on my part.  However, if this new idea (not entirely new as a few other similar systems are already in place) were to be implemented in NY, it could potentially save a good amount of energy costs.  It seems that innovation has not completely disappeared from out country yet, it has just diminished somewhat.  In any case, I hope that all the necessary tests that will be run prove that it would be worthwhile to install these hydroelectric generators and create some green electricity for New York City.

Unfortunately, not all water systems are gravity fed and as such, this type of generator could not be installed everywhere there are water mains.  However, if a system like this were to take hold in NY City, perhaps it would show other municipalities the benefit of at least investigating a system like it for their own towns.  While not taking the entire burden of electricity production away from fossil fuels and other sources, every little bit would help.  Easing the burden on the grid would be a huge benefit, especially since electricity needs are not getting any smaller and the population keeps on growing.  Another area that might be able to benefit enormously from a system like this would be Southern California.  Much of Los Angeles and the surrounding areas get their water from the mountains outside the city, another gravity fed system, and it could potentially provide much needed relief to their electricity grid as well.  But first NY, then we shall see how it spreads if it does.  I just though this was a fascinating system that could be beneficial to many people.  In this day and age of diminishing fossil fuels and soaring energy costs, we need more innovation when it comes to green, renewable energy.  This is a start, but we need more of it if we are to become energy independent.  It won't happen any time soon, but hopefully it doesn't take too long. 

Mother's Day Tribute

On Friday morning, during my weekly business meeting, I heard the best advice I have heard in a while about mother's.  It was from a gentleman who lost his mother 20 years ago.  What he said was, "Treat every day like its mother's day."  I couldn't agree more.  How often do we take our mother's for granted?  How often do we fail to realize everything that they do for us?  How often do we thank them for what they do and what they have done?  I think that many people, while appreciating their mothers, also take them for granted a lot of the time.  As a relatively new father on the scene, it is only now that I am truly coming to realize everything that mothers do, starting with pregnancy and never really ending.  Seeing everything that my wife does for our son makes me realize that my mother probably did the same as well as every mother out there.  From the sleepless nights to the breastfeeding to the worrying, it never ends.  Now this isn't meant to anger any fathers out there, but I think that mothers do a lot more in general for their children than fathers do.  A large part of it comes from the fact that mothers carry their children with them for 9 months and then are intimately involved with the raising of their children after birth.  This isn't to say that fathers don't put in a lot of effort, but I think mothers take the ribbon here.  Its the closer personal attachment that drives them to do more, their need to ensure their children are as safe and healthy as possible that makes them who they are.  But it isn't only biological mothers, but it goes beyond to any woman who acts in the capacity of being a mother. 

So what did you do for your mother yesterday to show her how much she means to you?  Our family gathered together, a total of 6 mothers being present in the household, and they did nothing but relax.  The men in our family, meaning my dad, brother and myself, took care of pretty much everything, the main event being a lunch that we cooked up (and didn't completely fail at).  We each had our task for the day, my brother was in charge of the fruit salad for desert, my dad in charge of rice and vegetables, and myself in charge of salad and cooking the chicken.  All in all, the food went over well and I think everyone enjoyed themselves.  That was our present for the mothers yesterday.  We could have bought them things, which my dad and brother might have (but I didn't), but we felt it was more important to give them a day off to relax and enjoy themselves.  After all, mothers do so much every day of the year, I think they are entitled to at least one day off (although more would definitely be welcome I am sure).  What I was most thankful for yesterday was to have all the mothers we had gathered together.  It is not often that we get that many mothers under one roof and let them do nothing.  I also think that it was probably hard for them not to do anything as mothers have this drive and need it seems to constantly be cleaning, cooking, and making sure that everyone else is happy. 

Of course, the only mother there who I know would have like to just sit in a chair all day by herself was my wife.  It was a little difficult yesterday with our seven month old and grandparents and great grandparents yearning to entertain and coddle him.  My wife even got a little over-stimulated and had to retreat to the outdoors.  As a result of all the stimulation, our son got maybe 45 minutes of napping in yesterday compared to his normal 2.5 to 3 hours.  But he made it through the day without any tantrums of nervous breakdowns so everything was OK.  At least next year our son will be older and better able to handle the overabundance of stimulation that he will undoubtedly receive.  Regardless, it was a beautiful day, perfect weather, and we were surrounded by family, so despite my wife's desire to just sit at home and do nothing, I think she had a decent time yesterday on her first mothers day.  So as we begin another week, let us all try to treat every day like it is mothers day and never let a day go by where we take our mothers for granted.   Life flies by too quickly for us to neglect our mothers.  If you didn't take time out to appreciate your mother yesterday, even if you don't have a good relationship with her, take the time today, give her a call, and just say thank you.  To all the mothers out there, thank you. 

Seven Month Checkup

Yesterday was our son's seven month check up and once again, he did wonderfully.  As it was just a regular checkup, there was nothing really spectacular to report except his new weight and height.  Currently he weighs in at a staggering 18 lbs, 9 ounces and stretches to an enormous 26.5 inches.  I know, nothing like a little hyperbole to start off the day, but what can I say, he didn't get any shots, the doctor was happy, and consequently, so were we.  But besides that, there is other news to report about his development.  Besides being able to feed himself the bottle which I already reported on last week, he has now moved to a two arm army crawl.  It is funny to watch him as he just figured out how to use his other arm to propel himself forward at a higher rate of speed.  While both arms work most of the time, there is the occasional instance of his right arm getting stuck underneath his body after which he continues to try and move forward without success until he pulls his stuck arm out.  Now it seems his big push is to try and figure out how to crawl on his hands and knees.  As it is, he is moving around faster and faster and once he figures out the whole crawling thing, he will be off for good, no more stopping him.  It is fascinating to watch him try and figure out how to move his knees forward while holding his chest in the air with his hands.  At first he pushes up with his arms and then hops his knees forward till he is perched soundly on hands and knees. 

Once he has gotten himself into the proper position as he feels, he stairs between his arms at his knees and tries to figure out what to do.  He can get his right knee forward, but then gets a little stuck as to how to move his left forward.  I seriously don't think it will take him too long as his strength is improving and he can almost move his left knee forward.  His balance his also seriously improving to the point where he just might start walking before he actually crawls.  Occasionally when he is playing with a toy he will balance on his right knee and left hand.  While balanced in this position, he will extend his left leg out straight in the air and with his right hand he will swat at his toy.  He keeps his balance fairly well in this position until he gets tired and plops down on his belly to play with his toy.  In the process of figuring out how to crawl, he has done a hop a few times.  He will get himself on his hands and toes, the rest of his body in the air and hop forward to his knees.  He hasn't done this too much, perhaps because after the first few times he figured that if he keeps on hopping like that he will either fall over or hurt his knees, who knows.  But aside from all that, he is still his normal, happy, baby self.  When he does get fussy, it is for a reason, maybe one that we don't know, but definitely for a reason, and it still isn't too often. 

His laugh is developing and as soon as he laughs, we laugh right along with him.  He is overly happy when either my wife or I are dancing around the house to music.  He will watch us and just laugh right along, finding it funny and hilarious.  But that just is who he is, a unique individual that changes every week and is slowly growing into a little boy.  Yes, he is still a baby, but boyhood is just around the corner for him.  I still find it weird sometimes when I get him the morning to think that I am a father.  I know it to be true, I feel it, but sometimes I still can't believe it.  It doesn't happen very often and I have no regrets, its just funny how sometimes I realize how lucky I am and how I don't even know how I got here.  But I guess that is life, time flies and every so often you take a step back and wonder how everything happened that happened.  Its a mystery to me, but exciting.  So as our son begins eating more and more, carrots being one of his favorite foods, I am sure he will hit a growth spurt fairly soon and grow exponentially.  Then again, maybe he won't, only time will tell.  Till next week, enjoy your weekend.  I know I will enjoy mine with my wife and son, especially since it is our first mother's day as a family.  Which reminds me, to all the mother's out there, happy mothers day and seriously, don't do to much work, let others do it for you. 

NY Hospitals Ditching Formula

Once again, I woke up this morning and began trolling the vast waters of the Internet to see if there were any interesting news stories that caught my attention.  Sometimes there are and sometimes there aren't.  Today, I found a number of stories that caught my attention, however, I will only focus on one as I usually do.  This story hits home for me as I have a 7 month old son (yes, he is almost 7 months now, can't believe it myself) who is still largely breast feeding.  Whats the big story you ask?  Well, I am about to tell you.  It seems that in an effort to get new mothers to breast feed from the outset and to continue for as long as possible, NY City hospitals will be getting rid of the free sample of baby formula that is normally given out in a gift bag when mothers and their newborns leave the hospital.  This move is being executed along with an increase in support and education about breast feeding while women are still in the hospital.  According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, mothers are encouraged to breast feed exclusively for at least six months after giving birth and then at least up to a year while other foods are being introduced.  How many mothers actually make it to the six month mark?  Well, 90% of new mothers start off breast feeding but by the 2 month mark, that percentage drops drastically to an abysmal 31%.  This isn't an effort by hospitals (not all of which are participating) to say that formula is bad, it is merely an effort to push breast feeding which is proven to be the best source of nutrients and immunity for a newborn.  (Article Here!)

Now I can see some mothers getting in an outrage already about this saying that people don't understand how hard it is to breast feed, especially after going back to work, and that it is their choice about what to feed their newborn.  Well, as I mentioned before, hospitals are not about to start bad mouthing formula, so lets take that argument off the table, they are just not going to give out free samples.  In regards to the difficulty of breast feeding after returning to work, however, I can see first hand how it takes a toll as my wife is still breast feeding exclusively except for a small amount of solid foods we feed our son every day.  I hear about how hard it is to find an adequate place for my wife to pump her milk.  I see the exhaustion on her face after feeding our son for the last time each night before we put him to bed.  Breast feeding is definitely not easy and I for one wouldn't want to go through it, however, if you want what is best for your child, then maybe it is worth it to struggle through the difficulties and continue breast feeding for six months.  There are a number of different reasons that breast feeding is better, the first of which is that every mother produces milk that is specifically designed for the needs of her baby.  As the baby gets older, the milk changes in accordance with his/her needs.  Does formula change according to what a baby needs?  I don't think so.  Beyond simply being designed for a specific baby, breast milk also provides the newborn with the mother's immunities.  Can formula do that for a newborn?  Not in the least. 

But it is not my place to tell mother's what they should or shouldn't do, I am merely a proponent of breast feeding and its benefits for a newborn and infant.  I also support what a good number of NY city hospitals are choosing to do by not giving out free formula samples and instead focusing on education and support for breast feeding.  And if you don't believe me about breast feeding, as I stepped away from the computer for a minute to refill my coffee cup, my wife decided to plop herself down in my seat and add her two cents on breast feeding.  Here is what she had so say in her own words:  "IT IS ONLY 6-12 MONTHS OF YOUR LIFE NOT THE WHOLE THING.  YOUR GOING TO BE EXHAUSTED FOR THE NEXT 18 YEARS MIGHT AS WELL PROVIDE YOUR CHILD WITH THE BEST YOU CAN FOR THAT SMALL FRACTION OF THEIR LIFE.  YUP THAT IS WHAT I GOT!!!!! :):):):)"  So you see, my wife would agree that it is not the easiest task in the world to perform especially after going back to work, but she is pushing through because she sees the benefits of it.  Hey, all I am doing is throwing this out there.  If you don't agree and want to continue feeding your infant formula, I won't hold it against you, but consider the pros and cons before you do anything with your child.  After all, it is the beginning of the rest of their life.

Books and Wild Things

If you haven't heard yet, Maurice Sendak, author of the well known children's book "Where The Wild Things Are", passed away yesterday.  I must admit, I loved that book when I was younger.  It had a way of transporting me into this nightmarish, imaginative world with big ugly beasts and total anarchy.  I personally want to know what happened to that culture of nightmarish books, ugly villains, and tall tales coaxing you on this wild journey through the mind.  It seems children's books these days have lost their edge, their ability to explore the recesses of humanity that need to be explored, and they are now all full of fluff and what not.  So maybe its just that my son hasn't gotten to the age when those books will be acceptable to read to him, but then again, maybe not.  Even if you take a look at any Dr. Seuss book and compare it to something written recently, you will find that imagination has fallen drastically and that children's books these days do not require relinquishing our grasp on reality.  I have read a good number of children's books to our son and by far, my favorites are the ones that have stuck around from my childhood.  There are one or two more recent books that I have come to enjoy reading, but a good number of them just don't make the grade for me these days.  Out of the books I have to choose from, I would much rather grab a Dr. Seuss book or another one of my favorites "The Giving Tree" (which if you read it is actually quite depressing).

With the passing of Sendak we lose another twisted, imaginative mind that created alternative worlds for children to delve into, maybe learn a little about life, and keep them coming back for more.  But I want to go beyond just the lack of imagination in young children's books these days and on to a comment that Maurice Sendak had about books in general.  When asked what his thoughts were about electronic books last year, Sendak replied, "“I hate them. It’s like making believe there’s another kind of sex. There isn’t another kind of sex. There isn’t another kind of book! A book is a book is a book.” And you know what, I have to agree with him on this one.  Yes, electronic "readers" (as I will call them), are much easier to carry around, can hold many more books in its memory, and allow you to read despite the ambient light, but as Sendak said, its not a book.  No matter how you try and spin it, an electronic reader is just that, an electronic device that contains the contents of a book and allows you to read it on a digital screen.  A book by contrast is made of paper and ink, has a distinct smell, and forces you to become more intimate with it.  One of the big problems that I see with the electronic readers is that, despite their ease of operation, they can contain too many books.  If you are reading along and all of a sudden find that you are no longer interested in a given selection, you can pull up a different one and start anew.  In carrying around an actual paper book, you are making a commitment to reading that book in its entirety, or at least while you are away from your home.  But that is simply my personal opinion. 

What we really need are some more "Wild Things" in our lives, some imagination and temporary suspension of reality.  Everything has become incredibly serious, black and white, and where will it lead us?  We can't hope to instill a sense of adventure or imagination by plopping our children in front of an electronic reader and pulling up the latest children's book.  We can't for that matter do the same with any electronic device.  What we need is to do is bring back the books of our childhood with all their twisted stories and wild illustrations and perhaps we can bring some creativity back into our children's lives.  Maybe I am going a little far, but hey, its my opinion and I am entitled to it.  And for the record, I am only 29 and yes I still would rather sit down with an actual book than an electronic reader.  Perhaps I should be older, or have  been born in a different era, but it is what it is.  If you think about it, I am being a little hypocritical here as I am writing on a computer for people to read on a computer, paper and ink be damned, but then again, if I were writing this on paper with a pen, how many people would actually read this?  Probably very, very, very few.  So as I find myself caught between the allure of paper and ink and the necessity of a keyboard and bright screen, my mind drifts off to dwell with the "Wild Things" for a while.  Who knows, maybe I will turn into one of those delightfully twisted monsters, ARGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!

Spring Time

Spring has to be one of my favorite seasons.  While I enjoy all the seasons, or at least some aspect of all the seasons, spring tops the list for a number of reasons.  After a normal winter, unlike this past winter that was unusually warm, it signals the end of snow with warming temperatures, longer daylight hours, and buds on all the trees and plants.  Perhaps most indicative that spring has arrived (which I know it arrived a while ago) is the symphony of birds trumpeting their songs for all to hear.  And while it can still get chilly at night, the temperature reaches my favorite level during the day and stays there for a little while.  Whats that temperature you ask?  Why, it is between 50 and 65 degrees.  I personally don't care for the hot humid air of summer that hangs heavy and ushers the sweat out of seemingly every pore of your body.  No, I would rather have it be a little bit cooler, the breeze sending slight shivers down your arm, and have no humidity to speak of.  But alas, spring can not last forever as I sometimes wish it would, so I enjoy every minute of it while I can.  Another aspect of spring that I must mention is the arrival of the leaves on the trees.  For a week or so in early spring, the trees almost look as they do in fall, covered in gold and red buds, erupting from a long winter's slumber of slow growth.  It seems as though they transition from that golden, reddish hue to a bright vibrant green overnight.  One day you are driving down the road and there are no leaves on the trees, the next day, the leaves are there, truly amazing. 

That is one of the blessings of my job as a contractor; when it gets nice out, I move outdoors and begin working outside.  Granted, not all days are conducive to working outside, especially if it is raining, but after a beautiful day like yesterday, I can't complain at all.  As a contractor, I may be staring at a house for most of a day, but I am surrounded by the often cacophonous sound of nature, bees buzzing from flower to flower inspecting every corner for a possible new hive location, the birds calling out to their brethren, the leaves whispering to each other as the wind blows gently through them.  Who needs music when you have such a diverse soundtrack for your day.  And what could be better than to take a break from work, simply turn around and enjoy the view of spring all around.  Yesterday, the temperature remained in the low 60's, perfect for working, and while I was involved in some difficult, sweat producing work, I wasn't drenched by the end of the day as I would be in the summer.  But it isn't only the days of spring that are my favorite, it is also the nights of spring that draw me outdoors.  Spring, as well as fall in this regard, are perhaps the perfect time for sitting around a fire outdoors.  It isn't freezing, it isn't hot and humid, it is just the right temperature for a nice blazing outdoor fire.  And whats more, if you catch the timing of the moon cycles just right, you get treated to a beautiful full moon turning the night into a pale day. 

Saturday night as I was sitting around the campfire in Vermont, I noticed that after it had gotten dark out, it was actually starting to get light again.  There were a few wispy clouds peppering the night sky and over the tops of some pine trees, I noticed a white glow start to grow and permeate the surrounding sky.  The moon was on its way up and with the slowly passing clouds, it almost looked as if there was an eruption of white light.  The clouds, slowly drifting as they were, looked as if they were churning around the moon in slow motion, heaving to and fro, catching the white light, distorting it, and moving on in their slow meandering way.  It could have been one of the best moon rises I have every seen.  Of course, my measly iPhone did not do a very good job of capturing it in all its glory, but my memory will have to suffice.  If it were winter or summer, the moon rise would not have been nearly as enjoyable, but being it was spring time and not all the leaves were covering the trees yet, it was perfect.  So as I get ready for a rainy day of indoor work, I remember all the beautiful days of spring, look forward to more, and hope that the heat of summer holds off for as long as possible.  Even now, I hear the birds beginning their morning songs, waking each other up and letting us now that another day has begun. 

The Long Weekend

So I left early Friday to head up to Vermont and I hit barely any traffic at all except for a few small pockets here and there.  I took my time going up because the van was full of supplies and I didn't feel like taking a chance at getting pulled over.  In any case, I got there and the work began.  From around lunch time on Friday until I left on Sunday, I worked and worked from sunrise to sunset with only a few breaks in between.  While I did miss my wife and son, the non stop work helped me to keep my mind occupied and busy.  I did think of them though, especially what it will be like the first time camping with our son.  Its not like this is a traditional campsite with facilities and running water, its a plot of land in the middle of the woods with a stream running through it.  The shower, if you want to take one, is one of those portable shower bags that you fill up with water, let it heat up in the sun, and then hang it up to shower outdoors.  We will pass talking about the toilet for now because I am sure not too many people are interested in hearing about it.  Lets just leave it at its a user flushed toilet (remember, no running water, septic, or sewer).  We do have tents and every other camping amenity you could possibly want such as cots, super insulated sleeping bags, propane, charcoal, etc. etc. etc.  Despite the lack of facilities, which I don't mind at all, life is pretty good up there. 

I personally can't wait to bring our son up there and see how he does camping for the first time, especially in a tent.  I have a feeling that he will be fine, but you never know.  It could get a little chilly at night and when it gets light out in the morning, you notice it right away as the tent doesn't exactly keep light out.  Part of the supplies that I brought up this past weekend was one of those gated enclosures for infants and toddlers that you could either put inside or outside.  We figured this would be perfect to start with as the clearing we camp on is surrounded by steep slopes on three sides that go down to the stream.  I can't wait to see how he reacts to the completely different environment.  For us, even as adults, we notice a big difference.  Up in Vermont, it is quiet, peaceful, no car or truck sounds to be heard, and the constant sound of running water fills the background.  In Connecticut, its the complete opposite, rowdy neighbors, the incessant drone of cars and trucks, no audible running water.  Perhaps the biggest difference, however, is the amount of stars that you can see at night.  It is as if you were transported to a different world when you head up north and look up at the sky at night.  Without all the excessive lights that we have down here in Connecticut, you can really see hundreds more stars than you could down here.  I don't think our son will see those quite yet as he goes to bed before the sun goes down and gets up after it rises.  But thats more for my wife and I to enjoy. 

Regardless, I got done what I wanted to get done this weekend.  It got a little difficult about halfway through as the pull start on the generator I brought up to run my power tools broke.  It wasn't even my own generator, which is the worst part, but to be fair, the pull start was a little loose to begin with so I guess I just pulled it wrong.  In any case, I got most of the cutting I needed to get done before it broke, so it wasn't too bad.  If it weren't for my wife and son being home, I just might have stayed there a few more days and actually relaxed (which I have a hard time doing).  There is just something about being disconnected for a while that I really enjoy and relish.  Its not often you can just get away from everything and not have to worry about your cell phone ringing off the hook, especially if you don't get service.  But in any case, I am starting to ramble, probably because I am exhausted, but such is life.  I did manage to make it home in record time yesterday despite a little bit of traffic.  I drove straight through, skipping my normal rest stop, and with traffic made it home in 3 hours flat.  Of course, the speedometer was pegged around 75-80 the entire way, but luckily there were no state troopers in Vermont, Massachusetts, or Connecticut to slow me down.  A little bit of a risk, yes, but well worth it to get home before my son went to bed.  All in all, the long weekend was good, but tiring, and now I go back to work to make some money. 

First Weekend Without Son

As you might have gathered by the title of this post, I am going away for the weekend, the first without my son around since he has been born.  I am not going on vacation per se, but I am instead making a trip up to Vermont to bring up any camping supplies we may need for the summer and also to finish the doors on the shed I started building there last year.  I was almost able to finish last summer except that by the end of summer, my wife was getting closer and closer to her due date and I didn't want to risk one weekend away knowing that it would be the time when she went into labor.  So, after the long winter that wasn't really a winter, I am heading back up there to finish the last important piece to the shed, the doors.  When we left last labor day, I simply took a few pieces of plywood and nailed them over the opening.  It was the simplest solution to security in the middle of the woods that I could think of and I only hope that no one decided to try and rip them off and expose what camping supplies we had stored up there.  We shall see later today what the state of the shed is.  But that is neither here nor there, yet.  For now, I am thinking about our son and how much I am going to miss him this weekend.  Its a little weird having spent the last 6.5 months with our son and now to be spending two nights away from him.  I know its only two nights, three days, but still, for a first time parent, I am definitely going to miss him. 

I know that our son will be fine, he is a trooper and will continue to try crawling faster and faster while I am gone and provide plenty of dirty diapers for my wife to change.  Trust me, I won't miss the dirty diapers, but I will miss him and my wife.  My wife, I feel, will have more of a tough time than our son will have.  After all, she will be taking care of him all by herself for three days, something she hasn't had to do yet.  I think overall that she is more concerned than I am, wondering what she is going to do and how she will handle it.   I have faith in her, however, and know that she will take it in stride.  Overall, our son is fairly easy to take care of, there are rarely an screaming fits, maybe 5 since he was born, and he makes life easy.  I know he could have some issues, but if he does, they probably won't amount to anything significant.  In any case, I am only going to be gone for the weekend, so there really isn't that much to be worried about.  Even if there was, I am only 3.5 hours away and if need be, could probably make it back home in slightly under three hours depending on speed, traffic, and the prevalence of police on the roadways.  But moving on, I still have a little packing to do, food to get ready, and a few more things.  It all falls into place when it needs to. 

I guess my biggest worry for this weekend, outside of missing my wife and son, is getting up to the campsite.  Last spring when I made the trek up there the first weekend of May, I got my van stuck in the mud on the trail up to the campsite.  Unbeknown to me, last year I went up a week after the snow pack had melted, leaving everything completely muddy and wet.  This year, luckily, there has not been nearly as much snow as there was last year and I am hoping that the ground is firm enough up the trail so that my van can make it all the way up.  If it is muddy, it will be a hell of a work weekend as I will have to cart all my supplies uphill to the campsite.  Most of it won't be an issue, but there are a few things that will give me grief if it comes down to that.  First is the generator that I am borrowing to get the work done this weekend.  It is not light by any means and even with a wheelbarrow to roll it up the hill in, it will definitely cause the sweat to start coursing out of my pores.  All in all, I am sure that it is going to be a great weekend with today looking like the only day of rain I will have.  As long as it is sunny tomorrow and Sunday, I will have not a care in the world.  Even if it isn't sunny, I won't complain because I will be on a mini vacation.  Oh well, let everyone reading this pray that the mud isn't to bad in Vermont.  Thanks in advance and I will be back next week. 

Shyness Creeping In

So there seems to be a new trend with our son that started developing over the weekend.  This new trend is shyness around others.  Personally, I thought this wasn't supposed to happen till nine months of age or older, but here our son is, 6 months old and starting to exhibit signs of shyness.  This shyness of his is not your typical infant shyness of turning the head away, burying it in mom or dad's shoulder and refusing to look at others.  Rather, it consists of our son seeing others, a pouty face developing, and then small tears sometimes until I convince him that the people he sees are OK.  It happened this weekend to start with when we went over our friend's house for a play date and then again yesterday when I took our son to see our chiropractor.  In any case, his pouty face is so cute that you can't help but giggle a little while trying to convince him that the world is not coming to an end and that he has seen certain people before.  Maybe it is just a passing phase that will quickly disappear and then again, maybe it won't be.  Whatever the case may be, he is adorable all around.  Enough of the shyness, however, and on to my day off yesterday with our son.  As most people who read this regularly know by now, my day off watching our son is one of my favorite days of the week and I do my best not to miss it. 

Overall, yesterday was an ordinary day with nothing overly special to speak of.  One of my personal highlights however is the fact that I don't have to hold our son's bottle for him anymore.  Babies sure learn quickly when it comes to food.  About three weeks ago, I started teaching him how to hold the bottle on his own.  He would already grab the bottle with both hands while I was holding it, so I simply started taking my hand away and letting him be in charge of getting the milk from the bottle to his mouth.  At first it was touch and go; he would hold it for a little, then drop it, hold it then drop until he reached the halfway point of the bottle after which he got too fidgety to hold it himself.  He got progressively more adept at working the bottle, and for me, yesterday was the first day when I didn't have to hold the bottle at all for him.  Don't get me wrong, his grip would occasionally slip and the bottle would drop, but all I did was hand him the bottle and he would grab it and tip it upside down to get the milk inside.  It is quite funny at times to see him feeding himself.  When the bottle does occasionally slip, he will sit up with his mouth wide open and his hands reaching for the bottle.  After I place the bottle in his hands, he tips it up and throws his whole body back into the supine position to get the easiest flow from the bottle.  What is even more hilarious sometimes happens when he is nearing the end of the bottle his bottle and he starts to slow down.  At times he will spontaneously sit up, the bottle dropping and he will inspect any pillow or object around him for a few seconds, pound it with his open palm, and then realize he was eating and reach for the bottle again.  It is wonderful to see him learning things. 

He has an overall fascination with everything, but that fascination as I have mentioned before tends to be towards his environment rather than the toys he is given.  This isn't to say that he doesn't like his toys, what few of them he has, but it seems he would much rather explore the world around him than dwell on toys for too long.  I love to see the studious look on his face whenever he sees my wife or I doing something that he is not familiar with.  This could range from pouring a glass of water from a pitcher, washing our hands, putting plates and silverware away, or making trail mix.  As of yesterday, his two most fascinating events were trying to figure out how I clap my hands and how he can do it, and also perpetually dropping objects to the floor from his high chair.  With my hands, he will stare at them as I bring them together to clap.  He will watch over and over and over again.  While he has yet to try clapping himself, I have a feeling it won't be too long before he figures it out.  And on to the dropping.  I thought he was testing gravity a while ago by dropping things to the floor, but this week gravity has taken on a whole new meaning.  He will grab whatever is on his high chair, hold it over the edge, and drop it to the ground.  After dropping a given object, he will then stare at that object until you pick it up for him at which point he will grab it and repeat his dropping process.  I know that at some point he will start saying "uh-oh" when he drops something because I say that whenever he does.  It won't take long for him to make the connection himself.  In any case, I enjoyed every minute of my day off yesterday except for when I had to get boogers out of his nose and he screamed his head off.  Other than that, it was a wonderful day.