Seeing Beauty Around Us

I've heard on more than one occasion from various people that they are moving to a different location because they don't like it where they live.  Either they don't like the climate, or they don't think there is beauty around them.  They don't like the state, or the economy, or any number of other reasons.  Obviously economies vary from state to state and if that is what is driving a person to move, than all the more power to them.  One thing I have noticed, however, is that by simply moving somewhere else because of the economy does not always work out the best.  Take for example the economies of Florida and Connecticut (briefly before I change tracks to the real substance of my post today).  Connecticut definitely has higher taxes, I will not deny that.  However, in the trades, I can make tremendously more in Connecticut than I can in Florida.  I was talking to my cousin who lives down there about painting.  At the time he had recently gotten the entire interior of his house repainted.  I asked how much he payed just out of curiousity and he said about $1500.  My jaw dropped at that number.  His jaw consequently dropped when I told him that is the higher end for a single room in Connecticut.  So simply moving due to economics doesn't always guarantee a better situation elsewhere.  But I digress as I mentioned above.  I have talked to many people who don't like the scenery of Connecticut or where they live and often times have trouble finding beauty around them.  I for one, would have to entirely disagree with anyone who moves due to lack of beauty in their surroundings.  I don't care where you live, beauty can be found anywhere around you, sometimes you just have to look or sometimes you actually have to just be open to seeing beauty in your surroundings.  As the saying goes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.   I would whole heartedly agree with that, and yet, we can also learn to see beauty in ways that we might have been previously blind to.   To do that, we must sometimes look to others and try and see things from their perspective. 

 

I for one, rarely have trouble finding beauty wherever I go.  Often times, the beauty I see around me varies greatly.  I see beauty in old abandoned factories that I sometimes drive by, derelict, with roofs falling in, vines blanketing every man made wall, and trees growing through windows or any orifice.  To me, it speaks to natures ability to reclaim everything that we can create.  We can create enormous monuments as testaments to our progress, but unless we maintain and clear nature away, they will fall apart and nature will undo everything we do.  There is a beauty there, sometimes harder to see, but pervasive in all the minutiae.  I see beauty every morning when I look out my back window to the windows of houses facing East that reflect the morning sun as it peeks its head over the horizon.  The colors, framed so neatly in the plethora of houses speaks of peace and calm, before the cacophanous sound of life takes hold and the sun reaches its peak.  Even when I walk through the canyons of a city, New Haven, New York, wherever, there is a utilitarian beauty that comes in the form of light and shadows, the sweet smell of diesel fumes (yes for some reason I periodically enjoy the smell), and the swarm of different faces that populate the streets.  And of course, whenever I am driving through the country, wherever I might be, I always see beauty, always.  Whether it is Tennessee, California, Florida, Connecticut, anywhere, anytime, there is beauty to behold.  I never make comparisons as to which area holds more beauty because they are all so different.  Even just in Connecticut there is so much to see and behold that every view or landscape leaves a different imprint upon me, affects me in mildly different ways.  Perhaps the most important thing that we can do to see beauty is to step outside ourselves and look around.  We must remove ourselves from our own lives, forget about our responsibilities and worries, and simply look around us.  Its amazing what we can miss when we get self absorbed or start to think to much about what we have to do during the day.  If only we all took more time to stop and look around, I guarantee our lives would be less stressful. 

People can move wherever they want for whatever reasons they want, but unless they bring their hearts with them and an open mind, their new home will feel all to similar to their old home.  If we are blind to the beauty around us where we live, how will we be open to seeing beauty somewhere else?  Even if we are capable of seeing new beauty, is it just because it is new and different that it seems beautiful or are we truly seeing the beauty for what it really is?   Even if I drive by the same reservoir every day for a month, I still look at that reservoir every day and find something different about it that catches my eye, speaks to the uniqueness of it, and captivates me at least for a few moments.  Some call it the artists eye for seeing beauty in everything, I call it being open to the influences of the landscape around us and the subtle beauty that can be found almost everywhere.  Its noticing the small nuances in the way a landscape changes day in and day out.  Its noticing the moon shining in a slightly different location every morning and casting a different shadow through the sparse early spring branches.  Its embracing the fog on a foggy day and the warmth of the sun on a seemingly perfect day.  So to is it embracing the thunderstorms with their raw power that reverbrate through the very bones of your body.  That too, is beauty.  Wherever we live, whatever we do, we all have it within us to notice beauty.  No two people see something the exact same way.  Even looking at the same flower, two people will notice different aspects of that flower that appeal to their sense, draw from within them a notion of beauty, that one thing that warms their spirit and lightens their load.   For myself, today I am sure I will notice the beauty around me, the phantom clouds drifting overhead or the burgeoning buds on the trees waiting to be rebirthed into the spring.  I don't know what I will see yet, but it will be there waiting for me to notice it. 

 

 

Marriage for All

This could very well be a historical moment in the United States, one in which people of all sexual preferences are allowed to marry.   That is, unless the United States Supreme Court decides to dismiss the case within its hallowed walls to altogether.   But I don't want to talk about the Supreme Court or their decision, rather, I want to talk about the seemingly inherent fear that some people have when it comes to gay marriage, either between two men or two women.   This would never have turned into such a divisive issue if there were no fear present.   In terms of myself, I have nothing against allowing two men or two women to get "married" if that is what they wish to do.  Simply because the historical precedent for marriage has always been held as a union between a man and a woman doesn't mean that we shouldn't alter the definition to include a union between two men and two women.  If we were so hell bent on preventing all sorts of change from "historical precedents" than women would still not be allowed to vote and we would still have slaves.  Those ideas, long ago abolished as diminutive, harmful, racist, biased, and so on and so forth have turned out to be extremely important changes to our society.  When those issues came before the Supreme Court, there was fear, living palpable fear that society would be altered in such a way that it would forever impinged upon and allowed to slide into the depths of hell.  Well, I would say that since the decisions to free slaves and allow women to vote were passed, society has flourished with more inclusion, more open ideas and discussions, and a new energy.  Yet, this decision now before the Supreme Court as to whether to allow men to marry men or women to marry women or to entirely forbid them from doing so doesn't even come close to the momentous decisions that were made in the past.  What exactly is the fear that people have of allowing men or women to marry their loved ones of the same sex?  Do some people honestly think that our country will be over run with homosexual marriages?  Or is this just a taboo subject for so many that to consider such a change in the definition of marriage would alter their lives in some way? 

 

Personally, I don't see any harm that could possibly come from allowing same sex marriages to be legal.  I know my Church, the Catholic Church, doesn't agree, but so be it, I don't necessarily hold every belief that they say I should hold.   In an article I was reading this morning about the possibility of the Supreme Court dismissing the case, one of the arguments that a lawyer had against allowing same sex marriages to be legal was that the main purpose of marriage is procreation.  Really?  Since when has marriage been all about having and raising children?  Marriage, first and foremost, is a union between two people who love each other and wish to spend the rest of their lives together.  That is where all marriages start, with love.  If two people love one another with everything they have, regardless of their sexual preferences, then marriage is normally the next step, as long as its legal for all.  If we start to put limits on who can get married, what marriage is really about, then and only then will we doom society to a slippery slope marriage regulation.  If we start to say that marriage is only about having and raising kids, then people who get married over the age of 50 with no plans on having children should have their marriages nullified because it doesn't fit within the nice little envelope this one lawyer is trying to put marriage in.  Marriage can never fit into one little envelope and the more we try to keep it within the boundaries of what we believe to be true, the more it will restrain all of us form truly reaching our full potential.  If we allow same sex marriages to be legal, is there a fear that some people in "traditional" marriages will get divorced so that they can marry their gay lover?  I highly doubt it.  Rather, there is a fear that all of a sudden we will have to re-think the way we look at marriage, not as a union between a man and a woman, but as a union between two people, period. 

 

Most people have a tendency to resist change regardless of its nature.  Simply look at the work force and people who are unemployed.  How many of those people struggle to alter their line of work, to find something different than what they have been doing their whole lives.  There are a plethora of people out there who know what they know and if presented with something different, shy away from it because it requires them to "change".   Change, most of the time, is a good thing.  It alters the course of events, keeps things fresh, and perpetuates our ability to adapt.  If we have learned nothing else from history, it is that we need to constantly adapt to changing circumstances whether they are within our control or not.  If we do not change, we stagnate, and if we stagnate we die.  I hardly think that this is such a momentous issue as to doom marriages of all kinds, but it is time to re-think the way we look at marriages.  I know for some, this is a very momentous time and I do not wish to take away from that, but if we look at the overall scheme of things, I am sure that same sex marriages will be legalized; if not this year, then next, and if not next year, then the year after.  At this point, it is only a matter of time.  There will be people who resist just as there were people who resisted the abolishment of slavery and the inclusion of women in the voting process.  Those people will get old and die and eventually we will be left with people who accept the idea.  This is not an issue that will be resolved over night as much as some people would like it to be.  The concept of legalizing same sex marriages is going against over 2000 years of history and anything that seeks to change such an ingrained concept will be fought tooth and nail.  However, eventually it will come to pass.  Perhaps the first step that anyone opposed to this idea needs to take is to look at themselves and their own views.  Why are they so afraid? Why?

A Boy Becoming

Since I talked about being a father yesterday, sort of stuck in between two worlds, I figured it would be a good time to talk about my son and what has been going on with him recently.  It seems that he is over his colds and all sicknesses for the most part.  While his nose is still running a little bit, it is a vast improvement from where it was even just a week ago.  There was two incidents last week that provided a little cause for concern, even with his doctor.   Two days in a row, at daycare, his lips and fingers turned blue for a while.  It was after his nap while he was eating and one of the days it lasted for about an hour.  Besides the blue lips and fingers, he acted perfectly normal, no shortness of breath, no lethargy, nothing.  Those were the only times it has happened, and luckily it hasn't happened since, but due to the odd nature of it and the fact that his lungs are clear, our pediatrician has recommended that we bring him to see a cardiologist.  We are not reading too much into this right now as he has been acting perfectly normal, however, just to be on the safe side, we will be bringing him in a couple of weeks.  Oh yeah, he got an ear infection last week as well.  Such is the life of a toddler quickly growing into a little boy.  Despite those little hiccups in his daily routine, the most amazing part to me about our son is his growth.  At 18 months old (or just about), he has broken the 3 foot barrier in height.  Currently he is in the 95 percentile for height at his age while his weight has him hovering right around the 50 percentile range.  We thought we had child proofed everything in the house adequately except we forgot to factor in for his height and the fact that as he grows he will be able to reach more and more things.  As of right now, he can reach the counter tops in our kitchen so everything on them has to be slid back a little bit.  Coinciding with his rapid growth is his growing appetite.  There are many days when he just won't stop eating.  He just packs it in, fills up his belly, and then sprouts up the next day or two.  One morning last week, he had the following food within an hour; two scrambled eggs with spinach and cheese, a whole banana, two extra slices of cheese, two grapes, and a strawberry.  Incredible. 

 

That is only part of what amazes me about our son.  I've said it before and I have to say it again, I love watching our son develop a little more every day.  He now loves to "help" cook, especially breakfast.  While I am cooking the eggs for our family (ten eggs a day, but only five yolks), he loves to sit on the counter next to the stove and play with all the utensils for cooking.  His daily routine is to take all of them out, bang them on the counter seeing which one will make the coolest noise, and hand me a spatula so I can scramble the eggs.  Just this past Sunday he thoroughly enjoyed helping make soup for the week.  As usual, he was seated on the counter next to the food processor which we use to cut up all the vegetables for our soup.  With all the vegetables washed and ready, we handed them to him so he could put them in the top.  He loved it, carrots, celery, peppers, he put them all in one at a time so they could get chopped up.  We didn't even have to tell or show him how, he just watched us once and figured it out.  He is also getting very astute at figuring out where different foods are.  He knows that all his cheeses and yogurt are in the refrigerator, he knows the bananas are hanging over the counter, and he knows that the raisins are hidden in the cabinet over the counter to the left of the sink.  To show that he wants raisins, he will grab his little bowl, walk over and point up to the cabinet.  I think it is taking us longer to figure out what he wants than for him to figure out where things are.  As soon as he starts talking, which he is progressively moving towards, things will be a lot easier for our whole family.  He is getting closer and closer to mimicking actual words now.  I am not going to try and phonetically spell out what he is saying, but he is getting closer and closer.  Another cool thing that I noticed the other day is that he loves to watch people.  I first noticed it when I brought him to Church Sunday morning.  It was just the two of us as my wife wasn't feeling that well.  We got out of the car when we got there and started walking.  Halfway to the church, he saw a couple people coming so what does he do?  He stops, turns, and watches them come towards us and pass us.  Then more people come and he does the same.  He doesn't move until the people are completely past us.  In order to get into church on time, I had to pick him up and walk him inside or else we would have been in the parking lot for a half hour.  After Mass, we were stuck on the second step outside the Church as people filtered by.  He had to watch everyone leave until there was no one left.  I just let him watch them as we stood there. 

 

Yesterday was a funny afternoon.  I picked him up from daycare as my wife had a doctor's appointment.   The first amusing thing is that when I get into his room, he doesn't want to leave.  Rather, he starts running around playing with a little bit of everything, wanting to show me his room.  Finally, after about five minutes, I finally managed to get his hat and coat on at which point he bolts for the door, turns and waves to his friends, and then continues running.  As soon as we get outside, I have to grab his hand before he bolts off.  Outside, I ask him, "Can you find Daddy's Jeep?"  He looks around, finds it and points, and starts running as fast as his little feet can take him.  It is so adorable.  Then he shuts down during the ride home, zombie like staring out the back window with his thumb in his mouth.  As soon as I turn off the Jeep, it is back to super active little man, running to the back yard.  This past weekend we brought out his wagon from retirement over the winter.  Well, he wants to do nothing else except ride in his wagon.  Despite the fact that it was drizzling, he wanted to go ride in his wagon, so I agreed thinking that there were much worse things he could want to do.  I thought that if I put him in with his bag from daycare and pulled him to the house, we would be good.  I got to the back door, suggested we go inside, and he tapped the wagon, indicating that he would like a few more trips around the back yard.  That was perfectly fine with me.  So around and around we went with him just looking at everything that we went by.  After the few extra trips we were finally able to make it inside the house.  I am just so happy that he loves the outdoors, and also loves books.  Not a day goes by where he doesn't want to go up to his room at one point and flip through some books as we read them.  Occasionally we will make it all the way through his favorite books while other times he just flips to his favorite pages and stares at them.   I wouldn't have it any other way.  I could keep going on and on about our son, but for now, I am running a little late and have to get him out of bed to start the day. 

A Strange Age

I have reached a point in my life, or rather an age, that seems to be a confluence of two worlds.  Perhaps it is simply due to my wide array of friends, ranging from a few years younger than me to a few decades older than me.  Or perhaps it is just that I have reached a point in my life that feels different.  To lay it out as simply as possible, I have essentially two types of friends; those that have children and those that don't.  Amongst those friends that have children, there are a select cadre that have had their children grow up and move out, providing an even more unique prespective.  However, for the sake of this post today, I will focus mainly on those friends of mine who have children at home (mostly younger) and those that don't have any children.   The differences between the two groups; the attitudes espoused, the perceptions of life portrayed, and the general concensus of forward movement in life seemingly come from different worlds.  It wasn't that long ago that I belonged to the group whose attitudes were geared away from children, were geared more towards self gratification, self interest, enjoying life on one's own terms rather than focusing on family first.   It is a weird place to be in.  There are friends of mine who I sometimes consider inviting over for dinner, but never take that step in asking them because to begin with, our lives our crazy with an 18 month old, work, and making ends meet.  Followed closely after that, I can tell that they are in a different place than I am in regards to life.  They enjoy going out to eat more, drinking more, or to keep it simply, enjoying life without the responsibility of having a family to take care of and provide for.  On a similar note, I get invited to go out with this "younger" group of friends (younger only by a few years) on occasion, to parties packed with kegs and jello shots, to chili fests, to the shooting range, to whatever.  I rarely take them up on these offers, however, because in terms of the parties, I am past the days of all night keg parties and drunk people making asses of themselves.  That isn't to say I don't have those occasional nights when I have a little too much to drink, but for the most part, those days are behind me.  And while I am on the topic of drunk people, it is hilarious to see someone make an ass of themselves, but too much, too often and it just gets annoying. 

In terms of other events that I get invited to, most of the time I am busy at home either spending time with our son, taking care of regular household maintenance, or simply too tired to make it out.  I know, it sounds like my life has turned pathetic, but I actually enjoy my life.  Its just that most of the time I don't have any extra time to hang out with friends, especially on a last minute basis.  Its a weird transition to make from being able to make spur of the moment decisions to having to plan gatherings weeks or months in advance in order for them to work.  Such is case with my group of friends that have children.  Whenever we do get together with them, which is seldom since most of my friends in this group of younger children, I usually know at least two weeks in advance of a get together.  With an 18 month old in the house, getting together with friends is much harder.  I know what it must seem like to the group of friends without children; I am abandoning them.  That's hardly the case however.  I cherish their friendship and when possible get together with them, but I am not going to go hang out at a party with drunk people just to see a few of my friends.  Its just not worth it to me.  I guess this strange age that I am in really struck me on two occasions in the past month.  The first was when I was out a dart match on Thursday night with friends.  There was talk about one of my friends buying his girlfriend the class to get a pistol permit.  Those classes are mostly on a Saturday and her excuse for not getting it was that she couldn't take a Friday night off from drinking.  Not even thinking about the group of friends I was with and the fact that they are a tad bit younger than me with no kids, I said, "Just wait till you have kids, there will be many Friday nights when you don't go out and get drunk."  All conversation stopped and they looked at me like I had five heads.   Pretty quickly, they responded that they weren't having kids anytime soon and how could I suggest something like that.  Obviously they took it the wrong way because I was simply joking, obviously a "parent" joke that some people didn't get, but it brought me back to the reality of who I was actually hanging out with.  Oh well, I had a sip of my beer and let them carry on their conversation. 

The other instance I realized the weird place I was in was a few weeks after that.  Let me preface this next examply by saying that even just a few years ago, if a friend invited me out for drinks even in the middle of the afternoon, I would have agreed and headed out with them.  Nowadays, with a child around, I rarely have an alcholic drink before 6 at night.  I just don't want to have even a mild buzz when I am spending time with my son.  In fact, there were times even just 5 or 6 years ago when I would have gone to lunch with a friend, had a couple drinks, and not gone back to work.  But those days are past me.   On to what happened a few weeks ago.  I was doing a small job in a condo complex when lo and behold, a friend of mine pulled up to do work at the condo right next to the one I was working in.  I didn't know he was going to be there so we chatted for a bit before going to work on our respective jobs.  A little after lunch time, I was done with the job for the day and as I was about to leave, my friend asked if I wanted to head to the bar and get a couple of drinks.  I actually thought about it for half a second before declining because I had to pick up my son from daycare and spend time with him in the afternoon.  He was kind of puzzled, but thats my position, no drinking if I am going to be with my son, no ifs, ands, or buts.  So thats where I am at right now.  I am stuck in between two worlds right now, the world of no worries, free wheeling fun, and that of responsibility and a different form of fun that comes from family.   I enjoy the friends I have in both spheres, however, it seems as a parent you move quite quickly into the latter world where reponsibility takes the reigns.  I know there are parents out there who don't have the same view that I do and still think that with a child in the house they can do whatever they want.  I don't fault them for their views, however, their views are not my views.  While its a weird place to be in right now, I still enjoy every second of it and make sure I live every second to the fullest.  Such is life, a series of changes that occur, never letting us get settled, never allowing us to relax (although some might think they can).  Well, back to work today after too short of a weekend, and oh yeah, I caught my wife's cold again which she caught from our son.  (Damn rhinovirus!)

Chapter ?, Dementia Diaries

So I went down to see my grandmother, Baba, yesterday.  It had been almost two months since I went to see her last, all because of the perpetual colds and other types of ailments that have circulating through my immediate family.  With health finally starting to return, yesterday I was finally able to make it down to visit her.  Being 92 and living in a facility with people her age and diminished immune systems, it wouldn't have been a good idea to visit, and when I told her this yesterday, she completely agreed.  Since it had been two months since my last visit, I didn't know what to expect when I walked in there.  Would she recognize me?  Would she know my name?  Would she tell me to leave?  Those questions float through my mind every time I go down to visit, but with this being the longest stint between visits for me, they occupied almost every thought I had on the trip down.   Having those questions of my own, I can partly understand why some people wouldn't want to go visit a family member with dementia.  There is never any certainty about what state the person you are visiting will be in when you get there.  They could be having a good day, or a bad day, and you never know till you walk through the door and see them and their reaction to you.  Not going to see Baba has never even been a thought that has entered my mind.  I don't know how some people can just leave their family members in these facilities without visitors, totally alone, left to their own failing devices.  I wish more people would go see their family members, but that is not for me to control.  I can only control what I do and I know that I will continue to go see my grandmother, even if her reaction to me does change as time progresses.  One thing that strikes me every time I go down to see her is the lack of visitors there.  I hardly ever see anyone else visiting a family member at the facility my grandmother lives in and it saddens me to see their forlorn faces at dinner, staring off into the distance, brows wrinkled, heads hanging.  Yesterday, though, that was not the case with Baba. 

 

I had brought some clean clothes with me that my mother had washed for her.  Not knowing if she was in her room or having dinner, I went to her room first.  Not being there, I left her clothes on her bed and went to the dining room, where, sure enough, she was eating her cheeseburger on half a bun, the other half lying on her plate.  The moment I walked through the door and she saw me, an enormous smile burst onto her face.  She was overly excited to see me and it put a smile on my face to know that she at least recognized me.  Baba at least knew that I had come to see her before, how long was beyond her, but she knew it had been a while.  She didn't remember my name, but that's OK with me.  The one person she never forgets, and this is a mystery to everyone, is my son.  She always knows his name, knows that he is her great grandson, and always looks forward to seeing pictures of him.  She will occasionally forget who my mother is and her relation to her, but she always remembers my son.  At least she has that to hold on to.  Its a mystery, but its not one worth looking into.  I could see yesterday that she is forgetting more and more.  She couldn't put together the fact my wife was also the mother of our son.  Once I explained it to her, she understood, its just odd how some connections remain and some disappear.  I had mentioned a while ago about how she gets stuck on a loop, almost like a glitch in a CD (I know, almost non-existent now) that keeps the same sentence playing over and over and over again.  Well, those loops I have noticed are getting shorter.  What once used to be longer stories that trailed off and then began again have morphed into occurrences during her day that she feels the need to repeat.  Yesterday she kept on saying how many people were there and how few there were before.  I wasn't quite sure what she was referring to, but I let it go and whenever she got stuck on her loop, I changed topics and moved things along.  There seems to be more and more that I am incapable of understanding when it comes to what she is trying to say.  Not to say that it is gibberish, but I just have no idea what she is talking about sometimes. 

 

Yesterday she was asking where my parents lived.  I told her they lived in Milford and she asked if it was the house up on the hill.  I said yes.  Later she asked where I lived and I told her Seymour.  "In the house up on the hill?"  "Yes, Baba."  Then came the strange one.  She asked about my friends, two boys who live in a house up on a hill in Stratford.  I had no clue who she was talking about or whether or not she was even talking about friends of mine (which I doubt she was).  Yet, the same recurring them was there, the house up on the hill.  After she was done talking about my friends, she wanted to make sure I told them that she was still alive.  I told her I would even though it will be very hard for me to find those friends that I don't even know about.  I guess in one aspect her quest to tell my friends she is still alive, I am doing that by writing this now.  I would tell her that I write about her on the Internet, but at this point that would be beyond her comprehension and probably spawn more questions that I probably wouldn't be able to adequately answer.  It is sometimes tough to see her in her present condition.  While her general health is good overall, she will even admit now that she is forgetting a lot.  Its not always the big things that she forgets that surprise me now, its almost as if I expect those, but the small things set me back a little.  At dinner yesterday, she had stopped eating when I walked into the dining room.  Seeing everyone else finishing up their dinner and leaving, I asked if she wanted to finish her cheeseburger.  She said yes and went back to eating.  While finishing, she would take occasional sips of her tea.  When that was done, she looked around her tray and saw the apple juice.  I asked if she wanted it and she said yes.  I opened it up for her and she told me to put it in the mug that the tea was in.  She took a sip and said it was really good tea.  I didn't have the heart to tell her it was apple juice.  She said it was cold, but good, a little sweet, but good.  Yet she still thought it was tea, not apple juice.  Oh well, life goes on and hopefully next week when I go see her, she will be feeling well and be in good spirits. 

Trains, A Love Affair

Ever since I was a little kid, I have always loved trains of any kind.  Small, large, passenger, freight; you name the type of train and I could watch it all day long.  My "love affair" with trains has never brought me so far as to know the first type of train ever made, nor the different types of locomotives, their names, or for that matter, their history.  I have just always been enamored by the idea of trains, the notion that you can hop on in one location, plop yourself in a seat, and stare out the window as you travel somewhere, anywhere.   When I was little, I never cared so much for their efficiency at moving people and cargo between two different points.  The root of what draws me to trains is partly their size, partly the fascination of watching or traveling on them as they move swiftly down two steel rails, and their ability to connect far reaching places with simplicity.  It is only more recently that I have come to love trains, in addition to the aforementioned reasons, for their efficiency.  There are few other modes of transportation that can whisk either people or cargo at high speeds across large distances for relatively little energy.  Sure, one locomotive needs a fair amount of it, but all told, its efficiency far surpasses that of the automobile or the airplane.  (The only advantage to air travel is that it is quicker and can travel over large expanses of water).  But enough about efficiency, and back to what made me fall in love with trains in the first place.  I don't know exactly what sparked my fascination with trains, but I do remember a number of instances being on trains that cemented that love for them in me forever.  One of the earliest memories I have of being on a train was in Chattanooga Tennessee on a smaller version of on old steam locomotive.  It didn't travel very far, rather, it was more for the entertainment of families and to get a taste of what it was like in the olden days.  There was the slow lumbering lurch as the steam powered pistons began the forward movement of the train.  There was the steam release, the clanking of the connections between cars, and the smell of coal being thrown into the fire box.  For some reason, all those sounds, smells, and movements appealed to me, along with the scenery that drifted by as we sat in the car being towed along two steel rails.  And that was just the beginning. 

 

Despite not having been on that many steam powered trains, the idea of them, the notion of traveling down those steel rails, has always been exciting.  Every time my parents and I would hop on a train to New York City, I would always want to be in the first or last car so I could look out the door at where we were headed, or where we were coming from.  Regardless of which direction I looked, as far as the eye could see were a set of rails, straight, narrow, and seemingly endless leading off into the horizon.  I could never see the end no matter how hard I tried and lets not even mention the excitement I felt when there would be a curve in the tracks.  I would wait and wait for the train to make it around the corner to see the rails continue on.  When I stood in the front of the train, it was mesmerizing watching the rail road ties fly underneath the train, moving so fast you couldn't even count them.  My affair with trains didn't stop at traveling on them, I wanted to play with toy trains when I was little, create large expanses of track, and move them around like I imagined they moved around in real life.  I had the Brio trains when I was under the age of ten, those trains that had wooden tracks you could connect in any configuration you could think of including bridges, side rails, cross overs, etc.  I still have a picture somewhere of a track configuration I made that took up close to a quarter of my parents living room.  I believe my parents still have those trains in their attic, which at the appropriate time I will pass on to our son for his enjoyment.  Once I got a little older, I became fascinated with the Lego trains.  Now those were the cool trains where you could build the cars completely out of Lego's, once again create whatever kind of track configuration you wanted to, and even move the cars through a control you hooked up to the metal rails.  Every Christmas for years I would set it up around the Christmas tree, multiple trains on multiple tracks, switches and all.  It was a fun past time of mine and while the days of playing with toy trains has past, there is part of me that can't wait for my son to get older so I can play with trains again. 

 

I still have dreams of traveling on various trains around the world, the scenic ones that wind their way through mountain ranges, along sheer cliff faces, or through open expanses of land.  One trip I want to take is a cross country train trip; from New York to the West Coast.  I just think it would be fascinating to see the country from the vantage point of a train, wending its way through plains, mountain ranges, and finally to the Pacific Ocean.  I almost took that trip one time, and then for either monetary reasons or time constraints, I didn't.  Such is life.  There is also a trip I want to take through Canada, although that one will have to wait as well.  Right now, I just dream of trains and look forward to every trip I take down into New York City.  While the Metro North trains don't travel through open expanses of land or through mountain ranges, there is still that rocking motion that you get on almost every train and the endless stream of scenery, some of the beautiful, some of it stark and dreary, that flies by.  I don't really mind the stark and dreary scenery for there is a different kind of beauty to be found there.  It is more of a utilitarian or perhaps an industrial beauty that while built by man, also shows how man's stamp on the earth is never permanent.  Many buildings built for the rail lines are decrepit and falling apart, some covered with ivy or grafiti or both.  All of it is tantalizing, dredging up thoughts of a past era, one in which trains were king and offered perhaps the best option for travel around.  I still think they offer the best option for travel, yet many now would prefer to be in the comfort of their own cars, seemingly in control of where they are going and what they are doing.  Trains allow you to forget all that and simply relax, read a book, or just be.  My love affair with trains will never end, it will just change with me as I get older. 

Taking Charge of Happiness

Here is a question for you to ponder; who is in charge of your happiness?  It may seem like a simple and straight forward question, but if you look at any relationship, be it friendship, acquaintance, or marriage, it might get a little more difficult.   It may not be so hard when looking at yourself for I think that if we all were singular entities living alone, we could all agree that we are in charge of our own happiness.  However, when you throw another person into the mix, any person, the equation seems to change.  We forget about our own happiness and start to focus on the other person and their happiness.  We think that we can somehow affect their happiness and their satisfaction in a given relationship.  Perhaps we can to a certain extent, but in the end, the only person who can truly make that other person in our life happy is themselves.  But why?  Why can't we affect another person's happiness to a large extent?  For the most part, it is because we can't alter their feelings, we can't alter their perceptions of life and relationships, and we can't fundamentally change the way they live.  We all have our feelings, perceptions, and in a sense our own reality that we live in.  We can change how we feel about certain people, events, and objects, but they can't fundamentally change us.  They may have a slight effect on us, but not in a way that will change whether we are happy or sad.  They may make us feel good for a time, lift our spirits, seemingly make problems temporarily disappear, but at the end of the day, when we lay our heads down on our pillow to sleep, we still need to come to terms with our own feelings, our own sadness or happiness, and it is up to us in the end whether or not we change how we feel.  It seems so easy, just change how happy or sad we are, yet many times it is much more difficult than that with those feelings rooted deep within our subconscious and not so easy to just flip a switch from happy to sad.  In order to fundamentally change how happy or sad we are, we need to look deep within ourselves to find what causes us to be happy or sad, and in doing so, eliminate or change those aspects in our lives that make us sad and feed and nourish that which makes us happy.  To think we can do that in a large way for someone else is a hoax.  Yet many of us think that we can affect others feelings in a way that will change them. 

 

Think of a comedy show.  If you have ever been to one, it is hard not to laugh along with others in the room, even if we don't necessarily find a joke funny.  Laughter is infectious.  It makes us feel better for while, relieves stress for a while, but at the end of the day when the show is over and there is no more laughter, we still have to deal with ourselves and our feelings that preceded the show and most likely that entire day.  I am sure that there have been many instances when people have gone to a comedy show, laughed their proverbial asses off, and yet the next day feel essentially the same as they did the day before.  They may be happy, they may be sad, but the comedy show did not fundamentally alter their state of mind, their happiness or their sadness.  It might have alleviated sadness for a time, but it can't get rid of it permanently.  We can only look to ourselves to do that.  Perhaps one of the biggest reasons that we can't fundamentally alter the way another person feels is because we aren't them.  I know it sounds overly simplistic, but think about it, we don't have their base of experiences, their feelings, their thoughts, their temperament, anything.  We may be similar in ways to them, but we aren't them, and as such any attempt we make to try and alter the way they feel will fall drastically short.  Yet, for all this talk about not being able to alter the way a person feels in terms of happiness or sadness, there perhaps is a way we can help them.  We can seek to understand their feelings through conversation, to perhaps understand why they are sad, and if it seems appropriate, offer suggestions as to what we think might help them out of their sadness.  Obviously if someone is happy, they don't necessarily need our help, but it still helps to understand what makes them happy or sad, and seek to help them perpetuate that happiness or alleviate that sadness.  In any type of relationship, that is the best we can do.  We may be able to do things that help take the burden off of them so they can focus on themselves a little more, or perhaps we can engage in activities that will bring them a sense of happiness; or at least foster that happiness within them so they can take charge and feed it themselves. 

 

To me, the greatest thing we can do in any relationship, especially when it comes to happiness and sadness, is to listen.  In fact, it goes beyond happiness or sadness, but to every aspect of our lives.  The more we listen in a relationship, seek to understand a person; their thoughts, feelings, ambitions, then the more we can help them and in turn they can help us.   We can never change a person, but we can help them to change themselves.  In looking at relationships in such a light, we must also look at ourselves and realize that we are in charge of our own feelings, whether we are happy or sad, or anything else that we might feel.  If we place the burden of our feelings on someone else, it is not fair to them, and in turn not fair to us.  If we think that another person, just by their actions will make us happy or sad, we are wrong.  The only way we can change our feelings is to look a the root of where those feelings are coming from and see what we can do to alter that base.  Perhaps an extended period of sadness is due to an event that occurred in our past or is due to the amount of stress we allow to build up within us.  To think that another person can change that for us is ludicrous and will only doom a given relationships to failure.  Why do most marriages fail?  There are a slew of reasons, but part of that is because we place the onus of our happiness or sadness on our partner in life.  We think that they must be doing something wrong if we are not happy.  Quite the contrary.  It is us who has changed in a way that has altered our happiness or sadness and the only person who can change that is us.  Here is the kicker, we must be willing to change something in our lives if we are to alter our feelings.  We can't just go through the same routine, day in and day out and expect different outcomes.  That is insanity.  We must thoroughly look at our lives and change whatever it is that is making us unhappy and sad and increase what makes us happy.  The more we can look at others and seek to understand and help instead of change and alter, the more we can move our relationships to a different level, a deeper level.  That realization must come from both parties in a relationship or nothing will work and that relationships will eventually fail.  That isn't to say we must not try to help the other person realize this, but we can't make them do anything.  We can't make others happy in a long term sense.  We can only make ourselves happy and in terms help other to make themselves happy. 

A Long Day

Yesterday, St. Patrick's Day, was also a big day for the men's ministry at my Church.  Once a year we have a "Communion Breakfast" for men, not only from our Church, but also from surrounding Churches.  The whole morning is set up by men for men and focuses each year on two men from our Church and their personal stories of faith and how it has either helped them get through difficult times or how their faith has grown through their lives.  It is a rare occurrence to see close to 200 men gathered in one place without sports as the focus, rather, to listen to two other men share their stories.  This year was a little different than previous years in that we had to move the entire event due to the blizzard we had in February.  Despite moving the day about 5 weeks, we still had a good turn out and I think that everyone was able to walk away with something that might be able to help them in their own faith journey's.  All in all, it was a good day.  That being said, I am part of the men's ministry team that coordinates this whole event and spends about 4.5 months preparing for it.  Through meetings, discussions, planning, and of course the inevitable cocktail at the end of every meeting, we are able to pull this day off, usually without a hitch.  Yesterday we were shorthanded as a number of the men on our team were unable to be there either due to schedule conflicts or sickness.  Setting everything up and ensuring that it ran smoothly consequently fell on the shoulders of much fewer men than usual.  Needless to say, it was a little more chaotic than usual.  We managed to get everything set up and ready right around the time that the 180 men started coming through the doors.  There are always the last minute hiccups that need to be dealt with and with fewer men to share the burden, those of us there were running around a bit more than usual.  For those of us who weren't on the team, I'm sure that everything seemed to run smoothly, and for the most part it did.  I actually got to sit down, eat breakfast, and listen to the men share their stories.  That was the part of the morning that I enjoyed the most.  Then it was time to clean up.  Back to running around, getting things tidied up, cleaned up, and put back in our cars so the Marriott could have their ballroom back. 

 

It was right about the time that I looked out across the ballroom, saw that everything was done, that I started getting tired.  The yawns started coming, yet I wasn't quite done yet.  As is the tradition for the team after the breakfast, we went to the bar and had a drink.  It was good to relax a little bit after the hectic morning before going our separate ways, back to our families, and back to our normal Sunday responsibilities.  On the ride home, I thought I would be OK for the afternoon.  However, there was nothing that could have prepared me for how tired I was when I walked through the back door into our house.  Despite the fact that I wanted to spend quality time with our son, play with him, enjoy him all afternoon, I was absolutely wiped.  Even standing up I had a hard time keeping my eyes open.  My whole body just wanted to lay down and sleep.  I didn't realize how much the morning had both mentally and emotionally drained me.  It took everything I had and left me with nothing for the afternoon.  I felt horrible that I couldnt' be more of a help to my wife in watching our son, cleaning up the house, and taking care of normal things.  I just couldn't.  Luckily my wife was extremely understanding, and even let me take a short nap in the afternoon.  Even though I thought the nap might help, it was about 40 minutes, it did absolutely nothing to diminish my exhaustion.  I even had a cup of coffee after that in hopes of waking up a bit.  What would normally give me a little kick in the but did absolutely nothing.  I was essentially a useless blob of flesh.  My wife cooked dinner, took care of me, and by 8 in the evening I was headed up to bed for the night. 

 

The thing is, I am not used to being drained emotionally and mentally like I was yesterday.  I am used to being physically tired, however, with that kind of tired I can usually struggle through and still function at some sort of normal level.  With the emotional and mental draining, however, I just can't handle it and my body tells me quite strongly that it needs rest.  I am just glad I don't have to deal with that kind of tiredness on a regular basis.  Yet despite the exhaustion I felt yesterday, I would do it all over again because being a part of the men's ministry team is important to me.  It not only helps me on my faith journey, it allows me to forge stronger bonds with other men, the kind of which I don't get outside the Church.  There is a distinct openness that occurs between the men, more so than most other friends of mine, and it is something that I find is necessary to me in order to function the way I do.  It may not make sense to everyone, but as much as I cherish my relationship with my wife, I also need to have a strong relationship with other men, to have people I can talk to besides my wife who will understand me on a different level.  The more I delve into the relationships I have formed with other men from my Church, the stronger I become as a whole.  I feel more balanced, more capable of dealing with any issues that may arise, all because I know that there are men who I call friends who have probably gone through similar situations to what I have gone through and are more than willing to support me in what I need.  I don't really get that with most of my friends outside the church.  It may seem odd, but it is what it is.  Yesterday morning, despite draining me emotionally and mentally, also strengthened the bonds I have with the other men at my church.  It is something unique that doesn't happen very often.  For now, at least, I need to get back to my normal life, getting my family ready for the day, and back to normal life. 

Globalization and Travel

I've done a fair amount of traveling in my life so far.  I've been to countries ranging from Australia and New Zealand to Spain to Ireland to Italy and many places across the United States.   I love to dream of traveling, to look at pictures of places I would like to go, and to read about them.  Yet with all the dreaming of venturing to far off places there builds a conundrum, how much do we want to learn about where we are going?  How many pictures of those places can we look at before we think we know what our destination looks like?  Through globalization, we now have access to almost every corner of the earth without even leaving our house.  All we have to do is flick on our computer and off we go.  We can view pictures and articles of almost any destination on earth, those we want to go to and those we don't.  Often times, our image of these destinations is shaped by others.  We rarely take the time anymore just to read a general information guide say from AAA about where we are going and what there is to do there.  Instead, we find articles that are appealing to us, ones that inspire us to love the destination more, and we find pictures that correspond with our vision of what we think that destination looks like.  Yet for all the specific articles we read, which can be very informative, they are rarely written from a neutral perspective.  They have a certain voice, a certain goal to be reached by the author, and are not always indicative of what we may actually experience should we go there.  Granted, they may offer a unique view, one that may be shared by others, but often times we will have a totally different experience than the one in an article we read.  The same goes for all pictures we look at of the destinations we hope to see.  While these pictures can be breath taking and highlight the best of a what a certain destination has to offer, they are only a small piece of what is to be found.  And we must also remember that photo's, while often a good representation of a specific locale, are also the best photo's taken of that locale.  How often to we look at a picture, find it inspiring, and then after seeing the object of the picture first hand feel short changed?  I know I do.  Its like taking a picture of a stunning sun set and saying that it is a good representation of a sun set in our town.  It may happen once in a while, but its not a regular occurrence.  To think as such is to paint a place as perfect when often times it is far from perfect. 

 

I find that when I am about to embark on a journey of any kind, I don't like to look at too many pictures of where I am going.  Sure, I will find the ones of historic landmarks or well known vistas, but for the most part I will wait to see them on my own, to create my own memory of a destination and not have it tainted by someone else's picture.  There is an excellent book that I would recommend highly to anyone traveling anywhere.  That book is "The Art of Travel" by Alain de Botton.  One of the biggest points I took from the book is that whenever we travel, the expectation of the journey and the journey itself is often more exciting than the place we are visiting.  We as humans have a tendency to put expectations on many things, and that includes our travels.  We expect our trip to go a certain way, to see certain things, to have a given experience, to relax a lot, and so on and so forth.  There is a rarely a time when we travel when we are void of all expectations.  We expect the trip to go smoothly or we can expect it to be fraught with troubles.  Whatever the case may be, we inevitably put some sort of expectation on our journeys.  While I often have some expectations of a journey, I find that many times I go into the experience open minded.  I try to release myself of all expectations so that my experiences of the journey do not end up tainted or lack luster.  Perhaps its not so much as an absence of expectations as it is a willingness to go with the flow.  If there are issues at the airport, I go with them, brush them off, and move on.  I don't even like to plan to much of what I will do when I get to a certain place as I really don't know what it will be like there.  I like to leave my travel plans relatively open with maybe a few key locales that I want to visit.  Having a set agenda while traveling in my mind is asking for stress.  Any itinerary rarely flows without error or interruption.  There are so many nuances and unexpected occurrences that can happen that to not be flexible is to doom yourself to having a horrible trip.  I remember an early trip I took with my wife to California.  We had a few places we wanted to see, but we never booked a hotel and we never had an itinerary with specific places we needed to get to on specific days.  Part of trip included traveling up the Pacific Coast Highway from L.A. to San Fran.  We gave ourselves two or three days to make the trip and whatever happened in between happened.  Whenever we saw an amazing view (which happens to be every half mile or so) we would pull over, snap some pictures and move on.  It was amazingly relaxing, fun, and stress free. 

 

While I haven't traveled very far in a number of years, even the small trips I make I try to leave any expectations off the table.  Even when I go up to Vermont, 3 hours away, I may have plans of things I want to do, but I never set them in stone or put the pressure on myself to get them done.  Any journey we make should have as part of it, a certain amount of time for relaxing.  After all, isn't that part of why we travel?  In addition to seeing amazing sights and visiting places that intrigue us, I view any journey as a time to get back to basics, relax a little, and actually enjoy the trip.  In the hustle and bustle of our every day lives, we often forget to take the time to relax and enjoy things.  And while globalization has brought the whole world to our doorstep, it is not shoved down our throats unless we allow it to be.  We still have the opportunity to turn it all off and merely dream of where we want to go, paint a picture of what we think it might be like, and sometimes, those dreams are enough to satiate our desire to travel for a bit.  Not everyone wants or needs to travel.  For some, it is in their blood and the journey itself is sometimes more exciting that where they are actually going.  For me, both the journey and the destination or exciting, especially when I can do it freely, without expectations, and with a willingness to throw myself into a different culture and be open and willing to let it change me.  The trip I took with my wife to Ireland was just that.  We rented an apartment for a week in a really small town and took day trips from there as far as we could.  At the end of every day, however, we would end up in a pub with the same locales, talking about our day, their day, and both the similarities and differences between the lives we live.  I would have it no other way.  While the trip was our honeymoon, it was almost as if we moved to Ireland for a week, and then moved back home.  Every trip should be like that in my mind.  What's your idea of a perfect trip, a journey?  Is it rooted in expectation or open to whatever happens? 

The Outdoor Boy

Judging from how our son is currently acting, he will want to be outside almost permanently this summer.  He absolutely loves the outdoors and if he had it his way, would probably stay out there all day.  OK, so maybe all day might be a stretch, but he loves it out there.  Now that it has been getting a little bit warmer outside, he has been wanting to spend more and more time out there.   Over the weekend while my wife was out running some errands, we went outside for a little bit.  Since there was still snow on the ground, I put on his little snow pants and snow boots, but left his jacket and hat off since it was almost 50 degrees out.  Watching him, its funny to see in action what they say about toddlers mimicking the actions that they see.   The first thing he went for when we got outside was a little mini snow shovel we have lying around.  He picked it up and started moving it back and forth with one hand, just as if he was shoveling snow.   That was just on the bare sidewalk.  Once I saw him moving the shovel as he was, I showed him how to get some snow on it and guess what, that's all he wanted to do.  He would get some snow on the shovel and drag it around before trying to get some more on it.  Then he saw the big shovel that I use.  He dragged his little mini snow shovel over and had both, one in each hand, attempting to get snow on both of them.  When that didn't work out so well, he dropped the big one and focused on the little one.  It was the cutest thing I have seen in a while.  That was Saturday.  On Sunday, we went for a hike as a family in the woods of Naugatuck State Forest.  With a 25 pound toddler on my back, it was a good work out making our way through the slushy snow that still abounded in the woods.  He, as previously, absolutely loved being the in woods.  He was a little talkative, but for the most part just sat on my back and looked around as we trudged through.  I was actually hoping there was a little less snow so I could let him do some walking on his own, but I knew if I put him down in the snow, he would only make it about 5 feet before wanting to get picked back up.  All told, we were out in the woods for about an hour.  This summer will definitely be more fun as he will be walking around and exploring everything. 

 

Then, on Monday, I had the joy of picking him up from daycare.  We ran an errand or two and when we got home, he just wanted to be in the back yard, playing.  We didn't even make it inside for 15 minutes despite the fact that my wife was already home and waiting.  He saw my wife standing in the door, but walked the other way to the back yard to grab some chunks of wood lying on the ground.  There is a part of me that really can't wait for him to start talking so he can tell me what is going on in his head.  I would love to know what he is thinking when he is going about exploring things or even just playing.  Anyway, once he got his wood chips from the back yard, he walked back towards the house.  While we were out running our errand, my wife had transplanted a flower from indoors.  She did the transplanting on the sidewalk and had left some dirt lying around.  Well, the dirt wasn't there the day before and of course, our son had to play with the dirt, move it around, and figure out exactly what was going on.  All the while, the wood chips were firmly grasped in one of his hands.  We tried asking him if he wanted to go inside and have a snack, but he was having none of it.  He simply wanted to remain outside.  Well, we knew it was only a matter of time before he became really hungry so I picked him up, wood chips and all, and brought him inside.  It took everything I had to coax him to let go of the chips before actually entering the house.  I managed the task and got him inside.  This period of exploration is so much more fun than watching him as a baby just lying there staring at the world.  To think that just a year ago he couldn't even walk yet, or for that matter, explore the world in depth like he is now is amazing to me.  The progression from breathing lump of flesh to a little toddler with a personality, an independent spirit, and an insatiable curiosity about the world is fantastic.  I wouldn't trade it for anything.  Before our son was born, there was a part of me that wondered how I would balance having a son with my own life.  Now that I am here, its not really a struggle, family comes first, then my interests.  Its just a matter of finding the balance, which sometimes works better than others, and everything is right with the world.  As for watching him grow, I will take it one day at a time, enjoying every minute I have with him, and teaching him about everything he sees and is curious about. 

Lawsuit As Revenge

Let me first start this off by saying I am completely against lawsuits, except perhaps when it comes to major corporations that wrong an individual or a group of people.  Even then, I am on the fence.  But today, I am talking about large scale, multiple party lawsuits.  Rather, I am going to talk about perhaps the worst kind, the one filed in hopes of making a point or seeking revenge for some old wrong enacted upon a person.   There is a lawsuit that was recently filed against a local high school in regards to two students who were acting inappropriately and as a result injured each other.  I can't speak about specifics, but what I can say is that one student did something stupid that resulted in a minor burn on another student's arm.  The student that was the recipient of the first burn retaliated and caused an even worse burn on the first student's fingers.  The burn was not a result of open flame, and unfortunately, that is all I can say.  The teacher was in the room with the two students, intervened between the two incidents telling the students to be careful, watch what they were doing, and to behave.  When the teacher's back was turned, the second incident occurred and as soon as the teacher was aware of what happened, she sent both students immediately to the nurse.  The student who instigated the whole ordeal and as a result received the worse of the two burns had to go for further treatment for the burns, all because he was an idiot and was acting inappropriately in the classroom.  The mother picked this student up, was fairly open with the teacher saying that her son was an idiot and probably deserved what he got.  She made light of the situation, saying it wasn't a big deal, and made it seem like the incident was over and done with.  Well, when the father found out about what happened, he wanted revenge.  The fact that his son was at fault, instigated the whole ordeal, and ended up with third degree burns because of his own stupidity made no difference.  He was set on making a point and instead of letting his son deal with his own idiocy, decided to take it into his own hands and sue the school.  I'm sorry, but can a situation get any more ridiculous than this?

 

How in the world is this high school student going to learn how to deal with the consequences of his actions if his father is going to step in to hold his hand and seek out vengeance on his behalf for every stupid thing he does?  The worst part about this is that this student started the whole ordeal, acted stupid in class, and was retaliated against by another student.  That should be his punishment, the third degree burns that he got.  Yet no, this father who has a grudge against someone or something decides he needs to file a lawsuit to make a point.  What kind of point is he making exactly?  The teacher did all she could to prevent this from happening and yet when her back was turned, the students acted like idiots and burned themselves.  Let it go.  This lawsuit will do nothing but make every class more difficult and cumbersome in addition to giving the stupid student the idea that he can act with impunity because if someone acts against him, he can just sue.  For the rest of this child's life (for that's what he is, a child), he will think that lawsuits are the only way to resolve an issue.  There used to be a time, a long time ago now, where if a student acted like an idiot in class and got hurt as a result, the parents would probably hurt him more.  Now, I'm not saying that it is the right way to do things, but letting a student deal with the repercussions of his actions on his own is a much better way for him to learn about the world than to file a lawsuit on his behalf.  If my son was ever in a similar situation and acted like an idiot, I would probably laugh at him and say something to the effect of, "I bet you won't do that again, will you?"  I won't react in anger and seek to right the wrong that he began in the first place.  Its his fault, let him deal with it, period. 

 

I've spoken about lawsuits before, yet every time I hear of another instance where someone feels the need to sue over something stupid, it angers me to no end.  We currently live in a society where no matter what happens, people can sue.  If there is a crack in a city sidewalk and someone trips and falls over it, they can sue the city because they were an idiot and weren't watching where they were walking.  If someone closes their finger in the door of a business, they can sue the business because the door closed to quickly and the tension wasn't right on the closer.  If someone wipes their butt too hard after going to the bathroom, they can sue the toilet paper company because the paper is too rough and caused irreparable skin damage.  (OK, maybe the last case is pushing it, but you get my point).  No matter what happens to people these days, they always have lawsuits as a recourse.  In my mind, its sad and pathetic.  People don't have the ability any more to deal with their own idiocy.  We now live in a society where we have to watch everything we do, every word we say, and every step we take because heaven forbid someone feels slighted by something we do.  If it happens, they might use us and ruin our lives.  I for one think we should abolish all lawsuits and bring back the old form of resolving issues, put the two people in a ring and let them fight it out, gladiator style.  No more suing, just fighting.  Whats better, we could charge people admission and perhaps make some extra money for our starving economy.  I know, that will never happen, but sometimes its nice to dream.  For now, I need to stop writing about lawsuits because as I do, I despise lawsuits and the lawyers who file them more and more.  Blood sucking leeches is what they are.  I say its time to step up and take responsibility for our actions and if someone wrongs us, forgive them, period. 

Year in Sickness

So this year is continuing to be full of illness in our household.  Thursday afternoon, while finally feeling better from my last bout with the common cold, I had the pleasure of dealing with another stomach bug that my son somehow received.  The entire day, up until my son arrived home with my wife, was great.  He had been feeling fine, acting perfectly normal at daycare, and even for a short time when he got home.  Very soon afterwards, however, he became very cuddly and wanting just to be held by either my wife or I.  At first we didn't think anything of it, we just held him when he wanted to, and let him play with his toys when he didn't.  We also figured that he was in a little bit of pain from his molars, which had started coming through a month ago, and are just now starting to break through.  That all changed when my wife was holding him and without warning there came a stream of stomach contents, onto my wife and also the floor.  To say it is heart wrenching to see your son doubled over with a cramping stomach and there being absolutely nothing you can do besides hold him and try to keep the regurgitation off of his little body is an understatement.  The first few episodes of any stomach bug are never that bad.  They may seem to be the worst due to the larger quantity of half processed food exiting the stomach, but the worst comes with the heaving and wretching afterwards, producing nothing but bile.  I know, its a little graphic for early morning reading, but I can't help but lay it out there like it is.  This stomach bug was worse than the one he had three weeks ago, almost to the day, in that every fifteen minutes there was more wretching and dry heaving.  Perhaps even worse than seeing my son going through the wretching and heaving is the complete lack of energy he has afterwards, almost going limp from all the effort his body is putting in to ridding itself of something.  He just wants to lay down on top of you, close his eyes, and sleep.  And let me tell you, he definitely looked a greenish pale, just like they say when your sick to your stomach.  This went on for a while with another bout of wretching and heaving every ten to fifteen minutes.  We tried some pedialyte, but that came up, and in the end decided that he shouldn't have anything before he went to bed and we would just get him enough fluids come morning when his stomach would hopefully be settled.  Well, it was and unlike the previous stomach bug which was followed the next day by a fever, Friday was a normal day. 

In fact, Friday worked out quite well.  My wife was going to take the day off from work to stay home with our son to make sure he didn't spread any germs to anyone else at his daycare.  As it turned out, she had a snow day so it didn't really matter.  All in all, despite the steady stream of sickness that has invaded our house for the past 2.5 months, we have been fortunate in the fact that the only germs coming in have been those of the common cold and the stomach bug.  There hasn't been anything serious like the flu or pneumonia or something crazier.   I would much rather deal with a year of the common cold than just one bout with the flu or pneumonia, those just aren't fun.   And there is yet another benefit to all these germs floating through our house and making us all sick in a short span of time; our son's immune system is being built up and hopefully by the time he gets to school age, he will have a fairly strong one that will be able to stave off most of the germs he comes into contact with.  Yet, for all the minor benefits of the germs we have been in contact with, they don't help to ease the mind much when you have your son laying on your chest and while laying there, covers you with a nice layer of half processed food.  For some odd reason, when your a parent, the vomit doesn't bother you when you are covered with it.  The smell doesn't seem as bad, the nastiness of it is the last thought in your mind, and all you want to do is make your child feel better.  That's how I was last Thursday.  I had vomit all over me and I didn't care, I just wanted our son to get past the wretching and heaving and have his stomach settled down.  Perhaps the worst part of any stomach bug is that there is almost nothing you can do about it.  You can't give someone with a stomach bug anything because it will just come back up.  The best thing you can do is have the patience to get through the worst of it and then start the fluids going back in.  My only hope, which seems to have played out pretty well so far, is that neither my wife or I got the bug that our son had.  In any case, I just want to get through the rest of March with relatively few germs floating around our house and get a good start into warmer weather with nothing bothering us. 

This week, I am remaining positive, will be a good week.  My cold is almost gone with only a few sniffles remaining, my wife's cold seems to be dissipating as well, and our son, well, he has had the sniffles, runny nose, and a cough for months now and I am hoping as soon as all his teeth are in he can get back to being his normal healthy self.  That isn't to say that he isn't acting normal now, because he is, I just want his nose to stop running so I can stop carrying tissues around in my pocket to wipe his nose.  Things will get better all in due time.  All in all, our son has been dealing really well with his cold's, stomach bugs, and fevers.  He just rests and doesn't moan or cry too much.  Maybe he will stay like that and deal with any illness that comes his way in the same manner.  Only time will tell.  For now, its time to move on with my life, get this week started, and get these germs past us. 

Shake Not Thy Harlem

So I have come to terms with the fact that this week I am very opinionated.  Perhaps it is because my head has been in a cloud this week from my cold, I don't know.  For whatever reason, it seems my filter for things that I should and shouldn't say has been diminished and I have no desire to put it back up till next week.  So today may seem like I am ranting a little, but I am perfectly OK with that from time to time.  I believe that the more we keep stuff bottled up inside, the more it ferments and affects our overall disposition.  So today, I let out at least one of my frustrations; and it all stems from Facebook.  If you couldn't tell by the title of my post (which I hope you could), I am getting a little put off by all the "Harlem Shake" videos that are being posted, re-posted, and re-posted again on Facebook.  Not that I have seen too many of them, but they just bother me for some reason.  Before I get too off kilter here and totally go off the deep end, let me say that I partially understand why people would want to do something as stupid as a group, but it doesn't make it pleasing to others.  I wouldn't even call it a phenomenon, because it is most likely just a fad, and the fact that there are so many videos out there of groups of people doing this Harlem Shake bothers me.  Its not like it is a well choreographed dance that inspires or moves one to watch more.  Its not even funny in the sense that it makes me laugh out loud (yes I just spelled that out).  To be honest, it seems more an attempt for people to do something in a unique way that will bring them their 15 minutes of Internet fame, and for the most part, they fizzle to a dud.  There is nothing attractive about this shake, the music isn't good (by musical standards), and most of the people doing the shake are abysmal at it.  To be perfectly honest, I have watched only two videos of it, and I will not watch any more.  In fact, I will even go so far as to say that if I catch any of my "friends" on Facebook in one of these videos, I will be de-friending you, not because I don't like you, but out of principal. 

There was one funny moment in regards to all this "shaking" going on that actually made me chuckle, not because of anything I saw, but in regards to a news story.  This story was out of Australia and to sum it all up, a group of gold miners decided it would be a good idea to film themselves doing the "Harlem Shake" down in the mine they were working in.  The good idea they had turned into the worst idea they had as all the participants were fired from their jobs paying 6 figures.  That made me chuckle.  The fact that a group of men (I am assuming it was men) decided to do a stupid "shake" while working and faced the worst reprecussion possible, losing their job, just drove home the point of how idiotic people can be.  There is no concern anymore for one's job or any possible reprecussions beyond potentially getting 15 minutes of fame; someway, somewhere, somehow.  Don't get me wrong, it sucks that these men lost their jobs, but they deserved it.  It seems that anyone, anywhere, with a notion or idea of something ludicrous, funny, stupid, brilliant, what have you can attempt to get their 15 minutes of fame with a camera and the internet.  Most get no where.  Only the truly unique and original succeed.  Once there is something original and unique on the internet, it is copied ad nauseum till people finally realize that nothing can beat the original.  Perhaps if people invested more time in what they are actually good at than trying to replicate something done hundreds of times, they would be more successful.  Or maybe they should just sit by the sidelines, realize that they are not cut out for internet fame, and watch and laugh.  Well, people will be people, guided not by their consience these days, but more by social media and what is hip and hoppin.  I for one, will be merely an observer, watching and laughing at the stupid videos that circulate the web.  Occasionally there is a good one (not of the Harlem Shake) but for the most part they are just feeble attempts at grandeur. 

Speaking of things circulating on the web, I have another bone to pick with some other recent trends on Facebook.  One is the vain attempt to gain popularity by having children or someone hold up a horribly hand written sign saying that if they get one million "likes" they will get a new puppy, or it will give them a priviledge they previously didn't have, or it will allow them to go to the bathroom more than once a day.  Seriously, if someone could explain to me in one sentence what the point of those pictures is, I will give you a "like" on Facebook (not really, just being ironic).  But wait, I'm not done ranting yet.  Lets talk about those sayings with an old fashioned drawing on it about women, or men, or kids, or mothers, or fathers, or a dog, or fireflies, or fish.  They drive me up a wall.  Do people seriously have nothing better to do with their time then circulate this nonsense?  People post these on their walls as if it is the perfect saying that defines them.  Really?  What defines a person is not a saying, its not a picture, it is how they act around other people and the only way we can truly see what another person is like is by actually being around them, not by viewing their Facebook profile.  If people looked at my Facebook timeline, they would probably think that all I do is write my blog post and that my life is totally unfascinating, boring, I don't have enough pictures online, I don't share anything, I am a dud when it comes to social media.  Well, I am OK with that.  There is no driving desire within me to become an internet sensation or to try and paint a picture for all my friends of my life.  If they don't know what I am doing in my life, then are they truly a "friend"?  Probably not, they are more an aquaintance than anything else.  But such is the way of the world these days.  For now, I am done, I have nothing left to rant about, and I promise, next week will be different.  For now, I am out of here, off to get my son out of his crib and get my day started on a positive note; giving my son a kiss. 

The New Pope

If you thought by reading the title of my post today that I am going to give my opinion on what the new Pope of the Catholic Church should be like, you are at least partially correct.  It seems that this time around, with the conclave of cardinals in Rome working towards deciding on who will be the head of the Catholic Church, that everyone and their mother has an opinion on who the next Pope should be, what he should do, how he should act, and the message he should convey.  I am not going to go to that extent, but I do have some thoughts on at least a few ways in which the new Pope, whomever it may be, can perhaps turn the tide of diminishing Catholics.  While the cardinals who decide the next Pope rarely pick someone young, meaning under the age of 60, I believe that perhaps it is time to search through the plethora of priests and cardinals to find one who can give a new face to the Church, albeit one that is in line with its teachings and beliefs.  That isn't to say that an older priest or cardinal can't lead the Church into the 21st century, but I feel that it is harder for someone of an elder age to truly connect with the younger generation of Catholics that are seeking guidance from the Church's leaders on a host of issues.  I am not going to get into the issues that many feel need to be addressed.  Rather, I want to speak to the enduring image that Rome seems to create for itself that the hierarchy of the Catholic Church is infallible.  If we look at the past 13 years, the start of the 21st century, there have been myriad issues that have plagued the Catholic Church and driven many people away.  The main focus of those issues has been sexual abuse of minors at the hands of priests.  Yet, rather than acting judiciously and with an open forum for all to see, the Church has attempted for decades to hide the problem, move the problem around instead of resolving it, and only when it comes to law suits, does it actually find the gumption to admit malfeasance and act to remedy any wrong doing.  In my mind, it is time for priests to stop getting shuffled around surreptitiously when they commit heinous acts, and be dealt with in an open manner.  Is it the Catholic belief that all sins can and should be forgiven?  Yes, and I still believe that these men can be forgiven, however, forgiveness begins with the admitting to wrong doing and asking for that forgiveness to be granted.  I have not heard of one priest asking to be forgiven, and if they have, I haven't heard about it. 

Enough about the scandals, the shuffling around of priests to hide problems, and time to move forward.  Perhaps what we need is a papal statement saying that all priests are, as we suspect, human and capable of sin.  If we start there, then perhaps we can all move towards forgiveness, however hard it may be for some.  What we need now is a Pope who won't hide behind closed doors but admit the Church's shortcomings and come up with a plan to move past them, to put all scandals behind it, and to start fresh.  I firmly believe that any priest who committed acts of sexual abuse should be stripped of their priestly duties.  If we start the new Papacy with a dedicated move to remove the priests who preyed on young children, then perhaps we can re-invigorate the Catholic faith instead of stagnating it.  The second step is to address the issue, find out what caused these men to act the way they did, and find solutions to prevent it from ever happening again.  As horrible as it may sound, we need to make an example of those priests who acted improperly and let it be known that nothing will be covered up again.  If we start from that point, perhaps these scandals, though diminished over the years, can finally be put behind us.  Lets be honest here, no matter what we do, all ordained priests, deacons, cardinals, etcetera will remain human.  Save Jesus, there has been no point where a priest has been anything other than human.  They may be holy, but they are still human.  And don't get me wrong here, out of all the priests I have known over the years, none has been involved in a scandal and I have looked up to almost every single one, not because they are holier than I am, but because they are indeed leaders of their local Churches.  Perhaps Rome and its exalted cardinals should take a few hints from the local priests here and begin to admit to being human and having the capacity to sin.  Every single priest I have known, but most notably the pastor of my Church, admits to being fallible and actually sinning.  Yet again, this is my opinion and probably not one that is held by those in the higher echelons of the Church. 

So where do we go from here?  Only time will tell at this point.  For all the opinions and recommendations that people make, the decision as to who will be the next Pope is entirely out of our hands.  We can hope for a new start, pray for one, but in the end it all comes down to the cardinals and the direction they feel that the Church needs to go in.  Judging by the past years that the late Pope Benedict resided as leader of the Church, I don't necessarily feel that we will be moving into the 21st century with our new Pope.  There has been a movement away from the changes that opened up the Church and a slide back towards more formality, more exclusiveness rather than inclusiveness, and a general feeling that Rome is out of touch with the people.  For what its worth, I will remain Catholic regardless of who the new Pope is or how he decides to lead the Church in the coming years, I just may not like it.  My beliefs are rooted in the teachings of Jesus and the Bible, not in what the Pope, Cardinals, or priests say I should believe.  Yes, they help in interpreting the Bible and the teachings of Jesus, but in the end, it is strictly those teachings as I understand them that guide my life.  As such, I will continue to live as I have, regardless of the changes that may come in the Church.  I only hope that perhaps this new Pope will set a different course, bring the Church back to the people, and set a new course of hope and growth.  We shall see. 

Health Care or Sick Care

I am a big proponent of living a healthy life, from eating healthy (avoiding fast food) to exercising to avoiding all forms of medications (except in cases of crisis i.e. life or death situations).  I am inspired to write about this today, again, after reading an article in the NY Times of a woman who took a very mild anti-inflammatory drug and had a severe reaction that completely changed her life.  You can read the story by following this link.  To sum up her case, she had a job as a secretary that she loved and after her shoulder started hurting, her doctor prescribed an anti-inflammatory drug.  The pharmacy dispensed the generic version to her and after taking the drug for only a short time, her skin started sloughing off (about two thirds in all), she was placed in a burn unit in a hospital, went into a medically induced coma, and came out with her lungs severely affected as well as being rendered legally blind.  All this from a pill that was supposed to reduce inflammation.  She sued the company and won, surprisingly.  I say surprisingly because there have been past cases which have gone against the plaintiff saying that the drug company is not responsible for the what is on the warning label.  Luckily for her, she took a different tact and claimed that the drug was defective.  In any case, she suffered due to medication when all she might have needed was a little physical therapy and a chiropractic adjustment to allow her body to heal her.  The biggest problem I have is that almost all the drugs prescribed under the veil of "health care" do not make a person healthy.  If that was the case, then the person taking the most pills would be the healthiest person on earth.  I ask you, is that true?  Find a person who is taking upwards of ten pills a day and tell me how healthy they are.  On the contrary, most pills prescribed merely manage the disease that is afflicting a person's body, they do not heal the body.  If the system that doctor's prescribe to made a person healthy, than after a given period of time, any person taking medication to lower cholesterol for instance would eventually be able to go off the medication and keep their lower cholesterol, correct?  Yet that is not the case.  The same should be true for high blood pressure medication and anything else meant to manage a given disease.  Yet in all these cases, including the one I mention today with the woman and the anti-inflammatory, the medications don't cure anything, they merely mask the symptoms and give the patient a false sense of "health".

These are the same reasons that I don't take medications for anything anymore, not even the cold that I am going through now.  Yes, the medication could take away my stuffy nose and my stuffy head, but they won't make the cold disappear any quicker.  How many people live a long and healthy life just by treating their bodies they way they should be treated?  There are plenty of them, yet the medical profession would have you believe that in order to lead a healthy life, we need to treat the body with medication, not natural remedies or a healthy life style.  Now, more than ever before, the medical profession has become big business, tied to the pharmaceutical companies and incessantly looking to increase profits.  If you read the article I linked to my blog today, you will see just how concerned the companies are with a patient's health; not at all.  There are already situations, as I mentioned above, in which patients can't sue the pharmaceutical companies for the side effects they experience due to defective warning labels.  How can a company not be responsible for what is on a warning label?  Isn't that their responsibility to ensure the safety of all the people taking their pills?  It should be, but it isn't.  They are merely concerned with keeping a given drug on the market so that they can reap as much profit as possible from a given drug.  Damn the patients and anyone who suffers as a result, its not their fault.  If there has ever been a case of a more backwards system, I haven't heard about it.  Yet, I am mostly preaching to deaf ears I feel.  Most people that I know seem to be in love with their medications and their doctors who prescribe them.  I have friends who have experienced side effects from pills (such as weight gain) and won't change anything because the pill makes them feel better.  Trust me, I used to be that way as well, until I ran into a few situations that made me think otherwise and begin to abhor the medical profession (mostly). 

About three years ago, I got to a point where I essentially had a permanent head ache.  Every day I would wake up and my head would hurt.  I would take Advil, or Tylenol, or some pain killer to try and stave off the pain for the day.  After a while, they didn't do a thing to take the pain in my head away.  Nothing worked.  That was around the time that I met my current chiropractor.  (Now most people still think of chiropractor's as the remedy for back pain, however, that is the least of what they do).  After explaining to me what he did which is put the spine in alignment so that the body can heal itself, I figured I would give it a try.  Within a week, my head aches were gone and I have experienced only 1-2 head aches a year since.  Its not miraculous work, its just allowing the body to heal itself, without medication.  Still not convinced that chiropractic works?  My wife had horrible seasonal allergies to the point where she was receiving an allergy shot at least once a week, had inhalers if things got bad, and was not in good shape in either spring or fall.  She also started seeing the same chiropractor that I did and within a few months, she didn't need anymore allergy shots and her inhalers got thrown in the garbage.  That was three years ago and she does not suffer from seasonal allergies anymore.  The only thing that changed was the introduction of chiropractic care into her life.  Still not convinced?  My mom as also been going to see the same chiropractor and after getting adjusted for a couple of years now, her previously super high blood pressure has been brought down drastically, her medication has been reduced and it looks as if within another year or two she will be completely off her meds, all by allowing the body to heal itself, not by pumping it full of more medications.  Listen, I am only talking about this because I see how it works and I don't want the people I know to have to take pills to managed their issues.  If your interested in more information, please get in touch with me and I will connect you with my chiropractor.  Think about it, is it worth it to try something where you don't have to take any extra pills and it may get you off any pills you are taking?  I would think so.  Don't end up like the woman at the beginning of my blog having to sue a pharmaceutical company for experienced side effects.  Be proactive and heal yourself.