Yale's Failure (After Birth)

Most people, regardless of where they live, have at least heard of Yale, that elite school that has educated some of the greatest minds around the world and has also been one of the leaders in hospital care.  Today I will not talk about the education that one can receive there for an extravagant sum of money, but rather one of the experiences that I had with my wife after giving birth at Yale New Haven Hospital.  For the most part, the birthing experience and 2 day stay afterwards was fantastic.  The nurses followed our written birth plan to the letter and didn't question us about what we did or didn't want done.  That being said, however, there was one part, indirectly tied to the birth plan that was mildly troubling seeing as they are supposed to be this "great" hospital on the forefront of technology and patient care.  That was my son's circumcision.  I know, most men cringe at the thought of a circumcision, but for an infant, it is a mostly pain free procedure due to the fact that not all the nerves are fully developed in every part of a newborns body.   As part of the birth plan, we indicated that we did not want our son to receive the Vitamin K shot.  (Vitamin K is one of the main factors in helping blood to clot)  We didn't want the Vitamin K shot because of all the additives that can be found in it, the trauma of an injection at such a young age, and the extremely high amount of Vitamin K that the shot provides.  On the birth plan, we also indicated that we would administer an oral dose of natural Vitamin K, much lower in dosage, but ample enough to provide the necessary clotting factors for a routine procedure like a circumcision.  Due to our decision, the hospital administration would not allow the circumcision to be done while we were in the hospital (when it is normally done 1 or 2 days after birth).  The nurses were a little freaked out, not understanding at all that Vitamin K is Vitamin K regardless of how the newborn gets it.  The OB's, the ones who perform the procedure, didn't understand the hospital's decision at all.  It turns out that because Yale didn't know enough about it, they were afraid of a lawsuit and didn't want the procedure done in their hospital.  I thought Yale was supposed to be at the forefront of technology.  Obviously, they neglected to look at the simple difference between a Vitamin K shot and an oral dose of the same Vitamin. 

So what is the big deal about Vitamin K?  Well, Vitamin K shots were given after it was found that some infants had issues with clotting after birth, one of them being HDN (Hemorrhagic Disease of Newborns) where their brains would start bleeding uncontrollably and most would die if not caught in time.  What physicians and hospitals overlooked however was that most of the cases of HDN were due to traumatic births requiring forceps or vacuum extraction.  To combat HDN, they decided that every newborn should receive the Vitamin K shot, which at its current dosage is thousands of times higher than the newborn actually needs.  So lets take a look briefly at human physiology and newborns.  There is a reason, still unknown, why newborns are born with very low levels of Vitamin K.  During pregnancy, Vitamin K is one of the few vitamins and minerals that do not cross the placenta and are not absorbed by the newborns.  No one knows why this is, but there must be a reason for it.  Also, once the baby is born, it takes up to 8 days for the baby's body to start producing Vitamin K on its own, a result of natural bacteria being introduced into its digestive system.  Perhaps that is why Jewish families for thousands of years through the present have waited a week before circumcising their babies.  Due to all of this information that I learned through research before my son was born, we opted for the natural, lower dosage, oral supplement of Vitamin K, just to be on the safe side.  It turned out to be pointless because Yale failed to due their research and fulfill their duty.

So why even get our son circumcised?  It is not a cultural or religious reason for us, but more of a sanitary and health reason.  Being a person who must know about things before they happen, I also did research on circumcisions and why they are done.  The biggest reason is because of the reduced risk of infection.  Being circumcised, it is much easier to clean the penis than if a male was uncircumcised.  There is a higher risk of infection of any type of disease with uncircumcised males.  And perhaps the biggest motivating factor behind having our son circumcised was the fact that all cases of penile cancer were in uncircumcised males.  I personally, would rather not take the chance of our son developing cancer of the penis later in life due to our decision when he was young.  So instead of having the circumcision easily done at Yale 2 days after birth, we had to see a urologist (our son was the youngest patient in the office when we went for the consult) and have the procedure done 2 weeks after birth instead.  So, yes, the procedure was done a few days ago and guess what, he had no problems with clotting, barely stirred during the procedure, and is experiencing only mild discomfort as it heals.  So the whole issue we had was simply over Yale being afraid of a lawsuit.  I have talked about lawsuits before and how they have become such a factor of fear in the United States that it essentially paralyzes certain institutions and individuals from doing certain things.  Well I got to experience that first hand, and it sucks. 

So why am I writing about my son getting a little snip snip procedure done?  Frankly, because I want to share the information that I learned about and hopefully educate others out there about the procedure, Vitamin K, and what you can expect.  Everything I have done for my son has been out of love, nothing more, nothing less.  I felt it was my obligation to provide him informed decisions on my part as he can not make any yet.  People can criticize me for my decisions, but our son is thriving, growing, and developing at quite a rapid pace.  He had his two week check up with the pediatrician yesterday and she was amazed at how strong he already is.  At two weeks he is already lifting his head up on his own from laying on his belly and at the doctor's office, he actually shimmied away from her while on the table. He is not quite crawling yet, but he can wiggle away from you if he wants.  Also, he now weighs 9 pounds, one pound more than he weighed at birth, and is already exhibiting his Polish stubbornness (which he probably gets from me).  All in all, he is wonderful, cute, inquisitive, and I am sure he will be a little terror (a wonderful one) when he grows up.  All I can urge future parents out there is to do your research.  Do not go into this life changing event without any knowledge of what can happen to your child.  I am glad I did the research and will continue to research everything I can as my son grows up. 

Where to Get a Job

Listening to the complaints of the Occupy Movements across the country, it seems that one of the major complaints that people have is that there are no jobs out there, especially for those with college degrees.  Why is that the case?  People can complain all they want about not having adequate jobs, but what is the root cause of the disappearance of jobs in this country?  I talked last week about greed being the root cause of many of the problems we are now facing, not just in this country, but in countries across the globe.  That plays into the main problem with jobs.  There is an increase of companies who are sending work to foreign countries in order to lower costs and reap more benefits for themselves.  When jobs are sent over seas, the cost of the product does not reflect the cost of production.  The increased profit goes directly to the pockets of those who run the companies and made the decision to send the jobs over seas in the first place.  That in my mind speaks directly to greed and its effects.   There is no incentive for companies to keep jobs in this country.  There are many methods that could be utilized to provide incentives to these companies, but seeing as government is controlled by big money, those incentives aren't even on the bargaining plate.  So back to the complaint that there are no jobs to be had.  I will admit that the number of available jobs has diminished, but there are still jobs available for those willing to travel and to lower their standards. 

I have talked to managers of local stores and there is a general consensus that people don't want to work at a job that they are over qualified for.  If someone has a degree in computer engineering, they will most likely wait for a job in their field to open up, they will not go looking for simply any job.  Similarly, those on unemployment have gotten to comfortable with their situation and would rather remain on unemployment than find any job to bring in income.  One example of jobs to be had is in Alabama.  While I do not support the recent immigration laws imposed there, they have opened up a whole slew of jobs that most Americans don't want.  Those jobs entail working hard hours in a field picking crops.   Why aren't Americans stepping up to the plate, lowering their standards just to find work.  Is the fact that they have these college degrees and feel that they should be able to use them?  I am sure that it is a factor to many people, but there are times when you can't get exactly what you want and you need to compromise.  Does it mean that there will never be jobs in those fields?  No, but what is more important, working and making at least some money or not working at all and complaining about it.  I would say that it is more important to at least work and contribute to society in some way.  I myself went to college, left after five years, and started my own business as a contractor.  Through the recession and currently, I have grown my business every year.  Is it in the field that I went to college for?  No, I was an English major when I left.  I followed my passion, however, and made it work for me. 

People, especially in this Occupy Movement, need to realize what it is they are protesting.  If they are protesting to get jobs, then they will fail because they are all capable people who can, if they put their minds to it, find a job, get a job, are make a job.  There needs to be more of a focus on the causes of our current situation which I feel people have forgotten about.  We need to challenge our government, show them the changes that they need to make, and press them until they make those changes.  I want to teach my son how to be successful at whatever he wants, to get whatever job he wants because he is passionate about it.  I also want to teach him that the path to his success, whatever it may be, is not necessarily a direct route, but could be one that winds and twists along the way, taking him to places that he never thought he would go.  Life is not a straight path.  There are twists and curves along the way that often times we don't see coming.  It is up to us how we react to them.  Upon coming to a twist or curve in life, we can either shut down and complain that the road wasn't made straight for us, or we can follow that road wherever it leads and be open to it.  The current economic situation has put a curve or twist in many peoples lives and it seems most aren't able to handle them.  While I see the need to protest and make changes, people also need to get over themselves and do what is necessary to make a living.  Yes, college is expensive, but why does everyone feel the need to go to college?  Is it that necessary to get that degree and end up owing tens of thousands of dollars with no way of paying it back?  Many of the most successful people this country has known were high school or college drop outs.  Maybe it is time people learned from them, found their passion, and took control of their own lives. 

Occupy Movements Facing Police

So I have to get my two cents out there about the Occupy Movements across the country and the efforts of police to disperse them.   The protests across the country have remained peaceful for the most part which is tantamount to success.   It seems the only times that there have been waves of violence are when the police show up and try to disperse or control the actions of the protesters.  There have been numerous arrests in New York, most of them to my knowledge bordering on illegal.  The most recent ones in Oakland are a little more dubious in nature.  I must be honest here and say that I can understand both sides.  From what the authorities are saying, the main reason for the dispersal of the camp outside city hall was for unsanitary conditions, camping without a permit, and the increase of graffiti and litter.   If the protests are to remain unhindered, they must be run within the confines of the law.  There is no law preventing the protests from occurring in front of city hall all day, day after day, ad infinitum as long as they do not disrupt emergency services, pose a risk to anyone's health, and are peaceful.  Unfortunately, it seems like the protesters have crossed the line and created conditions that were ripe for their removal.  However, I feel that it is unlawful of the police to prevent them from returning so long as they do not set up another camp and create more unsanitary conditions.  All they have to do is go in waves.  By doing that, they would be able to maintain a presence in front of city hall, while keeping it clean, free of tents, and food debris.  And as much as everyone might find great disdain for the current government, it in no was gives people the right to cover buildings or anything else for that matter with graffiti.  The movement would gain much more traction if they could keep to their main purpose and not give the police a reason to move in and disperse them. 

It seems to me that there are two faces to this Occupy Movement, one that truly seeks to bring about change, and one that is simply along for the ride and will not remain within the confines of the law.   There are many laws out there that are dubious in nature and are seemingly there to make protesting difficult.  There is, however, a line between the laws that benefit the community as a whole, and those that are downright ridiculous and are essentially made to be broken.  In order to peacefully object to certain mandates or laws, one must know the laws that they are being bound by.  Those that are most successful in bringing to light the ridiculous laws are those that have done the research and are skirting the fine line between obeying and disobeying the law.  It seems when the line of the laws is being approached, more and more police are jumping over to arrest people before any law has even been broken.  This in my mind is bringing to light the fact that the police are essentially being told when to arrest people and when not to regardless of what the people are doing and in complete disregard for the law.  If the Occupy movements across the country truly wish to show their purpose, they must follow every letter of the law, go right up to the line that the law defines without breaking it, and see what happens.  Violence in any case should not be exhibited.  If police cross the line of their lawful jurisdiction when it comes to enforcing laws, people should by any means necessary, bring those injustices to light and press the police for answers on their seeming inability to fulfill their own obligations. 

The only path to change in my mind is a path that follows the proper course of action in terms of lawfulness and presses those in power to come up with answers to any questions people may have and offer solutions to the current crisis.  We have every right to demand answers from our elected officials, after all we are the ones that put them there.  They are obligated to serve all the people in this country, not just the select few who supply them with money to run their campaigns.  If they do not answer, then we need to fill the squares of this country with more and more people until they have no option but to change.   Currently, 89% of the population is dissatisfied with government, large and small.   Despite this, our government has not sought any meaningful change that would make a difference.  To truly upend our system, we must vote out every political candidate currently in office and start anew.  Will we end up with some scumbags in office?  Undoubtedly, but I guarantee that we will end up affecting change that will turn this country around and set in on the right track again.  We must seek out people for office that are currently not affiliated with any political party.  The Democrats and the Republicans have seen their day.  It is time to replace both parties and start anew.  Protest peacefully, abide by the laws, and change will come. 

Watching a New Generation

I consider myself blessed to know many different people in all different walks of life.  Even before my son was born, I was getting little insights into what life would be like, how it would change my perspective on life, and what it actually means to be a parent.  I must say that before my son was born, I absorbed it all, stored it away for use at a later time, but didn't really understand what people were talking about.  I was told that having a child doesn't mean going out of your way to make your life accommodate theirs, they fit into your life, your rhythm, and how you live.  While I have yet to see that happen, especially with an infant who likes to eat, poop, pee, and sleep whenever he wants, I can now see a little more clearly what that friend was talking about.  Its more about living my life to the best of my ability and showing my son what life is about.  Will accommodations be made?   I'm sure they will, but only insofar as they benefit the growth of our son.  Another friend told me that having a child makes you realize all the things your parents did for you that you never even knew about.   When I heard this before my son was born, I kind of understood the concept, but now that our son is here, it becomes perfectly clear what my friend was talking about. 

Its all those little things like creeping into our son's room at night to make sure nothing is wrong.  Its walking by his napper during the day to tuck in the blanket a little tighter and make sure that he is warm enough.  Its getting the eye boogers out while he is sleeping.  Its comforting him when he is fidgety and doesn't know what to do or what is wrong.  This is only the tip of the realizations that have come to light and its only been two weeks.  As children and even as young adults, we never truly realize what our parents went through to raise us until we have to raise our own children.  Even then, I am sure that there are parents out there who are oblivious to the continuity of parenting as it passes from generation to generation.   Realizing the similarities of what we go through versus what our parents went through helps put everything in perspective and gives us new appreciation for what our parents did.  Even at two weeks old, our son is starting to lift his head on his own from being on his belly, and as my wife looked on with me, she commented that he is growing up too fast already.  Time flies.  Its been two weeks yet it seems like yesterday that we were coming home from the hospital with him.  Yet while he may be growing up quickly, I am cheering him on in my head.  And I know what parents would say to me, "Its only been two weeks, just wait, it will fly by even quicker."  I have no doubt about that. 

I have another friend, almost 60, who loves to impart his wise words to me whenever he sees me.  He has been constantly telling me since he found out that my wife was pregnant what an amazing journey we are about to depart on with the birth of our son.  I couldn't agree more.  Even through my wife's pregnancy, watching our son grow inside of her, was an amazing experience.  To think that we created this life, brought him into the world, and now get to watch him grow and teach him, goes beyond what words can convey.  My friend also told me, having watched his own children grow up, move out, and get married; that every moment is precious and not to give anything away.  "Cherish every moment you have with your son."  He also told me its amazing how quickly time passes and to him it seemed like only yesterday that he was ushering his son and daughter into this world.  While I can not see things entirely from his perspective, I understand what he means.  He is at a point where he is now watching me embark on a journey that for him is winding down only in the sense that his children no longer live at home.  He remembers vividly what he went through and to now see us going through the same thing is amazing to him.   Its a matter of watching generations pass, grow up, get older, and usher in new generations.  I can only now get a glimpse of what it might be like for grandparents.  To see their children grow up from being infants, and then give birth to their own son must be such a gratifying moment, one filled with joy and excitement.  To know that in the end, all their efforts, however misguided they might have seemed at the time, were worth it and helped to form a child into a man who then embarks on a journey they are winding down from.  I will not know all those feelings until I am in those shoes myself, but I can see how wonderful it is. 

Some people say that life is not just about having children and perpetuating families.  I agree with them in part, but at the same time, when you have a child, there is a sense of life coming full circle, of becoming more complete.  I know it may sound like I have been waiting all my life to have a child, but trust me, I have not.  It is not until you actually step into those shoes, hold that infant in your arms, and start to realize how life progresses that you feel the difference.  No matter how many times people told me that having a child would drastically change things, I never completely understood.  It is not just the fact that I am now responsible for a life, it is more about realizing how much more life is than us as individuals.  Whatever we do is largely insignificant in the overall scheme of things.  That's not to say that what we do does not hold degrees of importance temporally, but its more to say that life is more than who we are as individuals.  While it is essential to gain an understanding of who we are, it is more important to be there for others, our children, our friends, our family.  This may all sound confusing, but its probably because I am still working through it all.  I guess what I am trying to say is that having a child changes things from perspectives to realizations to how we interact with others.  The core of who we are remains the same, but there is added significance to what we do, how we act, and how we proceed through life.  It is no longer just us, it is us and a new generation, our son, who will follow us wherever we lead him, and grow by the example that we set.  Everything comes full circle in the end.  Right now I am in the middle, watching and living the curve. 

Appreciating Others

I have talked about appreciation before, but at the time kept it confined mostly to friends and family.  I feel however, that appreciation must go beyond friends and family to those we interact with on a daily basis.  How many of us have taken a few extra seconds in our daily interactions with others to sincerely thank them for what they did for us or maybe even for what they do?   Thank you, it seems, is a phrase that is either rarely used, or used in such an offhanded way as to make it almost pointless.  Even for myself, there are many times that I throw out the phrase as I am turning away from someone, heading to the door, or I simply use it because it was what I was taught to do.  How many of us, when saying "thank you" actually look the other person in the eye and mean what we are saying?  I would have to argue that most people either don't mean it when they say "thank you" or they don't say it at all.  So why is it so important?  Why must we say thank you at all and show our appreciation for other's efforts?  Beyond the simple fact that it is the nice thing to do and it has become an indicator of human decency, when we say "thank you", it validates the other person and their actions whether it is their job or simply an act of kindness.  Validating and appreciating others is the way in which we affirm the good in them and what they have done.  Going beyond simply validating their actions, by saying "thank you", we offer a reason for them to continue to do what they do and perpetuate their "good".

Think about it for a minute as I offer you a very simple example.  Let's say that you are in the habit of opening doors for others regardless of their gender, age, or ethnicity (we were all told when we were younger to hold the door open for women).   If you did this every day say five times a day and no one acknowledged your actions, said thank you, or even glanced your way; would you continue to hold the door open for others?  Most people probably would for a certain amount of time, but if there was any continuity of non-acknowledgement, you would be less likely to hold open that door as time went on.  It goes to the basis of what we do; why do something if no one notices that you do it?  Granted, we should still hold that door open even if no one says "thank you", but it forces us to begin questioning why we do it.  You can take this and apply it to almost every activity, however large or small, important or not, and it plays directly into the human psyche.  I am sure that most of us have run into that disgruntled worker at a store who has a miserable look on their face and simply goes through the motions of their job in order to get their pay check.  How many of us, when interacting with them, go out of our way to make them feel wanted by saying thank you?  Trust me, its not easy to do.  I know when I see that disgruntled person, I want to shut down because I don't want their countenance to rub off on me and turn my day sour.  But what if we took that extra minute to say thank you while looking them in the eye.  We could have the reverse effect and maybe turn their day around for them.  There are no one way streets in life (unless you are driving in a city).  Everything that we do on a daily basis, every interaction we have, goes both ways.  Once we start to see this, recognize it, and move forward with the understanding that we can have as much of an effect on others as they have on us, we can use it to create some good in our daily lives.

Everyday life is more than who we are as individuals.  There seem to be more and more people these days who focus their entire day around themselves and disregard everyone else around them.  In a world that is increasingly interconnected, we can not simply live insulated lives, void of meaningful human interaction.  We could, but to what effect?  If we live an insulated life and don't take the time to interact in a meaningful way with those around us, what is the point?  I would argue that the only way we can truly live is to appreciate others outside our normal circle of family and friends.  The only way we can truly make a difference is to validate others and their existence.  It is not simply about saying "thank you"; that is only the tip of the iceberg.  To truly validate others and show appreciating for them is to engage with them.  What is so hard about asking how someone's day is going?  I try to do this on a daily basis with whoever I run into.  The effects are often surprising.  More often than not, the person I ask the question of is surprised that a stranger would ask them that.  Why would a stranger ask them that?  Why would I bother?  Mostly because I want to bring them out of their little world for a minute and show them that people do care.  But its not simply that, I do it simply because I want to.  Human interaction for me is vital to life, and if I can get people to engage with me for a few minutes out of their day, then we have both gained something.  Today I offer a challenge to anyone reading this; at some point today wherever you are, engage with a stranger and ask them how their day is going.  Don't worry that it might take up some of your time, just do it.  See what happens.  If we can all engage with others on a daily basis, perhaps we can show them the benefit of such actions and they might engage with others themselves.  Just a little challenge, nothing hard, just do it. 

Combatting Greed

So today I talk about greed.  Why am I even talking about it?  Well, it stems from a conversation I had with a member of the Occupy New Haven movement on Facebook earlier this week.  After going back and forth, a question was posed to me as to what was the root cause of the problems that we are experiencing and the cause of all the protests and unrest we have been experiencing.   After pondering the question, the only suitable answer that I could come up with that encompassed almost all grievances that people have is greed.  Regardless of the label you attach to it, whether it be corporate greed, political greed, monetary greed, etcetera; the root cause as I see it is greed.  Not to say that greed alone is the cause, but rather unchecked greed.  In our current economic and political system, the more you make or the more you get, the more it seems you are able to keep for yourself.  The higher your income is, the less you pay in taxes.  The more power you get in Washington, the more you are able to keep and the more you are able to swindle away.   Now, please don't misunderstand me here, I am not opposed to people making as much money as they possibly can.  I am opposed however, to letting those who make more money give less back in the way of taxes or any other means.  I am not suggesting that we turn our society into a socialist one, rather, I am suggesting that we institute a modicum of fairness into our tax system and corporate structure.   That is at least a start. 

We live in a day and age when the average CEO of a corporation makes 350 times what the average worker makes.  This is the highest income disparity we have seen since the 1920's.  Taking into account inflation, the average worker actually makes less money now than they did even 20 years ago.  The rich are getting richer and the poor are getting poorer.  It is no longer a myth, but reality.   Part of the problem in the corporate arena is the bonuses that top level executives receive.  How can a company justify giving a bonus of over a million dollars or more regardless of what that person receiving it does?  It is not like any of the executives are running the country.  (Correction, you could say they are with all the money they spend in Washington turning politicians to their cause.)  And there in lies another part of the greed equation.  If these corporations are literally able to buy legislation to suit their needs by giving millions of dollars to politicians and lobbyists, why wouldn't the politicians and lobbyists continue doing what they are doing.  It seems that at this point the circulation of money amongst people in power has gotten so extravagant that they have forgotten who pays their bills.  It is the rest of us taxpayers, paying higher rates than millionaires, who are funding these people.   And while I am grouping almost all the wealthy into these previous statements, there are those among them, few and far between, who actually give money back to society and seek to improve the welfare of the citizens around them.  For those philanthropists, which we are seeing fewer and fewer of, maybe they should be the ones getting the tax breaks, not the whole group of wealthy, most of which hoard their money away never to be seen by anyone but their family. 

So why am I talking so passionately about greed when I have a week and half old beautiful boy?  It is because I don't want him to grow up seeing what greed can do, seeing the how the greed of a handful can impact the lives of millions.   What I do want my son to grow up and see is that while you can make as much money as you want, if you have more than you need, you should help those who are less fortunate.  I want my son to be able to see a new age of philanthropists, an age of wealthy individuals who do not have to be coerced into helping out those in need.  I want him to be able to read about the likes of Jon Huntsman Sr., a billionaire from Utah who is one of only 19 billionaires to give away over a billion dollars.  There are over 1200 billionaires in the world and only 19 have given away over a billion dollars.  Why, because of greed.  Mr. Huntsman, even with giving away a billion dollars, still isn't hurting for money, so why can't others see the need of the less fortunate and help them out.  Has their world become so insulated that the rest of the population doesn't matter?  I want my son to be able to read about 1100 out of 1200 billionaires giving away a billion dollars.  I've said it before and I will say it again, social justice and social programs can not be instituted by the government.  I guarantee however that if there was incentive for the wealthy to give more of their money away to people in their own country, than they would do so.  However, there currently is no incentive. 

Overall, I want to see the effects of greed diminished.  After all, no matter how much money a person accumulates over their lifetime, it makes no difference when they pass away (except what type of coffin they are buried in).  We will all end up in a rectangular box buried six feet under and no matter how much money we might have made in our lifetime, nothing can be taken with us.  We can't shove all those millions of dollars inside a coffin and hope to change the course of death.  Greed, I would say, might even hasten death along.  When people are so caught up in making more, getting more, taking more; they are always focused on the future and forget about their current lives.  By constantly looking to the future, time moves quicker and we lose track of whats really important.  I want my son to not know about the future, to not know it even exists, because it doesn't exist except as fantasy.  No matter how much we might contemplate the future, we can never know for certain what it might bring or if we will even make it there.  Who reading this has planned their future out?  I find no fault in planning for the future, but to plan the future is a different story.  Planning for the future means we are putting things in place in the present to ensure that, should we make it to tomorrow and the next day, we will be OK.  To determine ahead of time how our future will look is ludicrous.  Today, inspect yourself for greed.  It creeps into everyone's consciousness, even my own.  No one is immune to the effect of greed or its temptations, its how we react to it and hold off against it that matters.  Lets seek to create a world in which rampant greed can be kept in check and we can all live a little better life regardless of how much money we have. 

The First Week of Life

Well, I have decided to put off talking about greed again.  Tomorrow, I promise, greed will be discussed.   Instead, I would rather reflect back on my son's first week of life seeing as he is now a week and 2 days old.   I realize now that no matter how much you might think you are prepared for a newborn, there are always factors that slip by and come back to surprise you.  I think that for the most part, my wife and I were prepared.  We had the cloth diapers all set, his room was ready, we thought we were good to go.   I now realize that one of the biggest factors we didn't take into consideration although we had heard it from everyone is the surprising lack of sleep that each of us gets.  At this point, my wife gets less because she is the only one currently able to feed our son.  But even sleeping through most of it (I sleep like a rock and need to get physically slapped to wake up), the sleep isn't solid.  Good solid sleep, at least for me, has been reduced to about 4 hours a night.  Not bad overall, but far less than my body needs.  I find myself now floundering a little more, the sleep deprivation muddling my brain and slowing things down, especially when it comes to doing a number of things in a row.  I start one, forget, start another, run around the house, and then forget whatever else I had to do.  But I guess that it comes with the territory.  For the most part, I really can't complain. 

Our son definitely teased us with his sleeping habits.  The first two days in the hospital, he slept through the night and even upon arriving home, he slept through the first night in his own crib.  However, that ended, with feedings every few hours and one night, a tortuous little episode.  Tortuous in a funny way looking back, but not when you are trying to sleep.  There was one night around 1130 when he started crying, so I went in to check on him and found he needed his diaper changed from excessive peeing.  That taken care of, I laid him back down, went back to bed for five minutes, and he started crying again.  This time he pooped, quite a bit I might add, and was not happy having it fester in his diaper.  So I changed him again, laid him back down and went to bed for another five minutes.  Guess what, he started crying again, this time because with nothing left in his bladder or bowels, he was hungry.  I got up that time as well, but couldn't solve the issue so I woke up my wife.  I find his little antics quite hilarious now and imagine him coming up with this grand scheme to keep me awake although I know it is just bad timing.  Since we are on the topic of peeing, I must relay another little antic of his that seems to only happen to me.  There have been a couple times so far when I have laid him on my chest and he has fallen fast asleep.  Normally when he pees, he wakes up, but either because I am so warm or he just gets really comfortable, he doesn't wake up while sleeping on my chest after peeing.  The result, I get up, pull him away from my chest and find a nice wet spot on my shirt from where all his pee has thoroughly saturated his diaper and then saturated a nice large section of my shirt.  Even when it happens, I can't help but laugh. 

It seems that after a few days of waking up every hour and a half through the night, that he has taken to sleeping for at least four hours through the wee hours of the morning (ha, I said wee).  I know, I know, don't expect this too keep up as he is on his own time right now, feeding when he wants and obviously pooping and peeing when he wants.  But it is amazing to see him awake during the day, gazing around as if he could see everything (I guess they can only see light and dark right now and can't make out many details).  He looks around with his bright blue eyes, absorbing everything.  He follows every light that's on, inspects every shadow, and occasionally crosses his eyes and gives us a funny look.  His looks are a whole other area of amazement.  Perhaps the funniest is his smile, because he only gets a smile right now when he is pooping or about to poop.  After eating he lays there, lips pursed, like a little duck man.  And if his furrowed brow were any indication of thoughts flowing through his little brain, you would think he was attempting to solve the theory of relativity half the time.  Human life is amazing, especially at this early stage when everything is simple.  The human body knows what it needs to do and there is nothing superficial about it.  Plain and simple, he is the most honest that he can and ever will be right now.  When he cries, it is either because he is hungry, pooping, peeing, or uncomfortable.  If only my life was that simple. 

So looking back, I would have to say we were pretty ready for our son, despite the lack of sleep that we didn't really factor in.  I had heard people say that they brought their baby home from the hospital and didn't know what to do.  There is only one thing you can do and it wasn't that hard for my wife and I to figure out; love our son.  All that is needed is love at this point (and diaper changing of course).  But I myself was amazed at how quickly you just get into the rhythm of babyhood.  The first day or so of his life, I was nervous, not wanting to hurt him, move him the wrong way, or disturb him too much.  Now, it all seems simple and routine.  While he is fragile, there is a certain comfort that comes after the first few days, a comfort in knowing that he will be OK, as long as you don't shake him or drop him, etc.  I have taken to holding him right now like a loaf of rye bread (as a friend put it).  He fits perfectly on my forearm, head cradled in my hand and his legs wrapped around my bicep.  I might as well enjoy it now, because I know that even in a few weeks, he won't fit so well and will be too heavy to support for extended periods of time in that position.  But for now, it is all about taking it one day at a time, or should I say, one diaper at a time.  In fact, as soon as I am done writing this, I have to go change his diaper again (explosive pooping).  But as much as people complain about it, I love it.  It gives me more time to hold my son, to comfort him, to make sure he is OK, and show him how much I love him. 

Children and Entertainment

I had planned to write today about greed in all its forms, from corporate greed to political greed to monetary greed etcetera and how we might combat its growing impact on our society.  As I was formulating my thoughts and skimming through today's news stories, I stumbled upon an article that, at least to me, has more immediate relevance.  The relevance may not affect everyone, especially those without children, but it definitely affects me and regardless of its impact, its an interesting topic that can be debated amongst parents for months on end.  So what is this topic I talk about?  It is the uselessness of TV or any other form of "screen" (computer, iPad, iPhone, etc.) to entertain or keep occupied children under the age of 2.  Despite the fact that for every hour a child under 2 spends in front of the TV they will spend 50 minutes less interacting with adults, there is no educational benefit.  For children under the age of two, regardless of the program they are watching, they are simply too young to understand what is happening on the screen.  In a survey, 90% of parents said their children under 2 watched some form of media, whether it be on TV or smart phone.   The only way to truly start teaching children and expanding their base of knowledge is through personal interaction.  The more time that parents spend actively engage with their children, especially when it comes to language, the more apt those children will be to produce more language of their own as they grow.  Nothing beats human interaction or learning and growth.  To check out the full article, click here.

When I was younger, I watched TV myself.  Obviously I don't remember anything from those first couple years of my life, but when I was being watched by my grandmother, there was one show I enjoyed watching and it was the only one I was allowed to watch on a daily basis.  That show was the original Sesame Street.  Aside from that, my grandmother kept me occupied with a slew of other activities which I remember in much more detail than any show I watched during that time.  One of my favorite activities when I was little was  building a house out of a refrigerator box.  From cutting out the windows and doors, to attaching a chimney, to drawing bricks around the whole exterior of my little house, I was much more actively involved than I ever was in front of the TV.  I remember Lincoln Logs and Erector Sets and the time spent assembling different contraptions.  I remember building forts out of kitchen tables, chairs, and sheets.  I remember climbing trees outside.  I remember drawing on the hot pavement with water and watching it evaporate.  I do not remember any content that was shown on Sesame Street.  I do not remember any other show I may have watched and forgot about.  How a child is raised has an enormous impact on how they will learn and develop throughout their life.  If they are engaged with others from an early age, allowed to explore their abilities and talents, and urged to solve real life problems on their own (like how to cut windows in a cardboard house), then they will gain valuable real life experience and will have less trouble when it comes to more pressing issues like learning in school, and dealing with other children. 

TV, for all its claims to help in teaching children, has consistently fallen short of the mark.  It takes longer for a child to learn something via media and it is far less effective.  I know that these days it is harder and harder for parents to take an active role in their child's life because of the current economic situation and the pressing need most times for both parents to work.  However, at what cost do we put our children consistently in front of the TV?  Does it make it easier sometimes for us to get other things done around the house?  Absolutely, there is no denying that.  But what about putting the child in the same room as you are, turning off the TV and simply talking to your child, regardless of whether or not they can respond to you.  The more a child hears the voice of his/her parents, the more language skills they will gain and the more interactive they will be later.  Even if you can't talk to your child because they are sleeping or you need to be on the phone, what about a little classical music instead of the TV?  Classical music has been shown to help in brain development and cognitive learning abilities, yet so few people recognize the importance of it.  It seems to me that what this all boils down to is what is easiest for the parents.  Even I recognize the fact that it is easier to plop a child in front of the TV in hopes of keeping them occupied than personally interacting with them.  But what is better, the easier or the harder route.  No one ever said that parenting was easy and it shouldn't be.  Parents are responsible for the development of their child and as such, need to take more active roles in ensuring that the development of their child is not based on TV and other media sources. 

I for one plan on taking as active a role as possible in the life of my son.  Will I be able to be there every second of every day?  No, that is quite unrealistic.  But when it comes to his development, I will do everything in my power to ensure that he receives as much of my attention as possible.  I want him to be able to learn by doing, to experience the world first hand, not second hand as portrayed through the TV.  I want him to flourish creatively and be able to push the boundaries of his imagination.  I would like him to want to play with Lincoln Logs (or their current equivalent) instead of wanting to watch TV.  Are these lofty goals?  I don't think so.  I think that they are attainable and know that as long as I set my mind to spending time with my son every day, then these goals can be met.  For the other parents out there, how do you attend to your children?  I am not here to judge anyone or put anyone down for their actions, I am here simply to push the envelope and perhaps increase awareness about the importance of one to one interaction with young children.  That being said, don't waste a day, don't plan to start anything tomorrow.  The present is all we are guaranteed, nothing more.  The world could end tomorrow (not that I think it will) so take advantage of every moment you have with your child, I know I will.

Raising an Open Child

It seems that with the birth of our son, everything I view, witness, take part in, observe; all take on aspects of how I would like to raise our son and what I would like to teach him.  I believe it was the morning that my wife went into labor that I wrote about unemployment benefits.  I thought I had expressed sympathy for those without jobs and their families and wouldn't wish unemployment on anyone.  However, I also said that for our government to keep on extending benefits was unjustified and in effect was perpetuating our economic problem.  So how does this tie into my son and how I want him raised?  Well, after I posted the blog on Facebook, I got quite a negative reaction to it from a reader.  She is unemployed and put quite simply, not happy with the fact that I didn't want the government to extend more benefits to her.  She railed against me, calling me amongst other things an idiot and an a#$hole wondering the whole time what planet I came from.  To me, she responded in total ignorance, taking into account only her situation and how only her life really mattered (so it seemed).  We had a brief online "conversation" if you can call it that which resulted in her defriending me.  It boggles my mind that sometimes when I write, people are unable or unwilling to see the whole picture.   Ultimately, it all boils down to the fact that I want to raise our son to be able to see the whole picture, to not be ignorant of others needs, desires, wishes, ideas, and thoughts as this one woman was.  (To see the conversation, go to my Facebook page and scroll down).

I feel that it is more important now than ever before for people to be open and accepting of different thoughts and ideas.  Personally, if I say something here that people don't agree with, I would love it for them to engage in discussion and show me their side so I can understand it better.  I will be the first to admit that I don't know everything and a lot of the things I write are based upon my personal feelings, philosophy, and thoughts about the world.  Not everyone shares these thoughts, but if no one shows me another alternative, then how am I supposed to be enlightened to a different point of view and expand my understanding.  If only that woman on Facebook had reacted differently, started a discussion instead of lashing out, then perhaps we both could have reached a different level of understanding.  This is what I want our son to learn, to engage with others instead of shutting down, to open up and seek to understand instead of slamming down a brick wall of ignorance.  Is this an easy thing to teach, absolutely not.  As an opinionated person myself, I still find it difficult at times to actively listen to others in an attempt to understand their point of view.  I think that this may be one of the hardest lessons that anyone can learn in life.  Owning our opinions, we are naturally more attached to them and find it harder to have them challenged.  However, the only way we can grow as people is to have our opinions challenged and discuss them with others.  This in a sense goes back to our comfort zone and how we react to being prodded out of it. 

I know that the best way to teach anyone a lesson is by example and I must constantly strive to be that example to our son.  I know I will flounder along the way as I am sure every parent does at some point.  The most important thing however is to recognize it and grow from it, showing our son that nobody is perfect and that people make mistakes.  As long as we learn from those mistakes, show our son how he can grow from his own mistakes, then everything will turn out OK.  Being opinionated in its own right is not a bad thing, its when it starts to have a negative effect on others and shut them out of our lives that it becomes harmful.  I can only hope that our son does not grow up to be like that woman on Facebook.  Ignorance is the root of many problems we are facing today in our world, country, and in a large part our own cities and towns.  How can we combat that?  While I think that it is never too late to change, there are many people out there that no matter how much you show them the benefit of changing, they never will.  Most people won't change the way they are, especially if they are already ignorant.  The way to change things now is by teaching our children to not be ignorant but to be accepting and open.  If that is the only thing that I teach our child, then I will feel like I have been a success.  If our son is open and accepting, then most other things will fall into place (with the help of his parents).  Today, my only wish is for more people to let down their guard, listen to others, and entertain more than one point of view. 

The Miracle of Birth

Since my son was born last Tuesday, I have been trying to sort out exactly how it feels to be a new father, to hold a precious child in my arms, to have created a new life with my wife and to have brought him into this world.  So far, words have largely eluded my leaving me with the simple statement that it feels amazing.  I don't know if there are words that can be applied to the experience.  While happening almost a week ago now, it seems like it was only yesterday that I was coaxing my son out of the womb and laying him on my wife's chest.  She did all the hard work and she is an amazing woman for what she did.  I was there throughout the entire process and would have not wanted to be anywhere else.  It was such a transformation that came over me. 

When I woke up last Monday morning, I had no idea that it was going to be the day of waiting and coaching, waiting and coaching.  I had gotten up at four that morning to find my wife already awake for a couple of hours.  Except for a few hours on Monday where I was able to sneak a little bit of work in during a lull, I was by her side the entire time.  When we got to the hospital at 1030 Monday night, I was already getting tired, not of the process, just physically tired.  Once at the hospital, we were both able to catch a few minutes of sleep here and there during the down times, not enough to get rejuvenated, but enough to keep us both going.  By 4 on Tuesday morning, when it turns out we were only a few hours out from meeting our son, I had immense trouble keeping my eyes open.  There were times I found myself dozing while standing by my wife's side.  When our son started crowning, any tiredness that I felt, any physical exhaustion, vanished.  It felt like I had just woken up, the adrenaline was surging through my body, speeding reality up, hastening the moment when I could meet our son.  The whole process was amazing, but perhaps the greatest part was seeing our son's head emerge and being told by the midwife to grab hold and pull him out.  I admit now, I floundered a little, so unsure of what to do.  I grabbed hold of my son's shoulders and head, coaxed him out, and placed him on my wife's chest.  Even though we didn't know if we were having a boy or a girl, I didn't even think to look at that point.  My main concern was not dropping him.  As soon as he was fully out, he took a breath and my adrenaline surged even more.  It was not until the nurse and midwife asked what the baby was that my wife picked him up and announced that he was a boy.  It was truly incredible.

As much as I try to put words to the experience now, I feel that they will always fall short.  There are some moments in life that elude description.  Maybe in a few weeks I will be better able to describe the event, but there is part of me that just wants to remember it for it was, an amazing miracle.  I was utterly transfixed by the transformation that the human body can make when giving birth to a baby.  As much as I was told how amazing it was by other father's and parents, you never really understand till you are standing there how much a defining moment it is in a person's life.  There was nothing else in the world that could have dragged me away from that experience.  I wouldn't have cared if a meteor was about to obliterate our planet; I would still want to be right by my wife's side. 

Now that our son has been welcomed into this world, I don't want to leave his side.  I take every opportunity to hold him in my arms, to stare into his bright blue eyes, to read him stories, and to simply make sure he is OK.  Nothing else really seems to matter as much anymore.  Whenever my mind starts to get filled with worries about what I have to do in terms of work or anything else, it always goes back to my son.  Fatherhood is such a blessing, added responsibility yes, but a blessing above all else.  There is no sense in worrying how things will turn out, I am sure that they will turn out great.  The most important thing at this point is to enjoy every second of every day.  When I was younger, I always heard adults say how time flies.  Before my son was born, I started to understand it a little more.  Now its hit me how precious time is, every second of it and how it shouldn't be wasted.  Perhaps time flies so quickly because we fill our lives with useless activities when all that really matters is being with family, especially a family with a new addition like our son.  There is still a divide I feel, a pull by the world to worry about work, money, and all the trivialities that come along with them; and a pull by family, the more important aspect, to simply be, spend time with each other, and enjoy life.  What is life if we don't enjoy it?  How can we enjoy life if we don't spend time with family?  New life it seems tends to put things into perspective and I hope that I can hold onto these feelings I have now and carry them with me till I die.  For now, I must go and stare at my sleeping son, watch his indiscriminate movements, his little dreams he has, and the myriad faces that he makes.  Tomorrow doesn't matter, only today does. 

Back in a Few

Due to the recent birth of my son, I will be taking a few days off of writing posts for my blog. I should be writing again by the earliest Friday and the latest Monday. Hope everyone is well and I'll be back soon!

Unemployment Benefits

Unemployment benefits have been extended and extended and now they look as if they are going to be extended again under President Obama.  How many more times can we reasonably extend unemployment benefits before we truly bankrupt our government?  Under the latest proposed extension, the unemployed would be able to receive benefits for 99 weeks, that's almost two years worth of money being supplied by our government.  It is unfortunate that so many people have been out of work for so long, but at what point do unemployment benefits become a crutch for the people and a detriment to government and its budget crisis.  Even people who are currently receiving unemployment benefits are finding fault with the possibility of another extension.  Our government can not simply keep on handing out money to those unable to find jobs.  The more they do, the more money will come out of taxpayer pockets to pay for them, and the more our country will sink into debt.  While complete austerity measures should not be considered in my opinion, the money that would go towards these unemployment benefits would be better spent on public works projects or investment in technology that would create new jobs.  Our country is currently trillions of dollars in the hole with no practical way of digging ourselves out, yet they can't figure out that spending more money on unemployment benefits will not answer the problem. 

I have run into a number of business owners who are saying that the current unemployment benefits are hurting their ability to hire valuable employees.  They are saying that a good number of the people they would like to hire because of their qualifications, won't take the job because they are making more on unemployment.  So how will extending unemployment benefits actually help the jobless situation.  In my mind, and I am sure to many others, it will simply prolong the period of time before these unemployed people start looking for a job.  In the meantime, our economy continues to suffer.  Unemployment benefits are beneficial, if kept to a minimum so that people can have some insurance when they lose a job and have some time to find a new one.  Otherwise, they do no good.  In talking to a friend in the financial consulting area, he had a good idea which I feel would make the unemployment benefits more worthwhile and beneficial to our country as a whole.  He posited that in order for people to receive these benefits, that they should have to volunteer a certain amount of hours per week.  By doing this and having these volunteer hours signed off on, the unemployed would not simply be sitting around waiting for a job to come along, but they would be assisting in their communities and contributing to the good of everyone.  In essence, they would be getting indirectly paid for their volunteer work.  This to me seems like the most ideal situation, communities receive much needed assistance, the employed can see their tax dollars tangibly at work through volunteer efforts, and the unemployed would not get lazy and think they could continually sit around and receive checks. 

This whole recession has created a mess out of not just our economy, but the economies of countries around the world.  What we need is for our politicians to take a practical approach to working through this mess and finding our way out the other end.  What it seems we have instead are a bunch of horses with blinders on.  All they see is their way of doing things and to hell with everyone else, they will do what they want.  It doesn't seem like they are taking the time or actually making an effort to see what will actually work or not work.  If my friend who is a financial advisor could come up with a solution to unemployment benefits that makes more sense than anything our government has done to date, then how did some of these people in office actually get there?  Before I get lambasted for downplaying the plight of the unemployed, let me say that I feel for them and would not want to be in their position at all.  At the same time, I have a problem continually paying for them to sit around with my tax dollars.  Not that I have any say what my tax dollars get used for, but I do have an issue with this.  Another solution to this problem would be for any unemployment benefits payed out, they must be paid back in full to our government.  I doubt this would ever happen, but imagine the amount of money that would flow back into the coffers of our government if we could make the unemployed pay for their benefits (once they got a job).  Alas, unless this Occupy Wall Street movement takes off, finds a leader, and forces changes to be made, I feel that we will keep on trucking down our current path towards imminent demise.  Today, if you have a job, be grateful for it because there are plenty out there who don't have one.  If you are unemployed, I'm sorry to hear it and I wish you the best but at the same time, I don't think that your benefits should be extended. 

Fear of Law Suits

We live in a society, especially in the United States, that breeds fear in people.  What is this fear?  It is the fear of being sued.  No matter where we are or what we are doing, there is always someone waiting for us to slip up, claim we were at fault, and sue the living hell out of us.  Now, don't get me wrong, in certain situations I believe that law suits can be beneficial, but we have reached a point where even if we make a mistake, we can sue someone for the hurt we incurred on ourselves.  We have all probably heard about the McDonald's law suit some years ago in which a lady spilt hot coffee on herself, got burned, and sued McDonalds' for millions because the cup did not say it had a hot beverage inside.  That perhaps could be one of the most absurd law suits I have ever heard of although there are plenty out there that come close.  It seems most of the absurd or frivolous law suits are waged against businesses, corporations, or schools because it is felt they have more money and can bear paying for someones injuries.  There is another incident that I heard of locally in which a teacher filed a law suit against the school she works in.  The incident occurred over the winter months when there was plenty of ice and snow to make surfaces slippery.  The maintenance crews had sanded all the side walks and parking lots as best they could to help gain traction on the ice and all the snow was plowed away.  With the sand spread, this teacher slips and falls on the ice claiming she hit a spot that wasn't sanded and hurt her elbow.  So what happens, she sues.  Why?  Mostly because she couldn't look where she was walking or didn't take her time, got hurt, and wanted to place the blame elsewhere than on her own stupidity. 

Lets be honest here, if nothing was sanded and there was a sheet of ice covering everything, she might have had a case.  Even if nothing was sanded however, doesn't ice normally dictate that someone should be careful and take their time when walking?  I would think so.  Now what happens to the school that has to deal with the law suit, shell out however many thousands of dollars in legal fees, and still maintain their budget.  In this economy, when budgets everywhere are stretched thin, schools especially can not afford law suits.  Businesses as well could be put right out of business if a law suit big enough hit them.  It seems no matter how many safety precautions that institutions take, there is always something overlooked.  If we were to lay heated coils in the sidewalks and pavement to melt the ice, create cordoned walkways to keep people off of slippery surfaces, and placed bright neon yellow signs every 3 feet indicating where people should walk, someone will still get hurt.  It may not be on the sidewalk, but it could be that a neon yellow sign catches the sun wrong, reflects into the eye of a pedestrian, and causes them to walk smack into a closed door thus knocking them flat on their arse.  They would probably sue over that as well claiming the signs were too bright. 

I have said this before, but I feel that it can never be repeated often enough; people need to take responsibility for their own actions.  If I was walking, slipped and fell, I would mostly consider myself an idiot and if I wasn't hurt, would probably laugh it off.  I would not go looking for the closest home or business to place responsibility elsewhere, it was my fault.  I personally can't fathom how people would want to eek out vengeance for something that they did.  It seems that they have personal issues, whatever they may be, and they can't get over them.  It could be that they have self image problems and the thought of others witnessing them committing an act of stupidity (like slipping and falling on ice) is what is driving their need for vengeance.  I don't have the answers, but it is not just people that are to blame, it is the lawyers as well who advertise their services for any who are injured.  It doesn't matter how you injured yourself or what happened, there could be a viable lawsuit that could be filed against another party.   Lawyers should, for their own part, exercise a little self restraint when it comes to accepting frivolous law suits.  Perhaps the courts would free up a bit and allow for more expedited outcomes for more serious cases.  In general, people need to be more aware of what is going on around them and pay attention to what they are doing.  Lets all put down the iPhone or personal assisting device and look at where we are walking today or maybe even pay attention to where we are driving so we don't end up hurting ourselves or others around us. 

To Celebrate or Lament

Have you noticed these days that more and more people dwell on the negative aspects in their life?  Why do people torment themselves by perpetuating negative events and keeping them at the forefront of their daily lives?  No matter who we are, we all have things that go wrong during the day from losing our keys to dropping our cell phone in a puddle to getting in a car crash.  We never know what will happen to us on any given day.  When these things go wrong for us, there are a good number of people who continually wish things were better, wish something didn't happen, or wish things would turn around for them.  The ironic part is, people spend so much time focusing on the things that send a day spiraling down the tubes that they completely overlook the good things that happen.  Or when something good does happen, it isn't good enough to pick them up out of the doldrums.  With the good that does come along, people like to try and figure out ways to make it better for themselves; they dissect what happened, analyze it from every angle, and constantly seek out ways in which the outcome could have been better.  Whatever happened to simply enjoying the good things that do come along, celebrating them, lifting those events up above all that is negative or bad in a person's day or life?  When something good does happen, we should take a few moments to enjoy it and simply let the event stand by itself instead of immediately analyzing it.  In this day and age, nothing ever seems to be good enough, things could always be "better".  But I ask you, "better" by whose standards, a person's own standards or those held by others?

Lets take weddings for example, one of the most joyous celebrations of a good, positive event that we will experience in our lives.  These days, people feel the need to have lavish, over the top weddings or they aren't deemed good enough.  People need the best flowers, best venue, best dress, etc.  If these parts of the wedding don't measure up, people are often left with a slight feeling of disappointment, an empty feeling, a desire for more.  Why is it so hard to simply celebrate a wedding as the union of two people, regardless of the objects that supposedly make the wedding.  The only important part of the wedding is the couple getting married and the people there to support them, everything else is trivial.  The same holds true for any type of party.  There is a constant desire to make sure enough people show up, the food is good enough, that people are having a good time when they are there.  Let events unfold as they will and enjoy the fact that people are coming to spend time with each and have a good time.  Even simpler, what about two people just have a good, down to earth conversation.  Too many people these days are an guard to make sure they say the right thing, smile enough, etc.  It should be enough for people to just be themselves and celebrate the fact that they can spend time with another person, connect with them, and understand them on a deeper level.  Good positive events come in all different forms, it is up to us to recognize them for what they are and celebrate them. 

Society it seems, at least to me, is teaching us how to always look for the bad in every situation, lament it, and wish it were better.   No matter what happens, there is always something negative that we can dwell on.  Conversely however, there is always something good happening that we can dwell on as well.  In the overall scheme of things, we are all only here for a short period of time.  Why then fill our life with negativity and lament?  It seems that by doing so, we will never be satisfied with what happens and will always have regrets at the end of the day.  Life is a gift and we should celebrate every aspect of life;  celebrate the fact that we woke up and get to live another day, celebrate the fact that we are all unique with vastly different gifts to offer the world, celebrate the fact that the sun rose and cast the world in brilliant hues of color.  We only have one life to live, why fill life with regrets when there is so much we can celebrate.  It is time for people to get over everything bad, stop lamenting it, and start celebrating the good.  No matter how bad something may seem, there is always some good that will come out of it.  No matter what type of curve ball life throws our way, we can always pick ourselves up and find the good again.  I will re-iterate my favorite short saying because I feel that it is universally adaptable to every situation:  "Carpe Diem" - seize the day...and celebrate.

Protests and Democracy

This year has been the year of protests and rebellions.  What started in the Middle East and North Africa has spread to Europe and now the United States.  While the purpose behind each protests is minutely different, each group championing a slightly different cause, there is one underlying theme that runs through them all; a discontent with leadership and the way countries are being run.  Some protests as in the Middle East and North Africa have sought to overturn governments and to start off fresh, others, as in Europe and the United States are seeking meaningful change in the way a government attends to its population and provides for their livelihood.  Mostly spurned by the global economic crisis, the protests in Europe and the United States are finding many youth disenchanted with the current political process and the system that we all like to call democracy.  So what is democracy?  Democracy is "the political orientation of those who favor government by the people or by their elected representatives."  Each country that aligns itself with the democratic process has slightly different versions of how democracy is implemented.  In the United States we have a representative democracy that relies on the citizens electing officials to represent them in government.  So where have we gone wrong?  Where has democracy gone astray to the point where people feel a large sense of discontent with the system?

Now I can only speak for the United States here, but our representative democracy has strayed far from what our founding fathers envisioned it to be.  At the start of our country, our founding fathers envisioned a government that would remain relatively small and be guided by representatives from the different states who would convene to make decisions on how government should be run and how it affects the people living there.  Well, we currently have a government that is too large, too expensive and does not adequately represent the people.  As a representative democracy, shouldn't our government be discussing issues that the general population feels need to be dealt with?  Shouldn't they be deciding on issues that have an impact on the majority of people?  Yet on a continual basis, they deal with idiotic policies and time wasting deals that affect a small percentage of people.  Furthermore, how can we actually call them representatives of the people when most times it takes a large amount of money to even run for office.  Most of the people living in the United States do not have the kind of money it takes to run for office when you take into consideration the ad campaigns that are a necessity these days if you want to get elected.  The representatives we have in government are disconnected from the reality that most of us are facing yet we keep on putting them into office. 

There was an article I read that said more and more young people are getting an increasing feeling that voting will do them no good at election time.   Simply voting will do not do any good in this day and age.  What people need to realize is that if they vote someone in, that person has the responsibility to represent their constituents.  If an elected official neglects his/her duty and does not represent the concerns of their citizens, then that person needs to be held accountable for their actions.  We need to watch what our representatives are doing and ensure that they are meeting our demands.  If we don't like the system, we need to change the system.  Is it easy?  No, but if enough people band together under simple ideals and in an effort to initiate change, then it is entirely possible.   Any group that bands together at this point in time must focus on a few principles that can be agreed on as a whole.  With the size of our country and the amount of different views and opinions represented, we can no longer entertain every view and opinion.  Any protests movement must align itself behind one or two principles and move forward for that is the best way to ensure that a movement stays properly aligned and actually moving forward.  If you look at many protest movements that fail, it is because there is no central idea that people can stand behind.  The ones that did succeed had a central idea and motive that everyone participating could in some way associate with.  What we need today is a protest movement that can sustain itself under one general idea, say government reform (I know, not such a simple idea, but just a suggestion) and stick with it. 

In coordination with continually voting for or against our representatives, we the people need to take the initiative to make a change in government.  Government is there to serve its people and I fear that we have strayed from that notion too far.  Government these days has turn into a machine that dictates what we can and can not do (not necessarily with our consent), decides who we fight or don't fight (again without our consent), and is slowly creeping into the everyday lives of its citizens (again without our consent).  What we need to make government realize is that without its citizens, none of the people representing us would be where they are today.  The people need to take back control of what happens in government and need to stand up for their basic rights; life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.  Aside from these basic rights, government has gone to far.  The people need to take back the reigns and start re-shaping government according to what we all can agree on.    My only hope is that these protests that are occurring align themselves with the principles that can guarantee the most change and bring the most reform to government.  We must move forward in this economic crisis and take the reigns of our destiny once again. 

Fathers and Testosterone

I read an article recently that caught my eye seeing as I will be a new father very soon.  The article dealt with a study recently released that said a man's testosterone level drops after becoming a father.  It goes further and indicates that the more involved the father is with actually raising a child, the more the hormone decreases.  (Article linked here.)  So what was the point of this study and what does it actually mean?  I really don't know the whole point of the study unless it was an attempt to scare men into staying away from their children and not taking an active part in child rearing.  Well if that was the case, it didn't work on me.  As to what it means, that in large part determines on what you define a man to be.  If you define a man solely by the level of his testosterone, then I guess most of us are screwed (or at least most fathers).  To me, by saying testosterone plays a large part in what determines a man is similar to saying that the only true men on earth were the cavemen and if we can't measure up to them, then we aren't really men.  The definition of a man varies as you go through the ages.  Philosophically speaking, you can not take man as a sum through all time, you must look at a man in relation to the time that he lives in and by doing so get a much better understanding of what a man is.  Man is part of the society and culture that he grows up in and even within that culture, you will find many different aspects of what a man is.  Even with that said, there is still a prevailing notion, perpetually adhered to any male that says man must go into woods, cut down tree, hunt and kill deer, and start fire with bare hands.  That's well and good, but not all men fit into that category.  So to me, this study doesn't mean that much in terms of what a man is. 

It does take on a different meaning if you look past the article, what it is saying, and look at how nature and biology work together to create a perfect environment for child rearing.   If you look at a man when they have the highest testosterone levels, their late teens early twenties, those men are largely short fused, impatient, go getters, weight lifters, etc (I know, a lot of generalities, but run with it).  What I see happening with the reduction of testosterone, especially the more that a father participates in raising the child, is that nature and biology are tempering that man somewhat, allowing him to participate fully with raising the child absent of the testosterone fueled angst.  I feel that it is a wonderful natural response to raising a child and it shouldn't be misconstrued as men losing their manhood.   What better way for a man to get in the mode of parenting than to reduce his testosterone.  If some men are so attached to their identity as a man as compared to their testosterone level, then maybe they shouldn't have children because their testosterone level will drop.  But I feel, especially in this day and age, and by looking at the article, that more and more men are taking an active role in raising their child and more and more men are OK with the reduction in testosterone.  As such, the role of man in society is changing and we can not continuously compare modern day man to any man in the past.  Man today must be taken for what he is. 

So even with a reduced testosterone level, does that mean that men will lose their vitality and drive to do "manly" things.  No, because as a father from Minnesota stated, he still bow hunts, fishes, plays hockey and uses chainsaws.  Testosterone is just one small factor of manhood.  What we really need to do is focus more on who we are as an individual and not compare our potential drop in testosterone to those of others.  Of course that would mean that all men must be secure with themselves at some level and I highly doubt that all men are.  Whoever is about to become a father or already is, there is no higher calling than to assist in raising your child.  Gone are the days when the man in the house was the sole breadwinner.  It now takes two to bring in the necessary money to have a family and as such it takes two to raise the children.  Or it could be the woman is bringing in all the money in which the father must take on the role of raising the children.  There is no defining line anymore.  Men and women, despite certain lingering inequalities are overall becoming more and more equal.  Men and women can never fully occupy the same plane simply because of the basic physiological differences, but I believe that we have come closer to being equal than we ever have in the past.  Some may view it as a good thing, some as a bad.  For me, it is great thing to see the playing field leveled, to see men and women closer together.  Today, celebrate being a man, whatever that may mean to you, and most of all, if you are a father, celebrate fatherhood and all it means.