Another Year Ending

Well, another year is coming to a close and it seems like the year once again flew by.  We could talk about the momentous events in the world that transpired over the last year such as the Arab Spring or the sharp increase in piracy on the high seas.  We could talk about global warming, increasing populations, food shortages, and economies still fumbling along.  We could also talk about politicians and their incessant lying, home foreclosures, or jobless rates.  But would our lives be any better if we had these discussions?  Probably not; if anything we would probably leave the conversation feeling more depressed about the world we live in and our prospects for the future.  The only meaningful way to really end a year is to look back at our own lives, see where we started off back last January, and look at how we might have changed over the course of a year.  As much as some people might think they are pretty much the same as they were this time last year, everyone changes at least a little.  Everyone changes for different reasons and to varying degrees.  One thing is certain, however; as we look back at our lives over the past year and the changes we have been through, we will continue to change as time progresses.  I know that my life has changed dramatically over the past year and I am sure it will continue to do so over this coming year.

It was just about the start of last year when our son was conceived.  In addition to that, it was also about the time I made the decision to transition out of being a contractor to being a yoga instructor.  A month or two later, I started this blog.  And that was only the beginning of the year.  Perhaps the biggest change was the news that I was going to have a child.  More than anything else, it changed my outlook on life and had the effect of grounding me a little more.  The trip through my wife's pregnancy to the birth of our son was an amazing experience that I wouldn't trade in for anything.  And now the journey just keeps on getting better as we get to watch him develop and grow.  Its funny how things work out the way they do.  It was before I even knew that my wife was pregnant that I made the decision to become a yoga instructor.  The two events coinciding as they did was, I feel, more than coincidence.  But that was only a small part of the year.  Looking back, even my blog as changed over time from covering only world news and my thoughts on them to a blog based more in the human condition that we are constantly living.  I feel that, personally, I have matured somewhat over the past year (not totally, trust me) and have made changes in my life for the better.  I have made new friends over the past year and some have moved on from this world.  And as the year comes to a close, I have begun my training to become a yoga instructor.  All in all, this year has been a good year. 

I find that it is important to look back at our lives over the past year and see what has happened.  The importance comes not in seeing what we could have changed or done differently, but in seeing the good that happened, or the bad, and what kind of effect it had on us.  For only in looking at how we made it through the past year can we make commitments to ourselves to make changes for the coming year, either in what we will do or how we will act and react to different stimuli.  Yet despite looking back and seeing our journey, we shouldn't dwell to long on it or get caught up in it.  The only time we truly have is the present.  We can't change the past and we can't predict the future; we can only deal with the present and decide the course of action we will take through each day.  Let us learn from our mistakes over the past year and try not to make them again.  Let us make commitments to ourselves to improve some aspect of who we are.  Let us strive to reach out and help others both in our family and in our community.  As much as some people may despise or abhor our society and the current state of the world, the only way we can make a difference is by starting with ourselves and working outwards.  Let us all strive to make this next year even better than the last, to enjoy every minute we have, to not let any opportunity pass us by, and to cherish our family and friends that we have around us.  To a great 2011 and an even better 2012, let us toast (coffee right now, alcohol later).  See everyone next year!

The Passing of a Friend

A priest at the Church I attend reminds people regularly that life can turn on a dime.   We never know what is around the next corner in our life and most times it seems we are ill prepared for what lies ahead, especially if things go south.  While the priest, Fr. Tom, uses that phrase to emphasize the importance of getting our spiritual life in order, we never really consider how life can turn on a dime until it happens to us.   Recently, I have been witness to two instances of lives turning on a dime.  The first occurrence happened to my sixth grade teacher who was in her early to mid 60's with no real health problems.   Right around Thanksgiving, she went in to the hospital for knee replacement surgery.  After the surgery, she suffered from complications and passed away, a complete surprise for anyone who knew her.  I had not been overly close to her, but saw her on occasion at my Church.  Her life, and her family's turned on a dime.  Nobody was prepared for what happened because no one expected her to pass away so soon.  The second instance occurred yesterday morning.  My first boss and good friend had pneumonia this fall.  He continued to have some respiratory difficulties afterwards.  Last week he felt horrible, staying out of work and just wanting to sleep.  The culmination came yesterday morning when his brother drove him to the hospital to get taken care of and he as well passed away.  He was only in his early 40's with a 14th month old daughter and wife.  Looking at his age and health, he should have made it through the illness and gotten better, yet he didn't.  His life and that of his family's turned on a dime. 

The news of my friend's death caught me completely by surprise.  Here was a man, in relatively good health, who perpetually helped others.  It didn't matter what people needed, he could not find it within him to say no.  He was always personable, friendly, and willing to go the extra mile to provide for his family.  Yet in the end, no matter what kind of life we lead, we never know when our time, or that of our friends will come.  It drives home the point of how precious our time on this earth really is.  Many people, myself included, take for granted the time we have with friends or with our family.  When you lose a friend, it makes you wonder what you might have done differently the last time you saw them.  The last time I saw my friend, if I had known it would be my last, probably would have spent a little longer talking to him, seeing how his life was going, and probably just saying thank you.  But I didn't, and I will never get that chance now.  I myself try not to think about it, for the past is the past, and nothing I can do now will change anything.  I can only look at my relationships with others and try to make sure they know what an important role they play in my life.  Yet, despite what I say, I know that I might put it off, getting caught up in my own life.  But I can only look forward and do my best to engage with others. 

Life is hectic, often times leaving us at the end of the day wondering how we got there.  It is unavoidable, the pressures put on us, the bombardment of information we incessantly get throughout the day, the expectations of others placed on us.  Yet somehow, we need to find the time to step back and slow things down.  We need to get our priorities straight and not get caught up in all the useless crap that drags on us.  As it is, I know my friend has moved on and I can only hope that he is in a better place now and resting in peace.  I also hope that his family finds the strength to cope with their loss and move forward remembering not his death, but rather the life he lived.  For how else can we really remember someone.  Death comes to everyone sooner or later and often times leaves us looking worse for the wear.  We should look back instead, and remember all the good that a person did in their life, the impact that they had on others, and the relationships they fostered.  Death it seems, is a reminder to the living that we will all reach the end of the road some day.  For some of us, our roads will be shorter, for others, the road may seem endless.  It doesn't matter where the road ends though, what matters is that we traveled our road well.  I know my friend traveled his road well and only hope that his family looks back at his life with nothing but fond memories. 

The Bite of Sarcasm

I come from a family that has sarcasm running through its veins.  From what I knew when I was little, sarcasm was supposed to be funny.   But as funny as many people think it is, it also has an underlying bite that I didn't realize existed for many years.  When I was growing up, if a sarcastic comment was directed at me, I threw one right back, creating a volley of comments that sooner or later faded out leaving people to move on with their lives.  But do people really just move on after dealing with sarcasm?  At this point in my life, I would have to say no.  A younger and more naive me would have said that it was nothing, it was just part of life, and wouldn't think about it.  But when you learn what the root cause of sarcasm is, it gets easier to see sarcasm not as a funny comment, but more as an outburst intended to make the giver of the comment feel better about him or herself.  So where does sarcasm come from?  Sarcasm stems from hurt of some sort, whether it be physical or emotional.  It doesn't really matter what the hurt is or where it came from, for any hurt can manifest itself into sarcastic comments.  So if people are hurt or marginalized in some way, why do they resort to sarcastic comments, or to put it more plainly, little insults thrown out at others?  To me, it speaks of an inability to deal with the hurt that they are feeling and a desire to keep others from seeing that hurt within them.  Sarcasm essentially keeps people away from each other.  It is also a wall thrown up to hide behind, so that the sarcastic person doesn't have to deal as personally with others. 

So why am I talking about sarcasm today?  Probably because I have begun to notice it more and more when it occurs, especially within my own family.  I am not perfect and will never say that I don't slip into former habits of keeping others away with sarcasm.  I still do from time to time.  The difference now is that I immediately recognize when I have slipped up and wish that I can take my words back.  There was a time when I didn't care and wouldn't be sorry for anything that I said.  It seems getting older does have a way of making you wiser if you are open to it.  Now, more often than not, when I see a person being overly sarcastic, I feel sorry for them because I see through the wall they are throwing up to the hurt they are harboring within them.  The problem arises that, while I can recognize when people are hurt, sarcasm has a way of keeping people out and preventing them from getting close enough to help the other person.  Sarcasm, in a way, is an isolationist tool.  It tells everyone around that they are fully capable of dealing with life themselves and any attempt to help will be slapped away.  The ironic part is that while they may attempt to portray themselves as fully capable of dealing with whatever hurt they are experiencing, those around them see how incapable they really are of dealing with it. 

If you regularly deal with sarcasm, either on the giving or receiving end, it can be hard to recognize how truly hurtful sarcastic comments are.  They can dig at your past, your imperfections, your personality, or really anything about you.  To be able to move past the sarcastic comments without throwing them back takes a certain amount of strength and also comfort with one's self.  If you are not comfortable with who you are and someone directs a sarcastic comment towards you, you will most likely have the gut reaction to lash right back.  Yet this never solves anything, it only serves to drive a wedge in any relationship.  Sarcasm, if perpetuated, will continually keep people apart to the point where they stay apart.  In a family, this is never a good outcome.  We rely on family to help us navigate through life, to be there to help support us, to reach out to in times of need.  If we divide our family with sarcasm, where are we left in the end?  It would seem to me that we are left to fend for ourselves.  If we push ourselves to this point, drive people away from us, and then seek to deal with our issues, what happens when we can't deal with them?  Do we go running back to the family we pushed away?  Its a vicious circle that never ends well.  Luckily, the sarcasm I knew when I was younger was never long lasting (as far as I know), but I can see the tendency to perpetuate it.  What is needed is a realization of the hurt that sarcasm causes and the wedge it drives between people.  I have seen it and I have tried my best to move away from it.  I am sure that sarcasm will creep back into my life from time to time, but for the most part, I try and avoid it.  I think we would all do well to try and avoid it so we can heal the hurt within and draw others closer to us instead of driving them farther away. 

Christmas Presents Galore

So we are a few days out from Christmas and hopefully everyone had a wonderful Christmas day.  If you don't celebrate Christmas, hopefully you had a wonderful weekend.  Christmas to me is not all about presents and what I get from other people, it is more about the time I get to spend with family.  Do we give exchange gifts with each other?  Absolutely, but it is not an enormous ordeal with seemingly hundreds of gifts being passed.  I know my wife and I typically get one gift for each person in the family.   Don't get me wrong, I enjoy getting presents, but I think I enjoy it more because I don't know what I am getting.  When asked months before Christmas what I want, I always struggle to come up with an answer.  There is nothing that I need, and I don't want to ask for something that I will not use on a regular basis.  Often times, I just don't give my family an answer as to what I want for Christmas.  I find it is much more enjoyable on Christmas day to get presents and not know what I am getting.  The whole experience takes on a different air when you don't have expectations as to what is hidden underneath the wrapping paper.  Trust me, it is quite a change from when I was younger and made up lists for Santa Claus as to what I wanted for Christmas.  Even when I was younger, though, my parents made sure that I knew I was not going to get everything I wanted for Christmas.  Now, even if I didn't receive any presents, I would still enjoy the day. 

So what happens with all the presents we receive for Christmas.  At this point in my life, all the presents I get are practical and I know that I will utilize every single one of them on multiple occasions.  However, there was a point when I was younger where a fair amount of presents would get put into a pile in my room and maybe get used once if at all.  It seems like many people fall into the trap of getting too many presents and having a good number of them sit around gathering dust.  These days, many of them don't even get a chance to gather dust, they get wrapped with a gift receipt attached so that the recipient can go exchange that gift for something they want more.  It seems that for a lot of people, no matter what they get, it is never good enough.  If they get lucky and get a few different presents from the same store, they can go exchange all of them for one that they really want and didn't get.  What is the point in getting presents for people if they are just going to exchange them later or even return them.   Perhaps if everyone received fewer presents, they would be more likely to use the ones they get and less likely to go and return or exchange some of them.  Furthermore, there would be less clutter around the house following Christmas if fewer gifts were given.  Some people may counter and say, "But how can I not buy my children what they want for Christmas?"  Quite simple in my mind.  If they were able to survive a whole year without the items they want for Christmas, than they can survive without getting them for Christmas. 

Presents are fun, but not necessary.  We shouldn't feel the need to buy tons and tons of presents for people around the holidays, yet we do.  Every year, there are more and more items that we need to buy for people.  We feel the pressure to buy when we receive a gift from someone we didn't buy a present for.  We feel pressure from family telling us what they want for Christmas.  We feel even more pressure from the bombardment of commercials on television letting us know about the fantastic deals to be had and the wonderful new gadgets out this year that are "must haves".   For all those people who go "present crazy" out there, I feel sorry for you.  I feel sorry that your wasting money on trying to buy people's happiness.  I feel sorry that you feel the need to buy so many presents for others.  I feel sorry that you will have to deal with all the unused presents afterwards.   Lets all make an effort for next year and not tell anyone what we want for Christmas.  Lets make it a guessing game which is much more fun and actually makes people think about what a good present would be for someone else.  I know most people will either forget by next year or simply think its a stupid idea, but hey, its worth it to try and get people to change.  Perhaps the best and most fun way of doing things would be to do a secret Santa amongst family.  Everyone picks a name out of a hat and they only have to buy that one present.  It saves everyone money and everyone knows they are only getting one gift.  That doesn't even go over in my family however, so good luck getting it going in yours.  Looking back, hopefully everyone could see past the presents on Christmas day to the true present, that of being with family with a roof over your head.  Lets all count our blessings and remember how fortunate we really are. 

Tribute to My Grandfather

My grandfather, Dziadziu in polish, is aging.  As with all of my grandparents, he will not stay young forever.  But despite the fact that he is getting older, stooping a little more in his walk, he still relentlessly smiles and is genuinely glad to see anyone, but most of all his family.  Whenever he does see family, he is simply happy.  Perhaps the greatest attribute that my grandfather has is eternal care giving.  These days, you can see it most with his wife of over 50 years, my other wonderful grandmother.  His wife, some time back, did not listen to doctors about her diabetes and the illness took its toll on her health.  It slowly took away her eyesight and most of her hearing.  She now has trouble doing simple tasks like eating and using the bathroom.  The only way she is able to take care of anything really is with the help of my grandfather.  At every meal, he essentially helps feed her.  He cuts up her food, makes sure it is on her spoon, guides her hand to her drink, tucks her napkin in, butters her bread.  His whole life at this point, it seems, is dedicated to helping my grandmother get through the day.  Luckily for him, they now live in an assisted living facility where he doesn't have to do as much to take care of my grandmother.  Still, he has never complained about the care taking and I feel it comes in part from his deep rooted sense of family.  He has never forgotten that family is the most important thing in life.  He is an inspiration to me, to see how he as aged and yet still able to maintain a jovial attitude.  For that I am thankful. 

But it is not just his jovial spirit, his care taking, or his endless jokes that I will remember.  I will mostly remember the days when I was younger when I used to spend time with him.  In their house in Chicoppee, MA, I will remember most the days spent walking the old train tracks behind his house.  Overgrown and not having been used for years, it was the perfect playground for a little kid.  We used to search for loose railroad spikes and collect them, as many as my little hands could carry at the time.  He used to tell me about the factories we passed, the sidings used for coal deliveries, and the history of the railroad.  To me, it was like being Lewis and Clark, exploring the unknown (at least to me), and not knowing where the next bend in the tracks would lead us.  For those fond memories, I am forever grateful.  I also remember the times spent in Cape Cod at their second home.  That was perhaps my favorite spot to vacation when I was younger.  When I was younger, my grandfather used to help me build dirt roads in his backyard for my little toy cars.  Bridges were made out of sticks and covered in dirt and every road could be forever changed, altered, or lengthened, depending on my whims.  What I am most fond of though, are the Thanksgivings we used to spend out there.  We gathered on the Cape for Thanksgiving for a long time (till they had to sell that house) and it was wonderful.  We used to get a nice fire going in the fireplace, play card games, board games, or poker for pennies.  It was a little respite from our hectic lives and everything seemed peaceful when we were there.  The crowds that flood the Cape in summer were long gone and life was a little slower.  As long as I live, I will remember all those times spent on the Cape, with my grandfather and our family. 

My grandfather, even as he ages, never ceases to make friends.  If you walk into the assisted living home where he and my grandmother now live, many people know my grandfather.  He zips around that home with his walker, always talking up a neighbor or cracking a joke.  He is someone that anyone could look up to.  I am glad that he has met his great grandson and I am sure that his dry sense of humor, passed on to my dad and consequently to me, will make its way to my son.  As with all my great grandparents, I hope he makes it a few more years so that my son will have memories of his great grandfather.  I say this because I see in my grandparents traits that are worth passing down to my son and no matter how much I tell my son about his great grandparents, nothing could compare with him seeing those traits first hand and creating his own memories of how they lived.  I want my son to have a deep sense of family and how much they love him.  It is one thing for me to tell him how they loved him, it is quite another for him to experience that love first hand.  My grandfather has always greeted everyone with a smile, something that I try and do every day.  He has always committed himself to family and I find that his commitment was an example for my dad, and in turn for me.  Regardless of how much longer my grandfather has on this earth, I will always look up to him, remember the times I spent with him, and will cherish him in my heart.  Here's to you Dziadziu. 

A Few Days of Pandemonium?

Christmas is only 2 days away now and many people will be freaking out, trying to get last minute shopping done, prepping food for the Christmas dinner, baking the last few rounds of cookies, and trying to instill a sense of calm in their children (Ha).  Today, especially considering the fact that it is Friday as well as the day before Christmas eve, I will not be traveling very far from my home.  The roads are sure to be packed with over-caffeinated, over-worked, stressed out people trying to finish everything up.  I remember a few years back, upon coming home from work, a trip that should have taken an hour took at least 2 and a half.  Since then, I never work far from home before Christmas, its just not work it.  Yet people every year, place themselves in these predicaments where they work longer hours to make a few extra bucks to afford all the presents they buy for family.  And let us not forget that the house needs to be perfectly clean and spotless before it gets torn asunder by the tornado of family and friends traipsing through over just a few days.  Where do our priorities lie?  Do they lie in the preparations for Christmas, or do they lie in preparing ourselves for Christmas?  There is a big difference between the two and in my mind makes all the difference when approaching this wonderful holiday.  Personally, I think it would be well worth the effort to set aside preparations for Christmas so that we can better prepare ourselves for the holiday.

We often spend so much time getting all the details ironed out about our plans that we forget to iron out the most important detail, ourselves.  If we enter into this holiday freaked out, stressed out, and exhausted, then we will leave this holiday even worse for the wear.  Some magical genie is not going to come out of the woodwork on Christmas eve and wave a wand over our sleeping heads to make all our stress and anxiety go away.  We must tackle it on our own, and try and settle ourselves down.  There is nothing worse than gathering with family that is stressed out and tired.   Other's stress and exhaustion have a way of wearing off on others that puts a damper on any holiday gathering.  Maybe we would do a little better if we didn't have to make sure that everything is perfect for the big day, but trust in the fact that everyone will enjoy themselves regardless of how things turn out.  If you have family that you love that you will spend time with on Christmas, it shouldn't matter if everything is not perfect.  But, alas, life is not often what we expect it to be.  People often times carry too many expectations with them on how this one  day will turn out that they leave dis-satisfied.  As hard as it is, we should enter into any holiday gathering with the expectation that we will spend time with family; nothing more, nothing less.  Throw aside any expectations of presents, of excellent food, of perfectly clean spaces, of perfectly happy family. 

Nothing is perfect.  Not the amount of presents.  Not our family.  Not our dinner.  Everyone and everything has flaws and just because it is Christmas doesn't mean these flaws go away.  No matter how hard we may try to hide these flaws, some will never go away and most likely will show themselves over the next few days.  Christmas is trumped up to be this fantastic day that is perfect.  While the day is fantastic, how often to we find that it is not perfect?  How often do we find ourselves driving home at the end of it wishing for a different outcome?  Maybe we should try taking the next few days to center ourselves and rid ourselves of any preconceived notions of Christmas day and how it will turn out.  Its not easy, I will have trouble doing it myself.  But I find the more I move away from the commercialized Christmas and center myself around family and friends, the easier it is to enter it with only the expectation that I will get to spend time with family and friends.  I don't know how my Christmas will turn out, and frankly I don't care.  I didn't ask for anything for Christmas because I don't need anything.  Any present I receive will be a complete surprise and all the more welcome because I wasn't expecting it.  I don't expect everyone to get me something for Christmas.  All I need is to be surrounded by family to be happy.  Try it this year, try settling yourself a little before the holiday.  If you have last minute presents to get, screw it, they are not worth it if they haven't been bought yet.  If you have a few more things to clean, don't.  If you have a few more dishes to prep for dinner, let them slide.  Just enjoy the time you have, the time spent with family, and the time away from work before we get thrust back into it next week. 

Cairo's Despicable Military

Well, it hasn't even been a year since the fall of Mubarak, and it seems like Egypt's military, once loyal to Mubarak, are hell bent on keeping it a totalitarian state.  Its ironic how the military that once helped protect and extend the protests in Cairo is now turning against its own people.  Why?  To maintain order and safety of course.  That's the excuse that gets over-used by many a totalitarian regime.  While Egypt's society may be a little freer than it was under Mubarak, it is no way the Democratic society that its protests hoped it would be by this point.  Especially over the past few days, it seems any order that the military had instilled is slipping away with more and more clashes between citizens and the military.  Watching videos of the protesters getting mercilessly beaten is horrifying.  To see humans treating other humans this way all because they were told to do so is despicable.  Perhaps the worst evidence of the military's brutality was the beating of a woman caught on video.  My words will do nothing to explain it.  If you haven't already seen the video, I urge you to check it out here.  There is no respect for human life on the part of Egypt's military right now.  In fact, I would go so far as to say they believe that humans are merely cattle that need to be guided down the proper path.   

So how did it get this way?  In my mind, the current generals and military commanders now in charge of the country saw an opportunity in the protests that occurred at the beginning of this year.  They saw the protests as an opportunity to take over the country.  All they had to do was to protect the protesters against Mubarak's security forces and the people would bring them to power.  They would promise anything to get there, and then do what they want after taking power.  They were simply being classic opportunists and unfortunately, had only self interest in mind when executing their plan.  Does anyone at this point honestly think that they were ready to relinquish power after democratic elections?  I don't believe so.  Being under Mubarak's command, they saw where Mubarak had issues with controlling the people, and they probably figured they could do a better job as they had the whole military under their command.  Well, here we are, almost a year later and lo and behold, the people of Egypt don't like the military anymore, perhaps disliking them more than they did Mubarak's security forces.  In fact, they are not waiting around for something good to happen; they have taken to the streets again to protest against the military.  Lets only hope that they have the drive to see this through regardless of the amount of blood that is shed.

How can the military commit such acts of brutality against their own people?  Well, they are currently exempt from any sort of punishment for their actions as they are being told to take care of the problem.  Further, with the amount of military personnel involved, they get sucked into this mob mentality where if one person starts beating someone, they all jump in because of the adrenaline surge or whatever.  It really doesn't matter why they feel they can act the way they are, there is no excuse for their actions, for their brutality, or for their complete disregard for human life.  If you look closely at the video I linked up to, there are occasional acts of humanity on the part of the military, but they get lost in the brutality of the masses.  There is some human dignity left within certain individuals in the military, but I feel that it is draining away with every passing day.  Hopefully, the military will see what it is doing, the harm it is causing, and reverse its course despite what the commanders in power tell them to do.  Its a waiting game again, especially for us not directly involved.  Let us all hope that peace can once again come to the people of Cairo, Egypt, and the entire region.  Its disheartening to see so much violence and I only hope that peace can be reached somehow. 

Perspective on Raising Children

So in addition to reading the news online, I also get the weekend NYTimes.  As I was sifting through some older papers, ones with articles I had been meaning to read, I came across a short piece in the Sunday Review, NYTimes' op-ed section.  This article was written by a mother who has an 18 month old son living with Tay-Sachs disease.  It is a rare disease, one she had been tested for while pregnant with her son Ronan, and the one she received negative results for from the tests.  The tests were wrong and her son had this disease.  This rare disease slowly degenerates the body making life past 3 years old impossible.  (To read about what it does, check out the op-ed piece here.)  It is a sad story, especially if you have children, but the mother/author of the piece manages to put things into perspective.  She talks about throwing any planning they had done for their son's future out the window as it was useless now.  She also talks about ensuring his life is comfortable and essentially allowing him to do what he wants.  I get all of that.  With only a year and a half left to live, which parent wouldn't completely spoil their child?  She also talks about being willing to fight a David and Goliath type battle if it meant she could save her son and eliminate this disease from his system.  But where she pulls it all together is at the end where she says, "Parenting, I've come to understand, is about loving my child today.  Now.  In fact, for any parent, anywhere, that's all there is."

Its the last lines of her article that really put things into perspective.  How many times do parents get too caught up in the future that they can't enjoy the moment?  I myself try not to think about the future and what my son will grow up like.  Is it hard not to envision what we want our children to be like, what kind of adults they will become, how they will fit into society?  Absolutely, but the more we get caught up in looking to the future, the more we are not present for our children.  All our children want is for us to be present to them, be attentive in the moment, to enjoy their company, but most of all simply to love them now.  I'm not talking about parenting here, instilling discipline or anything else, I am simply talking about enjoying every moment we have with our children and not taking anything for granted.  It may seem sometimes that we have all the time in the world to get it right, to spend more time with our children; but some people never get that time.  All parents would do well with a little perspective from time to time, something that shows them how good they have it and how lucky they are that they have healthy, thriving children.  Our children deserve all of our love.  If we start from there, the rest will fall into place. 

Watching my own son grow and develop is an amazing thing.  I cherish every moment I have with him and wouldn't trade any of it away.  I only hope that I can remain focused on the present and not get caught up in the future and what it holds.  I'm not saying that people shouldn't plan for the future, I am simply saying that plans are only good if we make it there.  To invest all of our time in planning for the future is to completely give away today and the moments we have now.  Some people might claim that there aren't enough hours in the day.  While I would agree, it is often a matter of prioritizing; putting what's truly important ahead of the rest.  To me, my son and wife are the most important part of every day.  Work?  Yeah its necessary, but I find myself putting off some of the things I need to do for my business at home because I would rather spend time with my son.  I know he can't talk yet, can't walk yet, but he knows my face and smiles like crazy.  He is repeating sounds now and frankly, I want my son to know who I am.  I don't want to have my nose buried in business stuff when I can have my nose buried in his belly.  All I know is that my family comes first, and I try not to take anything for granted .  If only more people could put more focus on their own families, life would be so much better. 

Christmas Madness

Christmas has become a marketing scheme for almost every business that sells something in the United States.  Whether its jewelry or toys, cars or clothes, there is no end to the commercialization of Christmas.  Christmas is no longer about spending time with family, and for the Christians out there, celebrating the birth of Jesus.  Rather, it has been transformed into a buying frenzy with the imperative from corporations that both kids and adults need presents at Christmas.  We are constantly bombarded with messages that we need to buy children the latest toys, or for the husbands, to buy their wives some nice diamond jewelry.  And people buy it all.  People have come to feel that they need to buy lots of presents for their family and friends, that they need to go out and spend money on others.  All this because Christmas has become about the best gift we can buy for others.  We don't want to be out done by another family member or friend so we spend the most money we can, making sure we get the latest trinket or gadget before someone else does.  What about the simple gift of being with family and friends around the holiday?  What ever happened to simply enjoying the company around Christmas and not having it be about the presents?  Even children these days have come to expect getting what they want on Christmas.  It is getting a little out of hand in my mind and all you need to do is drive by a mall or any other store for that matter and take a look at the long lines at the register to see proof. 

So with my son pushing 3 months, what are my wife and I going to get him for Christmas?  Nothing.  There is nothing he needs right now, nothing he wants, and quite practically, nothing he will remember getting.  How could we do that to our son?  Its actually quite easy.  Even when he gets older, I don't want to instill in him the notion that he will get what he wants at Christmas.  Will we eventually buy him stuff?  Probably, but it won't be very much.  Lets be even more practical about this, how many of us when we were kids actually played with the toys we got for more than a week?  More than a month?  There might have been one or two things that we actually played with for a while, but for the most part, most of the toys and trinkets we got were shoved in a closet and forgotten about in short order.  If there was ever a greater waste of money than Christmas, I don't know about it.   I have also heard too many horror stories of children who react horrifically when they don't get what they want on Christmas and I don't want to go down that road.  I would rather raise our son to expect nothing and perhaps get something than to expect everything and be unhappy with what he gets.  Even from family, I would much rather have them contribute to his college fund than buy him toys that will be discarded within a year.  If people want to spend money on my son, let them make their money worthwhile, let it go to education, let it be an investment in his future. 

Don't get me wrong, I still buy presents for people, but none of it breaks the bank.  I think that overall, the amount of money my wife and I spent on presents was probably less than $200.  My wife and I each have a budget of $50 for each other and we normally stick to it.  There is nothing that either of us needs that is so important it needs to be bought.  But then again, we aren't your normal U.S. consumers.  Perhaps one day we will reverse the trend and bring back Christmas to what it is supposed to be about, enjoying the company of our family and friends and not breaking the bank trying to please everyone.  I heard a story of a family that reversed the trend after their son had a temper tantrum over not being happy with his presents on Christmas and being quite rude about it in the process.  Their solution was to eliminate presents for their son and instead go shopping as a family to pick out toys to donate to charity.  Their son was involved in the whole process and they were able to turn his mentality around about Christmas.  If more people could reverse the trend, maybe we could take back Christmas.  Rather than have to reverse the trend later, my wife and I would rather start out on the right track to begin with and save ourselves a lot of headaches in the future.  Luckily, it won't be that hard for us, but I know for some, it would be tantamount to reversing the flow of the Mississippi River.   Till Christmas, just take a step back from it all and try and keep in mind what the season is all about. 

Tribute to My Grandmother

My grandmother, known to our family as Baba, is an amazing woman who has suffered through many ordeals and yet still maintains a fighting spirit with her wits about her at the age of 91.  To many of those who know her, she is an ornery woman who has said on many occasions that she is ready to die, yet her body won't let her yet.  She is having trouble coming to terms with her aging condition and allowing people to help her, yet to me, I can't help but see her as the woman who helped raise me when I was younger and the woman who was always there for her family, for better or for worse.  But this is not about other's perceptions of Baba, this is my thanking her for being such a loving grandmother and such a dedicated, strong woman.  If there was ever a tale to tell of a woman overcoming insurmountable odds, hers is the one that needs to be heard.  She grew up in Ukraine, living a tough early life.  Despite the hardships, she went to work for a sugar factory as an engineer of sorts until WWII disrupted everything.  Her first husband was blown up on a train, leaving her with her first daughter, Dina, to attend to.  Her and her parents consequently left Ukraine because of the war and never looked back.  Traveling through many European countries, they eventually made their way to Chile where she re-married and gave birth to my mother.  When all hell broke loose in Chile, her and her family made their way to the United States in 1964.  After a number of years in the United States, her second husband died of a stroke/heart attack.  She struggled on, living for quite some time with Dina before moving to North Carolina.  There, she re-married for the third time.  Again, her marriage wasn't to last and her third husband died of a heart attack.  With Dina and some other family moving to Florida, she moved as well, establishing a new life in Naples.  Time went on until Dina found out she had a brain tumor and died early.  Becoming increasingly unbearable to live with, she was sent back north to live with my parents where she still lives today.  Her story is one of suffering, yet also one of perseverance.  While she still feels the pain of all her losses, she still struggles on, her face looking like one of an 80 year old, not of a woman who is 91. 

While my grandmother may be ornery now, she is still filled with good intentions.  What I am most thankful for is her never ending love for family.  Despite her hectic life, she never let it affect her to the point where she withdrew from it.  She was always present to her family and was always full of love.  My most poignant memories of her are when I was a young boy.  Before my mother quit her job to spend time with me growing up, I spent my days at my grandmother's house, building houses out of refrigerator boxes, making forts out of dining room tables sheets and pillows, and playing with tinker toys and lincoln logs.  And how can I ever forget my grandmother teaching me how to climb trees at the age of three.  To this day, if I see a tree in the woods that begs to be climbed, I climb it.  My grandmother helped establish the foundation from which I was to grow and learn.  Even today, I can see the never ending love she has for her family when she sees my son, her great grandson.  While she still tries to control those around her and what they do, I see it more out of her wanting what is best for her family than trying to bend other's wills to hers.  For her love I will be forever thankful.  For her endless giving, I will be forever thankful.  To me, there is nothing I would change about my grandmother or my relationship with her. 

Perhaps the toughest part of writing all this down is the realization that she will not be around forever.  She is 91 and if all goes well, might live another 9 years, maybe (but not if left up to her).  My only hope at this point is that she lives for at least another 3-4 years, long enough so that my son can experience some of the love that she has so selflessly showered on those around her throughout the years.  I want my son to have memories of his great grandmother, a wonderful woman who has been through so much and yet yearns for so little.  Baba is someone I would like to keep around forever (although I know its not possible).  As much as I have talked about coming to terms with death, I know I will have trouble with hers.  I can not help but admire her fortitude, her perseverance, her strength.  It is safe to say that I look up to my grandmother and will always hold her in my heart.  I can not say enough how thankful I am that she has been a part of my life.  I know that she will not read this online and so this week, the week before Christmas, I will write her a letter (and to my other grandparents as well), expressing my gratitude for her and what she has done.  I know I couldn't tell her in person, I just wouldn't be emotionally capable of it.  Also, writing it down will giver her something to hold on to, something to keep with her.  She has long lamented losing everything she has over the course of her life, yet she still has a family that loves her and is willing to go the extra mile to help her.  Here is to you Baba, a pillar of strength and a fountain of love.  I will love you always.

On Leaving Iraq

The ceremony that officially ended the war in Iraq occurred yesterday at a military base in Iraq.  However, on what terms did we "end" our war and in what state did we leave Iraq?  The main reason the war in Iraq was ended was to fulfill a promise made by President Obama that he would have all American troops out of that country by the end of 2011.  A great promise, politically uplifting for his re-election campaign, but was the current state of Iraq taken into account when that promise was made or when it was carried out?  I am sure that it was given some thought, but regardless of what strides the Iraqi military made or the current state of the Iraqi government, it really didn't matter what state we left Iraq in as long as we left Iraq.  In that, I have a problem.  We entered the country on false pretenses, ripped apart their country, and struggled to rebuild it as we saw fit.  The only good to come out of our war in Iraq was the removal of Saddam Hussein, a vicious, self-centered dictator.  Aside from that, the war was completely useless and most would argue, a grave mistake made by the U.S. government.  So what do we do?  Attempt to rebuild a government torn apart, find "terrorists" and prosecute them, attempt to train a military, and then when we have gotten part of the way there, abandon them to their own devices.  In my mind, we have no right to leave Iraq in the state that it is currently in.  Is it better than it was?  Perhaps, depending on your point of view.  But is it as good as it can be?  No, and it is our duty to help rebuild that country as we were the ones to rip it apart at the seams. 

It never really works out that well when one country invades another under any circumstances.  The invaded country suffers greatly and when all is said and done, takes years and years to return to a semblance of normalcy.  What we did in Iraq was do a half assed job.  We definitely invaded and ripped the country apart.  The we started to help rebuild it.  But rebuilding a country; its economy, its infrastructure, its government, takes a very long time and we were obviously not prepared to go the distance.  The United States is extremely short sighted when it comes to military engagements.  While I am not a big fan of military engagements to begin with, especially ones begun under false pretenses, these engagements or wars are never as simple as they are portrayed to be.  The United States concerns itself mostly with its own soldiers and after that looks to how it can stabilize and rebuild.  But how can a military help to rebuild a country when they are trained to kill and bring chaos to a country?  Nation building is never a priority on any military agenda that the United States puts forth.  They may say it is part of it, but if it was, we wouldn't be withdrawing from Iraq by the end of the year.  If nation building were truly a part of any military agenda, then we would still be actively working with the Iraqi's to build their country back up.  But it goes beyond the military.  The United States should be prepared to send people, other than the military, to help rebuild any country they invade, but sadly that is never a part of any agreement. 

What the United States needs to do is re-assess how it goes about engaging the military in other countries, Iraq, Afghanistan, or any other future endeavor.  If the United States is to go to war, then they need to be fully prepared to deal with all the ramifications of their actions.  They are currently not prepared or willing to go to the lengths necessary to truly re-shape a country.  It takes a strong president to stand in the face of opposition and maintain a position that may not be favorable, even if it is for the best.  Unfortunately, its been years since we have had a president strong enough to stand behind his convictions or to stand behind what is right even if it diminishes his popularity.  It shouldn't matter if troops make it home by Christmas or not, they signed up for the job knowing full well that they would spend a long time away from home.  It is not poor them.  What about the Iraqi's who will most likely face years of violence as they struggle to rebuild their country?  Do we care if they are connected with all their families? No, we don't give that much thought at all.  But enough about Iraq, no matter what I say here, the troops are leaving and we can only hope we stayed long enough to ensure stability towards a strong future.  That is what the United States leaves behind, hope.  Hope doesn't do much good, however, if the prospects for hope are bleak as they are in Iraq.  Maybe one day the United States will figure out how to truly rebuild a country, or better yet, maybe the United States will one day figure out they shouldn't rush to military action as quickly as they do.  (Linked here are three other op-ed pieces I found on the ending of the war in Iraq, Article 1, Article 2, Article 3.)

"All American Muslim"

Why is that people have such a hard time accepting others who hold different religious beliefs than their own?  Recently there has been a new barrage of racism and bigotry against TLC and their new show "All American Muslim".  To be perfectly honest, I have not watched the show yet, not because I don't want to, but because I haven't had the time on Sunday nights to devote to watching it.  From what I have gathered about the show, it basically follows the lives of five Muslim families living in Michigan.  Pretty simple, right?  Well, if you listened to the Florida Family Association or other fringe racist groups, you would get a different picture altogether.  If you listened to them, you would think that this show is an attempt to numb Americans to the real purpose behind Muslims living in America; to usurp power from our government and overthrow our constitution.  The FFA in particular claims that Muslims are out to get us, that this show is a mis-representation of their intentions, and that every American should be looking over their shoulder for the next terrorist.  Give me a break.  The FFA only wants more attention for itself so it attacks whatever is popular to attack at a given moment feeling that it can draw support for their cause.  The FFA, supposedly a group comprised of mostly evangelical Christians is nothing more than a group full of racists and bigots.  I would almost associate them with the KKK except that they don't support violence.  Other than that, they are essentially the same. 

The FFA claims that Muslims are on a crusade to overtake America and to diminish the rights of Christians living in this country.  Last time I checked, however, one of the main reasons people from Europe came to America in the first place was for freedom to practice whatever religion they wanted.  Now this group, claiming to be "Christian" is crusading against Muslims?  They have no right to even call themselves Christians in my mind.  For people to be so obtuse and self centered is to go against what Christianity promotes, namely, accepting people for who they are and not judging based upon pre-conceived notions.  So enough about this so-called Christian group.  Why do they have such a problem with this show on TLC?  They feel that it is propaganda because it doesn't represent every facet of Muslim beliefs or mention enough about their beliefs.  They feel more should be mentioned about jihad and shariah.  From what I know about the show, (which is very little), it seems like the show simply follows five families through their daily lives.  What if jihad or shariah doesn't come up in their daily conversations or presents itself in their lives?  Does that mean it should be brought up to "accurately" portray their religion?  To me, if the show is about their lives and their lives do not focus on jihad or shariah in any way, than it should not be brought up.  The show is not about the Muslim faith, it is about Muslim's living in America.   Simple as that. 

I am amazed that there is still so much racism, bigotry, and hatred present in this country.  Although I guess I shouldn't be.  Racism, for diminishing to the extent that it has, will probably never go away.  There will always be a group of people or a religious sect that adheres to racism and bigotry.  Why?  Because that group feels threatened in some way by others.  They feel that their way of life is going away and they desperately need to hold on to it and fight for it with whatever means possible.  If that means resorting to racism and hatred of others, than so be it.  I feel sorry that these groups of people feel the way that they do.  What happened in their lives that made them turn to racism and hatred?  Maybe if they focused on their religion and their own spiritual lives they wouldn't need to act the way they are now.  Racism will never completely go away I fear, however we can all do our best to help reduce its impact.  What we need to do is become more accepting of others, regardless of their religious beliefs, their sexual orientation, or their ethnicity.  All that should matter is that we are all humans trying to live the best life we can.  Just because we adhere to certain beliefs doesn't make us any less human than the person next to us.  If we can get over ourselves and our self-righteousness, than perhaps we can progress our society to be even more accepting and open than it already is.  I would love to see a day and age where it doesn't matter what religion you are, what skin color you have, or anything else for that matter.  We are not there yet, but I hope we will be.  We need to start by educating others on what it means to be human.  Some, like those in the FFA, appear to be more along the lines of neanderthals than humans.  Lets all do our best to promote freedom of religion, especially in this day and age of globalization. 

Vacuum of Negativity

What is a vacuum of negativity?  Essentially, a vacuum of negativity is the pull that negative comments and emotions have on others.  This pull draws negativity out of people, turns them negative, and basically puts a depressed mood on any situation governed by said negativity.  I have talked before about negativity, both in the news and in our personal lives, and the effect that it has on us.  If people are negative in their demeanor, actions, and words, it will perpetuate.  This negativity will force certain people away as they don't want to get caught up in it and it will pull other negative people in.  The news can have a large impact on our outlook on the world depending on how we let it affect us.  Many times, the news is depressing and negative and, similar to negative people around us, can draw us into its grasp.  So why am I bringing up negativity again?  Isn't it enough for me to talk about it once, drop it and move on?  Normally, I would say yes, but I experienced first hand the pull of negativity this past weekend and was astounded at how great of an effect it had on the people I was with.  This wasn't an instance of being out in the world with friends or random people, it was a lunch my wife and I had with our family this past weekend before going out to get our Christmas tree.  It was a beautiful day, a little brisk, but bearable, and we had our family gathered together.  Normally, it would have been a wonderful day, which it still was after some saving, but there was a moment there where it could have spiraled into a quite depressing day. 

So enough of me describing it, what happened?  Well, there were six of us gathered around our dining room table eating pizza for lunch.  Our son was napping in the other room and after the first few pieces of pizza went down, someone brought up the incident at Virginia Tech that happened last week.  It was asked if we had heard about it and we all had.  From there, it was like a volley around the table seeing how much negative news and death could be brought up.   There was a fireman who died fighting a fire.  A house that was broken into.  There was also the robbery/murder of a jewelry story and owner.  There might have been a few other media bites thrown in there, but frankly I don't remember.  When everyone, except me had said their piece, someone mentioned what a horrible week it had been.  At that point, I stopped eating, looked around the table at all the depressed faces eating pizza and said, "I don't know about any of you, but I had a pretty damn good week."  Maybe these other people had horrible weeks and it sucks for them, but I was doing just fine.  I was quite amazed at how one depressing, negative comment pulled another one out, then another and another.  I had talked about negativity and depression before as a downward spiral, but to see it happen so quickly and at my own dining room table was amazing.  It was almost as if everyone around the table should have been having a bad week because of what happened in the news.  I had heard about all the instances, but I quickly moved on because they didn't personally effect me.  To let the news grab a hold of me and guide my feelings and emotions is not an option for me. 

For me, writing this blog has helped me recognize more concretely the notions and ideals that I talk about as they happen in the world around me.  By writing them down, it organizes my thoughts and adds a certain fluidity to my world and how I live it.  It is one thing to have thoughts and ideas, but it is another to actually put a voice to them and lay them out.  A few years ago, I probably would have been sucked into the vacuum of negativity myself.  Whether it is because of the blog, or because of changes I have made in my personal life, I feel a little more immune to it.  Is the pull of the vacuum still there?  Absolutely, but it is more like a dust buster now than the Dyson it was before.  I only hope that in writing this, others can recognize situations in their own life that suck them in for good or bad and react accordingly.  It doesn't take much to stop a stream of negativity if nipped in the bud, but if left to flourish, it can have an impact on an entire day, week, or longer.  To me, there is too much good in the world to be negative all the time.  (I must admit, I also take a negative outlook sometimes in this blog).  All it takes is for us to take a step back, assess any situation objectively, and proceed based on what is best for us.  There have been times when I have approached a group of people talking, only to find out that their whole demeanor is negative, and leave before even saying a word.  Why?  Because my life is worth more than the negative things they are talking about.  I for one choose to live a life that is as positive and uplifting as I can make it.  Is it always easy?  Hell no, but at least I try.  All I can do is urge others to take a step away from negativity and see what a difference it can make in their own lives. 

Children and Sports

I read an article yesterday that I personally found a little disturbing.  Most people, at least in the U.S., will probably not see any problem or find any fault with the article or what it talks about.  Rather, they will probably support the message of the article and find what I am saying to be a little disturbing.  So what exactly is this article about?  Its about young children becoming exceptional at running, so exceptional to the point that they are challenging those who are seasoned veterans.  So what exactly is the problem with children excelling at running?  Why do I have a problem with these young children becoming so dedicated to running?  After all, its a form of exercise, and with the obesity epidemic we face in the United States, I should support it, right?  Well, here is my issue.  As the article mentions, many of the young runners it highlights started running very early.  One girl started at 3, another at 5 while in kindergarten, and most of the other runners it mentions are under the age of 12.  I see a problem with the children starting this at such a young age.  When children are young, especially under the age of 5, they should be more dedicated to simply playing.  Whether it is outside with friends, or inside, children should be exploring the world, figuring things out, building friendships with other children.  To start running and adopting a training regimen, even if it is three days a week, is in a way forcing the children to grow up faster than they should.  Don't get me wrong, exercise is a necessity for every child, but to engage in an organized sport, train for it and enter races at such a young age is pushing the limits in my mind.  And while these children may say they are having fun, how much fun are they really having.  Are they engaging in this sport because they really want to or because they feel a pressure from society that says they should join an organized sport as early as possible so they can stay in shape.  (Full article can be found here.)

Exercise is a necessity for children, but to me, that exercise should be found in more basic ways such as playing on the jungle gym with friends, playing tag in a playground, swinging on swings or other simple activities.  It seems that exercise has become synonymous with sports in this country.  Whether it is track and field, cross country, soccer, football, baseball, or anything else, it seems the only way children know how to get exercise these days is through an organized sport.  There is no simple play time anymore that affords children the opportunity to get exercise.  Perhaps it is because it is easier for parents to drop their kids off at a sport where they are supervised and trained properly than it is for them to take the initiative of driving them to a playground and watching them engage with other children on a basic level.   I also have a problem with the introduction of the high level of competition that now accompanies any children's sport.  Any sport these days is serious, no more fun, just seeing who can be the better runner, the better thrower, the better batter, etc.  And part of it is the feeling on the children's part that they must live up to the expectations of their parents.  Their parents want them to do their best, but how does that relate to their lives at that point where they are still figuring out the world and processing everything that is presented to them.  In my mind, it is placing at the forefront of the children's mind a necessity to be the best, not necessarily to have fun, but to be the best at what they are doing.  They are told it is fun, so they associate the hours of training and practices to be fun.  Is it really?  Ask any child and they will probably give you the answer that you are looking for, not because they have come up with that answer on their own, but because they have been programmed to give that answer by their parents and society. 

To me, it seems that not enough time is devoted to helping children figure out who they are when they are younger.  In addition, not enough time is left to helping them figure out the world around them.   Humans, by nature have millions more neural connections than adults do.  The reason they have so many more connections in their brain is because they are more open to absorbing the world around them, more open to being taught about the world and its nuances.  As they grow older, the neural connections that receive the most work survive, while the others that don't die off.  This is the process of humans figuring out the world, processing it in their brains, and building a base off of which to operate for the rest of their lives.  Is running a mainstay of society that will help them figure out the world?  Some would say yes, I would say no.  And that goes for any sport.  I want to give you a quick example before I finish up.  I was talking with a friend yesterday whose brother has three young children involved in gymnastics.  They are all under the age of 10 and claim that they absolutely love it.  They may, but their dad also makes sure that they do their exercises (i.e. pushups and situps) every day so that they can excel in the sport.  Now, do they actually love the sport, or do they love the sport because it makes their dad happy when they succeed at it?   I don't know, but I have my doubts as to the real reason behind their love for it.  I know when I was younger and involved in sports, there was no pressure to practice or exercise from my parents, if I wanted to I would, but often times, I simply wanted to play outside when I wasn't engaged in sports.  To this day, I couldn't care less about organized sports, but then again, I am an oddball.  To sum this all up, what I would recommend would be simple play time for children, building relationships with friends on their own terms, exploring the world, and enjoying their simple life. 

Tribute to My Father

Its Monday morning and time to continue the Monday morning tributes.  For those of you who aren't familiar with what I am doing, I am dedicating my Monday morning posts as tributes to people who have impacted my life.  I am doing this as a way of saying thank you and for recognizing them and their influence in my life.  Today I focus on my dad.  Every time I look back at my earlier life, from childhood on, I see more and more ways that my dad has influenced my development and helped me get to where I am today.   Perhaps the most important aspect out of everything he did for me was to let me know he loved me.  Whether or not it was spoken, I knew it and felt it throughout my life.  It permeated everything he did with me; the times spent outdoors, the times he used to sing to me when I was little, the times he offered his help with anything I needed.  Living in a family that was full of love has shown me the importance of a loving family as I embark on my own journey with my wife and 2 month old son.  But love was just the basis out of which everything else originated.  So what do I recognized now as his impact in my life.  As with any family member, I could go on for pages and pages, but I will focus on what I feel are the most important things right now.  Perhaps a little tangential, I feel the most important thing my dad did for me was to show me how to be my own person.  This came not out of years of teaching, but out of a few moments in his life that I took and capitalized on.  He may not even recognize this as important.  The moment was when I found out that he went against his parents wishes and got a job working with computers instead of a career as a psychologist.  It wasn't the actual work that did it, but the disobedience and the message that said, "I am going to do what I want and you can't stop me."  Well, it turns out the apples doesn't fall far from the tree.  I have consistently, throughout my life, followed my inner voice, not the voice of anyone else and for that, I thank my dad. 

I also remember the times I used to work with my dad outdoors on the weekends.  It was from this constant outdoor activity and work that I grew to love the outdoors and working with my hands.  While my dad might not have been the best with construction techniques, he dove right into any project, much the way I do with anything now.  It wasn't just the work, though, it was also simply being outside with him, raking leaves, walking in the woods behind our house, and discovering all the little nuances of nature together that really influenced me.  It truly had an impact on how I live today, drawn more to the outdoors and work with my hands than anything else.  It was also all the vacations we took.  None of them were fancy, in fact, I can probably count on one hand the amount of times we actually stayed in a hotel.  Rather, it was a campground, tents, fires, the great outdoors that made up the majority of vacations we took.  Frankly, I wouldn't trade those times for any hotel or resort and their amenities.  And today, I still love camping, sitting around a fire, or simply going for a hike in the woods to get away from it all.  For all those times I thank him.  But it went beyond that.  Another very important aspect of my dad's influence in my life was his ability to find a balance between work and family.  While on one hand he taught me by example how to dedicate oneself to work and do the best job possible, he also showed me that work was work and that family always trumped work.  It was a rarity in society even when I was younger, but he did his best every day to get home in time so we could all sit down as a family for dinner. 

It was this balance between work and family that is of greatest value to me now.  Having a 2 month old son and trying to figure out the balance myself, I can see how difficult it must have been for him to do.  The difference is, I work for myself and have a little more leeway when it comes to deciding whether to work or not.  My dad always had a corporate job and as such, had many more demands placed upon him than I ever will.  The only demands I feel are placed upon me are self inflicted demands.  The corporate world seems to drive people to the edge, to do more and more and more; and for my dad to be able to resist that to a certain extent shows his inner resolve at making sure that his family came first.  In a reverse sort of way, he also showed me why I should never get a corporate job.  I saw his resolve at making family first, but I also saw that he didn't always love his job.  I saw the corporate gears grinding people away from an early age and held on to that.  Even today, unless it is absolutely necessary, I will never work in a corporate world.  For that, I thank my dad tremendously (which is also why I am trying to get him to quit his job now because he hates it...hint, hint, hint).  I am sure that as I grow older I will recognize other things my dad did for me that went unnoticed.  That is the nature of life.  We don't grasp everything at once, rather it is a slow realization of the impact our parents had on us.  My dad was a role model for me and I only hope that I can be just as good of a role model for my son.  Here's to you dad; thank you for everything you have done.

The Morning After...Pill

A decision was made a few days ago by the Secretary of Health and Human Services that I actually agree with and support.  The decision over rules the F.D.A. and essentially prohibits over the counter sales of the morning after pill called Plan B to teenagers under the age of 17.  So why is this such a big deal?  I guess it all depends on who you talk to.  Historically, this is the first time that the FDA has been over ruled by the secretary.  But more importantly, this brings contraceptives into the spotlight again and the wide spectrum of views that accompany this issue.  Now Plan B does not terminate a pregnancy as the other morning after pill, RU-486 does.  What it does is delay ovulation in an attempt to reduce the possibility of a woman getting pregnant.  In addition, if it is not taken soon after sexual intercourse, it loses its effectiveness.  According to reports, the big issue in this is that there were not enough studies done including girls as young as age 11 who could get pregnant.  In a day and age when more and more youth are becoming sexually active at a younger and younger age, this is an important discussion that needs to be had.  How many parents out there are actively teaching their children about all the ramifications of having sex?  It seems to me that instead of making contraceptives available to women of all ages, that perhaps education should take a higher priority.   Education should be the first step in teaching women about their bodies and what happens.  The current trend, except for this decision, seems to be using education as an afterthought and contraception as a forethought. 

Now, as a Catholic, I have certain views that not everyone will agree with.  That being said, however, I do not simply adopt views because they are held by a religion that I am part of.  Rather, every view that I do have has been thought through on the basis of my morals and if the decision I reach happens to be held by my religion as well, then so be it.  If this product was introduced to the market for teenagers of all ages to buy at will over the counter, how would that translate into their lives as they grow up?  I would think that it would add to the overall view that they can act as they want because there is always an option to relieve them of responsibility for what they have done.  I am of the belief that contraceptives serve only one purpose, to relieve people of the potential responsibility that accompanies the act of having sex.   Regardless of how you look at it, that is essentially what they do.  There are already plenty of options out there for young women to prevent pregnancy if they choose to go down that route.  If this had passed and been allowed, it would be telling young women, "Hey, you forgot your birth control pill this morning, but don't worry, because now you can take one the morning after to help prevent any pregnancy from occurring, so don't worry.  And if that doesn't work, we will just get you an abortion, OK?"

The funny thing is, science is a constant factor that is thrown into this mix.  "The science supports the use of this in all girls", "this decision flies in the face of science", "science is your god and you shall obey science."  (That last quote was mine, but it seems like that is the path we are going down here.)  Since when has science taken the place of morals and ethics?  It seems that if we disagree with science anymore, that we are acting immorally or unethically.  Perhaps we should go back to teaching children the basics of cause and effect.  Or maybe even the basics of decisions and responsibility.  I have said this before, but our society is headed down the path of acting without thinking.  There is always a remedy for any decision we may make.  If we make a stupid decision and get hurt, than we can find a way of suing someone.  If men commit acts of infidelity, than they blame it on their childhood.  If women get pregnant and don't want to, they get rid of the problem.  We need to realign our principles and perhaps the decision by the secretary of Health and Human Services has started that.  It was a small decision, but one that holds great weight with many women both liberal and conservative.  If you want to read more about this decision, follow the links here, Article 1, Article 2.  For now though, I applaud the decision and implore anyone reading this, (not just in terms of sex and pregnancy) think before you act; it will save you headaches down the road. 

The Chinese Conundrum

There is currently a great divide in China, one that as I see it, threatens the very vitality of their country.  For this divide I will highlight two articles I read a few days apart that deal with two totally different aspects of Chinese society.  The first, read either yesterday or the day before, deals with the rise of the technology sector within China and their drive to become the leader in computer technology and innovation.  (Article here)  The article essentially highlights the great advances that they have made in just 30 years from being the defacto assembler of computer components, to one of the great centers of innovation when it comes to new technology.  If you look at just this article you would think that China is doing really well.  You would think that they are constantly seeking to improve their situation and compete on a global level with other countries.  But all that gets tainted when you read an article like the one I read today on child abductions, kidnapping, and the growing problem of child trafficking.  (Click here for article)  This brief article talks about the arrest of hundreds of people involved with the trafficking of children.  The problem arises in part because of the one child law that China imposes on its citizens in an attempt to keep the population lower and manageable.  Because of the one child law, some families are likely to sell their children, especially if they are girls, in an attempt to have a boy.  It is a sad and depressing to hear of this occurring in a nation that has a rising middle class, growing economy, and such technological aspirations. 

Yet there it is laid out in plain sight, the good and the ugly.  Now let me be perfectly clear and say that I only know about China what I read about China in the news and it seems that half is good press and the other half negative.  It seems that it is a constant struggle in Chinese society to find the balance.  Personally, I feel that it is mostly the fault of the government.  Being a communist country and still feeling the need to control their public image, the government is too involved in the every day lives of its citizens.  The Chinese government feels the need to have a say in almost anything that occurs within the borders of their country.  They want to control their image so they censor the Internet, they want to become the top leaders in technology so they pump more money into that sector, they don't like what people say so they make them disappear.  It seems that the divide one sees when looking at China is in part created by their government.  Too often it seems the government acts without considering all the impacts of their decisions (gee, sounds like the U.S. government at times).  They are solely concerned with maintaining their positive image whether it means promoting whats working in their country, i.e. technology and innovation, or sweeping other problems under the rug, i.e. child trafficking, disappearing critics.   This is a problem that I feel will become more and more prevalent as China becomes an ever bigger player in the world economy. 

How long will China simply be able to sweep its problems under the rug before they alienate themselves.  Currently, they don't really have to worry about it because most the world's major economic players are struggling and still looking to China for monetary assistance.  Who in their right mind would overtly criticize a country who is providing them with money?  But what happens when economies around the world stabilize and start improving?  What happens when we stop looking for monetary assistance from China?  That is the day of reckoning for China (if it ever arrives).  When countries stop needing assistance, criticism of the Chinese government will increase and they will arrive at a point where they can either face their demons and move past them or crumble under them.  I know on one hand that China is attempting to avoid that day of reckoning ever coming.  They want to remain at the top so they can do what they want without too much criticism.  Yet I am of the belief that everything goes in cycles, countries rise and countries fall, that's all there is too it.  How long it will take for China to cycle back down is anyone's guess, but it will happen at some point.  The countries that succeed in managing their downturn survive, the ones that don't suffer and struggle to maintain peace.  For their own sake, I hope that China can see how its policies are divisive and self serving, but I have my doubts if that will ever happen.  For now, lets just hope that children in China will not be sold or trafficked around the world to the degree that they are now. 

The Passive House

After reading the title of the blog today, you might be wondering, "What the hell is a passive house?"  Well, while we in the United States are mostly oblivious to what a passive house is, people in Europe will know exactly what I am talking about as the concept originated across the pond.  A passive house is essentially a house that has net zero energy consumption.  The interior temperature is maintained through an innovative heat exchange system that removes any ambient heat from the interior air as it is cycled out of the house and heats incoming air with the heat that was absorbed.  This type of system would not be possible in 99.99 percent of the houses in the United States as they are too drafty and under insulated.  A typical passive house has walls that are at least 14 inches thick and super insulated.   The other important feature of a passive house that makes this possible is that it is essentially air tight.  Almost no air can enter or leave a house when all the windows and doors are closed.  By creating a super air tight house and increasing the insulation, it eliminates the need for a furnace or air conditioner.  In addition, it creates a cleaner living environment because very little unfiltered outside air can get in.  So where does the heat come from inside that allows this system to work.  It could come from a stove, dryer, toaster, etc.  Any little amount of heat is utilized in the winter to maintain a comfortable temperature and the reverse is true for the summer.  To read more about the passive house in detail, click here.

There is a whole lot more that goes into a passive house than I just describe, but I think it is a phenomenal concept that could revolutionize home building and help in reducing the cost of heating or cooling a home.  Currently in the United States there are only a handful of homes that are built to the standards of a passive house.  These homes can be found from the deep south to the far north and are proof that this system works if designed and built properly.   This is not just for new homes however, but also for older homes that can be retrofitted to meet the exacting standards.  There is one example of a house in Westport CT that was recently built to the standards of a passive house and the results are amazing.  The homeowner says that their house remains between 73 and 75 degrees F year round with a humidity of 40-50 percent.  Their total cost of heating the home?  Zero.  I don't know about anyone else, but I would love not having to pay for heating oil, furnace maintenance or anything else along those lines.  The one downside from the outset is that it adds about 10-15 percent to the building cost of the home.  That may seem like a lot to begin with, but in the long run, it pays off when you don't have to heat or cool the home.  These rigorous standards far surpass any that we in the United States have.  For instance an Energy Star home could save 15-20% on heating and cooling and an LEED home could save as much as 30% on energy costs.  A passive house regularly saves the homeowner 90% of heating and cooling costs. 

The passive house is still relatively new to the United States and is still rather costly when compared to building a conventional home, but if this really took off and was reduced in price (as most things do over time) it could revolutionize energy consumption and home building.  We in the United States like to complain about our energy costs, the rising cost of oil, blah, blah, blah.  What we don't realize is that we are still relatively lucky in that many of these costs are subsidized by our government to keep them cheaper.  In almost any other country, the cost of heating or cooling a home is much higher.  The price of oil and electricity keeps on going up and it probably will continue to do so.  What our government should do is offer subsidies to builders who engage in building these passive houses.  It will make them more attractive and affordable and in addition to keeping the cost down for the home owner, it will gradually reduce our dependency on fossil fuels.  If we make oil more expensive, people will look for ways to save money and the passive house is one sure fire way of doing so.  The other thing we need is for more of the technology that goes into the passive house to be made in the United States.  This is currently an untapped market as most of the systems for the passive house currently come from Europe.  By adopting this passive house more tenaciously in the United States, we could lower energy costs, create jobs, and help the environment all in one fell swoop.  I know this all takes time, but the sooner we can ride this wave, the sooner we can all start saving more money. 

Hackers Attack

So I am beginning to get pretty fed up with hackers these days, those online miscreants who seek to penetrate walls of security and wreak havoc in people's lives online.  In the past few weeks alone, I know four people who have had to completely change email addresses because of hacking.  Two involved accounts being hacked and the hacker trying to play the game of "I'm stuck in London and need money" and the other two involved the hacker using the hacked mailing lists to attempt selling Viagra or some other male enhancement drug.  Now, when it comes to hacking, I am of two minds.  If these hackers had gotten into the servers of Bank of America and screwed up their operating system and wreaked some havoc on the corporate level, I would not have as big of a problem.  But when these people decide to seek out the every day working person and through hacking their accounts create one more headache they have to deal with, I start to have a problem.  Its probably because normal people's email accounts are fairly easy prey compared to the servers of perhaps the most villainous bank in America.  This is not to say that I endorse hackers breaking the law either on the corporate level or personal, I would just have less of a problem if they took out some corporate Goliath.  But perhaps these wizards of online savagery could be put to better use.  Is it too far out of the realm of possibility for our government to hire these hackers and put them to use against foreign regimes currently being ruled with an iron fist?

What if we took these brilliant minds and had them wreak havoc in the Assad regime of Syria or perhaps create a little more tumult in Iran?  Governments have tried repeatedly to persuade regimes such as these to ease up on their harsh tactics or to cease attempting to make nuclear weapons.  I guarantee that if we set hackers on them, we could probably get a lot farther.  Its not as if they don't already hate the United States and Western Europe for our perceived actions and stances when it comes to what they do, so why not inflame them a little more.  We already created Stuxnet, the computer virus that destroyed numerous centrifuges in Iran attempting to purify Uranium.  Why can't we go a step further and completely shut down their computer systems?  Its not outside the realm of possibility, it would just take a lot of effort.  And what about the Great Firewall of China?  They currently have perhaps the most policed Internet in the world, yet we don't make any subversive attempts to take down their firewall.  We just act diplomatically and suggest they do differently.  Obviously any attempt by hackers to take down a foreign countries' servers or Internet service can not be fully endorsed by any government, but perhaps it would start the breakdown of those countries. 

So obviously any attempt by hackers could go tragically wrong and instead of creating a new era of Internet freedom could cause those countries to crack down even harder, but isn't it worth a shot?  I would much rather see an attempt made at Iran or Syria than a continued attempt by hackers to infiltrate the average citizen's online life.  It seems a much more worthy cause to me than to say, "Look at me, I'm using 10,000 email addresses to sell illegal Viagra, I've made the big time!"  Really, is that what hacking has come down to?  But maybe I was never really in touch with what hacking was all about and am just now trying to persuade alternatives upon them.  Hopefully if a hacker is reading this, they understand where I am coming from and can see the headaches they cause for the average online user when they hack those accounts.  (Which I am guessing is part of their agenda)  I am sure that they are not targeting individuals, but rather massive servers containing the info of thousands of users, but hopefully they can see our point of view and perhaps change who they are targeting.  I will probably never know if they do, but I am personally fed up with having people around me deal with changing their email because someone decided to hack in and use it for their own personal agenda. 

Tribute to My Mother

Today I pay tribute to my mother, one of the two most influential people in my early life (aside from my father).  Having a son now, it is much easier to see what my mother did for me when I was younger, the sacrifices she made, and the lengths that she went to to ensure that my childhood was the best that it could be.  Perhaps the most significant act that I am thankful for on her part is her quitting her job when I was really young so that she could stay home with me.  At the time she was making more than my dad was but decided that it was more important to be home with me than to keep me in daycare or camps.  Looking back now, I can not express how grateful I am for that sacrifice.  Aside from allowing me to explore the world unhindered, it also showed me in retrospect how unimportant money really is.  It was much more important for her to help me explore my creativity, to develop my knowledge of the world, and to have a family member close than it was to keep receiving a paycheck.  Granted, that was almost 30 years ago and times have changed, but even now, it is causing me to think even harder about how my wife and I can arrange our schedules so that one of us can be home with our son as much as possible in his early years of life.  Yet those early years of my life were only the start of what she did for me.  As I grew older, she was a pillar of support in everything I did. 

Regardless of what I wanted to do when I was younger, she supported me in my decisions.  The only caveat, which I am thankful for now, was that I see my decision through to the end.  There was one year I wanted to play baseball and halfway through the season, absolutely hated it and wanted to quit.  Quitting was not an option, though.  I had made a decision and had to see it through to the end, which I did.  Needless to say, I never played baseball again after that year, but every time I made a decision, I thought about it a little bit harder to make sure that it was really what I wanted to do.  (There were slip ups here and there as in my college career, but life goes on.)  Yet I now see the difference between her support in my younger years versus her support when I was a teenager.  When I was younger it was more important that I stick to my commitment and see it through to the end.  When I was older and more bull headed, it was more important to her to make sure that I thought through my decisions and what I would do.  Hence my decisions in my college career.  When I wanted to leave my first college because I wasn't happy, she supported me (much to my surprise at the time) and simply asked if I had really thought it through.  A few years later when I wanted to leave college all together to start my own business, she supported me, probably because I already had a contingency plan in place.  Despite most of her friends urging me to finish college and questioning my ability to run a business, she stuck behind me.  Again, I can not express how grateful I am for her continued support throughout my life.

I could go on with details about what my mother did for me and how she helped me grow into the man I am today, but I think I touched upon the most important aspects that I am thankful for.  I am sure that there are many things she did for me that I am totally unaware of and always will be.  But I guess that is the nature of being a parent; ensuring that you raise your child to the best of your ability even if they don't know what you do.  I see it more and more now with my own son, this whole period of his life where his consciousness is slowly developing and his memory of life at this age is vague at best.  Perhaps he will remember bits and pieces and perhaps not.  But it is not about what he remembers, it is how he grows up and develops.  If we do the best job we can, than that is all that matters.  I know my mother did the best job she could (and being a little conceited here) I think she did a pretty damn good job at it.  It is a funny thing growing up and not realizing what your parents did for you till later.  I guess some people never realize what their parents did for them, but I hope that most people do and at least make the effort to thank their parents.  As I have said before, I am not always the best at voicing my appreciation, but here it is.  So in summation, without my mother, I wouldn't have the foundation upon which I live today, the knowledge of the world, the appreciation for small things, or even my appreciation for family.  It may have taken a while to develop in me, but I realize now and am thankful for, everything my mother did for me.