Baby Waiting

Its that time filled with anticipation, that last few weeks before our baby decides to arrive; I call it baby waiting.  While trying not to read too much into each little event, at the same time I want to, and so does my wife.  The baby dropping down allowing my wife to breathe a little more easily, the discomfort that she feels, the gut instincts that the baby might be here really soon.  After nine months we both are ready, ready to welcome our baby into this world and begin a new adventure as a little bit larger family.   Even the weekly doctor's visits are beginning to seem pointless at this time.  Every week its the same thing, my wife gets examined and is told, "Well, baby's healthy, everything is good, you could have the baby by breakfast or it could be another week or two."  Sometimes it would be nice to get a definitive answer, but I guess that it is simply preparation for what will come, the unknowing of events to unfold.  For a week or so there, it seemed like the baby was definitely going to be here any day.  Alas, the baby is not ready yet, not quite ready to make that next enormous step of kicking off labor.  So we wait, I with my phone on standby at all times, ready to clean up at work and head home to be with my wife.  My wife is simply walking as much as possible, eating spicy foods, and simply waiting for that first sign that labor has begun, either water breaking or the first noticeable contraction. 

It seems that baby time has taken hold and nothing else really matters at this point.  I spend most of my days waiting for that call to come if I'm not with my wife, and regardless of how much work I have to do, it will be there when I get back.  For someone like myself that likes to plan things out for the week and prepare for what is going to happen at work, I have ended up taking work one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time just in case.  Perhaps the biggest choice I made in regards to work is to take a week off after the baby is born just to spend time at home with my wife and our newborn, bonding if you will and settling in to our new life.  If it was feasible and I could get paid to take more time off, I would, but being self employed, if the work doesn't get done, I don't get paid so a week will have to suffice.   I can't wait to hold our baby at this point, a small little human, totally dependent on us for everything.  Life will change, but I know it will be for the better.  It seems in preparation for the baby, I have done more research than I ever did for a college paper.  I have spent hours online, reading about all the different aspects of raising a healthy child.  I have read books on bringing a healthy child into this world and now that the baby is almost here, I want to read more about what I can do to ensure that it remains healthy, vibrant, and growing. 

Baby time has taken over real time.  Nothing else truly seems as important at this point as being ready for our baby.  I know some people may say that you can't put everything on hold, and I haven't, time just seems different when you are constantly waiting for a new birthday to celebrate.  I don't know if time seems to go quicker now or if it just that my mind is more pre-occupied than it ever has been before, but time disappears.  Our bags our still packed, waiting in the car, the car seat waiting to be occupied.  What else can I do to prepare?  I think everything is done.  I just vacuumed the baby's room again yesterday, brought out some of our stuffed animals from when we were younger. Looking at the baby's room, you would think a baby already lived in our house.  All I can do now is wait, wait, and wait some more.  According to the doctors, the official due date is still a week away, but we all know that the baby could come at any moment.  Its just a matter of time.  Through this waiting, my wife and I have gotten closer already, spent more quality time together, enjoying our last moments of peace a quiet (as some people put it for the next 18 years).  But whatever happens, will happen regardless of what we do to intervene.  There should be no intervention, just the birth of a baby when it is ready.  So maybe I will be a father come Monday, then again, maybe I won't.  I will just continue baby waiting for now, my phone glued to my side. 

Being Significant

In a world that has close to 7 billion people, if we haven't already passed that mark, how can the majority of us claim to be significant human beings?  What does it mean to be significant in this day and age?  To start things off properly, the definition of significant, or one of them is, "important in effect or meaning".    If you were to take humans on an individual basis, we are largely insignificant in the overall scheme of things.  If each of us on this planet lived isolated lives, separate from others, we would have no meaning, there would be nothing we could contribute to the world to even in the slightest sense, make us significant.   Take a look at a hermit (very few of them these days probably because you can't go anywhere without running into someone).  A hermit is a person who lives a largely isolated life, separate from everyone and with very little or no contact with humanity in general.  How then can that hermit claim to have any significance?  I would say he can't.  He (or she) lives an isolated life where nothing he does impacts the larger, social, human condition.  However, as I mentioned, there are very few if any hermits that I know of living in the woods (probably because they don't want to be found), and as for the rest of us, we do not live isolated lives.  Depending on what we do, we interact with a varying number of people every day.  As such, regardless of our actions, none of us are entirely insignificant. 

There are certain individuals, who throughout history have had an enormous impact on society, contributing revolutionary ideas, changing the course of history itself, or vastly improving the human condition and thus are considered enormously significant human beings.  That being said, those individuals are a small minority of the global population and always have been.  The majority of us play much smaller roles in society and are capable of having a significant effect only on those we interact with daily.  Regardless of how insignificant we may feel at times, I guarantee that we are not.  If you look at the definition of significant, there is no quantifier that determines at what point we become significant, all that is necessary is an action or idea that is important in effect or meaning.  In order to see our own significance, we must look at ourselves through the eyes of others.  A simple smile or hello could have a significant impact on a complete stranger and turn their day around.  Just because what we perceive to be insignificant does not mean that it is insignificant as perceived by others.  Quite the opposite, if that person we smiled or said hello to had been ignored all day by everyone around him and we were the first person to extend kindness his way, then our action could be enormously significant to him.  

So how does all this play out in modern society, a society in which we are both increasingly connected yet at the same time disconnected?   Human interaction on a personal level has diminished greatly.  We can connect with others around the world instantaneously through the Internet and other devices, yet while connecting with others through technology, it is also drawing us away from that personal interaction we used to have more of.  There is a serious disconnect happening on a personal level.  I personally feel that through this disconnect arises a greater feeling of insignificance as we do not have the ability to affect others in the same way.  This is not to say that we can't be significant through technology, it is more to say that we can't be as significant and when we are, we don't recognize it as much because of the disconnect that technology enhances.  Through technology, we are less likely to recognize our significance thus leading to increased feelings of insignificance.  This can be attributed to the fact that as humans, we are social beings, and when we interact with others face to face, we gather much more information about the person we are interacting with through our senses.  We see how people react, we hear the change in their voice, we can offer a consoling touch if that is what is required.  None of this is available through the Internet and technology (perhaps via Skype, but otherwise it is minimal).  If you take simply the auditory perspective and separate it from the visual and the tactile, then we are only receiving part of the picture and as such have much less to process and to react to.  We were meant to interact face to face where we can have the greatest impact on others, spur our own feeling of significance in relation to others reactions, and feel a sense of importance if you will.  

If we continue as we are today, spending more time in front of the TV or glued to our computer and Internet, any feelings of significance we had will start to fade into insignificance.  So what does it matter if we feel significant or insignificant?  What impact does it have on us?  I feel that while we may not always be cognizant of the effect that it has on us, but it does play a role in how we live our lives, how we interact with others, and how it impacts our overall view of life.  With a growing feeling of insignificance, we are more likely to fall into depression, have a negative outlook on life, and shy away from interaction with others.  What we need is to boost our significance.  (I know this may sound selfish and egotistical, but it isn't).  We need to interact with others and seek to have a positive impact on their lives.  This positive impact could be as simple as saying hello to a stranger or being there for someone to talk to, to vent their frustrations to, or simply to be with.  These actions, while minor to us, can have a large impact on those around us.  Granted, we can also have a negative impact on others and those impacts could also be considered significant, but for the sake of this post, lets simply focus on the positive.  Today, take some time to interact with others face to face.  Even if it is five minutes out of your whole day.  Whatever you do could have a large impact on others, you just may not see it as such.  To finish with, let us all recognize that we are significant in some way, shape, or form and are valued more highly by others than we could imagine.    

Fighting Cervical Cancer

If you live in the United States and have been paying any attention to the Republican debates, you probably know that Rick Perry, the scumbag from Texas, is known for promoting a vaccine to young girls to fight cervical cancer.  He has recommended, then not recommended, (who really knows what he says) that all girls get this vaccine around the age of 11 to prevent them from getting the human papillomavirus which is the main cause of cervical cancer.   Cervical cancer used to be the leading cause of death from cancer among women, higher than breast cancer or any other.  Currently, that rate has dropped below that of lung, breast, colon, and skin cancer.  Despite that, we in the United States feel the need to drop that number to zero.  An admirable attempt, do not get me wrong, but at what cost?  I am not going to get into the whole vaccine controversy in this post.  Suffice it to say that I am against all vaccines.  But anyway, I just read an article this morning about an innovative way to detect and remove the precancerous spots that may eventually turn into cancer.  Instead of a pap smear and potential biopsy to remove the spots, you can use household vinegar and carbon dioxide to detect and remove them.  Don't believe me?  Follow this link to the article.  Currently, however, this simply technology is only being used in poorer countries where access to labs and surgical equipment is minimal. 

What is even more amazing about this procedure called VIA/cryo is that it can be completed by a nurse in one visit.  There is no waiting for a PAP smear to come back and no doctors or surgery to deal with.  It has been shown that the vinegar is more effective at detecting the precancerous spots than the PAP smear is (there are more false positives however) and the cryo is 90% effective at removing the spots.  Instead of potential bleeding as a result of a biopsy, the only side effect of the cryo is a mild burning sensation that dissipates in a day or two.  A woman from the article mentioned that the procedure was uncomfortable but bearable without any anesthesia.  So why is that in a technologically advanced society such as the United States, we immediately go to the most high tech method to detect and remove cancerous spots when there is a more affordable and perhaps more effective way of doing so?  Imagine the reduction in cost if this procedure was available in the United States?  Household vinegar and carbon dioxide (available from a Coca-Cola plant).  Granted, there are always critics asking how such a simple procedure could be as effective as a high tech one?  Ask the doctors who developed it at Johns Hopkins Medical Center.  Its amazing to me that as a society we immediately search for the latest high tech solution to our medical woes when often times there is a much more simple solution available.  No wonder the cost of medical insurance, medications and the like are so high.  What is the risk of freezing versus the risk of invasive surgery?  I would say the risk of freezing is much less. 

What about the poor in this country who have no health insurance and need medical treatment for precancerous spots.  (Obviously we are still only talking about women here).  Currently they either have to somehow find the money to get tested and get the procedure done or they suffer and get cancer.  We are introducing this new procedure into foreign countries yet we are forgetting completely about our own.  We need to remember all those in our country who are not that well off.  Especially in these harsh economic times when more and more people are struggling to get by, these innovations that cost a minimal amount of money should be explored and accepted in our own society.  We need to change the way the medical profession thinks and operates in this country.  Instead of continually raising costs and seeking out the newest cure, why not get back to the basics and seek out the simplest way of curing or preventing diseases and other medical ailments?  Obviously I am not a doctor, but to me, I would much rather have a simple, non-invasive procedure than one that I am at a higher risk of having complications from.  In any case, just food for thought, trying to change the way we all think a little bit.  If we can reduce costs and still save lives, why not do it? 

The Parting of Friends

Lets be perfectly honest with each other here, it is a seldom and rare occurrence when people remain friends throughout their lifetime.  Things change, life draws people apart, and sometimes feuds break out that are irreconcilable.   Perhaps the most difficult situation to understand is when there is no clear reason or no clear reason given for why a person ceases all communication.  The effort is put forth by one person but not reciprocated by the other; at all.  Disagreements, while difficult, are more easily dealt with as a reason for friends going their separate ways than simply an absence of communication.  Questions linger indefinitely when communication simply ceases.  So why am I writing about friends parting ways?  Simply put, because I had a friend for years who has simply dropped by the wayside.  We played lacrosse together in high school and quickly became friends.  After I graduated and went to college, we had no contact for a few years, but soon after returning to town, I found this friend of mine and life picked up where it had left off.  My college days were a mere pause in a friendship that seemed likely to continue for years to come.   We remained friends for almost a decade, spending time at the bars when we were younger and later simply heading off for a hike as often as possible.  Even through girlfriends and eventually my wife, our friendship remained.  Then it started to fall apart for reasons unknown to me. 

It was the winter before my wife and I got married and my friend had found a new girlfriend.  I had been in a class with this girl back in college and my wife had actually worked with her for a while at a restaurant.  There were a few slight issues that we had with her and in an effort on my part to be a good friend, I was completely honest.  I told him, "Listen, I am not a big fan of hers, don't think she is right for you, but if you are happy with her then be with her, I'll get over my issues."  Sometimes it seems that honesty is not the best policy although even looking back now, I wouldn't take back anything I said.  As is usually the case when a friend starts dating someone, he wasn't around as much, choosing instead to spend more time with his new girlfriend.  I had no problem with that, I had done the same on many an occasion, even when I met my wife.  It remained that way until we got married at which point communication dropped significantly.  We were married in June and after that we hung out a few times over the summer at which point there was no more communication.  The only time there was any was when I texted him or called, there was no effort on his part to initiate any conversation or effort to get together and hang out.  At that point I got frustrated.  We had been friends for over ten years and all of a sudden it seemed like he wanted nothing to do with me or my wife despite the fact that before his girlfriend, the three of us had hung out quite a bit.  The only thing that I could think of was that his girlfriend, then fiance, then wife, didn't like us and for some reason didn't want either him or the both of them to hang out with us.  Maybe his life got to busy and he just didn't think of calling anymore.  I really don't know because I never found out why he seemingly dropped off the face of the earth. 

There is another reason that I am writing about this now.  Due to some coincidence or whatnot, his fiance and my wife got pregnant at the same time.   The only way I found out about this was through other people.  By that point, we hadn't talked in close to a year despite my periodic efforts, and the only information I ever received about him was through mutual friends.  Recently, I found out that he had finally gotten onto Facebook and had friended some of our mutual friends.  I thought to myself, maybe this will be the means by which we finally re-connect and re-establish our friendship.  I was daring and sent him a friend request.  Well, that was about two weeks ago now and that friend request for all I know has slipped through the cracks.  I never received a response.  Yesterday I found out through a mutual friend (see a theme here) that his wife's water had broken.  Once again, I will reach out today, send him a text or even call maybe to offer my congratulations.  I highly doubt that my call will be answered or my text will be responded to, but at least I will have made another effort.  Maybe one day our friendship will continue, but for now it is lost in the fog of oblivion.  And you know what, I have told people that I don't care anymore, but there is still a part of me that does, that wants to know what happened, that wants to continue the friendship that we once had.  I also know that maybe it isn't meant to be and that I should just let it drop and move on.   I do move on most of the time, but I periodically wonder what happened.  It is that unknowing that bothers me, that lack of explanation for why communication dropped off and we went our separate ways.  Maybe it is better in the end that we did.  I don't know.  But for now, I will reach out once more, see if I get a response, and if not, maybe try again in six months or so. 

The Fallacy of Measuring Up

If you look at our society today, you can't make it through a day without seeing an advertisement, test score, or media story that doesn't touch in some way on "measuring up".  Weather it is the decades old familial "keeping up with the Jones'" or in a more personal way, attaining what is expected either in work, school, or amongst a circle of friends.  Why is that people in general feel the need to measure up to others?  Why do we strive to reach a certain income level, buy a certain car, live in a certain neighborhood?  I believe that it is mainly because society ingrains in us from an early age that we must all achieve a certain level of success in order to be considered part of modern society.   Regardless of where we are in life, we are all measured against a slew of standards; work standards, school standards, social standards.  Why must these standards be applied to all of us? (Taking it a step further, why most those standards exist at all?)  For those, especially in the social realm, who do not dress or act like others, they are labeled as non-conformists, rebels, anti-socialites, etc.  They are not considered acceptable as portrayed by the rest of the population.  In school, if you do not score high enough on standardized tests you are generally put into a lower grouping, considered "less intelligent" than others, and taught so as to bring your test scores up to those around you.  There is a certain norm that permeates throughout society that society itself tries to hold all of us to.  For the most part, many of us will not reach those societal norms, that comfortable level where we feel we are completely welcomed by society. 

Are we not all unique individuals with varying strengths and weaknesses, different opinions and views of the world, an array of levels of intelligence?  According to the constitution of the United States, we are all created equal.  While this is true on one level, the fact that we all should have equal rights when it comes to accessing society and what it has to offer, it has for the most part been misconstrued and been brought to mean that we are all the same or we all should be the same.  If we truly believe that we are all unique individuals, then we should abhor the standard that society puts forth and seek instead to reach our own fullest potential, based not on those around us, but based instead upon ourselves and what we know our capabilities to be.  To compare ourselves perpetually to others is to set ourselves up inevitably  for some degree of failure for we can never achieve fully what someone else can achieve.  In part, we may be able to match others, but not as a whole, for if we could, then we all would be identical.  Some of us can achieve more in certain areas, in other areas less.  This is not to say that we can not learn from others, for we can, but only insofar as our own capabilities permit us to.  We can grow and seek to expand what we are capable of, but we should only go so far as we need to, not as far as society needs us to.  There comes a point that we all reach where we can not push anymore, where we get burnt out and tired of pushing.  Society says if we have not attained the level that others have, we should push even more regardless of the effects it has on us and those around us.  If we feel we have reached our full potential, then that should suffice. 

Not everyone feels the tangible pull of society to reach a certain standard.  Some are oblivious to it.  Some don't care and forge their own way ahead.  There are many people, however, who vaguely feel the pull and live their lives constantly seeking to achieve that standard whether it is in the workplace or in their life in general.  I would like to think that I am one of the ones who sees how people are pulled and disavow all attempts of society to compare me to others and see how I measure up.  My goal in life is to do the best I can in the areas that I am good at, not because society tells me I should be better than those around me, but because I want to be the best person that I can be.  It is a fine line at times that even I catch myself crossing and when I do, I immediately retreat, re-examine where I am in life, and then proceed according to what I believe.  Take some time to examine where you are, if you are getting pulled by society to meet a certain standard, getting pulled by work to meet the norms of the institution, or getting pulled by school to get that perfect score.  We can not all be perfect; in fact I believe that perfection is unattainable.  There will always be something that stands in the way of perfection.  Nothing is perfect, yet society wants us to believe that perfection is right around the corner.  If we can all come to a tacit understanding that perfection is unattainable, perhaps we can all be happier with the lives that we live.  Perhaps we can all be satisfied with where we are in life and not find the little nuances that keep us away from being that perfect fit for society.  Embrace your imperfections, abolish the standard, and carve your own way through life; that way that is uniquely your own and can be owned by no one but yourself. 

Flexibility and Attitude

Earlier this week I interacted with a particularly stubborn person.  My interaction was brief and very few words were exchanged between myself and this other person mostly because I was totally put off by her inflexibility and cold demeanor.   While I could understand where she was coming from in terms of her inflexibility, the biggest thing that made me want to walk away was her coldness.  There seemed to be no life coming from her, just cold ice picks driving into any person who was around her.  What makes it even harder for me to understand is that she is a highly successful woman.  So how do the two interact, flexibility and attitude.  On the one hand, there are situations that require everyone to be flexible and others that require a certain steadfastness if you will, or a degree of inflexibility to achieve a certain goal.  Regardless of which situation you find yourself in, one that requires flexibility or inflexibility, attitude is by far the bigger player, the one that determines how you are perceived and how others interact with you.  I believe that while certain situations require of us a degree of inflexibility, there are ways to approach it that can leave a positive impression on others.  This woman that I dealt with needs an attitude adjustment in my mind.  If she had even just smiled or taken a little more time to explain her position, everyone around her would have felt more at ease.  As it was, whenever she was around, I was on edge, always questioning what the next moment would bring from her.  I might have even initiated a conversation if I felt that she would have been warm and welcoming.  However, she lost the opportunity as a successful woman to expand her network and in fact, I believe that she pushed people away simply by her attitude. 

Attitude plays a big role in our everyday lives.  We have the choice each and every day about how we approach others, how we will conduct ourselves, and what kind of person we will be.  Everyone has those days that are draining, depressing, dragging; and it is undeniably hard to pull from ourselves a positive attitude that will be beneficial to those around us.  If we are negative or cold, others will visibly see that on our faces and in our actions and have one of two reactions, either to walk away and avoid us altogether or be negative and cold as well.  If we can remain positive, however, the benefits are far greater.   We can have an impact on more people around us just by being positive, smiling, and compassionate.   We will be a natural attractant that draws others towards us.  Why, because people would much rather be around someone who is positive and lighthearted than someone who is depressing and cold.  Others who may have a cold or negative attitude during the day can be pulled out of it if we can evoke a positive attitude within ourselves and portray that to all around us.  It is not always easy to remain positive throughout the day, but if we make the effort to, it will benefit far more people than if we are negative.

Flexibility is a trait that can be learned, maybe not easily for some, but possible.  In almost all situations, I believe that we must have the ability to be flexible and adapt to the situation at hand.  More often than not, flexibility will get us much farther in life than being inflexible will.  Life is not just black and white; there is a whole gray area in the middle where much of life happens and if we can maneuver through that gray area with ease, we will find that life will be a little easier most of the time.  What is white for one person can be black for the next or vice versa.  There are so many variations of what people consider to be the right path, the correct way of doing things, that if everyone adhered solely to their point of view, very little would actually get accomplished.  Being flexible requires us to take a step away from our point of view and meet others in the middle, discuss options, pros and cons, and see if there is a way that both parties can be pleased while maintaining a degree of both parties original ideas.  Even if we know that our path is proven to be successful, to be the quickest and most direct path to achieve certain results, we still must be able to step away, meet in the gray area and see other options.  If upon seeing these other options we still know that our proven path will provide the quickest, most successful results, then we must be able to show the other person how this is done, not to prove them wrong, but to show them how our path is a little shorter than theirs and to show them the benefit of adhering to our path.  If they are flexible, they will understand our point of view and move forward.   The easiest way to achieve results, whether it is being flexible or inflexible, is to remain positive, understanding, and compassionate.  Negativity will only push others away and we will be left standing in the gray area by ourselves.

I think the correlation between attitude and flexibility is pretty plain to see.  The more we can remain positive and keep a positive attitude, then the more we will be successful whether we are required to be flexible or inflexible.  Attitude plays the most important role in our lives, both personal and professional and by far we have more control over our attitude than anything else.  Its not always easy to maintain a positive attitude, especially when we are surrounded by negative people, but if we can figure out a way of doing so, we will get farther in life.  If we can maintain that positive attitude, it will be easier to meet in the gray area whether a situation requires flexibility or inflexibility, it will be easier to deal with.  If this cold woman that I saw and minutely interacted with had simply been positive, smiled, and discussed where she was coming from, much more would have gotten done.  As it was, her distinct inflexibility and inability to explain her position made it so that there really wasn't any discussion.  It was her way or the highway so to speak.  We would all do well to inspect our attitudes today and see if they are truly positive or if they need a little tweaking.  On the same not, how flexible are we on a daily basis?  How often are we able to meet others in the middle and discuss things?  Lets all improve ourselves and by doing so improve others around us. 

Elective Cyborg Surgery

If you read the title of this post and immediately said, "What!", your not alone.  I did the same thing when I saw an article in the NYTimes magazine entitled "The Cyborg in Us All".   It seems that within the next few years, we will be able to have an elective surgery to place a sensor pad directly on our brain which will enable us to control computers and other devices with our mind.  I am really not joking here.  If you don't believe me, follow the link to the article to read for yourself.   This technology came about, as most innovative technologies do, not as a direct effort to have our brains control computers, but as an effort to help epilepsy patients get rid of their seizures.  The way this entire process started was through doctors placing this pad with electrodes directly on to an epileptic's brain to detect which part of their brain was causing a seizure so they could go in and cut it out, hopefully curing that person of his/her malady.  But as an offshoot, they figured that since they already had an pad on the patients brain, why not see what else they could do when that patient wasn't having a seizure.  So what they did was wire up that pad to a computer and through a number of trials, see if they could get the patient to play a video game on the computer with only the use of his brain, no hands, no fingers, no toes or anything controlling it.  Well, they figure out how to do it.  They were somehow able to link certain thoughts in the brain such as "go right" with actual computer commands or something and allow the patient to play the game.  Trust me, my explanation of this is rudimentary and insufficient so please go read the article. 

It goes beyond just the ability to control computers with our brains.  Part of this effort is being underwritten by the department of defense in an effort to produce a technology that will allow soldiers in the field to communicate telepathically.  If you think about it, it is not that far of a stretch if a person can already control a computer with his brain.  It is only a matter of time before they will be able to provide that channel of communication between two people via a small computer like a phone that is able to process the brain's commands.  Another option that this technology will permit to happen is for us to control our phones with our brains as well.  We will be able to manage our contacts if we want without physically touching the phone.  Personally, I want nothing to do with this.  I will not be one of those people who has this elective surgery to place a pad with electrodes on my brain just so I can control a computer, my phone, or communicate with others without actually talking.  Even the author of the article is doubtful as to who would actually get this surgery done once it becomes available (really only a few years away).  As the doctor/scientist put it who is developing this it, why wouldn't people get this elective surgery, after all thousands of women get elective breast augmentation every year and that by far is more invasive thnt this procedure would be.  I don't care how invasive or non invasive it is, I will not be one to get it. 

The line between technology and humans is becoming thinner every year.  We are getting closer and closer to melding computers with the human race and I fear that once we take that final step, we will never be able to separate the two.  I have no problem with technology, as long as it remains outside my body.  I have a problem when we start to mess with the human body in a way that fundamentally alters it functionality.  Yes, we may be increasing the ability of the brain to do more, but at what price?  When will we go too far and overstep our bounds, irreversibly altering the future of humans.  Does this sound a little dismal and depressing?  I hope so because I don't think that we should mess with the human body.  If we want to increase the ability of our brain to function then we should train our brain through mental exercises and activities that stimulate neurons and increase the flow of blood to our brain.  We have within us the ability to do amazing things.  If we were meant to communicate telepathically, then either we would have had the ability from the start or we will develop that ability through human evolution.  If you look at this technology, a human brain was able to create the system which allows brains to control machines, not a machine.  One of the aspects of the human brain that will forever trump technology and computers with is imagination and creativity.   In any case, I am sure that there will many people who get this implant and become essentially a cyborg; part machine, part human.  Its not for me.  Today, ask yourself what you would do if given the opportunity to have this pad placed on your brain that allows you to control computers or talk to others telepathically.  Would it be worth it?

Fatherly Anticipation

Well, if you couldn't guess by the title of this post, our baby has not yet been born.  It is still squirming away inside of my wife, flipping side to side, kicking vociferously, and making swiping movements at the outside world.  We decided, albeit with very little debate amongst ourselves, not to find out what the sex of our baby is going to be.  In this world of no surprises, we wanted a joyous one, filled with anticipation.  Most people are overjoyed at the prospect that we are not finding out what we are having as it seems most people these days find out as soon as possible.  When we were taking the "birthing class" we were the only ones out of ten couples who had not found out.   Yet, despite most people being excited that we are not finding out, there seems to be just as many who press us for our opinions on what we think we will have or what we hope to have.  Our responses overall have been, "We are hoping for a healthy baby".  After all, what more could you really hope for.  To set your mind on one sex when you have no knowledge of it is in a way giving yourself a 50% chance at disappointment.  For myself at least, when I answer that I want a healthy baby, it is rarely good enough.  Most times I get, "But don't you really want a boy".  Of course I want a boy...or a girl.  Either one would be amazing.  Regardless of what sex my child is when they enter into this world, we will love our child.  To be perfectly honest, it gets annoying at times being pushed and pushed to give the answer that people want to hear.  Sometimes I almost give in and say, "of course I want a little boy"  or a little girl.  But enough about the questions, I can't wait to meet our child. 

I often spend my days thinking about our child, not necessarily what he or she will look like, but our new life together.  Being able to hold our child, take it with us everywhere, show it the world and most of all just love it.   I have heard so many different opinions about what it is like to bring home that child.  Some people freak out and get stressed, others take it in stride.  My wife and I being laid back people, I think that overall, things will go smoothly.  Will there be moments of stress, undoubtedly.  This is an event that neither of us has dealt with before and I am sure that there will be moments where we question if what we are doing is the right thing.  But what is the right thing to do?  I feel that there is no one set way to bring your child home and raise it.  Everyone can have an opinion (which most do) on the proper way to raise a child and granted there are very good ideas about how to go about doing things, but in the end, I feel that it is up to us the parents to decide what is best for our child.  Perhaps the best way that I heard it put from an older friend who has had a couple of children is that the child fits into your life.  It shouldn't matter what you do, the child becomes part of your life, it is not about changing everything you do to accommodate the child (although I am sure that it happens at some level regardless).  Why wouldn't a child fit into your life, your rhythm, your way of doing things.  After all, what better way to show them how the world works?  Whenever we as adults enter into a new situation, that situation filled with other adults does not alter itself fundamentally to accommodate our needs, we must fit into that situation to a certain extent.  Alas, only time will tell how things work out, but I am sure that they will work out for the best.

As much as I was apprehensive at one point about bringing a child into this world because of the way the world has become, I am now excited to show our new child the world.  Despite everything negative that goes on these days, the messages that people send and the way people act, there is so much good that goes unnoticed.  I want to teach our child to find that good, to seek out what is right with this world and embrace it.  I think that is enough to start with.  There is so much more that I want to teach our child, but from the start, it will be enough just to love our child.  Love will carry our child through its first few months, along with diaper changing, reading books, singing to it, etc.  The day is almost here, tomorrow or a week, after nine months, time seems irrelevant.  One day blends into another as we wait.  My wife, luckily, is not freaking out about any of this, if anything she is more calm than she normally is tinged with excitement of course.   But as we wait, our child continues to grow, developing, strengthening, getting ready to enter this world.  If for some reason I miss a couple of days during the week, I am sure that you will be able to figure out what happened.  Regardless, when the day comes, we will be ready, our bags our packed, we are ready to go, and nothing can get in the way now (except traffic of course!).

Wayseer's, Challenging the Mold

The other day I was having a conversation with a friend and at the end of it, he suggested I check out the Wayseer Manifesto.  He didn't give me much information about it except that it was uplifting, motivating and simply that I should look it up on the internet.  Well, having my interest piqued, I googled it and found the video he was talking about.  There is an actual website for it at www.wayseermanifesto.com, or you can simply search for it on YouTube.  So if you haven't taken a break from reading this post to check it out, what is this Wayseer Manifesto?  Simply put, it is for those who challenge the mold, those who do not fit into a pre-determined spot in society, for those who see beyond the BS that circulates through our world.  So maybe it is not that simple, but it resonated with me (not that I am going to sign up for it, buy the book, or pay a monthly fee to be part of it).  To get a better understanding of what it is, you just have to check it out, but I don't want to talk specifically about the wayseer's today, I want to talk about people challenging the mold, challenging what society expects of them and moving beyond it.   I for one have always been somewhat of a non-conformist, that person who goes against what people expect them to do and goes the opposite direction.   I have never been a big fan of rules and tend to question almost everything.  Why does there have to be one given way to achieve something, one way to follow in order to attain success or enlightenment.  Each person has there own beliefs, but I find that many do not question those beliefs or seek to find their own way of attaining their goals. 

For an example, (and I may have used this before at some point but,) society would have us believe that the best way to be successful in life is to get a college education, get a degree, and get a high paying job with which we will be able to afford to buy ourselves happiness.  Who reading this believes all of this to be true?  And furthermore, who reading this has subscribed to this notion that and followed it through only to find that maybe money is not the answer to happiness and being successful does not solely depend on getting a college education and a degree?  Do not get me wrong, for many, a college degree is worth it and if this is what makes them happy, then kudos to them, but I feel that there are many out there who feel like there are other options for them.  Why does anyone have to fit a specific mold or pattern?  I would say that no one does, that there is no specific path that is the right path for everyone.  Society would have us believe there is because it is easier than saying that there is a different path for everyone to follow.  Well guess what, society is not always right, in fact I would say they get things about half the time.  So why if society is wrong half the time do the majority of people still subscribe to its policies and notions?  Because it is easier than figuring out who we truly are, what makes us tick, and why we act the way we act. 

Figuring out who we truly are is a lifelong process that constantly changes as we grow older.  I would argue that we never truly figure out who we are.  We may get a damn good idea after a while and some may get really close to truly being themselves, but as human beings, we are complicated, evolving, developing.  The only way to find out who we truly are is to cast aside society's notions and look deep within ourselves.  Scary as it may be at times, it is necessary if we are to attain true happiness and inner peace.  We must be willing to allow our impulses to come to the surface, to be made public so that we can better understand them ourselves.  (Unless of course it is the impulse to cause harm to others in which case we should keep that under control).  We are taught that those that act impulsively are not in control of themselves.  I would argue that those that act impulsively are really being true themselves, to the underlying current within them that drives them every day.  By denying our impulses to do things, we are denying a part of who we are.  (I am not talking here about our impulses to drink excessively, go on shopping sprees, etc.)  The impulses I am talking about are those that cause us to throw aside work for a day because it is beautiful out and we would rather be hiking.  If this is a recurring impulse, then maybe you are in the wrong line of work.  Perhaps working in the outdoors would be better for you.  But many times, that impulse is sequestered, pushed down below the surface where it festers and causes disappointment or depression. 

Whatever we do in life, the highest calling we can all achieve is to challenge the mold, to challenge what is expected of us and disregard the criticism we may receive for doing so.  There will be many who I am sure will balk at what I am saying.  That's all right, for all those who choose to stay in their mold, I hope it works out all right for you.  As for me, I go with the winds of change.  I choose to follow my impulses and strive to figure out what is right for me, not what society deems is right for me.  I only hope that more people can see who they are and figure it out.  I may never figure myself out, but I am OK with that, as long as I have made the attempt.  If I ever stop trying to challenge the mold, I hope someone will slap me and wake me up to life again.  There is so much more to us than meets the eye, so much more than we could ever hope to understand, but unless we try to understand, we can never move past our place in life and achieve something more.  Wherever you find yourself in life, I hope that you take some time today to do something impulsive (constructively impulsive), something to break yourself out of your own mold, whatever that may be.  Cast aside society today and live a little freer.  Breathe some fresh air and be yourself, not what others want you to be.

Learning to Listen

Who reading this has been in a conversation with someone who has liked to hear themselves talk more than anyone else?  I know I have and I am sure that most people have run into this situation more than once.   It can be frustrating at times, especially when a conversation is supposed to go both ways, not just one.  At times you may think that if you just listen long enough that they will stop talking, or get their point across, or maybe their tongue will get tired.  Often times however, you wait and wait and wait; and they keep on talking with only a word or two injected into the conversation by yourself.  As annoying as this can be, maybe as the listener in the conversation we should just listen.  After all, we all have two ears and one tongue meaning we should all listen more than we talk.   It is not up to us in the conversation to change how that person is or how they interact with people.  All we have control over is how we react to them.  Maybe they really have something they need to get off their chest and just need someone to listen to them.  Granted, this seems to rarely be the case, but how are we supposed to know.  We do not yet have the ability to telepathically understand what they are going through.  As much we would like to interrupt them, say our piece and move on with our lives, we could gain insight into them and their lives just by putting aside our desire to talk by openly listening. 

When I say we should listen more, I do not mean we should just sit their and let the words flow through our brain with our minds drifting elsewhere knowing that they will never figure out we are not listening.  Part of listening should be our active involvement in seeking to understand them fully, to fully absorb what they are saying and attempt to empathize with them.  This is not always the easiest thing to do.  We all get absorbed in ourselves, desiring only to get our piece injected into the conversation and come out satisfied that we have participated.  To truly empathize with someone, regardless of the content of the conversation, we need to actively put aside our self interest and move past our ego to a place where we can truly be free to listen.  We need to cast aside the notion that society impresses upon us that we are more important than anyone else.  No one is more important than anyone else.  If we consistently buy into society's notion, then we will always stand alone.  We will never truly become part of a broader community, a part of humanity if you will that demands us to become one with others.  To me, one of the ways we can improve ourselves and in kind improve others is to listen. 

If we don't listen and instead pursue our self interest, we may in the short term pull ahead, but down the road we will have pushed others away and end up miserable and lonely.  I believe that we all struggle with this on a certain level.  We all have a part of us that drives us to be that person that talks more than listens, to listen to ourselves rather than listen to others.  I myself struggle with this and don't always succeed in truly listening to others.  I may not interrupt them to get my point across, but I do space out and do not actively listen.  It takes patience and practice to become a true listener, especially in a negative society where we are told we need to succeed at all costs and be concerned only with ourselves.  If we could all just listen a little bit more, we could learn so much and expand our bank of life experiences based upon others and what they have to offer to us.  A part of the problem is the fact that as technology progresses, we are becoming more and more isolated from each other.  Whenever we are out in public it seems that more and more people are focused only on where they are going and actively seek to disregard everything and everyone around them.  It takes effort to interact with others face to face, to listen to someone else's story, to attempt to place ourselves in their shoes and see the world from their eyes.  If we could all learn to do this even once a week, we could have a great impact on those around us, lift up those that need a hand, and offer simply an open ear for someone to talk to.  Today, let us all actively attempt to listen more than we talk and when we do talk, let us not talk about ourselves, but push others to tell us more about themselves. 

Cell Phones as New Body Part

So this fall I joined a kickball league in New Haven, that wonderful childhood sport that we all loved to play, mostly baseball with a soccer twist.  I had never heard of the league till one of my friends who plays on  my dart team told me about it and invited me to join his team.   Much to my surprise, it is not just a local league, but rather a nation wide phenomenon with a national championship in Las Vegas.   The biggest difference from the childhood sport we loved so much is the addition of beer, not officially condoned while playing, but a staple if you look around the field and see all the plastic red cups being held by the players.   You must be 21 to play as the sport is sponsored by a local pub.  Afterwards, all the teams gather at this pub and play flipcup (a drinking game for those not in the know.)  Personally, I am past the days of playing flipcup, but I love the kickball.  Regardless, I am not going to talk about kickball for this entire post, I just wanted describe the revised sport a little for those that are not familiar with it.  The reason I mention kickball as I segue into cell phones is because of a certain phenomenon that I witnessed at the field.  What I saw was a new body part attached to a number of the players; cell phones.  Keep in mind, it wasn't the whole team that had this new attachment, but rather 3 or 4 players, enough to catch my attention and innately bother me.  

From the moment I got to the field, these players seemingly had their cell phones glued to their hands, constantly looking down at the screen regardless of what was going on around them.  There were a few moments where they were somehow able to detach the cell phones from their hands, play the game, and cheer on their team, but in general, those moments didn't happen that often.  They weren't talking on the phones, or texting for that matter.  What they were doing was constantly checking the scores of football games that were going on.  After all, we do play the games on Sunday's in the fall, and it is football season, so what could I have been thinking?   From casually looking at these players, you would think they were agents with a player in a major game; but no, they were just fanatics with no real interest in personal interaction.  It seemed to me that their life would not be complete without constantly checking the scores of the games, what had just happened, who had scored, or who had gotten injured.  Maybe they had money on the game, who knows?  I for one didn't care enough to ask.   And as much as I have talked about people being glued to their cell phones throughout the day, I hadn't figured it would spread as far as ignoring friends during a kickball game.  

I had always known there was an enormous fascination with football by a large number of men in this country, but how far does it go?  Will there come a day when we can get brain implants that are specifically tuned to football games to alert us that something happened?  What then, will we be able to blink our eye in a specific pattern to bring up a display in front of us with a spread sheet of stats and mini videos of the action?  How I hope that never happens, but with the way technology is going these days, I am not so sure that it won't be here soon.  To me it is just one more step towards full integration of humans with technology.  A full symbiotic combination that defies everything we thought we knew in the past.  I guess I just don't get it.  I have never said, nor will I say here, that technology is a bad thing, it is all in how we utilize technology.  There is a line that seems to be crossed more and more these days where we people are using technology too much, making it too much a part of their lives, closing out others around them from meaningful interactions.  My biggest fear is that there will come a time when no one is able to communicate without texting or utilizing some technology that assists them in communicating.  (In fact, a friend of mine was telling me that during a photo shoot where a he had a couple young kids standing across from each other at a table helping him, they were texting each other instead of talking).  It comes down to the fact that many people have simply forgotten how to talk to one another.  But enough about cell phones and their attachment to the human body, I am going to get off this computer now, eat some breakfast, and actually talk face to face with my wife.  What a novel concept.   

Our Child and the Internet

If you scroll through Facebook these days or any online social site for that matter, it seems that half of the posts on there are about people's children, their achievements, or pictures of their children.  To me, I see proud parents who want to share with the world their child's life, their little achievements as they grow up, their Halloween costumes, even the messes they make that are sometimes too cute to get upset at.   As a self proclaimed realist, I also see the darker side of things and the negative impact that portraying a child's life on the Internet could have.  In this digital age, when half of the world is online for half of their waking hours, anyone can share a family's experience just by going online and watching videos or viewing pics of a family in action.  What used to be reserved for viewing by family and close friends is now available to anyone with an Internet connection and an interest in other people's lives.  The bottom line is, we will never know everyone who views these pictures and videos, probably more than half will have absolutely no impact on a family's life whatsoever, yet they are able to share in the growth of a family.  Does that not bother people?  To have complete strangers view pictures and videos of their children, regardless of the content, seems a little too open to me.  We can't know the intent that others have when they surf the Internet and we have no control over our content once it is out there. 

It may seem like I am a little neurotic when it comes to life on the Internet, but maybe I am just a little old fashioned.  Don't get me wrong, Facebook is a wonderful tool for connecting with lost friends, relatives, and classmates.  However, despite the benefits of Facebook, I feel that on some levels it has usurped our ability to personally interact with others on a meaningful level.   Enter children.  Before young children even know what the Internet is, their parents are essentially creating an online life for them.   They have no control over this life, no opportunity to manage the content that is being shared online, and ultimately when they grow up, they find this life waiting for them whether they like it or not.  I find that it is a little presumptuous to create this life, to portray only what we think is important in our child's life.  Granted, a version of this has been done for decades with home videos and picture albums, but the Internet has taken it beyond the personal level and made it universal with the ability for others to comment on the pictures and videos.  This last step is where I have the problem.  What ever happened to the sanctity of the family.  It seems like a definition of a family must now include all those who we are friends with online.  To me, this in part robs a family of their personal time together and their intimate connections they forge with their children.  By utilizing the Internet so frequently, it also robs the children of time that could be spent with their parents. 

So how does all this differ from what I am doing here?  Before my child is even born, I have already been talking about her or him.   I have already portrayed my emotions and feelings about being a father and let the world have access to them.   But to me, I am not creating an online life for my child.  When my child is born, I will talk about what my child means to me and how her or his achievements affect me and the pride that I have in them.  What I will not do is let the world have access to her or his name or any pictures of him or her.  My child's name will only be shared with family and friends offline and only if I have regular contact with them.  Additionally, there will no pictures for people to see unless they personally know me and then they can see those pictures at my house.  Call me cynical, call me antiquated, call me what you will, but I will not create a life of pictures and videos for my child online.  When my child is old enough, he or she can go online and create their own online life for themselves, but it will not be at my hand.  People may say, but what is the difference between writing about your child's life versus portraying that life in pictures and video.  To me the difference is that you may have an understanding of what my child does, but unless you know me personally, you would never be able to pick my child out in a crowd.  But enough about all this, my child will arrive shortly (only weeks away, or tomorrow, we never know), and that child will have all of my and my wife's love (and none from online strangers). 

GPS and Big Brother

So after yesterday's personal post, I am going to completely switch topics here and delve into the world of surveillance, GPS, and government intrusion.  (On a different note, I would like the readers of this blog to give me their opinion on what they prefer to read about, more about my experiences about becoming a father or the daily issues that affect us all.  Please comment or send me a message on facebook.)   Moving on, I read an article (surprise!) in the NYTimes about an upcoming Supreme Court case that is going to deal with GPS and the legality of its usage in surveillance by the police or government for that matter.   It seems that it is being favored more and more in its usage to track criminals and police would prefer to use it without a warrant.  Moreover, a request by the government last month for the location data from cellphone towers was luckily turned down by a appellate court in New York.  With many people now carrying GPS devices with them wherever they go in the form of cell phones, this is a very important issue that is being dealt with by the courts.  At the lower courts, feelings are divided with some favoring a ban on the use of GPS tracking while others are permitting it.  We have reached the era that George Orwell described in his book "1984", a society that is forever under the watchful eye of government and big brother.   Many in the courts are even alluding to the connection between our modern society and that depicted in the book.  (To read the full article, follow this link.)

Despite the fact that GPS can be used by the government to track individuals' whereabouts, I have other problems with the device.  While I will not deny that GPS can be extremely useful when traveling to regions that we are unfamiliar with, I wholeheartedly believe that it partly takes away our ability to utilize our brain, think for ourselves, and expand our knowledge of different regions.  Even when we are in unfamiliar areas, what ever happened to using a map and our own brain to get us to certain areas.  (I know, maps are archaic, old, outdated, useless, blah, blah, blah.)   I will not deny it, there was a time when GPS first became available that I was a big fan of it, but since then, I have rarely used it to direct me to my location.  The extent that I use GPS for now is to find a location and then figure out a route myself to get there.  I know I may be one of the last few to use my brain to figure out how to get somewhere, but I do not want my brain to atrophy, but rather expand with knowledge. 

But more important than simply letting a GPS device do our thinking for us, is the massive use of GPS to notify everyone of our location wherever we go.  Do we not think that this information is utilized by companies?  I guarantee that every time we post our location or allow our phone to use our location, that information is stored and to some extent utilized to either improve the function of apps, the location of stores, or simply which ads to send to our phones.   It is a very fine line between utilization for marketing and sales and utilization for tracking and following.  The information is gathered and as we know in this digital age, none of that information is being deleted.   Rather, that information is being stored on enormous servers somewhere where all it would take would be some really smart hacker to get in, get the information, and sell it to the highest bidder.  What if that highest bidder was the government?  At this point, the government and police must still put in a request to use that information, but when will that change.  I can only hope that the Supreme Court will uphold our fourth amendment right to protection from unreasonable searches and seizures.  It may need some tweaking to keep up with the digital age, but if that's what it takes to protect our rights, then lets get on with it.  The last thing we need now is more government intrusion into our daily lives. 

GPS can be a very useful tool, provided it is used correctly and by the right people for the right reasons.  Any use by government or police for tracking purposes without a warrant should not be allowed for any reason whether for information gathering or other use.  With updated technology coming out every few months now, we are getting to the point where every step we take whether we like it or not can be stored or viewed in real time and the details we can gather from that information are getting greater and greater.  While this technology is fun, easy to use, and extremely useful, we must exercise caution.  Government is continually growing and we must keep them in check especially when it comes to our personal lives.  Till tomorrow, try turning off your GPS, pulling out that old paper map, and using your brain to get somewhere.  Or not, its up to you, just keep in mind that Big Brother is watching.

Becoming a Father

For any of you who care or are affiliated with a specific political party, another Republican debate was on last night.  Personally, as an independent, it makes no difference to me at this point because I have no say in choosing who will be running for president.  Therefore, I will not talk about that, but rather, about becoming a father as I am only a few weeks away from that exciting event.  I have gone through such a wide array of emotions from the start that it seems every week brings something new to mentally deal with.  When I first found out my wife was pregnant, I went through a short period of shock, disbelief if you will, and questioned the validity of the pregnancy test.  After all, we were planning to wait a little bit longer before attempting to have a child.  But, the shock was short lived and it was soon followed by uncertainty and a slight sense of fear.  The fear came mostly out of the money side of the whole thing.  How would we be able to afford a new addition to our family?  We already had two dogs and a cat, but a child would cost a lot more.  And I guess the uncertainty came from questioning myself as to if I was really ready (as if I had a choice.)   Thinking about it though, none of these fears or concerns really mattered and if I made them matter, then I would be doing a disservice to my future child and wife by not trusting in our ability to raise our child.  

Then life coasted along again, my wife wasn't showing much, there was no movement by the child at that early stage, and despite the extreme exhaustion my wife felt, life had pretty much returned to normal.  It wasn't until I first heard the baby's heart beat that I got really excited.  Having no tangible way of seeing the growth of the child or feeling it inside me, this was the closest I could come at that point to hearing my child.  For those of you who have never been through the process, words can only go so far in explaining the feeling that one goes through when you first hear the heartbeat.   And since then, I have been excited to meet our child, to hold that child in my arms and welcome him or her into this world.  It is amazing to see the baby kick, to see it move around inside my wife, a life (a little alien if you will) that is constantly changing, developing, and most of all growing.   And as the time closes in now, the excitement has not abated, but rather it has increased.  With that excitement, however, has come moments of realization about how my life is about to change.  Simply the fact that I am going to be responsible for another human being, its growth and education, is a challenging notion for me.  As much as I say I am ready, there is still a part of me that is scared; scared that I will do things improperly, act the wrong way, not do enough, do to little.  I know that I shouldn't dwell on these things, but they creep in when you least expect it and challenge your notions of fatherhood that you think you have ironed out so well. 

The other realization, not as momentous of one, but a realization nonetheless is the fact that my daily life will change drastically.  I know it will be for the better, but coming to terms with the fact that every aspect of my life as I know it will be tweaked, is partly a sobering moment.  We all work so hard to get into a rhythm in life, a process in which we know the end result (or think we do), and move through each day on a certain path.  To have it all flipped and tweaked can be challenging to deal with and I don't think any amount of preparing can truly get you ready for it.  As much as I say that change is good, it can be frightening at times, the unknown thrusting itself on your doorstep and demanding that you confront it can be off putting.  The only benefit I have is the nine months of pregnancy to prepare for it.  Have I prepared?  I don't know.  I would like to think that I have mentally prepared myself, but doubts still creep in.  I think the best thing I can do, or for that matter anyone can do, is to forge ahead and confront the change with open arms.  I think that regardless of how much I prepare, how many times I go through things in my head, that I will still not account for everything.  In part, I am glad that I can't prepare for everything because life for all of us is constantly changing, this just happens to be a much larger change than most. 

Regardless of the doubts and fears that I still have, the excitement at this point drowns out everything else.  There is nothing like waiting for your child that you helped create to enter this world.  Perhaps the most exciting part is to find out if it is a boy or a girl.  I have no expectations about it, I just want a healthy baby, and if its constant movement is any indication, it will be.  I have not freaked out about bringing a child into this world as some people do, and perhaps some people would say that I am too laid back about it, but what is getting all worked up about it going to accomplish?  Nothing in my mind.  Our baby will enter this world, we will bring it home, and we will raise it, simple as that.  All the little stuff that is thrust upon us along the way is just life's minor obstacles that we must deal with, nothing more.  If we provide our child with a safe, warm, loving environment, then that is really all it needs.  Nothing is perfect in this world and to try and create a perfect world for a child to enter into is man's folly.   Only a few weeks to go and not everything in our house is perfect, nor will it ever be, but it will be safe and warm.  Am I excited, absolutely.  My daily thoughts are almost entirely consumed with my child, what it will look like, and the anticipation of holding it in my arms.  Nothing else really matters, not my realizations or my doubts, or my feeble attempts at preparation.  The only thing that matters now is that I love my child. 

The Road After 9/11

Yesterday commemorated the 10th anniversary of the terrorist attacks against the United States.   My heart goes out to all those who lost someone in the attacks whether it be friend or relative.  My heart also goes out to all those who stepped up and made it their mission to help in the aftermath, some dying in the process.  Lastly, my heart goes out to all those innocent people in foreign lands who died as a result of our ensuing acts of retribution.  What have we really learned since 9/11?  We have learned that terrorism's hand can touch anyone, regardless of where they live.  We have learned that the American spirit is still vibrant in the aftermath of a tragedy.  We have learned that security can only go so far in preventing disaster.  We have learned that our needless wars have in effect done nothing but cause more death and perpetuate a cycle of violence.  We have learned that love has taken a backseat to vengeance, violence, and retribution. 

Our country has changed since the terrorist attacks on our country.  The feeling of security, for many people, has greatly diminished, replaced with fear and trepidation of anyone who looks suspicious.  What we once held so dear to our hearts, that American spirit of unity and solidarity, has vanished once again, too quickly if you ask me.  So what then, does remembering 9/11 mean if we do not use it to improve ourselves?  I feel that it is incredibly important to remember those who died as result of the attack and as a result of assisting after the attacks.  I also feel that it is important to look at what 9/11 caused and use it as a means to change our view of things and the way we act.  9/11 should be a day on which we look deep within ourselves and question what has happened since the attacks and if it indeed was the correct road to travel down.  Since the attacks, we have not eradicated terrorism from the face of this earth, nor do I believe we ever will if we continually act violently.  If anything, violence has increased since the terrorism attacks since 9/11.  If violence and retribution was supposed to cure us of terrorism and violence, then we have failed.  Once again, violence has proven that its only end result is more violence.  If you look at any act of violence throughout history, you will see that it accomplished nothing but causing more pain and more violence.  The only way to truly move past 9/11 and show that it was a true catalyst for change is to forgive and act in love. 

If you look at two major figures from the 1900's who changed more through their views of non-violence and love than any act of violence has ever been able to do, you would see a means to improve our society and way of life.  These two individuals were Martin Luther King Jr. and Mahatma Gandhi.  Does non-violence carry a price?  Yes, as these two men were killed for their beliefs.  Yet despite their deaths, more change occurred because of their beliefs and non-violent actions than any war or act of vengeance has ever been able to do.  What have we done in Afghanistan?  Uprooted a country, killed some "villains" along with many innocent people, and very soon, we will leave that country no less violent than we we entered it.  What have we done in Iraq?  (Which had nothing to do with 9/11).  We got rid of a tyrant and through our violent actions, have left a country fractured and continually violent.  Perhaps the most troubling of all is that we were supposed to be at war against terror.  Terrorism still abounds, Al Qaeda has moved to different countries, and if you look at the basics of what terror is, can we really fight it?  Terror is an overwhelming feeling of fear or anxiety.  Is that not what we caused in the countries we invaded?  Is terror not what we instilled into the hearts of those who have to deal with our drone attacks?  Violence has once again been proven to be ineffective at inciting any meaningful change. 

What will the next 10 years bring as we look to the future?  Will we teach our children that violence, vengeance, and retribution are the only way to act?  Or will we change our psyche and finally realize that the only path to true unity is through loving actions, forgiveness, and peace?  Our culture has gotten to the point where I am doubtful that the second option will ever come to fruition.  Our culture is based on making others pay, regardless of what they did.   We have a tendency to forget or to overlook the reasons for others actions.   We only look at what they do in the present and act upon that.  Maybe instead of instant action, we could all do well, even in our personal lives to take a step back and assess the whole situation before reacting.  The only way to progress society and for that matter democracy and our ideals is to do so out of love, without violence, without need of repayment, without a sense of importance.  The only thing that is truly important is that we love our neighbors, and our enemies.  Without doing that, we our condemning ourselves to an endless cycle of violence that will never end.  Human history has been filled with violence and it will continue that way unless we change ourselves and show others that love can do more than hate ever can.  Today, although it is not the anniversary of 9/11 anymore, lets forever keep in mind what happened and use it to change ourselves and hopefully society and the American psyche.

A Post for the Coffee Drinkers

Who reading this has woken up only to find that their coffee maker has ceased to function properly?  The light still goes on, but no water drips through?  Or maybe it just doesn't turn on at all.  Well, this morning is one of those mornings for me.  As I write this, I can hear my coffee maker in the background trying to pump the water to no avail.   It clicks every few seconds in an attempt to work, but nothing happens.  Luckily, I have a dual coffee/espresso maker which has two separate sides (the espresso side always seems to work), so I am not as bad off as some people might be in this situation.  Also, if I really wanted to, I have saved a simply drip coffee maker and store it in a very convenient location just in case a situation like this arises.  I think today, however, I might just stick with my espresso, or maybe I will make myself a cappuccino.  Regardless, this is not the first time that my "not so cheap" coffee/espresso maker has had this problem.  The first time it was under warranty it got fixed for free.  The second time, it was after warranty, but since it was the exact same problem, the company was nice enough to take care of it again.  This time, I can only hope that they will be as nice as they were last time and see that for some reason, this coffee maker is screwed up and no matter what they do to fix it, the fix doesn't seem to last.  For now I will hold off on mentioning the name of the manufacturer to see if they will cover the cost of repairs again, if not, trust me, I will advocate against ever buying from this company again.

So you may be wondering, why am I complaining?  Didn't I wake up this morning, alive and breathing with a roof over my head and lights that function properly?  Yes, I did, and to be honest with you, this is just one of those times, tired and coffee deprived, where my frustration has gotten the better of me and I have chosen this avenue to vent my frustration.  Trust me, after I am finished venting, my day will be good and I probably won't complain anymore.  But until I get a sufficient amount of coffee flowing through my system and some breakfast in my ravenous stomach, I will be a little ornery.  Now, I understand that not every machine can work perfectly and that sometimes there are flaws that can be fixed, but when a machine stops working three times and it just happens to be the same exact problem, I start having problems.   Even if the company covers the cost of repairs, it will still mean I have to drive twenty minutes out of my way to drop off the coffee maker, wait a few days for it to be fixed, and then go drive another twenty minutes one way to pick it up.  Granted, 20 minutes is not that far, but that's one way and 40 minutes to get a coffee maker fixed and then 40 minutes to pick it up adds up.  On top of that, I find it kind of ironic that the coffee maker I keep on reserve in the basement is over 8 years old, cost $20.00 and still functions properly (except for not making as much coffee as there is water in the tank).  I thought that normally when you spent money on what is supposed to be a high quality machine that it would last for many many years.  Well, a little clue in on how long this one lasted before starting to have problems 1 year.  The first time it had an issue was within a year of purchasing it. 

In any case, my venting has reached it limit, partly because I took a break halfway through writing this to make myself a couple of espressos.  My venting may be over, but my frustration is still simmering for now, mostly because I value my coffee in the morning and as much as I love espresso, its a little more complicated to make than regular coffee, not that much, but in the morning at 430 when all I want to do is simply start my coffee, I don't want complications.  Complications are supposed to arrive later in the day when I am better prepared to handle them.  I know, with a baby on the way, I better get used to complications arising at any hour of the day.  But for now, my issue is with my coffee maker, that machine offering perpetual wakefulness at the touch of the button (provided it works properly).  And no, I don't want a Keurig single serve coffee maker.  I enjoy my fresh ground coffee every morning, the smell that wafts through the air, and that hot fresh black liquid that jump starts my day.  For now, if you are a coffee drinker, have a cup for me in sympathy for my malfunctioning machine and if not, just go about your merry way laughing at me because I depend on coffee to start my morning.  Hopefully this issue will get resolved quickly and I will be back to my normal routine with my normal coffee maker and my normal schedule of waking up. 

Drinking Too Much

I am sure that a lot of people reading this have at some point in their life had too much alcohol in one night.  I know I have and still, at least once a year, push the limits of how much I can drink and end up with a hangover the next day.  So why am I writing about this when so many of us have experienced it?   Mainly because I had a business meeting at a bar last night and got to witness what turned out to be a quite hilarious event.  When we arrived, there were only a few people in the bar as it was still quite early, even for a Wednesday.  At the bar were two couples and it just so happened that one of the girls turned out to be a lush.  (Can I definitely confirm this, no, but I will run with it.)  As the night progressed, at least the 2 hours that I was there, she went from being this quiet girl at the bar, to this loud, overly friendly, boisterous, unbalanced drunk.  When a friend she knew walked in, the entire bar could hear her welcome him with a scream.  By the time she left, she needed help making it to the door so she wouldn't fall, and ended up forgetting things at the bar which her friend grabbed for her.  Maybe this incident struck a cord with me as I actually dated a lush once or maybe its just been such a long time since I have seen an incident like this occur.  Regardless, it brought to mind the many drunken nights I had myself when I was younger and got me thinking about why some people feel it is such a necessity to get to a drunken point when out at a bar and on a weekday no less.

Now let me preface the rest of this by saying that I myself have been drunk on a weekday at a bar although I didn't need help to make it out the door.  Why did this one girl drink too much?  Obviously there could be many reasons for it from low self esteem to lack of personal control to peer pressure to drink as much as possible etc.  I am actually going to run with low self-esteem looking at it from an outside perspective.  (Now I could be totally wrong, so bear with me.)  Out of the two girls at the bar, her friend definitely looked better than she did, thinner, better looking, and better dressed.  Maybe it was she subconsciously saw this and in an effort to make herself feel better about herself she kept on drinking till she reached that "happy" point, which for her was a little too much.  It wasn't like she was trying to keep up with her friend because her friend maintained control of her own drinking and had no trouble walking or talking for that matter when they left.  I don't know the exact reason so I will end my speculation.  Regardless of why she drank too much, she did, and when you look at it from an outside perspective it is much easier to criticize than if you are in that position yourself.  For me, it reinforces my own desire to maintain a certain amount of control with my drinking.  I have learned how much I can have, how much I should have, and usually stop at that point, especially if I am driving.  (It wasn't always the case).

Looking at myself when I was younger, I would have to say that the many nights I drank too much started off as peer pressure (not explicit in your face peer pressure, but the more subtle desire to keep up with your friends type of pressure).  Eventually it grew to the point where I was drinking every night just to drink every night regardless of who I was with.  I actually had my week planned so every night I would be at a different bar usually with something fun going on or a good crowd.  Luckily I was able to reign my drinking habit in and keep a certain amount of control over it.  Unfortunately there are many who can't.  Whatever the cause is behind drinking too much, unless there is a damn good reason to stop, many people can't see a reason to.  Don't get me wrong, I am not against drinking.  I had two beers last night when I was out, but that was it.  I think that a big part of the problem comes with self control.  When we are younger, our tolerance is higher and we feel invincible so we pay no heed to the amount we drink necessarily.  (There are many who never touch alcohol, but I am speaking about those that do).  We do not feel the need to control anything, but rather let things take their course and see where things lead.   When we get older, we can't handle the alcohol as well and for the majority of us drinkers, we learn how to control things so that our alcohol intake is limited and we don't completely self destruct. 

I feel that as much as alcohol can be addictive, I feel that if a person does not have self control, then alcohol will take over and become an addiction.  People can say that it is due to brain chemistry, genetics, whatever; but in the end it all comes down to how you can control yourself.  Every person, I believe, has it in them to control their own actions.  To submit consistently to a desire to drink or for that matter perpetuate any addiction, is to give in to that substance and in essence say that you have no self control.  It comes down to how we look at life, how we deal with situations, and how we react to them.  Do some people need help to obtain that control over their own lives?  Yes, but it is up to them to realize that and seek that help.  No matter how many times you tell someone that they need help, unless they realize it for themselves, your words will have no effect.  There must be a balance in everything and there are many who can't see that.  Today, look at your own actions.  Are there any that are addictive in nature that are usurping your control over yourself?  Or are you balanced and sustainable?  Wherever you are in life, there is always room for improvement, to increase balance, and increase self control.  This doesn't mean that we can't have the night every once in a while where we go nuts and drink too much, we just must keep in mind that our bodies require balance and maybe we should back off a little after that crazy night till we regain our control. 

Super Extended Family

I am sure that most of us know who our brothers and sisters are if we have them, probably even step brothers and step sisters if our parents remarried.  While we may know who our brothers and sisters are for the most part we could probably count all of them on two hands and for the rare exception three hands.  There is however a growing group of individuals for whom knowing their brother and sister is a daunting task, some having over a hundred half brothers and half sisters.  This is the group that was conceived with the use of a sperm donor.  Some sperm donors have been used so many times that the amount of siblings come close to 150.  It may be more, but there is no sure fire way of tracking this yet.  The only way these numbers have been figured out is through a voluntary registry online where you can track the amount of siblings you have based on your sperm donor number.  Along with simply creating an enormous extended family, there are serious issues raised with the continued use of certain sperm donors, regardless of how desirable they may be.  Some of these issues are the increased risk of incest due to no knowledge of who exactly comprises your extended family, the possible spread of rare genetic diseases, or simply the fact that these siblings have so many siblings period.   (For more information and the original article that this is drawn from, please follow this link.)

The first issue, that of incest and crossing genes so to speak, is a very real problem due to the fact that many siblings from a certain sperm donor can be found within a single geographic area.   While the incest may be accidental if it happens, it still raises ethical questions about how a single sperm donor can be used so many times.  Some children walk around with their sperm donor number in school just to ensure that they don't get a crush on the wrong boy or girl.  What have we come to when it is not simply enough to know who your father is, but to also need to know your sperm donor number, the one that created you, in order to keep from having sex with the wrong person.  To me, when a real "father" has been reduced to a number, it has the potential of creating some deep psychological issues down the road.  When a child grows up with their mom and dad and is eventually told that their dad is not their "real" dad per se, then how does that affect their childhood and eventually their adulthood?  Granted, adopted children go through the extreme when they grow up with a mom and dad who love them but are not their biological parents, but that is a different scenario.  When you can't even figure out who your biological father is because he has been reduced to a number, what kind of picture does that paint of the world we live in?  How confusing is it for a child to have a biological mother, a loving father who has been around their whole life yet doesn't really look like them, and a biological father who all they have is a number.  It sort of takes the humanity out of having children if you ask me. 

This issue of increasing numbers of donor siblings is mainly occurring because there is no regulation in the fertility industry.  There are no standards that are followed and yet the fertility industry is raking in the money.  Its not only the parents of donor children that are getting worried about this, but also the sperm donors themselves.  Many did want to "father" so many children.  In fact some were told that while doctors did not know how many children the donors may "father", a safe bet would be no more than ten.  Yet now there are a number of groups that are over fifty in size.  The whole fertility industry, while originally there to help families have children, now seems to be there to also make as much money as possible.   At the same time, I find that the fertility industry has also been consistently pushing ethical boundaries with little or no regard for their impact.  A while ago, I talked about pregnancy reductions, another facet of the fertility industry, and now it seems we have super extended families that are popping up with no end in sight.  I for one, am of the notion that if a couple can not get pregnant, then they were not meant to have children.  As crass and unsympathetic as this may sound, maybe it is natures way of informing us of who can have children and who can't, not because of the notion that some may be good parents while others may not, but simply because some people were not meant to have children.  If we keep on pushing the boundaries of what is possible in creating life, then eventually we will create a society that will be void of ethical or moral standards and consequently have no basis for which to move forward.  

I know I have strong opinions about this whole fertility area, but I feel that it is important for it to be discussed.  Simply the fact, going back to sperm donors, that a child may never know who his entire family is, especially his/her biological father, will create issues later on that the child may have trouble dealing with.  What happens when a child, who knows that they can never know their biological father visits a traditional family and is asked who their father is.  What does child say?  "Oh, his number is XXXXX, yet I really don't know him."  Seems to me like there will always be something missing from that child's life, regardless of whether they have a non-biological father who loves them and raises them from birth.  Sometimes technology is a good thing.  Other times, I feel like it leads us in the wrong direction and actually regresses society to a point.  If we keep on pushing the envelope with fertility, we will eventually be able to create children who do not need parents, simply a warm incubator to grow them and then hand them off to a family with a mother who doesn't want to deal with pregnancy.  In any case, something needs to happen to curb expansion in the realm of fertility.  Whether it be legislation or some other means of regulation, we need to do something.  But for now, I say if you can't have children naturally, don't have children.