Figuring Out the World

A child between the ages of 18 months and about 3-4 years old does some of his/her most important learning during that time period.  That learning involves figuring out exactly what they are capable of, how they interact with the world, and what their bodies potential truly is.  Its not learning that can come from books or school and much of it can't even be taught.  While children at this age definitely need some help from time to time in terms of how their bodies function, the only way we can truly teach them is by showing them.  This isn't to say that parents aren't necessary, for they truly are, but in my mind, a parents role during this time is more about keeping them safe, setting guidelines and rules, comforting them, and being that steady rock around which they run to and fro.  When it comes to figuring out the world around them, little kids are best left to their own devices to figure things out.  This period obviously doesn't include letting young children play with fire, knives, or anything with which they can cause themselves serious bodily harm, but almost everything else should be left on the table for them to experiment with and to play with.  How many parents these days seek to provide everything for their young children including a knowledge about how they should interact with the world around them?  I think that too many parents want to do everything for their young children to the point where it takes the experimentation out of their little lives.  Trust me, sometimes it is a struggle to sit by and watch my son playing with something without getting involved.  Yet, those times when he needs help or wants me around, he comes over and shows that he needs that help or attention.  I think that a mother's instinct to protect, while a very necessary instinct, comes into play a little more often than it should.  I even see the difference between my wife and I and how we let our son play.  Its not a big difference, but there is a noticeable difference between how quickly my wife will go to help our son before I will.  I tend to wait a little bit longer than she does (not much) just to see if he will be able to figure something out on his own.  One example of this that pops to mind occurred a few weeks ago in our backyard. 

 

We have a wagon for our son that he likes to get pulled around the yard in and at times likes to push and pull the wagon himself.   A few weeks ago, about the time he was starting to really figure out how to climb in and out of the wagon by himself, he was trying to get out and couldn't get one of his feet over the side.  In fact, it was wedged in a corner, just enough so he couldn't get it over the side, but not enough to the point where it was actually stuck.  He started complaining a little bit and my wife wanted to head right over and help him out.  I held her back a little and said we should give him a little more time to see if he would be able to figure it out on his own.  So we gave him a little more time, he wiggled in and out, but couldn't figure out to move a little farther down the side to be able to get his foot over the rim.  So we went over and I offered him my hand.  I didn't pick him up and place him on the ground, I merely gave him my hand for extra support so that he would be able to get his foot over by himself.  Now there is no stopping him when he wants to get in or out of the wagon by himself.  If we wants to go for a ride, he heads right over to the wagon and climbs in by himself.  I'd like to think that by offering him my hand instead of just lifting him out of the wagon that he was able to gain a little more confidence in his ability to climb in and out on his own.  Even when it comes to trying things within our house that both my wife or I know won't work, we let him figure it out on his own.  Occasionally he will try and put one of his books into his cardboard house through a window that is obviously too small.  I verbally tell him that it won't fit but that's the extent of what I will do to help him out.  Eventually, through trial and error and not being able to get the book through the hole, he figures out that it won't fit.  If I had just taken the book away as a sign that it wouldn't fit, what is that teaching him.  The same goes with almost everything he lays his hands on.  Unless it will cause him harm, I try not to interfere.  Even when he goes to climb the little retaining wall that surrounds part of our fire pit, I don't intervene.  As much as I am concerned about him falling and possibly bumping his head, I have to let him climb on his own and figure out his body. 

There is one instance that comes to mind when it comes to other parents and how they interact with their children.  I witnessed a young parent, (older than me however) with a young boy around 5-6 years old interact over a bicycle.  The young boy was riding around his driveway when the dad calls him over and tells him that they have to raise the seat on the bicycle just a little bit so that it will make it easier for the young boy to ride.  I saw the bike and while the seat could have been raised a little bit, I didn't think it was that big of a deal as he wasn't having any trouble on the bike with the seat where it was.  The young boy obviously felt the same way, asked why, and when the father persisted, he insisted that he didn't want the seat raised.  Regardless of what the boy wanted the father told him to bring the bike around back so that they could raise the seat.  The boy begrudgingly agreed and brought the bike to have the seat raised.  With the seat raised, the boy didn't like how the bike was and when asked if it was better, said no.   In a situation such as this, I would defer to the boy's judgement as he is the one riding the bike.  If he likes it the way it is, let him keep it that way.  Why is there a need to force our will upon a young child when they are figuring out the world?  In my mind a better option would have been to tell the boy that when he is ready to raise the seat, to go to the father and ask.  He knows his body and how the bike rides.  If he feels the seat is fine, then let it be.  It is such an inconsequential thing to make a big deal about.  Eventually the boy will figure out that if the seat is raised, it mike make it easier and when that time comes, he knows to ask to have the seat raised or the father can show him how to do it himself.  But that's me.  I know there are many different ways of parenting out there, but one surefire way to let kids figure out themselves and the world is to let them plunder along, keeping them away from danger, but otherwise letting them be.  Rules are necessary, but complete assistance and intervention are not.  I love that my son is curious about the world and not afraid to try things, figure things out, and only in great times of need comes for assistance.  I feel it will make him that much more confident later on knowing that all he has to do is try and he will be able to figure something out. 

Perpetual Miracles

As I was driving to look at a job yesterday, I got to thinking about the ultrasound we had last Friday.  I don't recall having an ultrasound that early for our son who is now 20 months old, but regardless, it is always amazing to see the origins of a child and what will some day a full grown adult.  Last Friday, at 2 months old, our child is about the size of a large marble, and by this week has doubled in size.  As I looked at that little sphere of DNA with a little beating heart already, there is part of me that can't fathom how it can grow into the child that I see running around everyday in our house.  It just doesn't seem possible to me, yet with every week that goes by in pregnancy, our child (yes I am calling it our child as that is what it is) grows exponentially, develops its features, and grows a brain capable of navigating it through this crazy world of ours.  Can you see hands or feet at 8 weeks old?  No, but you can see the brain distinctly developing and there is no doubt about it when you see that little speck of a heart beating away.  That's our child.  Just the fact that it will double in size every week over the next few weeks is amazing to me.  At 8 weeks old, the umbilical cord isn't even attached yet, there is simply an ethereal sphere surrounding it that provides everything it needs at this point.  Its almost like watching a fluttering pinball float around in a buoyant solution.  I don't understand all the science behind how it all works, and I don't need to.  All I need to know is that our child is in there and growing, and to me, its a miracle how it all works.  I think that even if I saw the same image every day of a tiny child like that growing, I would still be amazed.  Yet that is me.  I get amazed at the little things that aren't so easily explained.  Even just looking at our son from the time he was born till now, not even two years old yet, the differences are so drastic that at times I can't believe that he was that small or looked the way he did.  The exciting part is that I get to go through it again. 

 

How often do we fail to get amazed at the little pleasures in life, the little miracles that occur around us every day.  Also yesterday, as I was driving home from looking at that job, I was treated to another little miracle, that of the firefly.  I don't know how many adults still derive pleasure at seeing a host of fireflies drifting through an evening sky, but I am one of them.  It was right around dusk, that time of night where everything seems to turn to black except the sky which holds on to that little bit of deep blue that says "I'm not ready for night yet".  The sun is gone, the moon may be up, and everything has a hint of gray to it, when the fireflies begin to appear, those little golden orbs that blink on and off, and on and off.  No steady pattern, just randomly dotting your field of vision.  I was treated to a host of them last night, not a swarm by any means, but definitely more than I have seen in a long time.  They were everywhere I looked, in front, to the side, and they just kept on blinking away, ushering in the inevitable evening.  It was such a beautiful sight to behold I almost stopped in the middle of the road just so I could watch them without concentrating on driving.  But I didn't as there were cars coming up behind me.  Such is life, I enjoyed the view while I could and did my best not to swerve too much.  On the same note of being amazed, the road I drove down to get to the job I looked at was one I had never been on before.  Its up in Middlebury, just north of I-84 bordering Lake Quassapog (I think that's how its spelled).  It was one of the most bucolic roads I have been on rimmed with stone walls, elegant old houses set back from the road, uncut fields of tall grass, and all perched overlooking an amazing vista.  I looked off to the side and down below was the lake with a seemingly perpetual view of green hills beyond, one after another, after another.  I thought to myself, "I could live here in a tent and never leave."  Yet I would get kicked out by one of the home owners I am sure.  On top of that, even if I wanted to live there, I probably could never afford to.  Yet just driving down that small section of road made my heart rise a little bit, made me feel like I was in England perhaps, and that all was good with the world.  I guess there is just something about stone walls, fields of tall grass, and beautiful views that touches a soft spot within me.  Yet another little miracle, if only we take the time to look. 

In the Hot

I get asked all the time how I can possibly work in the heat and humidity, when the temperature is hovering around 90 but the humidity is making it feel closer to 100.  Before I go any further, let me clarify one thing, I never get asked this question by anyone who lives in Florida or anywhere further south than Connecticut.  Obviously, since I live here, most people who question my ability to work in this heat are from here as well.  The simple answer I always give is, "I just do it".  The moment that I start thinking about the heat and how hot it is or the sweat pouring off my body, that's the moment when my mind starts to defeat my body and tell it that it really can't work in the heat.  Yet, this little heat wave we are currently having is nothing.  Upper 80's to low 90's, I can handle it, even with the humidity, you just have to drink plenty of fluids and take plenty of breaks from the sun.  On days that are super hot and sticky, I always try to work in the shade, not just because it is obviously much cooler in the shade than in the sun, but also because the sun tends to make a person go a little bit loony after being in it for too long.  Most people who aren't familiar with working outside can't tell when they have been in the sun too long without a break or without fluids.  I know the signs from my body that say its time to head into the shade and drink another 20 ounces of water.  Water, as I am sure almost everyone knows, is the key to surviving a day of work out in the sun.  That and little bits of Gatorade interspersed in between to ensure that fluids get retained and electrolytes are replaced.  On a hot day I drink more than 200 ounces of water, and that is just to keep a healthy balance of fluids in my body, nothing extra.  I'm always amazed at how much I can drink on a hot day and still not have to use the bathroom very often.  Yesterday, the first of supposedly three hot days, I definitely drank more than 200 ounce of fluids and honestly only had to use the bathroom twice, once in the morning and once in the afternoon.  On hot days, I don't even want to eat very much, just enough to sustain my vigorous working.  I find if I eat too much, it takes to much of my body's energy to process it and it actually slows me down in the sun and makes me more sluggish.  To compensate, I eat what I didn't eat during the day in the evening. 

 

The one helpful hint that I would recommend to anyone working in the sun is that when you start sweating, don't wipe it off, let it evaporate naturally.  The more you wipe it off, the more you will begin to overheat.  Its simple science, but sweat acts to cool the body, the more you sweat, the more you need to cool down.  Plus, if you leave the sweat on your body, it will act as a nice little air conditioning unit when a breeze blows.  My only issue when I start sweating is preventing the sweat from dripping into the paint can.  I know, its kind of a disgusting issue to have, but its one that I deal with on any day that I start sweating profusely.  Today promises to be another one of those days, hotter than yesterday, and necessitating more water consumption on my part.  To be honest, I am already tired and haven't even begun working yet.  I guess I will just have to take more breaks to down the water and cool off as best as possible.  We shall see how all of that goes.  For now, I must get on the road and get crackin at work before it the heat starts slowing me down.  Luckily, I am usually good through the morning and its only after lunch that I really start feeling the effects of the heat.  Its normally all I can do to keep working past 3, but when there is work to be done, one must keep on working, or something to that effect.  Yup, time to go I guess.

Exciting News

No, the exciting news is not that I am turning 31 today.  At this point, each birthday that passes is just that, another birthday and another year closer to the end, so I prefer not to look at birthdays to seriously unless I look at it as the 10th anniversary of my 21st birthday which makes it seem a whole lot better.  Instead, the exciting news that I allude to in my title is that of my wife being pregnant with our second child, who at this point, is about the size of a large marble, albeit with a growing brain and a beating heart.  8 weeks old, our child is there and making its presence known already.  I will get to that in a little bit though.  My wife and I had actually been trying to have another child for a few months when, lo and behold, it turns out my little swimmers are in really good shape and one of them happened to beat out the rest and firmly plant itself in its new home.  I know, a little crude, but it works.  The timing worked out just the way my wife and I intended it to with our son being about 2.25 years old when our new child will enter the world.  We wanted to have our children closer together so that they would have companions growing up, not too close, but not too far apart either.  Leading up to it, my wife and I even debated having another as we love our son so much and have had such good luck with him so far.  Yes, there are those trying times, but he has been such an awesome baby and now toddler that we didn't want to go against the grain.  Another aspect that we debated came from our own history growing up.  My wife was an only child and as such, couldn't necessarily envision having a second child.  I, on the other hand, grew up with a younger brother and definitely wanted a second child.  In the end, it didn't come down to me forcing my wife to have another, but rather her seeing the benefit of having a second child and having someone that our son could grow up and play with outside of his own friends that he will eventually make.  We also wanted to have our children closer together for a couple of other reasons.  One of those reasons is that we didn't want to be getting older and still have children in our house, we actually want to enjoy our lives later on without the burden of younger children at home.  The other reason being that with my brother and I being 7 years apart, it took a long time for us to grow closer and we didn't want that to be the case with our children.  (My parents wanted to have my brother and I closer, nature just had different plans). 

 

So back to our 8 week old child making itself felt already.  This time around has been 10 times worse for my wife in terms of morning sickness and exhaustion.  While she has finally kicked the nausea for the most part, the exhaustion is really taking its toll, driving her to lay down almost from the point she gets home from work till the time she goes to bed around 8/830.  Every experience parent has said that it is due to the fact that we have a 20 month old running around and draining her energy even more than the first time around did.  I would have to agree with their assessment.  This time, however, its taking its toll on me as well.  So, I must apologize to everyone if I have been a little more on edge of late (although I have tried not to be), as I have been burning my candle from both ends and holding a match in the middle as well.   Not to detract from my wife who is currently eating for two, has our child growing inside of her, and dealing with all of that plus work and our child, but almost everything else has fallen on my shoulders.  From the moment I get up and take the dogs on a walk, write my blog, get our son up, make breakfast, get my wife and son out the door, get ready for work, go to work, work all day, come home, watch our son till he goes to bed, make dinner, do the dishes, get lunches ready for the next day, actually eat dinner, and work on projects after my wife goes to bed, I have nothing left when I go to bed around 10/1030.  Yet, I am taking in all in stride.  I would much rather be doing everything that I am than feeling like my wife is.  I applaud her for dealing with all of this as well as she has been.  I know I would probably be a cranky s.o.b. if I were in her shoes.  Yet I am sure that is why men don't get pregnant and women do, because they can deal with it and we would just be big babies about it.  Yet, this past weekend, that we just went through made me realize how much getting older sucks.  That is part of why I choose not to recognize birthdays as a big event in my life anymore, just another day that signifies I am getting older.  So it all started on Thursday with myself almost falling off a ladder.

 

The fact of that matter is, I didn't fall, yet it was the closest I came to falling in a very long time.  It was mostly my fault for not paying as close attention as I should have been on my gorilla ladder, which was a little off kilter.  I went to go step over the top to straddle it.  As I placed my foot on the other side, it slipped.  I managed to catch myself with my legs, leaving two bruises that are the least of what hurt.  It turns out that I jolted myself in such a way, either twisting my back or something, that I got progressively worse throughout the day on Friday and essentially slept all day Saturday because it hurt so much.  I had a splitting headache, my muscles were super tight up and down my back, and even today, I am not back to a 100% yet.  I can only imagine what it would be like if I wasn't in as good shape as I am.  The worst part was, or the part that I felt worst about, was that I couldn't even watch our son on Saturday.  We had to call in the reinforcements to help out around the house, my wife's mother, who we are both eternally grateful for.  With my wife feeling the effects of pregnancy and me being laid up, it would have been the worst day in the world had it not been for my mother in law.  Now I know what my wife must feel like not being able to help out around the house, because I felt absolutely horrible about it.  Luckily yesterday I was better and was able to do a lot more.  Today, I am grateful that I can go back to work (yes, even though its my birthday, I am self employed and still must work) and get some money.  But back to our exciting news.  I know its still a little early to start spreading the news, but we did just get an ultrasound on Friday and things are perfectly normal.  We will continue to assume the are perfectly normal unless something happens, which we are confident won't.  My wife actually knew after only 4 weeks that she was pregnant.  She just had a feeling that she was, but it was obviously way too early then to tell anyone.  Even the pregnancy test wasn't sure if she was pregnant or not, but she was.  I guess you can call it mother's intuition.  So there will obviously be more news in the future as her pregnancy progresses, yet none of it will be about the sex of the baby.  Once again, we will not find out until our child enters the real world whether it is a boy or girl.  We don't want to take one of the few surprises possible away from ourselves.  So for now, I celebrate my 10th anniversary of my 21st birthday and our new child growing inside of my wife. 

Day Dreaming

Day dreaming is one of my favorite past times, not just because I work mostly by myself during the day (OK, so that may be part of it), but because I enjoy letting my mind wander, create scenarios that could or could not happen, and play them out in my mind to the end.  The content of my day dreams varies depending on where I am, what I am doing, and what is currently going on in my life.  I used to go a little bonkers in my day dreams when I was younger, imagining worst case scenarios as I was driving or hiking.  There are still some that I remember quite vividly even a decade after I dreamed those dreams.  I would be driving on the highway, next to an 18 wheeler when my mind would start wandering.  In my dream, I imaginged what would happen if either I made a quick sharp turn of the wheel into the truck or the truck turned into my lane abruptly leaving me no where to go.  I would see the car and truck colliding, this horrific accident playing out in my mind, yet it never resulted in my death.  I could never see myself dying in one of those day dreams.  Come to think about it, I never really could see myself dying.  I have had day dreams about what it would be like if I did die, but I could never picture myself there.  I used to imagine the effect it had on other people, mostly my family, and what it would be like after I was gone.  I could always picture things more vividly before my death than afterwards and perhaps that was a good thing.  I don't mean to get all depressing on you this morning, those are just some of the day dreams I remember from my time as a teenager, those years when your brain is in a constant state of flux and you never know if you are coming or going.  In any case, I don't really have those depressing, horrific dreams anymore.  In all cases though, even back when I was younger, a general theme of my dreams would be imagining my life down the road, different outcomes depending on choices that I would make and how they might play out in real life.  Almost all of them played out in my favor.  How could they not as I was dreaming of my own life and naturally would provide the best possible outcome.  Reality, regardless of the course I actually went down in life was most times drastically different than my dreams would portray.  There are always two options when confronted with a difference between dreams and reality: get upset that it didn't pan out as imagined, or re-dream a new outcome and work towards that. 

 

I can see some people getting upset that reality didn't pan out the way they imagined it to.  I can also see those people getting paralyzed in the sense that they can't move forward, can't re-imagine their lives and what they could be like.  For me, day dreams keep me moving.  I get engrossed in them sometimes, even just simple ones of imagining how I will build a pavilion in Vermont.  (This is an actual day dream that has been occurring quite frequently as I will be starting to build that pavilion next weekend).  I always start off with the most complicated, coolest design possible.  I think about it, envision it in my mind, and dream about how I will actually execute it.  The pavilion in Vermont for example, originally started off perched really close to the side of the hill overlooking our stream.  It was quite large with a cantilevered deck extending out from underneath over the hill so you could get a really good view of the stream and feel like you were floating.  I knew how I would build it, the plans slowly coming together in my mind, the supports I would need, how best to efficiently build it, and then the cost came into play and the amount of time it would actually take me.  I can still see that pavilion and deck in my mind, but it has changed drastically.  Now, with supports actually in the ground, my mind is constantly dreaming about how I will build it next weekend.  I was originally going to build it post and beam style, notching out the posts and supports so that everything fit in nicely and was structurally able to support more than I wanted it to.  And then the whole time issue came into my mind again.  How was I going to be able to get it done in a timely manner in one weekend.  The answer was not post and beam style.  I will have to forego all the notching out of the supports and beams and just rely on the hardware, nuts and bolts to carry the load (which they will) and provide an nice shelter.  Its funny, once I have settled on how I will do something, my mind goes to the all the frills that I could add on to make it just that much cooler.  In the case of the pavilion, one such add on that I am thinking of is a gutter that leads to a cool little downspout that either has little water wheels attached that would spin as the water flows down or a sort of wind chime that is hit when the water flows as it rains.  In either case, it wouldn't happen right away, but would probably get added on at a later date and time. 

One other add on that I have day dreamed about with the pavilion is swinging panels that can be raised to extend the length of the pavilion and shut when it is raining to prevent any rain from getting in.  I haven't quite dreamed up a way of working this out yet, but trust me, there is plenty of dreaming left to do.  Its not just pavilions and accidents I dream about, but everything in my life from my son, to my job, to my family, to traveling.  There is no end to what I will day dream about.  I personally don't think it is senseless as some people do, but use it as a way of keeping my mind active and my imagination versatile.  I never let it consume my life, but use it during times at work when the repetitive nature of the work lends itself to letting my mind wander.  Perhaps that is part of why I enjoy the work that I do, because I get to day dream a lot and come up with new and wonderful ways of making things work, how I can improve my life, or simply what tomorrow might bring.  Day dreaming also allows me to play out different scenarios before they happen in a multitude of different ways so that I am more prepared for when things transpire.  Day dreaming can take me back to those days as a child when I used to play outside, or take me into the future.  My day dreams are built on memories and knowledge, and the rest gets made up.  At least for me, I can firmly say that I will always be a day dreamer.   I recommend a healthy does of day dreaming for everyone.  While a brief departure from the reality at hand, I find it is also a good practice for keeping your mind in shape, for keeping your imagination alive and growing, and to never let reality get the best of us.  At least that is my take on it.  What are your thoughts on day dreaming?  Is it worthwhile or just a meaningless past time that consumes too much of people's time?

Testing Limits

Our son, now a little over 20 months old (can I just say I can't wait for him to be two years old just so I can stop saying the individual months) is coming to the point of pushing boundaries and testing limits.   He is learning what he can and can't do and loves to attempt to do what he is not supposed to.  But that's the way it goes with toddlers.  As all toddlers' believe, he thinks the world revolves around him and that he is the only one that matters.  As such, when he wants to get picked up, he expects to get picked up regardless of what my wife or I are doing.  We could be in the middle of making breakfast, yet if he wants to get picked up, he is relentless until we give in.  Now, we almost never give in exactly when he wants us to.  It happens almost every morning that our son wants us to hold him, put him up on the counter, and see everything from an adult perspective (i.e. a taller one).  Yet there are many times when we just can't put him on the counter either because multiple burners on the stove are being used or the counters are jammed with all the necessary items needed to get lunches packed and breakfast made.  So he stands there at our feet, hands wrapped around legs with his head shoved firmly in between.  Did I mention he likes to cry while doing this?  Well, it seems each morning I explain to our son why we can't pick him up at a certain point in time and that as soon as we are done with a specific task, we will pick him up so he can help.   Sometimes this works, other times its like talking to a brick wall.  There are times when he will actually go play with his blocks for a few minutes before coming back and begging to be picked up.  In the end, one of us usually picks him up, but only when we have a free hand and are not slammed with getting things ready for the day.  Yes, it takes patience, and some days are better for him than others, but he will learn in time.  I am sure that a lot of it has to do with him being starving in the morning and needing his food.  We usually give him a few small snacks, either saltines or fruit to hold him over, but this doesn't always work.  When breakfast is finally ready, its amazing how he settles down and is ready to eat.  Such is the life of a 20 month old.

 

Yesterday he showed a little extra defiance in the afternoon.  I was laying on the floor playing with him when he went and got a book from on top of his house and threw it to the floor.  It wasn't just the fact that he threw it at the floor (which I don't condone anyway) but the fact that it was aimed in the direction of my head that pushed one of my buttons.  Yet, I didn't get mad.  I told him we don't throw books, especially at people, and that he needed to pick the book up and put it back where he got it from.  At first he tried to run past me towards my wife.  He didn't make it by me on multiple tries so he went and stood in a corner facing me as far away as possible.   I kept on repeating to him that he needed to pick up the book and put it back where it was.  I also reminded him over and over that he can't throw things at people.  He stood there for a minute staring at me, not showing any sign that he was understanding me at all, when finally he just walked right over, picked up the book and put it back on top of his house.  I said thank you, just to reinforce that I was appreciative of his effort, and we carried on with our afternoon.  At this age, throwing things is a way of figuring out gravity and how things fly through the air, and exactly how things get thrown, but there is a time and place for throwing and books (or any other item for that matter) should never be thrown at people.  So we are working on teaching him that.  There are other things throughout the house that he knows he shouldn't touch or mess with, yet at times he likes to see if we will relent on our rules.  If we are in the room with him, he will walk up to a given object and right before he touches it, will look at either my wife or I.  While looking at us, he will then attempt to either touch the forbidden object, open a door he isn't supposed to, or some other little action.  It never works out in his favor, and I laugh on the inside when he does it because it is kind of cute, but in the end, he gets taken away and receives an explanation as to why he shouldn't be touching or opening certain things.  To be honest, I have found that, for the most part, I have a lot more patience than I thought I would have as a parent.  Yet, here I am, a father with patience, who would have thunk it?

 

Yet, despite our son pushing boundaries and testing limits, he is a lot of fun.  One of the more recent discoveries that we have made in terms of his interests is that he loves to watch cars drive by in front of our house.  We could sit out there for hours watching cars, just sitting and watching with him pointing out almost every car that drives by, which with us living on a busy street, happens to be quite a few.  He will even wave to cars on occasion.  If he is tired, he will just recline in my lap and suck his thumb.   Regardless of how we are watching cars drive by, it is a lot of fun to just sit there with him and watch the world go by.  He also loves to run around our vegetable garden, up and down the aisles, back and forth, never touching anything, just walking around the garden like we do.  I think a part of why he likes it so much is because it is kind of like an obstacle course for his feet.  The bricks we have down on the paths are not quite level with little aberrations here and there, corners sticking up, some sunken in, and none of it easy for a toddler to walk on.  On top of that, some rows have concrete blocks lining them which are a little higher than the brick so he has to step up and step down to get on and off them.  Whatever it is, he loves being outside, even going for walks in the stroller where he can watch the world go by at either my wife's or my walking pace.  Sometimes we will get back from a walk and he will go right back to the stroller, climb in by himself which is a funny thing to see, and beg to go for another walk.  Often times, one walk is enough for him for a day and he eventually climbs back out of the stroller and finds something else to occupy himself with in the yard.  I am just glad he loves the outdoors as much as we do and can't seem to get enough of it.  Well, time for me to get rolling here and as much as I would like to go on and on about our son, I must end it for now and pick it up at a later date and time. 

Limitless Brilliance

It seems that one of the major desires of humans is to maximize how they utilize their brains.  Perhaps not everyone has this desire, and it may even be that not even a majority of people have this desire, but there has always been at least a select few who have dedicated themselves to figuring out how to utilize the human brain to the greatest extent possible.  I myself have always been somewhat intrigued by this idea, this notion that we have a plethora of brain power that goes unused our whole lives.  At least that's what we are taught.  We learn that we only use a small percentage of our overall brain throughout our lives.  But why can't we tap into that unused segment of our brains and perhaps even more intriguing, what would be possible if somehow we were able to tap into that segment of our brains?  The other night I saw about a half hour of the movie "Limitless" in which the notion of tapping into that unused segment of our brains is tackled.  In the movie, it is tackled with a pill that seemingly pulls back the veil and allows us to learn everything almost instantaneously and retrieve every bit of information we have ever learned.  As interesting as this may seem, taking a pill to augment our own brain's ability can never be a good thing in the long run.  Like any drug, it is not permanent and of course can have side effects.  My big sticking point with the movie (and yes I know its a movie and not real life), is that it portrays ordinary life as dull and boring compared to life on this magic little pill.  Of course, in real life there is no magic pill so I have no basis for comparison, but I would argue that life is as vivid or as dull as we make it.  We can choose to see everything in shades of gray or we can add color to our lives, noticing the minutia that fill our everyday lives and adds brilliance to everything we do.  While we may not be able to utilize every corner of our brains, how often do we float through life using only a portion of what is available to us?  Its easy to get caught up in the hum drum activity of life, the daily routines, the grind that we put ourselves through.  But none of these have to be boring, dull, and "routine" even though routine is what we all have some of in our lives. 

 

One trend that I have noticed, and this will be a statement of the obvious, is that more and more people have their ears plugged with music when walking or exercising.  There are still a few hold outs, myself included, who like to hear the world around them, let their thoughts flow freely without the influence of technology or music, and simply become more engaged with the world around them.  Sure, music or audio books can make exercise or even walking seem to go by more quickly even at times make it seem less painful, but at what price?  What are we missing out on when we tune out the world?  I think we are missing a lot, not just in noticing all the little nuances of the world around us, but also of that necessary time we need to let our brain's just be, let our thoughts wander, and simply absorb the world around us.  Every morning when I take my dogs on a walk, I never listen to music or anything else, I simply walk.  With nothing to dull my attention, I notice little things every day on my walks that I feel I wouldn't notice otherwise.  This isn't to say that music at times can't aid our attention or our focus, I believe it can, but most of the time, if we let our thoughts focus on themselves and let them process everything that is going on in our lives, we will be better off in the long run.  Any time of exercise, it has been shown, can increase the brain's potential and working capacity, maybe not by much and maybe not permanently, but the process of walking or running releases endorphins that calm the mind and allow it to sort through things more clearly.  While we may not be able to achieve limitless potential in our brains, we can assist our brains in processing the world, solving problems, and otherwise just getting through our days a little less stressed.  Everyone has the potential to get overwhelmed by the world, our brains going haywire trying to process everything that we do and are involved in.  If we simply give our brains even a small chance every day to unwind, process, and relax, then perhaps we can increase our brain's potential even just a little bit. 

 

In recent years, researchers have found that our brains are more elastic than we once thought.  We can learn new things at any age and in fact re-wire the way our brains function.  I remember reading an article a while ago in which a study was done to see how elastic our brains really are.  They took a person and had him learn all the roads in a city to become a cab driver.  Over the course of the time it took to learn the roads, in a sense, the map of the city, the area of his brain dedicated to spacial recognition in terms of roads and directions increased while other areas that were previously larger and had more activity decreased.  So while there in fact may be a limit to what we can do with our brains, we can increase the blood flow and activity in different areas just by focusing our attention on different tasks.  What is to say that if we focused on a variety of different tasks that we couldn't increase our brains function in a number of areas.  It doesn't happen by itself, it takes repeated and focused efforts, but the fact remains that we can always learn new things and keep our brains alive simply by making sure we don't tune out by plugging in.  One of the main reasons we would want to keep our brains in shape is to stave off any degenerative diseases in the brain such as Alzheimer's or dementia.  The more we put our brains to work, the better they will function and the longer we will be able to utilize our brains.  Limitless brain power may be a fantasy, at least in our current day and age, but we can still augment what is possible by increasing both our focus and our relaxation.  Our bodies can not go without rest, and the same holds true for our minds.  While sleep may give us a good amount of rest for our brains, we also need to give our brains a rest during the day.  We need to give our brains a break from all outside stimulus and allow them to process the day at hand, what we have done and what we have learned.  The only way we can easily commit to memory things we have learned is by allowing our brains to rest and to not keep them going 24/7.  In this day and age where we think we should have limitless power over our environment, we still need down time.  We may have a better handle on the world than did our ancestors centuries ago, but our brains still need rest and rejuvenation to function properly.  Limitless brilliance can only come through our own desire to move forward and recognize the world around us, not through the window of technology, but through the window of our brain and our own ability to see, think, and live. 

Preserving History

For myself, China has always been one of the countries I have longed to visit.  In addition to holding such a unique and different culture than any I have experienced in my travels, there is also a great history possessed in the rural way of life, the natural surroundings of great rivers and hidden mountain valleys.  From temples perched on hillsides to the towns bordering the sea, China, since I was little has been calling me.  Perhaps part of the calling is the fact that it is far away, hard to get to in an inexpensive fashion, and ethereal in the sense that you can never really know what its like until you get there.  Yet, over the past few decades, that calling has slowly been diminishing.  Now I know that only so much can be garnered from the news, but with such large projects seemingly aimed at modernization and growth, their history seems to be getting left behind and in some ways, obliterated.  Why would I want to go visit a country that is quickly becoming filled with smog?  Trust me, its not just the smog, but also the eradication of natural vistas and landmarks that have for a long time, held my imagination and curiosity.  One of the first projects undertaken by China that I vehemently opposed was the building of the dam blocking the Yangtze River.  Yes, it is producing an incredible amount of electricity naturally versus their mostly coal driven power plants, but at what cost to the land and its inhabitants.  Vast amounts of people had to be relocated from their towns due to the inevitable rise of the water behind the dam.  Temples, if not moved, disappeared beneath the water, and the towns built for the relocation of the people are incredibly stark, unimaginative, and bleak.  Uniform towers, indicative of the communist vision that permeates the nation, seek to homogenize all individuals rather than celebrate the uniqueness that each small town and its inhabitants hold dear.  There is the incessant pollution of rivers and land that I abhor and now, there is a plan to move 250 million rural dwellers into urban populations.  This is not fiction, it is fact, and the whole reason behind it is to drive the economy upwards, to create a society that is one of consumers versus one of farmers who live off the land.  Will it be "easier" for many people?  Perhaps in the sense that they won't have to work in the fields, but the cost is much greater than simply relocating millions of people to high rise apartment towers.  In the relocation process, the towns that these people once lived in are being razed and little of the history that once permeated the countryside is being erased. 

Rather than let urbanization take an organic course, China is seeking to move this many people within a decade.  There are claims that they are being reimbursed for their land, but not all of them are being compensated appropriately.  This course has been tried by other nations, Brazil and Mexico among them, and the result as been an increase in slums and destitute individuals rather than a consumer population.  My biggest issue with this new program being rolled out by China is that history is literally being wiped off the face of the earth and the new "cities" they are being relocated to are bleak and boring.  If you look at pictures of the new apartment towers being built for these individuals, they are all the same, row and row of 20+ story high rises that people will cram into and live a completely different life than they were used to.  All this in the name of growing the economy and becoming one that is based more on internal consumption rather than exports.  I personally don't agree with it.  If you look at the United States for instance, people aren't forced to move to cities and the cities they move to are mostly unique places that offer vastly different opportunities and have differing architecture to boot.  I have nothing against an urban life, but an urban life that is forced and with architecture that is bland, uniform, and repetitive is not progress, it is homogenization at its best.  If anyone is familiar with New York City, there is a section outside of the city (the name escapes me at the moment) that is filled with tower after uniform tower of apartments, all crammed together and filled with people, close to a million of them.  This one "city" as I will call it is incredibly similar to almost every "new" city being constructed in China for the relocation of its rural inhabitants.  To thrust people from a rural life into an urban one is not the way to grow the economy.  Well, it might be, but at what cost to the people and the history of a country, especially when old towns are being razed for factories and newer farms. 

Even if you look at Europe and their old cities that have been around for hundreds of years, they all have a unique character that speaks to history, is possessed with it, and permeates it with the individuals that live there.  These "new" cities in China have no chance of building a history other than one of communism and conformity.  Europe didn't go through and raze all the old towns that people once lived in to make way for modernity, they left them and the inhabitants who still lived there.  In part, this is because those residents who still live in the small towns chose not to move the cities and take part in an urban life.  In China, they have no choice, its either move or have no place to live, there are no options.  I know that for many people, this doesn't matter, but history should matter to everyone.  Regardless of where we live, history is what builds a nations character and the individuals who live in it.  If the United States were to bulldoze all small towns to build factories and new collectivized farms, we would probably start another revolution (perhaps).  Yet in China, its a way of life for them.  They are molding their history to what they need in the present and the past will all but be forgotten.  By the time I actually get around to visiting China, the only landmark that might be left will be the Great Wall, and even that might disappear in time due to the efforts of the government to force progress upon the people.  I feel for the people in China and would not want that happening to me.  I am sure that there will still be some pockets of old towns and some history left in the rural landscapes, but it will be increasingly harder and harder to find and in time, they will become tourist attractions rather than true and honest villages and history that we can experience on our own.  So at what price does China seek to thrust themselves into the modern age?  They are already here, but they want more and more and more, and I fear that they will crash.  Only time will tell, but their historic landmarks and rural villages won't be around to see the crash, only the inhabitants living in their "new" stark, modern, apartments will.  Do they feel as sad as I feel for them?  I don't know, but I know that if China continues on their present course, I probably won't ever want to visit. 

One of Those Days

I am sure we have all had those days where dragging ourselves out of bed is a chore and a half.  Its not that we can't wake up, its more that we woke up too early, can't fall back asleep, yet don't want to get up yet.  So maybe not everyone has had one of those days, but I am having one of those days right now.   One of our dogs decided it would be fun to sleep in between my wife and I last night.  My wife always sleep towards the middle of the bed, which on a normal occasion, would not be an issue.  But with her in the middle and our 75 pound dog next to her on my side, it leaves me about a foot and a half of room in which to sleep.  I felt her get up and lay next to my wife, and for the better portion of the night, it was fine.  She stayed nice and compact and I had enough room in which to get comfortable and pass out.  Then about 2:30/3 in the morning, she decided to flip over and lay with her back pushed against me; which actually pushed me towards the edge of the bed.  This was not cool by any means.  It essentially left me with a rock wall (her) on one side and about a foot away, the edge of the bed which I struggled not to fall off of.  I know I could have gotten her off the bed, it just would have taken a lot of effort and at that point I was drifting between a state of sleep and being half awake, neither providing me the capability of thinking and actually moving her.  On top of that, I didn't want to wake up my wife with my efforts to get our dog off the bed, so I just tried to get comfortable and sleep till about 4 when my alarm would go off.  Well, that didn't work.  By about 3:30, despite my deep seated desire to remain in bed and sleep, I just couldn't take it anymore and got up.  I felt like crap, tired and more tired.  Even sucking down my second cup of coffee, I am still waiting for the caffeine to kick in and start waking me up.  For some reason, I think it will take me till about the fourth cup to finally come into a full and wakeful state.  In any case, I struggle on, writing something and anything that comes to mind.  As I stated above, its just one of those days.  I think I will be going to bed early tonight. 

 

So yesterday I mentioned that I was going to be getting a voice over demo tape done last night.  I had it marked in my phone with alerts to go off before hand and everything.  Well, when I got to the recording studio of my friend, he had me scheduled in for next week instead.  There wasn't much I could do as when I was getting there, there was also a band arriving to rehearse.  So instead of getting the demo tape done last night, I sat and talked with my friend about the business, any advice that he had, and after an hour and a half, it was time to head home.  While 9:30 is usually not that late for me, I was exhausted when I got into my Jeep and got ready to drive home.  Perhaps it was the fact that I was actually engaged in a conversation for an hour and a half right about the time I am usually headed into my garage by myself to work on projects.  I never have conversations at that hour of the night, especially on a week night, and I guess it just wore me out.  Such is life.  I got home by 10:00, got ready for bed, and passed out by 10:30.  So, essentially, there is nothing all that exciting that I will be writing about today.  Unless, of course, you consider my morning ramblings about my previous day to be interesting and riveting.  Again, its just one of those days when I feel the need to write, yet my brain is sluggish and this is pretty much all I can write about currently.  So in an effort not to drag things along and bore everyone out of their minds, I will probably end this within the next few sentences so we can all get on with our mornings, or afternoons (all depending on when you are reading this).  And on top of that, our son decided to wake up early and start whimpering in his crib, so it is probably a good time for me to wrap this up, run it through the spell check, and post it.  I am really struggling to keep my eyes open right now, seriously.  They just want to close and my body wants to sleep, yet there is another day of work to do, power washing in the rain, and I have to get my butt in gear.  So here goes another day...

The Ebb and Flow of Life

I think that we can all agree that life has its highs and its lows, its crazy times and its calm times.  For some, the transition between the ups and downs, craziness and calm, can happen more quickly and more frequently than for others.  Some of months of craziness followed by months of calm while others transition between the two within a matter of weeks or even days.  I'm guessing that by this point you have already guessed that I will eventually be talking about my life, and in that assumption, you would be correct.  Its hard to track in my own life when I transition between the crazed moments and the calm ones as they seem to happen on the flip of a dime.  I could be coasting along quite nicely, working on one job for a while, everything settled at home, when things suddenly take a turn for the maniacally fitful insanity that can become my life.  At times it seems I only get bits and pieces of calm for a day or two before returning to the insanity.  Other times, it drags on much longer.  To be honest, the middle of my day, between the time I leave for work (between 7 and 8 A.M.) and the time I get home (between 5 and 8 P.M.) nothing is ever certain.  I may have a set place I am going to, but even when I am there, nothing will definitely stay the same.  I think that the only thing that keeps me somewhat balanced and able to remain on my rocker is the rhythm of my early mornings and late evenings.  I have a somewhat regimented schedule that I follow in the mornings and a lesser one in the evenings, but it is a schedule that allows me to focus, to regain my composure if you will, and make it through the rest of the day relatively unscathed and not too much worse than when I started.  If something doesn't flow smoothly in the mornings, it can undo a good chunk of the rest of my day.  Not all the time, but if I am tired and things go askew, then I will be most likely permanently impacted till I go to bed.  But such is my life, I work for myself, I have a son who is 20 months old, and life is what it is; crazy.  I know I don't have the craziest life out there by any means, yet sometimes I find it amazing that I can remain intact and sane rather than going off the deep end.  Yesterday felt like one of those days where I was teetering precariously on the edge, one big wind gust away from taking the plunge, however, that gust never came and I pulled myself slowly back. 

 

So I started off the day knowing that I would be going to see my grandmother, Baba, in the late afternoon.  There was much to do before that, however, and that's where it got a bit crazy.  As it was extremely wet in the morning due to the preceding evening's rain, I knew I wouldn't be able to paint outside till the afternoon, which was already booked.  So I went to the job in Woodbridge I will be finishing today, checked out my carpenter's work and what was getting done, and then headed to an interior job in Milford, about 25 minutes away.  About the time I got to Milford, it started clearing up and I began to doubt my decision not to stay in Woodbridge and get something done.  Yet, I reminded myself that everything was saturated with water and with the high humidity, probably wasn't dry enough to do anything with.  So I remained in Milford and got to work.  After almost 2 hours of working there, I got a call from one of my buddies, another contractor, about going to check out an exterior job and quote it for painting.  As I try to keep my schedule flexible, especially when it comes to new work, I said I could be there around lunch time.  So I worked for a little while longer and then headed up to Oxford to look at yet another exterior for the summer.  The gentleman was really nice and I ended up talking to him for about 45 minutes, not entirely about the job, but just about life in general.  Once I finished up there, it was time for me to head down to Bridgeport to help out my brother with his new house he just bought.  Kudos to him, he bought a 3 family house and will be renting out 2 of them to cover the mortgage.  This at the age of 24.  That being said, he is not the most knowledgeable when it comes to working around the house and he needed some help replacing a few windows that were broken.  Luckily the ones we were replacing were already replacement windows so the task wasn't overly difficult.  I showed him how to replace the windows, chit chatted a little more, and then cleaned up to head down to Westport to visit my grandmother, Baba.  After last week and her refusing to eat for almost the whole week, I was a little worried about the condition that I would find her in.  To be honest, I feared that she didn't have that much time left as of last Thursday and I entered with minor trepidation.  I had heard she ate her dinner the night before, but didn't know what kind of effect it would have had on her.  Well, she looked a hundred times better than she did last week.  She was coherent, she was watching the news, her eyes were fully open, and her speech wasn't sluggish. 

 

Needless to say, I internally breathed a big sigh of relief.  We talked at length for about an hour, nothing substantial, but the fact that we could actually talk and I could understand what she was saying was an enormous improvement over last week.  Its amazing how necessary food is to life.  Most of us don't realize the effect that going without food has on us.  It was really tough to see her last week after not eating for a few days.  Hopefully she continues to eat her food and keeps up her energy so her leg can heal.  Then, seeing as traffic was still horrible, I stopped by a friend's house in the area for a little bit before making the trek back home.  My wife has been a little tired lately and didn't feel like cooking dinner or getting our son's lunch ready, so I grabbed a pizza on the way home.  Then, after eating dinner, I got my son's lunch ready and lo and behold, it was 9 P.M.   But my day wasn't done there, I headed out to our garage for about on hour to work on projects there before finally heading to bed around 10:30.  Such is my crazy life.  Constantly changing, never the same, yet definitely exciting.  I will say that it takes a great deal of flexibility on my part to get through every day without freaking out.  Sometimes I get close to the point of freaking out, yet most times I manage to back myself away from that point.  As for today, all I know for certain is that this evening I will be embarking on a new venture, voice over.  I am going to get a demo tape made and see if just can't break into the voice over world.  After hearing dozens and dozens of people over the past few years tell me I should do something with my voice, I am finally taking a step towards doing that.  We shall see how it all pans out, but I need that demo tape first.  Then my life my take a turn for the even crazier.  Hopefully better, but most likely crazier.  Ahh, coffee, you are the life line that keeps me going.  Never leave me coffee, never leave me please!

The Local Gathering Place

This past weekend I travelled up to Vermont again.  After our Memorial Day camping fiasco, we decided that we needed to build a permanent pavilion on our clearing up there so we wouldn't have to deal with tarp's ripping in the middle of a rain storm and getting drenched and cold trying to fix it.  The original plan was to build the pavilion with a low deck, but to save money and expedite the process, we decided on just the pavilion for now.  So this past weekend was the start of it, digging 6 holes and filling them with concrete for the footings.  Instead of heading up Friday as I normally would, I got up really early on Saturday, about 3:30 in the morning, and was on the road by around 5.  Three hours later, I arrived in Vermont and made my normal stop at Floyd's General Store, one of the last remaining, locally owned, small country store.   One unfortunate side effect of the recession that we are slowly creeping out of is the closing of many small, local general stores and butchers in the area where we have our land.  Floyd's seems to be one of the few remaining ones.  But in any case, getting there at 8 in the morning on Saturday, I found the small parking lot packed full of cars.  At first I thought that it was highly unusual, but then I remembered that at least on the weekends, some of the locals congregate at Floyd's for conversation and to keep up on the news and what's going on in each other's lives.  As you would imagine any local general store, the front door to Floyd's is old, creaky, and has a bell attached so anyone who walks through inherently announces themselves to everyone inside.  Take a step in and your greeted by the friendly locals, creaky wooden floors that seem to sink a little with every step you take, and a few rows of food stuff.  I don't know how long Floyd's has been there, but it feels you are taking a journey back in time minus the refrigerated coolers that line the walls.  My main purpose for stopping at Floyd's every time before heading to the property is mainly for ice and beer.  There are no credit cards accepted (although they have recently installed an ATM for the out of towners) and everything is tallied up on a calculator and then punched into a century old cash register.  But I digress.  In the back of the store, where the beer is located, there is also a little area cleared of everything, where you will find chairs in a circle.  Outside of the morning, those chairs are empty, but come early enough, and the chairs, a mish mosh of rockers, old school chairs, and porch chairs are full of locals, talking, bitching, listening, and staying in touch with each other. 

 

This could be a daily occurrence for all I know, however, I am not normally there in the mornings on a weekday, so I will just assume its a weekend thing.  Normally when you see small groups of people gathered like that, they tend to be on the older side.  At Floyd's, however, its a mix.  Some of them are older, some younger, yet none of them as young as I am.  I guess the people around my age just figure that they can keep in touch with everyone via the Internet.  Its nice to see that small group of people gather to talk, though, instead of staring at a screen pretending they are talking.  That small gathering at Floyd's reminds me of a few places in Connecticut, none with the history or feeling of Floyd's, yet gathering places none the less for elder locals to gather and chit chat.  The two places that stick out in my mind as persistent every day gathering places just happen to be Dunkin Donuts, one in Milford, one in Ansonia.   It doesn't matter if it is late morning or early afternoon, there is always a group of older men at each of these DD locations that gathers, occupies a number of tables within the stores, and talks about the latest news or sometimes, older news.  I rarely go to the Dunkin Donuts in Ansonia as the parking lot is always full and having a cargo van, it is not easy to get in and out of.  The one that I frequent more is the Dunkin Donuts in Milford, the one near the McDonald's off of 95 in Devon.  I have listened to the old men on occasion and they are a riot.  They are your typical old, crotchety men.  Each one of them thinks they know more than the rest, depending on the subject at hand, and they are not afraid to tell the others, "You don't know nothin!"  or "Where'd you get your information...in a book?"  The arguments go back and forth with little headway being made, at least for the time that I am standing in line.  But regardless of the topic of conversation and whether they all agree or not, it is nice to see people, even if they are old, gathering and talking like they do.  Whether it is Vermont or Connecticut, I am sure that these aren't the only two states that have the small local gathering places for the "townies" as I will call them. 

 

Part of me wonders, however, if this is the last generation to congregate in public over coffee and whatever to talk, discuss, and keep in touch.  I don't know if my generation, once we reach the age where we can become old and crotchety and not give a damn about it, will actually care enough to get out and talk with each other.  Maybe I am just too young yet, but I know that if I live that long, I wouldn't mind being one of those old crotchety men who gather at DD or Floyd's, and drink coffee and bitch about life.  That is, I wouldn't mind doing that as long as there were others my age who were willing to do the same.  We shall see what happens when the time comes.  As for right now, the only place I could actually see myself grabbing a chair and plopping myself down to join in the conversation is at Floyd's.  Compared to the DD's in Connecticut which seem to have a specific group of men that gather every day, I have never seen the exact same group of people gather at Floyd's.  It seems to be more of a random gathering of people, whoever can or wants to make it, and I feel I might actually be able to join in one of their conversations.  That is, provided they want to talk to an of town land owner who is probably at least 20 years younger than the youngest one there.  One day, though, I will sit myself down and talk with them, even if it is just me listening to them and not actually doing much talking.  If I am to eventually build a house up in Vermont, I should probably get to know the people in the area a little better.  Its not like I haven't met most of my neighbors, but to meet other people in the town would be a huge benefit.  Oh well, all in good time.  For now, I raise my coffee to Floyd's General Store and the little local gathering that takes place at least every Saturday and Sunday morning.  Cheers and may your coffee always be fresh and hot!

A Fast Decline

I went down to see my grandmother, Baba, last Thursday afternoon/evening with my mom.  She was going down anyway, so I figured I would ride down with her and we would both visit Baba.  I mentioned last Thursday morning that I heard that she wasn't eating.  Whether her brain was telling her she was full and couldn't fit anymore food in or it was her just refusing the food, she hadn't eaten in a few days when we went down there.   As always, I tried to prepare myself before I went to be ready for whatever was in store.  This time, despite how much I thought I was ready, I wasn't.  She just wasn't the same.  Normally, when we would walk in, either together or on our own, Baba would get excited to see us.  Her face would light up, she would perk up from whatever she was doing, and be generally happy to see either of us.   In short, there was still a spark within her, a knowledge that she knew who we were and that she was somehow related to us, even if she didn't necessarily remember our names.   I never cared if she didn't know my name, but to see a spark in her eye, a sign of life beyond just the physical aspect of her body functioning, was all I needed.  The highlight every time for me was to see that Baba remembered my son and his name.  This past Thursday, everything was different.  For whatever reason, since she stopped eating, she has quickly declined.  She perked up a little when we walked in last Thursday, but there wasn't much excitement or signs that she really knew who we were.  She might have, but she gave no indication that she did.  Even when I showed her the latest picture of my son, there was a little more happiness at the sight of a young toddler, but nothing compared to what was there before.  I don't even think she remembered his name.  There was just a general lack of recognition.  Even physically she wasn't doing well.  Her eyes were a little sunken in from not eating and her eyelids were half closed the entire time we were there.  She struggled to talk and when she did it was slow and meandering.  Neither my mom or I could figure out what she was talking about the entire time we were there.  We could understand the words, but halfway through a sentence she would trail off, then smile, then start on something else.  The only intelligble sentences we could really make out were right before we left when she talked a little about the fake flowers on top of her dresser. 

 

It was very tough to see her like that.  While we were there, every time I started thinking about her, what she used to be like, and what she has become, I almost started to cry.  So I didn't think about any of that while I was there, I just couldn't.  If I did cry, I don't think I could have possibly explained to her why I was crying in such a way that she would understand.  I haven't even thought that much about it since then, until now.  It is much easier not to think about a person and the situation they are in than to think about it and deal with the emotions that come flooding in.  Yet, here I am, thinking about it because I need to, and the tears are making my coffee a little salty.  I really don't know how much longer she has at this point.  It has been about a week without very little food and we all know that a body can't survive for that long without food, maybe three weeks if a person is healthy.  She is drinking water, yet that is not enough to keep her going.  I will definitely make it down to see her this week at least once, hopefully twice.  Up until last week, I guess I had been harboring a hope that she would make it longer than it appears she will.  Every time I saw her smile and talked to her, it was enough for me to know that she still knew who my son was and still got excited to have visitors.  And while she still gets a little excited to see visitors, it pales in comparison to what it was.  Yet, despite the fact that we have to witness her slow demise, a decline that I wouldn't wish upon anyone, it is giving us time to prepare for the inevitable, her passing.  I'd like to think that with all this time that when her time comes, I won't be a mess, yet I know I still will be.  I won't be able to keep it together, but that's OK.  I do my crying in the morning and then get better for the rest of the day, putting on a good face for my son who doesn't understand any of this, yet knows who Baba is in pictures. 

 

The only way that helps me through the emotions right now is to stop thinking of the current condition that Baba is in and to think about who she was and the impact that she had on me and so many other people.  Yes, she had a tendency to be controlling, but she also had so much love to give that, at least for me, it was easy to overlook the controlling aspect of who she was.   Despite when she goes and what condition she is in when she goes, her memory will live on.  She has and always will have a place in my heart.  Who she was is not who she is now.  She has lived a good long life and now I only pray that she goes peacefully and without pain.  Yes, it would be nice if I heard from my mom that she all of a sudden started eating again and her memory improved, but I know that won't be the case.  Her mind is unraveling and nothing anyone does will be able to put it back together.  Its just hard seeing a shadow of a person that used to have so much life and vitality in them.  To see them fade over the course of a half a year from a point where they were still pretty much self sufficient is depressing.   But she is in her 90's and maybe this is her time.  I think the hardest part about last Thursday was when my mom and I said goodbye, said we loved her, and she didnt' say she loved us back.  That was the first time that she hasn't responed by saying "I love you".  Such is the life of a person living with dementia, probably harder on the family than on the individual dealing with it. 

Coffee and Brains

Whenever there is an article written about coffee (at least in the NYTimes), I seem to find it.  It could be that I have a subconscious gravitation to the word coffee and any news about it, or it could just be that it popped out at me as the title of the article was "This is Your Brain on Coffee".  Whatever the reason for my spotting the article this morning, I read it, and as it turns out, the title of the article is actually a positive.  It turns out that my excessive coffee drinking will most likely yield some health benefits in the long run.  While there have been many studies done over the years on the effects of coffee, both positive and negative, this one article takes the cake for revealing some of the most important positive effects of coffee that are currently being discovered.  I know, the naysayers of excessive coffee drinking say it is bad for the heart, it dehydrates you, blah, blah, blah.  Well, I drink my coffee black, the best way to drink it, with no sugar or milk.   There was a study done over the course of 13 years with 400,000 participants aged 50-71 (or something like that).  Over the 13 years, 50,000 people passed away who were in the study.  Of those that passed away, men who drank coffee were 10% less likely to die and women who drank coffee were 13% less likely to die than those men and women who didn't.  That right there is enough to keep me drinking coffee for the rest of my life.  Yet that's not the only study done, and by far not the only benefit of drinking coffee to be found.  A different study found that moderate coffee drinkers were less likely to develop the following types of cancer and diseases:  Type II diabetes, basal cell carcinoma (skin cancer), prostate cancer, oral cancer, and breast cancer recurrence.  Yup, even more reason to keep the steady flow of coffee flowing into my body for the rest of my life.  But wait, there's more.  There are now being links drawn between coffee and prevention and slowing of dementia and Alzheimer's disease.  It is believed that coffee, in part, prevents the degeneration of brain cells by preventing a certain chemical from going haywire.  (Read the article for the specifics).  Yet, it isn't just the caffeine in coffee that has the effect as regular caffeine was attempted versus coffee and it did not have the same effects. 

 

Speaking of dementia, I wonder if drinking coffee would have helped my grandmother, Baba, stave off her dementia.  At this point, there is nothing we could do but speculate, however, it is interesting to think about.  Baba was never a coffee drinker to my knowledge, she always preferred her tea.  Whenever you hear news about some benefit related to an illness a loved one is going through, you always jump to conclusions.  "If she had only drank a few cups of coffee a day."  We can always look back and see how others could have lived their lives differently in hopes that something could have been different.  Yet that's not how life goes.  We don't get to go back and make changes for our loved ones so things could be different now.  We must simply deal with what we have in front of us, enjoy the moments presented to us, and hope for the best outcome possible for those affected by any disease.  At this point, unfortunately, it seems as if Baba is drifting downhill.  According to my mother, Baba has been refusing to eat for the past couple of days.  She says she is full and can't possibly eat anything.  After a few days without food, it is starting to show in Baba's face, her eyes becoming a little more sunken in, her face a little more taught.  I haven't seen her in a couple of weeks, but I will be making my way down there this afternoon to visit and see if I can't convince her to eat something.  I know its probably a long shot at getting her to eat, but anything is worth a shot.  At least she is drinking water still.  It makes me wonder what her mind is doing to her.  Is some signal getting mixed up in her mind where she thinks she is full despite the fact that she isn't?  Nobody knows and any guess is just a shot in the dark.  The good news is that her caregivers at her "home" don't believe in force feeding anyone.  Even if they tried, she would fight tooth and nail against it.  So in a way, the fact that she is in some sort of control over her life, even if it is her desire not to eat, is comforting.  I try not to fear the worst at this point, but when someone stops eating, it is never a good thing.  My wife's aunt went through a similar situation with dementia and one of the last things she did was refuse to eat.  Lack of nutrients in the body will only lead even quicker to an inevitable outcome that I don't care to think about right now.  Maybe if she had only had coffee her whole life...

But for now, I must put things aside and focus on my day, my coffee that I am drinking right now, and what I have to do.  It will be a shorter work day for me as I have to take our son to his checkup with our doctor, nothing wrong, just his periodic check up.  And best of all, no shots of any kind.  I will definitely need some extra coffee to get through today.  It seems like I have been doing too much lately and need extra coffee to stave off the tired feeling that creeps in from the corner or my eyes, begging me to lay down and close them, if only for 20 minutes.  Well, I don't have twenty minutes for a nap, so I will just have another cup of black coffee, get the juices flowing, and get through my day the best I can.  At this point, I think I am done writing so till tomorrow, perhaps, or Monday, more likely, I will sign off and talk to everyone later.  Adios amigos, and as always, carpe diem!

Our Son, The Singer

You never know what to expect on any given day when you have a toddler running around the house.  Every day is different with unique challenges popping up but also amazing little incidents that randomly occur.  If you couldn't guess by the way I am starting this post today, yesterday was a pretty cool day when it came to our son.  It all started in the morning with our decision to start weaning him off of his morning breast milk.  Neither my wife or I knew what to expect so we decided the best way to go about it would be for me to get our son up while she was in the shower.  It made sense to both of us that if she wasn't around, the desire wouldn't be as great to run over and get his milk straight from the source.  So we got some regular cow's milk ready for him in his sippy cup and after I was done changing his diaper and getting him into his clothes, I grabbed his milk and we went over the couch where he usually gets his "other" milk.  We sat down, I tried handing him the cup, and he started crying and wanted to get off.  So I let him off, he ran away, and I tried one more time.  The reaction was the same with the slight difference of him running over the refrigerator and grabbing the handle.  That could only mean one thing, he wanted some sort of food from the refrigerator.  So, giving up on the milk, I opened the fridge, asked him if he wanted some cheese, and got the response of him nodding his head vigorously in affirmation.  So cheese it was.  It turned out that weaning him off his morning feeding wouldn't be nearly as hard as we anticipated, or at least I anticipated.  My wife had a feeling before we even tried that it wouldn't be that hard, and it turns out she was correct.  So our son walked around eating cheese after which he decided to go entertain himself by playing with his blocks in the living room.  Its so much fun as they get older and don't need you every second they are awake.  The self entertaining in the morning is perhaps the biggest advance as most days he just wants to be held and see what is going on in the kitchen as we get ready for the day, make breakfast, and pack lunches.  He still wants to be held on occasion, but it is diminishing as he gets older.  Now, it is enough if we place him on the counter so he can hand us things we need while making breakfast or packing lunches.  It is so much fun to have a little helper, even if some things take a little bit longer. 

 

I know my blog post title mentioned that our son was singing, but I am not there yet, so you will just have to wait another paragraph.  I mentioned that it is fun to just watch our son entertain himself.  All we have to do is be nearby and watching and most times he is content with that.  Yesterday afternoon, as I try do everyday but don't always succeed, I managed to get home before he went to bed.  He was outside playing when I got home and without even going inside, I just hung out with him and played in the back yard.  He wanted to be held a little at first as he was really tired, but then he got a second or third wind and wanted to get down and play.  I left our hand truck outside as I had to move something over the weekend and he went right for it.  Having seen it before, he knew that if he sat down on the base, I could pull him around the yard.  So that's what I did, with him sitting, his feet hanging off and dragging on the ground, I pulled him around our yard on the hand truck.  We made it around the yard a few times before he wanted to get off and pull and push the hand truck himself.  So for the next half hour, I watched our son roam around the yard with the hand truck, pushing it forward, then pulling it backwards, pushing it forwards, then pushing it backwards.  Over and over and over again.  It almost looked like he was trying to mow the yard with the hand truck based on his movements.  Periodically as he would be pushing or pulling, he would look in my direction and wave.  He then moved over the sidewalk and driveway where he proceeded to go back and forth with the hand truck.  He was incredibly intent on what he was doing.  It is times like those that I wish I could read his mind and see what he was thinking as he was going through the motions with the hand truck.  In reality, he was getting quite good at maneuvering the hand truck around.  He now has a greater understanding of how to move it to avoid objects and how to maneuver it around different obstacles.  Then came perhaps the cutest part of that portion of the afternoon, he laid the hand truck down, sat near the base of it, and tried to drive it like a car.  The only problem was, it didn't go anywhere as it only had two wheels and I couldn't pull or push him with the way he was sitting on it.  That was about it for the afternoon as we had to go inside and start getting him ready for bed. 

Once inside, we started getting him ready for bed.  We took his clothes off, got the wipes ready to change his diaper, and got to the final process where we lay him down in his changing table, change his diaper, and put on his pajamas.  Normally as he is laying there, I start singing the alphabet song which he absolutely loves to hear and watch my lips as I sing it.  Last night however, he started singing a song.  At first, it was really quiet and I wasn't quite sure what he as singing.  By the end of it, I figured out that he was singing "Twinkle, twinkle, little star".  So I asked him to sing it again.  It was by far the cutest thing I have seen him do so far.  Here is what it sounded like, at least the first part of it.  "kinkle, kinkle, ille ar, how I oner a u ar..."  If you actually heard him sing it, it definitely sounded like twinkle twinkle, just his version of it.  By the end, as he finished, he would crinkle up his face, smile and giggle a little.  Needless to say, my wife and I asked him to sing it about 5 more times just because it was so adorable.  That was the first time he has actually put words to a song besides singing ee eye ee eye oh from old macdonald had a farm.  Its amazing to watch the development of words progress.  There are definitely more distinguishable words being uttered by him although to most people it would probably sound like gibberish.  One thing is for certain, in order to understand what he is saying, we need to be in tune with him, watching what he is looking at and attempting to hear every syllable of what he is saying.  In time, what he says becomes more understandable, if only in an early speaking sort of way.  Oh well, he is our amazing little boy and every day brings something new.  I wouldn't trade any of it for the world, despite how trying it may be at times.  Its not the patience that I lack in terms of how long it takes him to do somethings, its more the patience when it comes to pushing the boundaries that I need to work on as he loves to push the limits on anything he can at this point.  Oh well, such is the life of a parent, amazing, trying, fun, and rewarding.

Movies, A Break From Reality

Yesterday was the second time this year that my wife and I took the day off from work and spent it together.  As most parents know, when you have a child, the time you get to spend with your spouse is limited.  Quite often, the time spent together is briefly in the evening, or randomly throughout the day, and it is never quite as good as a whole day just spent together.  OK, so we didn't spend the entire day together, but it was basically the working portion of the day we spent together.  In any case, we didn't have anything spectacular planned.  In fact, we had no plans at all until a few days before.  We discussed possibly going to the beach if it was nice, but it wasn't.  So instead, we decided that we would go see a movie and have a nice lunch afterwards.  I think the last time we went to see a movie was when Avatar came out.  Yes, its been that long, but frankly, we just don't have the time to go see a movie, and the times when we do, we are normally exhausted and I would most likely fall asleep during it.  So a morning movie, 10:30 to be exact, was the perfect option for us.  We didn't even know what was playing, so we looked up the movies the day before and hadn't heard of most of them.  We decided on a new release, "Now You See Me", and it turned out to be a pretty good movie, not the best I have ever seen, but entertaining and captivating which is the a plus for me as I normally fall asleep through boring movies.  I think the best part of the movie was that there were maybe 5 or 6 people in the theater including us and as such, it kind of felt like we were getting a private screening.  Afterwards, we grabbed lunch at a little Chinese place in Stratford, the Hong Kong kitchen, and found that it had much better food than most other Chinese restaurants in the area.  We sat, we talked, the sun came out, and we went home.  It was the kind of day that was just begging for me to take a nap, and so I did, for 20 minutes.  That is seriously all I need in a nap to keep my juices flowing and give me that little bit of a break to rejuvenate.  We hung around the house, did a little cleaning, and then it was back to the real world of being parents.  We went and picked up our son from daycare and life returned to normal.  So in essence, we had two breaks from reality yesterday, a break from being working parents, and a break from our lives in seeing a movie. 

 

I guess for the first time yesterday, something struck me after seeing the movie.  As I mentioned, it wasn't one of those phenomenal movies that I would go back and see over and over again (not that I would go see any movie over and over again), but it was well done and entertaining.  In essence, I was able to lose myself in the movie, forget about everything happening off the silver screen in front of me, and transport myself to the fanciful world that the movie created.  It was one of those movies that when it ends, you almost want it to continue, to keep on creating a world that you can lose yourself in.  It wasn't a sci-fi movie, or a fantasy, it was perfectly realistic, yet about magicians in a sense with a wonderfully twisting plot that kept you wondering what was really going on until the end.  If a movie is well done, it sucks us in, turns off the outside world for a while, and gives us the ability to just sit, watch, and not think to much about our own lives.  Isn't that what we all need sometimes, a break from our lives?  Its not like my life is depressing or anything along those lines, its just that we all need a break sometimes, whether it is in movie form or some other kind of entertainment.  Walking out of the movie theater made me realize just how much I needed that time to just forget about everything for a while.  Life has a tendency to suck us in and put us on this treadmill of routines that while good, can get monotonous at times.  We all have routines, especially if we are parents, and we can all get sucked into them, into forgetting about taking that time off to decompress and forget for a while.  I know I do.  As a young parent with a life packed full of work, parenting, working on the house, and so on and so forth, there isn't that much time for decompression.  I get my walks in the morning, I get my time writing here, I get my evenings in the garage working on a project, but they are all routine, not boring, just what I do.  So I guess what I am getting at is that it was nice to get away for a while, watch a movie without thinking about anything else, and then come out at the end essentially having watched a good story acted out on screen.  I don't know when my wife and I will go see a movie again, but we will be taking another day off for ourselves in another month or so. 

 

I find that the days we take off together are really good for us.  I have heard of some couples who at the start take the time together to just get away, talk, and be together, yet as time goes on and kids come into the picture, that time together fades away and the focus is placed on the child instead.  Well, my wife and I are dedicated to ourselves first, and then our family.  If we can't keep things copacetic between ourselves, then how are we supposed to keep our family life in order.  These days together make it easier the rest of the time because we actually get a whole day to talk about things, discuss any issues that we may have with each other, and most importantly, come to resolutions.  Communication is so essential to everything in a relationship that the moment the communication stops, things start falling apart.  I have a friend currently who is going through a tough time mainly due to a lack of communication in his relationship.  He has separated from his wife, not divorced yet, but separated and hoping things will work out.  Yet, there is a lack of communication and dedication to working it out as a couple.  He wants to work on it, but she thinks it is all his fault.  I don't see the sun rising on this relationship, but unfortunately, setting.  I hope I am wrong for my friend's sake, but my gut tells me otherwise.  Well, my wife and I are continuing our efforts to communicate more and more and keep things positive between us.  I think that as time goes on, we are getting better and better at it.  Our relationship, as every one does, has had its little bumps, but its much easier for us to get past them now than it was previously.  All that because of communication.  The movie we saw was just to get away, the rest of the day was for talking.  I personally can't wait for the next day we take off, hoping it won't rain so maybe we can go to the beach, but mostly just looking forward to spending the entire day with my wife. 

What's In a Name?

Surprise, surprise, I was meandering my way through the plethora of articles on NYTimes online this morning when I came across one on baby names.  The article, while seemingly innocuous at first glance, had me shaking my head almost immediately after I started reading it.  It was written by a man who is currently in the midst of searching out the perfect name for his soon to by born child.  He not only goes through his and his wife's search, but also through the relatively obscure names that have been popping up over the past decade or so, not just from celebrities anymore, but from almost any family who is concerned with someone else having the same name as their child.  No offense, but who really cares.  I understand that a name normally stays with a person for life and that there is a perception that it should be different than anyone else's, but to go as obscure as some of the names in the article go is in my mind, a little ridiculous.  While parents might have the best intentions in giving their child a name that sets them apart from their future classmates and is unique in the fact that it might not have been used much in the past 100 years, there is also a lot of backlash than can come from other children once they reach school age.  I have personally heard of a number of names, that once paired with their parents last name, make me laugh either because of the irony or because they just sound so ridiculous.  Again, this is my opinion.  Anyone reading this who gave their child a "unique" name, please forgive me.  Let's move on.  As I was reading the article, I got to thinking of the process that my wife and I went through when choosing two names for our unborn child at the time.  We didn't know if we were going to be having a boy or a girl, so two names were obviously necessary.  There was always the option of leaving it till the moment of birth and seeing what name popped into our minds when our child was born, what name that child seemed to "need", but looking  back, I'm glad we didn't go that route because the way our son looked moments after birth is totally different than he looks now. 

 

So what process did we go through?  It was a fairly simple one, at least for the boy's name.  We decided that we would each think about the names on our own and converge and discuss.  After much thought, we came back and we both had the same boy's name picked.  To be honest, it was the first one that popped into both of our minds, so that's what it was.  The girls name required a little more thought, but in the end, there were no websites consulted and no in depth search for obscure names to give our child should it have been a girl.  In the end, we came to an agreement, and it didn't take to long compared to some parents processes these days.  So after reading the article and seeing the fair amount of websites that our dedicated solely to baby names and their popularity, I got curious about our son's name.  I went to perhaps the most boring of all the website out there, the social security website for the U.S. government.  It turns out they have the popularity of baby names ranked there, their change in position over the years, and a whole bunch of useless information that most people will never need to know.  So what did I find out about our son's name?  Well, it has been diminishing in popularity over the past decade or so.  While it is still in the top 100 (the ranking covers the top 1000), it is nearing the 100 mark and just might pass it within the next decade.  Honestly, I couldn't care less where his name lands as at this point as it is not getting changed, I was just curious and had to check. If you want to really get thrown for a loop, check out the names that hover around the 500 mark in ranking and you just might be in for a good laugh.  In all seriousness, I know that these are people's names, but some of them should just be retired for good in my mind.  Unfortunately, now that I know all about these websites, will I be tempted to consult them for our next child whenever he/she comes?  I might have a little temptation to be honest, and I probably will check out at least the social security website after we decide on a name, but they will not by any means play into my decision on a name.  To me, a name should be spontaneous and "fit" the child.  Names shouldn't be chosen based on their popularity or lack there of.  Oh well, until our next child, none of this will really matter.  It will be interesting to see what names start popping up over the next decade as the search by parents for the most obscure name continues.