Kitchen Renovation

My wife and I had the brilliant idea of renovating our kitchen ourselves.  There was a two fold reasoning behind our decision.  The first was the money factor.  With finances tight, we couldn't justify paying over ten thousand dollars to have new kitchen cabinets made for us and then installed.  Secondly, I have the skills which allowed me to build the cabinets myself along with most of the tools I would need to do the work.  So late this past summer, I embarked on building the lower cabinets for our kitchen.  I decided to do only the bottom to start with to make it more manageable and also to allow us to get the dishwasher in more quickly (there was no dishwasher when we moved into the house and we figured with a baby, things would be a lot easier with one).  Every piece was designed, measured, cut, and built to suit our kitchen.  I found that building them myself, we could save enormous amounts of money on materials.  For the cabinets cases, I used birch hardwood plywood (3/4" vs. 1/2" normally used) and cherry for the faces of the cabinets.  The wood for the bottom cabinets didn't cost that much overall, but when I saw how much work went into building them, how much time and effort it took, I understand why they cost so much to have them made by someone else.  It took me a few months just to build the bottom cabinets, but it was definitely worth it.  To further save money on the project, we also decided to pour a concrete counter top instead of buying a stone or cheap laminate.  If we tallied up the price, the concrete counter top we still have to pour will cost just a little more than a laminate. 

Well, this past week was demo and build week.  We ripped apart our kitchen, sealing it off from the rest of the house and living off of grilled food, a toaster, coffee maker, and microwave.  Let me tell you, having a 5 month old in the house while doing a kitchen renovation is not the easiest task.  Combine that with two dogs and a cat and living quarters are tight.  But we managed to get most of it done in a week (including refinishing the floors) and have a mostly functional kitchen now.  The most important part of the whole ordeal is that the dishwasher will be finally installed today.  The only thing that allowed us to get the kitchen re-done, by ourselves, in a little over a week was the help of family and friends who came and helped.  My mother graciously offered to come up whenever we needed her to watch our son so both my wife and I could go toil in the kitchen.  Also, one of my friends ("Wave" Smith) came up and helped rip out our kitchen floor so we could restore the hardwood underneath.  That perhaps was the hardest part of the whole project, ripping up the layers of linoleum and sanding down the hardwood so it was smooth.  While the hardest part, it was also the most rewarding in that we found intact newspapers underneath parts of the floor dating back to 1927.  I guess they had used the newspapers as either insulation or padding and had put them down whole.  Despite a few nail holes here and there, you can actually still read the paper, open up to different sections and see what was happening in the world at that time.  They also had one section that had a color illustration on the front of the paper which was quite amazing.  It must have been because the papers were sealed in between layers of wood for close to a hundred years that they were preserved so well. 

In any case, our kitchen still needs more work to finish things up, but it is once again functional.  There is a dishwasher that works and a kitchen sink that is more than 6 inches deep (our old kitchen sink was a cast iron utility sink with a tiny drain).  I still need to build the doors for the cabinets and make all the drawers, but at least it is well on its way.  The next huge project, which might not be quite as bad, will be to build the upper cabinets and replace those.  But one thing at a time.  And before anyone asks me if I can build them a kitchen, the answer is no (unless you pay me a ridiculous sum of money).  While I enjoyed this project for our house, it is not something I would necessarily want to do on a continuous basis.  My cabinets are simple, nothing ornate or detailed, just simple wooden cabinets.  Even the doors that I have yet to make will be flat, no recessed panels or any of that jazz.  The only detail I am adding to the doors will be a strip of walnut in between a large section of cherry in the middle and a thin strip of cherry on the outside.  But in any case, that's my story for today, a kitchen renovation not gone horribly wrong, but not necessarily the easiest thing done either.  What will make it worthwhile in the end will be the satisfaction that I built the cabinets myself and that we saved a boatload of money, probably close to ten thousand dollars when all is said and done.  I know not everyone has the skill set to do projects on their own or the wherewithal to get involved in large projects like we did, but any small work you can do around the house on your own helps out.  Till tomorrow, happy renovating! (or not)

The Power of Affirmation

What does it mean to affirm the good in someone?  Take a minute and think about what it entails.  While it might seem fairly easy at first to affirm someone, is it really?  Upon first thought, I also felt it would be easy to affirm someone else, but then I started thinking a little more about what is involved, and I realized that it is not always simply cut and dry to affirm the good in someone else.  To start off with, it takes conscious effort to reach a point where we can affirm the good in someone else.  In order to reach a point of affirmation, we must all start with attentiveness towards others, an awareness if you will of what they do, how they act, and who they truly are as an individual.  If we are attentive enough, and aware enough of the people around us, we can affirm others even if we have just met them.  We might affirm someones compassion towards others, their politeness, or their smile.  These little acts of affirmation go a long way in lifting a person up, showing them that others recognize in them what is good, and provides impetus for them to continue doing what they are doing.  Even random people that we meet at the store can benefit from our awareness and attentiveness.  But affirmation can go much deeper than simply affirming people we have just met.  Perhaps the most meaningful form of affirmation comes from those around us that we have known for more than just 5 minutes, those we work with for years, or our family members, or even friends and acquaintances who we have gotten to know on a deeper level.  With people that we have known for a longer period of time, if we are attentive and aware, we can truly begin to realize who they are as a person, the good that they have within them, and help to perpetuate that by affirming them. 

The key to affirmation, in my mind, is being attentive and aware of people around you, whether they are strangers or long time friends and family members.  It requires us to move beyond ourselves, forget our innate selfish nature, and be in tune with others, not ourselves.  Trust me, its not always the easiest thing to do, to turn our attention away from ourselves and towards others.  I have trouble with it at times, especially if I am having a bad day, or am tired, or any other excuse I can come up with.  If we continually focus on ourselves, then we are losing out on an entire world of good that others can offer us.  Once we begin to realize this good in others, and how it affects us, then we can more easily tune ourselves out and tune in to others.  By this tuning into others, we begin to see more minute variations of how they grow as individuals, how they act and react with others, and their innate nature that benefits those around them.  Once we see this, we can affirm it in them, and it has a two fold benefit.  On the one hand, it draws us closer as individuals because as a recipient of affirmation, we begin to realize that people are cognizant of what we do, who we are, and how we carry ourselves.  Secondly, it serves as a perpetuating act in that it drives us to be a better person.  Some may ask, how does affirmation drive you to be a better person?  Simple, if we are told that someone really thinks we are doing a good job at embracing others with a smile, it is a form of reward and we will continue to embrace others with a smile.  At times, affirmation requires us leaving our comfort zone to lay out our thoughts and beliefs of others and the recognition we have of the good they have done.  Once we do it once, though, it becomes easier and easier and perpetuates itself. 

So why did I choose to write about affirmation today?  Well, very simply, because someone affirmed me yesterday and it really touched me.  The person who affirmed me is a woman at our church whom I have known for well over ten years now.  She also happens to be the woman who watches our son three days a week.  Yesterday, as I was dropping of our son at her house, she stopped me before leaving just wanting to tell me a few things.  In essence, she said that having watched me grow up for a good part of my life, go off on my own, get married and become a father, she wanted me to know that she thinks I am a wonderful person and great father.  I am not saying this to be egotistical (although I would have years ago), I am just putting this out there because I thought it was a really nice gesture on her part to affirm me the way she did.  After I left her house, my day was fantastic.  It was that simple act in the morning that kept my day going well.  It wasn't that I was having a bad day, it simply made my good day even better.  It stayed with me and drove me to be nicer to people, not in an effort to receive affirmation from others, but just because I was being who I knew I could be on a continuous basis.  Its amazing what a little affirmation can do for a person, how it can really lift them up and show them that they are valued.  It shows us that people recognize the good that we do, the person we have become, and the person that we continue to be.  I implore people today simply to be more attentive and aware of those around them.  Whether it leads to affirmation or not, simply try and go beyond yourself and your concerns and focus on others!

Tribute to Dina Rocuant

Dina Rocuant was a wonderful person, full of vivacity, love, and compassion for others.  More than all of those, however, she was my aunt.  For a good part of my early life, she lived close to our family in Milford, CT, and we would see her on a regular basis.  In fact, my grandmother used to watch me at their house while my mother still worked.  I would have to say that what I remember my aunt for most is her giving spirit.  She would always make sure that everyone was doing OK and that everyone had what they needed.  To say she was selfless would be an understatement.  That isn't to say that she didn't have a penchant for having the nicer things in life, but she never let that get in the way of her relationships with her family and friends.  It was part of who she was and the part of her that I will never forget.  There was just something about her that welcomed you in before you even spoke a word to her.  Perhaps it was the loving smile she shared with everyone or just the fact that she welcomed everyone with open arms and a loving embrace.  I remember the parties I used to go to when I was younger at her and my uncle's house, full of family, laughter and good times.  Those memories will stay with me forever.  After she retired, her and my uncle moved to Florida where they could enjoy the warm weather year round, golf, and enjoy their lives.  She never really stopped working, however, it was only her corporate life that she retired from.  But working or not, she consistently remained open and loving to all.  Perhaps the best way to understand a little more about who she was would be to shed a little light on how she got to where she was when I was ushered into the world. 

Like my mother, my aunt was not born in this country, in fact she was born in the Ukraine (I believe) before she and my grandmother left for Chile.  She was born to my grandmother's first husband (my mother to my grandmother's second) and as such, transitioned a lot in her younger years.  It was in Chile that she met her husband, Ramiro Rocuant, and his three sons from a previous marriage.  Meeting a divorced man with three sons did not phase her, in fact, from the stories I have been told, she embraced all of them and became more of a mother to them than their biological mother was at the time.  After moving to the United States in 1964ish, she had a son which built the family up to four sons.  Between caring for her family and working, she still had time to entertain and welcome to her home as many people as possible.  As I mentioned before, my grandmother lived with her for a while in Milford before leaving for North Carolina.  Needless to say, we had a close knit family that was always there for each other.  That spirit of support and love for each other carries on to this day.  Those family ties are not just something that materializes out of no where.  They are built over generations of family members, constantly there for each other to help, support, love, and cherish each other.  As time progresses, those ties only grow deeper even if family members move to different parts of the country.  She was an integral part of our family and as such, an integral part of keeping the strong family ties alive.  Her legacy continues to this day and her family and ours continues to enrich our strong family bonds whenever possible.

I have been referring to my aunt in the past tense because she is no longer here with us to share her love and vivacity.  A few years back, meaning 5 or 6 now, she was diagnosed with a rare, rapidly progressing brain tumor.  It was one that the doctor's could do little to assist with.  Once she was diagnosed, she only had a few months to live.  I was lucky enough that I got to see her with my wife (fiancee at the time) before the tumor took her life.  Despite being in the condition that she was when I saw her, mostly bed ridden and having difficulty talking, her love and vivacity still shone through and her love of family stayed with her till the end.  Her passing was hard on the whole family as none of us felt it was her time to go.  But we never get to decide when the stop clock runs out on our life or of the lives of our loved ones, we must just accept it and move on.  I know she is in heaven now, in a better place, and still looking down on her family and watching over us.  So to the life she lived, the love she shared, and the people she had a positive impact on, I pay tribute to her.  I remember her fondly and will keep those memories alive with me as long as I shall live.  But most of all, I hope to impart her giving spirit, her loving embrace, and her strong family bond to those around me.  May you continue to rest in peace and watch over all of your family.  We will never forget you Dina Rocuant.

Baby Marathon Development

Yes, my son's first tooth has almost broken through his gums and his second is following close behind.  All in all, he has dealt with any discomfort fairly well.  Don't get me wrong, there are times when he is a little fussier than usual, but he still sleeps through the night 95% of the time and is happy and active the rest.   There might have been 2 times when he woke up screaming, presumably from the pain and discomfort, only one of which he needed to be held and comforted in order to fall back asleep.  I will take it any day after hearing an acquaintance describe his experience with teething as tortuous and sleepless.  My wife and I are truly blessed to have such a well tempered almost 5 month old son.  The teething, though, is just a biological process that he has to figure out how to deal with (drool, drool, and more drool).  This past week has seemed like a marathon in discoveries and achievements made by our son.  This week to start with, he has figured out how to roll from his back to his stomach on both sides, left and right, and then figured out how to roll from stomach to back.  The whole stomach to back ordeal is still not as prevalent as the back to front, but its there and in the works.  He has also learned how to pass objects from one hand to the other and back again and wait for it, loves to explore the workings of gravity.  From his high chair, he takes any toy, usually big connected rings, drops them, and stares at them on the floor.  His awareness and curiosity about the world around him is intoxicating.  To see such a young child figuring things out for the first time is wonderful.  When you look at him, you can see the inquisitive look in his eyes as he tries to figure out different aspects of the world around him and how they all fit together. 

Our son's crib activities have increased as well.  With our house being over a 150 years old, the floors in every room tend to slope towards the center.  (You might be able to figure out where I am going with this)  As our son is a mover and a shaker, he sometimes squirms around so much in his crib that we find it 1 foot away from the wall.  In between his squirming, when he actually falls fast asleep, he has taken to sleeping on his stomach a good portion of the time.  It is quite hilarious to sneak into his room before we go to bed and see him on his stomach, rear end thrust high in the air, and his thumb stuck firmly in his mouth.  So much for making sure our son sleeps on his back; those days are over.   And during the day when we put him down for a nap in his crib, we need to make sure that he is perpendicular to the crib rails.  Why you might ask?  Well, it is because he has taken to grabbing the crib bumpers, pulling them down as far as possible and thrusting his arm through.  Where does this leave him?  Screaming his head off because he can't figure out how to get his arm out.  I am fairly certain at this point that as soon as he figures out how to crawl and walk, he will be climbing out of that crib himself and exploring the house on his own.  Even when he screams his head off, normally due to something he has done to himself, we can't help but giggle a little at the humor of the situation.  He never really hurts himself and he calms down quickly. 

Moving out of the crib, there are still little gains he has achieved over the past week which are, at least in my mind, amazing.  Perhaps one of the cutest instances was earlier this week when I look over at my wife feeding him and see him reach up and back and scratch his head.  I couldn't help but to burst out laughing.  In addition, he has moved away temporarily from the razzing sounds he figured out a week or so ago and has launched himself into a melee of grunting and moaning sounds.  Previously, we would have thought that it was the start of him getting fussy, but now he does it just because he can.  It is the funniest to hear them when he is in the middle of eating.  And while eating, he now needs silence in order to concentrate.  If my wife and I start talking, he stops eating and stares at us, eager to join in the conversation and see what is going on.  He truly is trying his best to become one with the world around him.  He has also taken a liking to sitting (with assistance) and standing (with assistance).  Most of the time while sitting, he has no sense of balance unless he is grabbing his toes and figuring out what exactly they are.  If he is working his toes, he can sit unassisted for maybe a minute.  Standing is a different story.  Watching him, you can see that he wants to stand and walk except that as mentioned before, there is no sense of balance.  Seeing him do his little wobble dance reminds me of some of my college years trying to make it home after drinking at the bars all night.  (Yes, I know, not the best analogy, but it works visually).  Perhaps my favorite look of my son's, above any other, is his deep inquisition and pondering of how exactly I whistle.  He will study my lips, hear the sound coming out, stare in amazement, and try to replicate the form of the lips.  It will take him quite some time I feel before he is whistling (if ever), but his studying right now is priceless. 

So quite a week in achievements for my son, and I am sure I will be saying the same thing next week and the week after.  To be honest, I can't help it though.  He is such an amazing little boy and makes me smile whenever I see him.  So till next time, probably next Friday as it seems I like to write about my son on Friday's, we shall see what happens and I will report back in full detail.  Have a fantastic weekend!

America the Medicated

We live in a country that is medicated through and through.  According to a study done a few years back, 48% of all Americans took a prescription drug in a one month period.  That's nearly half of the population or 150 million people!  That was back in 2007/2008 so you can just imagine what those numbers would be like 5 years later.  The report gives some other statistics as well which are in my mind just as frightening.  88.4% of Americans 60 and older took at least one prescription drug over a one month period and on the other end of the spectrum, 22.4% of children 12 and younger took at least one.  What has happened that we have come to rely so heavily on prescription medications to get by?  It seems that whenever you turn on the TV, there is another commercial for a new, fantastic medication to cure any one of a hundred diseases, or at least minimize the symptoms.  The latest that I saw this morning, not on TV, but in an article in the NYTimes, was for a new weight loss medication that should be entering the market soon.  Do we really have that many diseases where we need all these new medications?  Or is it just the fact that the pharmaceutical companies are in it just for the money and whatever they concoct to remove symptoms of a particular illness, they market to the masses?  I don't think that there is a single answer for the whole problem, but rather a number of factors that go in to making this medication epidemic as bad as it is.   I think that the three biggest factors that play into this issue are 1) pharmaceutical companies, 2) doctors prescribing more, and 3) people searching for a quick fix.  The interplay between these three factors has ramped up in recent years to create a whirlwind of prescription medications being made, prescribed, and taken by people. 

The first factor is pretty obvious.  Pharmaceutical companies are only out there to make as much money as possible.  They are businesses like any other and the whole purpose of a business is to increase profits.  It just so happens that these pharmaceutical companies happen to make drugs to treat illnesses.  Then you factor in the doctors, half of which have their pockets filled with pharmaceutical money to push a certain medication or shall I say "suggest" using a particular medication.  Enter in the unwitting populace, whose lives are being made easier and easier through technology, and you have a recipe for a country that is over medicated.  I bet that half of the prescriptions being taken by people out there have such a minimal effect that if a person taking such a medication were to simply alter their lifestyle a little, they would have no need for their meds.  But life is so much easier when you don't have to work and can simply pop a pill to solve your bodily woes, right?  Obviously, for many people, it is the easier way, but is it better in the long run?  I would say no.  I have a friend (who shall remain nameless) who has panic attacks (and sadly I have multiple friends who suffer from panic attacks) who absolutely loves his medication.  I forget exactly what he takes, but he claims it is like a miracle drug, pop a pill and forget about caring for 12 hours.  No matter what happens, life just slides on by according to him.  Frankly, I wouldn't want life to just slide on past me.  I wouldn't want to have my empathy and awareness subdued by a pill just so I can remain calm.  Its not like he tried anything else either, he just wanted the easy fix so he could get on with his life.  But what kind of life are you leading when you are drugged up?  Granted, not everyone takes a prescription for panic attacks.  There are so many diseases out there for which there are medications that I couldn't even start to name them. 

I guess what really got me this morning was that our "obesity epidemic" in the United States coupled with an increase of people calling obesity a "disease", doctors and patients alike are clamoring for new and more effective weight loss drugs.  How does one exactly catch the obesity disease?  I would like for someone to explain to me how not to catch this so I can remain thin.  Oh wait, I forgot, all it takes is some exercise and proper diet.  How could I be so stupid.  That right there for you is people seeking the easy way out.  They know that being overweight or obese is detrimental to their health, but they don't actually want to work at losing the weight, they simply want to pop a pill to eliminate the weight without effort.  So yes, I am being a little harsh here, but seriously, how many more prescriptions can we find to "cure" our ailments.   Next thing you know, there will be a pill to cure stupidity, a pill to eliminate anger, or maybe even a pill to help you drive better.  Sadly, as I was thinking of what they could make a pill to cure, many of my ideas already had a pill assigned to them.  I realize that in our crazy lives, it is sometimes easier to simply pop a pill and forget about things, but what exactly do the pills do?  Do they eliminate the disease or illness?  No, not a single pill out there actually cures anything.  All that prescription medications do is eliminate symptoms of an illness.  From high blood pressure, which if you went off meds would shoot right back up, to common cold medicine, they all simply cover up symptoms so you can feel better in the short term (or long term).  More prescriptions is not the answer, getting back to living a healthy life without medications is.  The way things are going however, we will probably reach a point in the next 20 years where 75% of the population takes a prescription medication.  I hope not, but the evidence isn't pointing in the right direction.  And just for the record, I have not taken a prescription or over the counter medication in the past 2 years (that includes advil).

Your Brain on Exercise

Whenever I come across an article relating to health, particularly how exercise affects the brain, I am fascinated.  Perhaps it is because I value that cognitive lump of gray matter in between my ears.  Or perhaps it is simply because I am interested in how different parts of the body relate to each other, feed off of each other, and how we can improve the overall function of our bodies as a whole.  Okay, so that wasn't so simple, but this morning I came across an article about new findings in the health world.  These new findings speak to how the brain is affected by regular exercise.  Not only was I fascinated to see the correlation that was drawn between exercise and brain function, but being an avid early morning walker with my dogs, I wanted to see what effect I was having on my own brain.  I am sure that I don't need to mention the overall benefits of exercise.  Most people know that exercise is essential to keeping us in shape, increasing our longevity on this earth, and improving the overall function of the organs residing within our body.  In steps the brain.  Exercise, while a great workout for the body, is also a great workout for the brain.  With the increase in heart rate, blood flow, breathing, and other bodily functions, our brains also increase in activity to keep us moving smoothly, regulating systems, maintaining balance, etc.  The main "food" that the brain utilizes, exercise or no exercise, is glycogen or stored carbohydrates.  There is a whole process in which it is stored near neurons and utilized upon demand, but I will not get into that here.  If you want to read more about the physiological processes in detail, follow this link.

So how does the brain's food source relate to exercise?  Well, in studies done in Japan (none on humans thus far), it was found that exercise at first depleted the amount of glycogen in the frontal cortex and hippocampus regions of the brain.  These areas specialize in thinking, memory, and motor function amongst others.  After rest and feeding however, the glycogen levels in those areas surpassed the base level that was measured before the exercise.  In essence, the brain absorbed more "food" after exercise to assist in improving its overall function.  This higher absorption rate can be found after just one exercise.  After a day or so, the levels drop back to pre-exercise levels.   If, however, the exercise continues for a longer period of time, say four weeks, the base measurement for glycogen is seen to be higher than in sedentary animals.  This means that if you exercise regularly, you are essentially creating a more nourished brain.  To me, this correlates directly to what I have heard from many people and in many news articles over the years.  People tend to think better during or after exercise.  Sometimes, people exercise to work out problems in their head or to rid themselves of daily stress so that afterwards they can work more effectively on problems.  With this new study showing how the brain's "food" is at higher levels after exercise, it all seems to make sense.  After all, why do I write this blog in the early morning after I have gone for a thirty minute walk?  Reading this, it seems to make sense that I would be more "clear headed" after exercise and my brain would have more "food" so it can function at higher levels.  The direct correlation that I made has not been proven by any scientific means, but it seems fairly logical to me. 

In addition to producing a healthier body and longer life, exercise it seems is also vital to increasing brain function.  The more we exercise, the sharper our brains will be and the better we will be able to function.  When it comes to problem solving, we all want the leading edge, to be a step above our competition.  Well, it is all within our own power to gain that leading edge, if we choose.  The weekly recommendation for exercise is 30 minutes a day 5 days a week.  I know I get at least that and when I don't go on my morning walk for whatever reason, I feel slower, more sluggish and tired.  They say that all it takes to make a new habit is repetition of a certain act for 21 days or 3 weeks.  If people could make the commitment to even just walking around the block, morning or evening during the week, they would experience many benefits outside better health.  With all this new research coming out on the effects of exercise, you would think that more and more people would be hopping on the exercise band wagon.  Unfortunately, people can't seem to find 30 minutes in a day to get a little exercise in.  For the statistic minded individual, that is only 2% of your day (at 24 hours).  If you want to factor in 8 hours of sleep, that still leaves that 30 minutes of exercise at only 3.125% of your day.  People are concerned with lagging brain function, their lack of energy, etc.  All it takes is a little exercise, healthy eating, and we will all be on our way to living a more full, longer, and healthier life (and one filled with stronger brains as well)!

Running For President

Let me set the record straight by saying that no, I am not running for president, nor will I probably ever run for president.  Its not because I don't have millions of dollars to spend on campaigning (which I don't), or because I have never thought about it (which I did very briefly), but because I don't want to become a politician.  To me, there are two kinds of politicians; those who cater to their constituents, listen to their concerns, and try their best to address those concerns, and there are those who might listen, but as soon as they turn around will re-direct their concern back towards their own self interest.  It seems that in order to become president, a politician must be one of the latter types, concerned only with himself and beating every one else in the polls.  There have been very few politicians over the years who have run a successful campaign based upon honesty and good will.  Almost every politician, while running for president (or even for a lower office), at one point or another seeks to undermine the opposition through negative ads, attacking their personal lives, or drudging up incidents from the long forgotten past that might take them down a few percentage points.  I know there have been some exceptions, some times when a presidential hopeful hasn't completely lambasted their opposition, but as a general rule of thumb, I find most presidential candidates to be despicable.  I don't think I would ever be able to stoop to their level of sophomoric actions just to become president of the United States.

But all of what I mentioned above requires money, and lots of it.  The only way to get country-wide publicity in the United States is if you have millions of dollars at your disposal.  TV ads cost ridiculous sums of money depending on when they air, as well as radio ads and a staff to reach out to all those who didn't see your face plastered on the television.  Yes, there are ways of raising money otherwise (such as the Super PAC), but those are largely dependent on how many people you know who can contribute large sums of money to finance a campaign.  If ever there was a disparity between who can or can't run for president, that time is now.  It is no longer feasible (not that it ever really was) for a person in the lower classes to run for president.  They could, don't get me wrong, but the chances of them actually getting elected are slim to none.  What a person needs now is national name recognition and in order to do that, you need money.  For its not just the presidential office that requires money to get into, it is also the Senate and GOP seats that cost money.  Even in statewide elections to see who goes to Washington D.C. as a representative, one needs to run a successful campaign, reaching thousands of people, in order to beat out their opponents.  That requires money as well.  And if one has enough money to run the ads at the state level, you guessed it, they must degrade themselves by picking apart their opponent, bad decision by bad decision.  Its the vicious world of the politician that I frankly don't want any part of.  (I am excluded anyway because of my lack of money).

So how does one of these candidates adequately represent the population when they are rarely ever in touch with them.  Granted, they tour the country, speaking to as many people as possible, shaking hands and kissing babies, but even then, how much of the population do they actually meet.  For the most part, the people they meet are supporters of them, their message, or a particular agenda they hold dear.  What about all the people who didn't come out to see them, that are in their homes watching the TV?  What about their concerns?  Any presidential candidate can say they speak for the citizens of the United States, but in reality, they speak for their supporters and special interest groups that fund their campaigns.  Any message they put forth can not be in direct contradiction to anything that their supporters believe, or they will lose their vote.  It almost seems that most presidential candidates must fore go their own beliefs and morals in order to adopt those of their financiers.  The moment they do that, however, their opponent figures it out and drags them down the dirty road of mudraking and wishy washy politics.  So much for integrity.  It is sad that a person needs outrageous sums of money in order to run a successful campaign.  I guarantee that there are more qualified people out there to be president who just don't have the money or the moral depravity to run for office.  It seems that if less money was needed to run for office, a candidate would rely less on their financiers, and thus be able to maintain a certain moral integrity.  But I don't see that happening any time soon.  As such, come November, we will have a choice of the best of the worst, and hope that they figure out how to run our country. 

Tribute to Ron Battaglia Jr.

Over the course of a lifetime, I would bet that there are very few people who can claim to have been friends with another person since the age of 4 or 5.  I have been lucky enough to have a few friends I can make such claims about and Ron is one of them.  We first met around the age of 4 in nursery school, that vague grade before kindergarten essentially meant to help young children socialize with others and get accustomed to being in a school like setting before they actually get there.  I still have memories of that first year being friends with Ron, the houses we attempted to build with life size lincoln logs, the holes we made in the walls with a hammer surreptitiouly left out for us to find, and the odd places we would find to hide such as at the top of a bookshelf near the ceiling.  However much fun we had that first year, it was but the start of a lifetime of friendship.  Our parents ended up sending us to the same grammar school, St. James in Stratford, where through every grade we found new ways of occupying ourselves during classes and outside of school climbed trees, played in the mud, explored every corner of the school we went to.  I still remember to this day how in fourth grade we used to gather up fallen bingo chips that the elderly had dropped on a previous Friday night, unused glitter from art projects, and anything shiny and useless we could find; all to build a small "treasure" as we called it.  We then took that treasure, carefully wrapped it in plastic sandwich bags (the old fold over kind before they had Ziploc) and buried it in my backyard, essentially creating our own buried treasure motif in hopes that we could go back years later and find it somewhere in the ground.  To this day, that "treasure" has been lost and never found.

It was upon a foundation of building things, exploring the outdoors, and creating our own little world that our friendship grew and carried on.  I still remember many of the people from my grammar school, all grown up now, but Ron is one of the 2 that I still remain friends with.  High school was a temporary parting of ways, not due to some unresolved conflict, but rather due to my desire to explore who I was absent of the friendships I had forged in high school.  What did I find you might ask?  Perhaps one or two other friendships that have lasted through the years, but none as sound as the friendships I had earlier.  Looking back, perhaps I shouldn't have just abandoned my grammar school friends to the extent that I did, but in tribute to them, they remained my friends despite me and my actions.  So high school came and went, and life moved on.  It wasn't until after high school that the friendship I had with Ron drew us back into frequent contact with each other.  We began to hang out again, frequent the under 21 clubs in New Haven, and create our own havoc.  Over the course of those years, there were many times when we were there for each other; either to bail each other out from a sticky situation or simply assist the other willingly with a project  and with no expectation of repayment.  Isn't that what friendship is all about, giving selflessly without expectations?  In essence, that is what we have and continue to have to this day.  Although as you get older, life seems to take up more and more of our time, we still remain friends and have on a number of occasions been there for each other.  Knowing Ron as well as I know him, he is not one to offer help without expectation of repayment to just anyone, but I consider myself lucky enough to be one of the few he does that with.

Now that I am married with a son and he is engaged and due to be married next fall, I couldn't be happier for him.  I think that at times he doesn't realize how lucky he is to have found a woman who will stick by him or how well off he is (despite his denial of it).  I will always call him a friend, no matter what happens, and I think that in time, he will come to realize how lucky he is.  If there is one thing about Ron that I value above all else, it is his dedication to his friends and family.  I see it first hand having been friends with him for so long and I can see that when he does start his own family and has his own children (which he admits he does want), he will become a better person for it.  I have a feeling that no matter what happens in the future course of our lives, we will remain friends.  I am personally lucky to have forged such a strong friendship with him from an early age and through thick and thin have maintained that friendship.  I feel that if a friendship can be maintained throughout a person's tumultuous teenage years and beyond, then it is fairly certain to persist.  So to Ron, his well being, his friendship over 25 years (wow, a quarter of a century (now I feel old)) and to plenty of good times to come, I pay tribute.  Cheers to you, your fiancee, and your life ahead of you, may it be the best!

My Son's Effect

With all that is going on in the world, the killing and destruction, greed and thievery, I am going to keep it light today.  Its Friday and I think we could all use a little dose of happiness today.  Perhaps what I write today will give you an opportunity to tune out the world for a while, forget what is going on, and maybe think about your own family and the effect that they have on you.  So I am going to talk about my son again today.   I know I have said this before, but every day is an amazing day with my son.  He is now a little over four months old and quickly developing into his own unique person.  What I and almost every one who meets him can't help but notice is that he is an excessive smiler.   Just the other day when we were in church, he was being fussy as it was nearing his bedtime and he probably just wanted to be at home, getting ready for bed.  At the end of church, we walked around to say hello to a few friends and the fussiness disappeared, replaced by a smiling happy baby, eager to meet new people and share his wonderfully cute smile with them.  It seems that as long as he isn't hungry, tired, or needs a diaper change, he is smiling and almost laughing.  There have been a few times where he has outright laughed, but I don't think he realized how exactly he did it and he hasn't been able to replicate it on demand yet.  But what he lacks in outright laughter, he makes up for in his smiles and demeanor.  Just last week he figure out how to role over from his back onto his stomach and can't seem to get enough of the rolling.  From stomach to back is still in the works, but he is getting closer every day.  One other development, while I can't say I am overly happy about it, is that he now starts fussing when you take a toy away.  Let the fun begin!   But in all honesty, I couldn't be more happy about it because it just goes to show that he is slowly developing his powers of reason, cause and effect, and how to get his way.  His development is astounding to me, but he has a much bigger effect on me than just that. 

Getting him out of his crib every morning is one of my biggest joys.  Whether it is slowly rousing him from the depths of the dream world or walking in to see his blue eyes gazing up at me, thumb stuck securely in his mouth, I relish the moment every day.  His morning stretch is simply adorable, especially when he has been fast asleep.  His arms shoot straight over his head, crooked at the elbow, he twists his head to the side and arches his back, and releases a little moan or grunt of disapproval at being awakened.  How could I not smile, even when he doesn't want to be awake.  After picking him up, he buries his head in my chest, rubbing his face back and forth till he can finally force his eyes open to take in the world that he has been thrust into from sleeping.  I can't help but just hold him close, kiss him on top of his head, and bring him downstairs and into another day.  No matter what kind of mood I might be in, the moment I see his face, my own face erupts in a smile.  That alone, could perhaps be the best effect that he has on me.  Don't get me wrong, it can be frustrating at times when he is really fussy and won't calm down, but even then, I can't help but think about his cuteness.  The amount of time when he is actually fussy enough to be frustrating is nil.  Even though he is starting to teethe, he still sleeps through the night and rarely complains about the white objects trying to push their way up through his gums.  He is an amazing little boy and there is nothing in the world I would trade for fatherhood or the chance to watch him grow.  His effect on my life is amazing.  I could be having the worst day in the world and all I need to do is go look at his smiling face and all the worries and anxieties I might have been carrying with me that day melt away.  To see him gaze intently back at me, with innocent, uncorrupted eyes is priceless.

I have heard from friends who are questioning becoming parents that they are not sure if they want to bring about that much change into their lives.  They aren't sure if they have enough money to raise a child and still keep their lifestyle.  They want to make sure that they are completely ready to have a child before even attempting to have one.  I have news for everyone who questions it;  no matter how ready you think you are, parenthood is a priceless experience and one that should be embraced.  Becoming parents inevitably changes things, how could it not?  Bringing a new life into the world will change who you are, who you thought you were, and make you a better person.  I won't lie, I questioned what our lives would be like when we had a child, but none of those questions seem to matter when you find out you are actually going to have a child.  A child is a blessing, nothing short of miracle, and there is not a single moment where I think I would like my old life back.  I enjoyed my life before my son, don't get me wrong, but I enjoy my life now even more.  Yes, finances are tighter, there is not as much time to go out and party, but none of that matters.  We just trust that everything will work out for the best and 99.999% of the time it does.  It seems that if you over think things too much, your own mind gets in the way of enjoying what is before you.  Having a child is a matter of letting go and simply being.  I love my son with everything I have and he brings joy to every day of my life.  As a parent now, I couldn't imagine not being one.  That, I guess, is the effect that my son has on me. 

Bank Settlement and Fairness

2008 was a notable year, most notable in the fact that many large banks came close to failing because of their improper investments in mortgage securities thus sparking the worst economic recession since the Great Depression.  Since that year, many of those banks, in an effort to rid themselves of mortgages, committed many fraudulent acts while attempting to foreclose on thousands of homeowners.  Perhaps the gravest of these fraudulent acts was the mass signing, often times improperly and with surrogate signers, of foreclosure documents that were then sent to homeowners.  These mass signings were many times not even done by bank officials but by random people hired to sign a bank officials name on foreclosure documents hundreds upon hundreds of times.  It got to the point where there were multiple people hired to sign one person's name.  If this isn't a punishable act, I don't know what is.  What makes this such a grave, fraudulent act, besides the signers not being the actual person whose name they were signing, is the fact that many of the documents they were signing were not accurate and to top it off, some of the documents putting people into foreclosure were for people who had been making their payments on time and were in no danger of losing their home.  It is this folly of multiple large banks that drew a settlement with the federal government over the past weeks to try and rectify this issue.  So lets look at what was settled upon and see if it is actually fair. 

The number on the settlement is $26 billion give or take.  A good chunk of that is going to help people reduce their interest rates through re-financing their homes.  Some will go to reducing the balance on mortgages still owed.  The kicker, though, is the $1.5 billion that will be divided up among homeowners who were improperly removed from their homes.  You might be thinking, "$1.5 billion is quite a bit of money, what is wrong with that?".  Well, here is whats wrong; if you break it down amongst the people who were improperly removed from their homes, it comes out to about $1,500 per homeowner.   Perhaps I am an idiot, but I need someone to explain to me how that is fair when the five large banks for who this applies paid out over $114 billion in bonuses last year.  How is $1,500 going to help a family who was removed from their home.  In many cases, that amount is simply one mortgage payment and not nearly enough to put towards a down payment on a new home.  Hell, for a lot of families, $1500 won't even last a month.  Yet this is what our federal government and the big banks agreed on.  The only good that will come out of this is that this settlement is not final and does not close the doors on future legal procedures that may be levied against these banks due to their actions over the past years.  In fact there was just an article that came out today that revealed talked about a California audit of foreclosure proceedings and how a good number of them are simply put, illegal. (Article linke here) Some of the acts committed by the big banks are punishable with imprisonment and I personally feel that now is the time to take these big banks to court and make them face the consequences of their actions. 

I have talked before about these big banks and how their actions are horrific.  I will not support these banks and avoid them whenever possible.  I truly hope that more states investigate these banks, perform audits of their actions, and hold them responsible for what they did.  4 million homeowners were removed from their homes over the past 4 years, 14 million homeowners (or 1 in 5) are currently under water with $700 billion in negative equity (my wife and I are one of those), and the situation is nowhere near from being resolved.  If fairness is to be dealt out, then perhaps we should start by taking back the $114 billion in bonuses that were paid out just last year.  Then, at least, we would have a better starting point at which to tackle this enormous problem we are facing.  But for now we have to deal with this small start, this $26 billion that is supposed to help the problem.  It is a start, don't get me wrong, but it will only dent the surface and bring the problem no where near to resolution.  We shall see what happens in the future, but I sincerely hope that the large banks involved in this crisis are brought to heal, held accountable, and prosecuted to the full extent of the law.  There is no excuse for their actions except greed, and we all now how the majority of America feels about corporate greed.  We shouldn't stand for their blatant abuse of power and we need to take more steps towards getting the federal and state governments to take action against them. 

The Sports Culture

Before I get into today's post, I just want to thank the reader's for any prayers yesterday.  My grandfather is doing much better and will hopefully be out of the hospital in a few days.  Moving on.  The culture in the United States is becoming one dominated by sports.  If you look at the number of people who watched the Superbowl a few weekends ago, it is amazing how many people plaster themselves in front of the TV to watch two football teams butt heads in an attempt to win a trophy.  This year was the most watched Superbowl in history as well as the most watched TV show in history.  The final numbers came in at 111.3 million viewers.  That is more than 1/3 of the population of the United States.  Sports, with their extravagantly paid players, has come to dominate conversations, creating rivalries, and giving people an almost permanent distraction from every day life.  Its not just football, although that seems to have the biggest draw, but basketball and baseball as well.  You have fantasy football leagues that you can play online and endless amounts of data to drive conversations one way or the other.  But do sports add any meaning to life or do they just distract us from life, offering us an easy way to converse superficially without any real substance?  Men for a long time have had the biggest attraction to sports, but recently, more and more women have been drawn to this addiction as well.  Are more women being drawn because they are seeking different ways of relating to men?  Or are they simply being drawn because they see the distraction it provides and want to remove themselves from life for a while as well. 

Sports, while providing entertainment briefly, has come to dominate lifestyles and our culture as well.  More and more conversations revolve around sports, the terms used, and how it relates to our lives that we live every day.  It is much easier for people to talk about sports and their favorite teams than it is to talk about themselves and their own lives.  Has everyone been sucked into this addiction?  Not by any means, but if you look at the numbers, they are not going down, only going up.  Is this because we can't relate to one another outside of sports or discuss with each other issues we may be having in our own lives?  Many people, men especially, will resort to talking about sports players, the scandals they have, and the issues that arise in their lives, nothing about themselves.  There is very little effort put into talking about ourselves, our own lives, our issues, our achievements anymore.  It may happen briefly, but many times, the conversation devolves into sports.  Last time I checked, Tom Brady isn't going to come to your house and help you with any issues you might have.  Your friend might be able to though, if only you discussed it in depth.  There is a movement it seems that is taking people away from figuring themselves out, from exploring who they are through conversation with others.  For many people, conversations about family and life don't last that long while any conversation about sports can go on for hours, discussing the nuances of missed catches, horribly executed plays, or what will happen next season and which team will trade which player.  The way things are heading now, sports will be the only thing we will be able to talk about ten years down the road. 

For the record, I did go to a Superbowl party with my wife.  But also for the record, I probably only watched about 5 minutes of the game.  At the party, I focused on the food and conversations with others, and those conversations did not revolve around sports.  At one point, I was talking to an older friend of mine, who like me, doesn't follow football and doesn't know that much about the intricacies of the game.  He tried asking me a few questions about the game, and I honestly couldn't answer them.  So we talked about our lives instead, our interests and our goals, and where we thought we were headed.  The conversation was much more substantial than any I could have had relating to sports and on top of that, I got to know more about him during the Superbowl than I had at any other point.  While everyone else couldn't take their eyes off of the football game, we conversed, drank, and ate.  Once my wife and I filled up on food, we left; mostly because he had also left and there was no one else to really talk to as the TV had everyone's attention.  So we went home, watched the half time show and maybe a few more minutes of the game and went to bed.  I didn't even find out who won till the next morning when I read the results online.  So much for having something to talk about with other guys.  I know I exaggerated a little in how many people are addicted to sports and the conversations that revolve around them, but I don't feel I exaggerated too much.  If we don't start focusing on our lives, the issues we deal with every day, and the relationships we have with others, life will start to lose meaning.  Sports will become the only meaning that people have in their lives and relating to others will become increasingly difficult.  Try not watching a sports game for once, try talking instead about your own life with a friend.  It may be difficult, but in the end it will be worth it. 

Request for Prayer

Yesterday, although starting out well, turned out to be a rough day by the end.  Early afternoon I received a phone call that my grandfather fell and was rushed to the hospital because he was really pale and his blood pressure was super low.  By super low blood pressure, I mean 80 over 35 or some ridiculously low number like that.  It didn't seem to serious because they got him to the hospital fairly quickly and were able to start figuring things out.  It turned out he had minor internal bleeding in his stomach, most likely due to ulcers in the past and some Advil that he had taken the week before for back pain.  The doctors determined that he needed a transfusion to raise his overall blood count and get him back to normal.  After I received the phone call telling me what happened, I finished up work and headed down to be with my grandmother who is blind and can't do much of anything on her own.  When I got there, she was sitting by herself, gripping the phone tightly in her hands, and staring blankly at a wall.  The only sound emanating from her room was the constant tick of a food timer which she religiously reset to 60 minutes every time it rang so she could tell when an hour had passed.  Her whole demeanor improved when I got there and we just started talking about life, but mostly about my son whom she wanted to know every last detail about.  The last time she was with us was around Christmas and she needed to know how he was, what he looked like, and how he was developing.  We talked and talked and talked. 

Then came the news that my grandfather had been rushed to the ICU.  In the midst of telling my mother, who was at his bedside the whole time, about the grocery's that he needed from the store, he started to have trouble breathing and took an immediate turn for the worse.  He had been recovering, but something flipped and he needed help quickly.  It turned out that his lungs had started to fill with fluid and from what I was told, it looked like congestive heart failure.  At first I didn't tell my grandmother about what was happening because she didn't need the extra burden of disheartening news.  When I got a call from the doctor at the hospital however asking for specific medical history about my grandfather, she knew something was up and I couldn't hold out on the news any longer.  Needless to say, she broke down, shaking and crying, moaning and praying for God to be with her husband.  It wasn't easy for me either.  I could do nothing for her but pray with her, hold her, and try to console her the best I could.  For the first time ever, she laid her head on my chest and cried her heart out, the unknown perhaps being her biggest fear.  She gripped my arms tightly, and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed.  All I could do was hold her.  It was a couple of hours before we received any more news from the hospital, but those were some of the longest hours we spent together.  I did manage after a while to get my grandmother to calm down some, tried to take her mind away from her husband who she couldn't be with and could do nothing to help at the time. 

Luckily, the doctors were able to stabilize my grandfather and in a combination of medication and intubation (tube down the through on a respirator), the fluid started draining from his lungs and he became alert enough where he could have people visit him briefly.  When I found that out, it was a big relief, at least knowing his condition and that he was stable.  My mother then came from the hospital to be with my grandmother and I left immediately to go see him.  When I got there, he still didn't look that good, but I could tell he still had some fight left in him.  He knew who I was, responded to questions with nods of the head and a super tight grip from his hands.  He tried giving me a hug, but having tubes running down his throat and looking quite like a pin cushion with all the needles sticking out of him, I instead bent down, ran my hands through his hair and kissed his forehead.  I stayed long enough to let him know that his wife wanted to be with him and that she and my dad wanted me to give him a kiss.  I gave him plenty and told him that he better get out of there soon so he could see his great grandson.  With him stabilized, we can only hope that he will fully recover from whatever hit him like a ton of bricks, but we just don't know right now.  There has been no breaking news since last night and we can only hope and pray at this point.  So in an effort to help him along, wherever he needs to go at this point, I am asking for prayers from whoever reads this.  I don't care what kind of prayers they are, Christian, Jewish, Muslim, or anything else, any type of prayer is welcome.  And if you can, although I normally don't specifically request this, please pass this along.  All I ask for is that he doesn't suffer and feels as little pain as possible.  He is a tough Polish cookie and still has fight left in him, but he is 87 and at his age anything can happen.  In advance I thank you for your prayers.

Tribute to "Wave" (Dave Smith)

Yes, my friend Dave Smith (trust me, there are many Dave Smith's in this world) also goes by the nickname Wave.  Before beginning my tribute to this good friend of mine, I will share a little history of his nickname.  From what I remember, the nickname actually came from an Asian girl that he knew back when we were at Southern Connecticut State University together.  This Asian girl, whose name I never knew, incessantly called my buddy Dave, Wave.  Having a natural humor and silliness to him, Dave adopted the name because he found it hilarious that every time she saw him and called him Wave, she would also wave her hand in greeting.  Stupid humor, yes, but it stuck and to this day, Dave's close cadre of friends still refer to him as Wave.  But enough about his nickname and on to the substance of who Dave is and why I feel the need to pay tribute to him.  To sum it up, Dave is about as selfless as an individual gets, as long as he has free time to be selfless.  No matter who needs his help, family, friend, or stranger, he will go out of his way to help that person.  Even just recently, in the midst of redoing our kitchen and mentioning when we were going to start ripping it apart, Dave immediately volunteered his help to demolish.  I didn't ask for his help, he just threw it out there.  I have also seen him leave a job he was helping me on to drive a half hour away because one of his friend's cars broke down and needed a ride.  Its simply who Dave is, he gives more of himself than he asks for.  Not that he doesn't ask for help, he does, but compared to the times that he helps others, he mostly goes life alone. 

I have had many great times with Dave, most memorably when I traveled to Italy when he was studying abroad there.  I went just to visit and spend two weeks with him traveling the country.  We drank fantastic wine, ate fantastic food, and drove places that most people would never even think of visiting.  Perhaps the best part of the trip in Italy was our circumnavigation by car of Sicily.  Starting and ending in Palermo, we drove the coast of that fantastic Mediterranean island, eating and drinking our way through.  The most amazing part of that was that we managed to do it all in three days.  Through that drive, the entire trip in Italy, and the other times we spent together stateside, I got to know Dave really well.  Perhaps what Dave is known best for, besides his selflessness, is his ridiculous humor, and I mean ridiculous in the best way possible.  He has a way of turning any situation into something humorous.  Whether it be laughing at himself, which he has no problem doing, or simply acting silly to elicit a laugh, any time spent with Dave is sure to have humor in the sidecar for the ride.  There is also a side to Dave that is serious, that yearns for some sort of meaning in life, and as such, is not one to settle in one place, or one job for that long.  Granted, he has "lived" in Connecticut for quite some time now, but it has never been constant.  In the midst of jumping from job to job, his longest stint maybe lasting a little over a year, he has been known to just up and take off, traveling wherever he wants or needs to at a given time.  The last such excursion/transition, was over the summer.  I had called him to ask for a hand with a project at my house and he informed me that he was leaving his job and going on tour with a Katie Perry in two days, his new job.  I wasn't surprised by any means, I just knew that Dave was off and away again, sure to come back at some point in time. 

To me, Dave can be most likened to a character from Jack Kerouac's "On the Road", the tale of wandering souls, traveling the country, never quite settling down, and never quite finding what they are looking for.  But I love him for it, he wouldn't be the Dave I know without that quixotic side to him.  When he does wander back to Connecticut, sometimes staying longer than others, I enjoy nothing more than hearing his stories of being on the road, his journeys through the United States, and the people he has met along the way.  Maybe one day Dave will find what he is looking for, and figure out where in life he is meant to be, and then again maybe not.  Both he and I know, though, that the most important thing is to take it one day at a time.  He will be the first to admit that he has no plan, doesn't know where he will be a week or a month from now, but he is the type of person who can adjust instantaneously and move on.  Nothing is sacred, and yet everything is sacred to him.  He has deep ties to his family, ones that I think even he often times doesn't realize, and I think that is part of what keeps him coming back.  His family means the world to him and whenever they need help, he is there to help him.  Beneath his wanderlust, his eternal searching, there is a bond with his family that nothing can break.  It is rare to find that kind of bond in people these days, especially in some of the people that I know.  That, perhaps more than anything else, is why I hold a deep respect for Dave, wherever he goes and whatever he does.  To Dave, may you find one day what you are searching for (even though you don't know what it is) and to many shots of grappa on the road.  Cheers bro!

Selective Intervention

The uprising in Syria is nearing a year in length and the world outside its borders continues to watch, both horrified at the death toll yet unwilling to step in to stand up for the people's rights.  I am not advocating a military operation by any one nation, but at the same time, when one looks at the world's intervention in Libya, it raises questions about why we are not doing more to help out the suffering people of Syria.  The situation is akin to that of Libya, an entrenched dictator for decades, suppressed freedom for the people, and a deep yearning for change amongst a good portion of the population.   So what is the difference that is keeping us out of Syria yet drew us into the conflict in Libya?  The Assad regime is in its second generation of iron fisted rule, around 40 years of tyranny, and the Syrian people continue to question why nothing is being done to help their cause.  In Libya, world powers enforced a no-fly zone, supplied rebels with technology to help defeat Qaddafi, and in the end the people were able to overthrow their leader and come out victorious.  Granted, the transitional road of building a new government will be long and hard, but the people are in control now as they wanted to be and the world is now back out and at a safe distance.  Is it because Assad has not quite killed enough people to warrant an intervention or is it because not nearly as much oil flows out of Syria as flows out of Libya?  When watching the news last night, the main question being voiced by the people of Syria is "why has no one come to our aid?"  At this point I am beginning to wonder the same thing. 

I know that technically, it is because the U.N., with all their dilly dallying, can not become unified over this issue.  Whatever options are brought to the table have so far been shot down by Russia and China.  Lets be honest here, who the hell are Russia and China to have a say anyway?  Lets look at their track record here for a second.  China routinely silences any dissent within their own country and probably looks at Syria with a sympathetic eye thinking that the only difference between them is the violence.  But even the violence is questionable on China's part.  They simply keep their violence under super tight lock and key, twist the truth to their own benefit, and keep on trucking, knowing that the world will not do anything to stop them.  Russia for their part has a mostly dysfunctional government with questionable election proceedings and has their own checkered history of doing what they want, where they want, even in foreign countries.  So, that being said, I know the reason they have a say is because they hold seats of power within the U.N., but maybe its time to say to hell with both of you and continue with an intervention in Syria.  Trust me, I know the politics are complicated and to push either Russia or China to the sidelines and say that their voice isn't worth a damn would bring about more trouble.  Even the Arab League recognizes the need to intervene on behalf of the Syrian people, yet nothing consequential has yet been done.  At what point do we draw the line.  When do we say that enough ten year olds have been killed in the cross fire that something needs to be done?  At what point is enough blood shed that we say a line has been crossed?  How long can the world sit by and watch a dictator kill his own people simply because he wants to stay in power?

I don't believe that violence is the answer to anything, but how can you combat a violent regime without violence?  How do you pressure an individual to stop killing his own people?  Is strict economic sanctions enough to pressure him into stopping or will it just push him to drive harder to overcome the protests and uprisings?  I don't have the answer and frankly I wouldn't want to be in the position where I had to come up with an answer, but we are reaching a point where Assad may just kill everyone in his path if it means he gets to stay in power.  How can non-violent actions against a violent dictator work?  I know in theory it shouldn't matter and that the blood will be on ASSad's hands, but how many people would die in the process?  It is sad to me that with the protesters in Syria wondering why the world is just watching them that we can't figure out a way to put a hold on the violence and bring Assad to some peaceful resolution.  The U.N., NATO and the world needs to step up their efforts to bring this situation under control.  The situation is volatile and perhaps they don't care as much about Syria because they don't have a nuclear program like Iran does.  Who gives a crap about a nuclear program when people are dying in an attempt to get more freedom for them and their children.  It is time that Assad is brought under control, the killing stopped, and peace brought Syria.  I only hope something is figure out before too many more people are killed.  Every day that goes by without something being done is another day where people will die for freedom.  Let us look past the politics and look instead at human life. 

Family Dispersion

It used to be that families actually had family reunions; large affairs drawing extended family together to celebrate, re-connect, and share with each other their lives and what they have been up to.   Some families still do have large reunions, but they seem to be a vanishing artifact, only a few generations away from disappearing all together.  On my side of the family, I personally can't remember ever going to an actual reunion.  The closest event that acts as a substitute for a reunion on my side is normally a wedding or a funeral and even those have lost their draw on the extended family.  When I was a teenager, I remember weddings and funerals in part as family gatherings, enabling us to see extended family that often times I didn't even know about.  Now it seems that fewer and fewer extended family members are able or willing to travel and see their family.  This is not to say that families don't care anymore, but with family members taking jobs wherever they are available, the close knit families of generations past who used to all live within one town are gone.  There are still exceptions to the rule, families who remain relatively close in distance to each other and can more easily have these large gatherings where they are able to actually learn who their family members are.  My wife's family is one of them.  We went to a family reunion a few years back at which there were probably close to a hundred or more family members in attendance.  The only way the gathering was held was because most of her side of the family still lives relatively close together and they have been able to keep in touch with each other and still gather on occasion.  But from what I heard, the family reunion I attended was small in comparison to reunions of the past. 

So what is it that is diminishing the draw of these reunions.  Is it that the generations who put in all the effort to keep track of family and where they went is now aging and nearing the end of their lives?  Is the distance factor with families "dispersing" across the country and creating new families of their own coming into play?  Or is the hectic pace of life that often times keeps both husband and wife working in order to support the family leaving little time to plan or execute a family gathering on a large scale?  I think it has to do with all these factors and probably more.  I think perhaps the two biggest factors are the lack of time these days and the distance.  I personally feel that people still care about their extended families, they just can't find the time within their busy lives to gather together.  The lack of time, I feel, trumps all other reasons.  In generations past when all that was necessary was one income to support a family, the husband or wife (usually wife) staying at home had extra time to keep in touch with family, track their whereabouts, and invest time in gathering them all together if not once a year at least every few years.  That coupled with the fact that families used to live at most a few towns apart added to the ease of gathering.  In this hectic day and age when both husband and wife are usually working, sometimes living hundreds of miles away from their extended family, gathering together is a monumental task.  Will family reunions ever become a staple of family life again?  Unfortunately I doubt it.  Unless this current generation is able to gather their extended families information and remain in contact with them, reunions may become a thing of the past.  One would think it would be relatively easy stay in contact with extended family now via the Internet, facebook, and other social media resources; however not all family members utilize those resources.  Further, unless there is effort put in now to gather all family information from grandparents and the aging generation that used to hold family so dear, a lot will be lost.

To me it seems, an added complication to this whole issue is that the younger generation doesn't care as much about their extended family as maybe they should.  It isn't necessarily that they mean to not care, but if they have never had the opportunity to meet their extended family, they have no tangible reason to care about them.  They don't wonder periodically how their 3rd cousin is doing or how their grandmothers sister is fairing.  And perhaps another reason that reunions are becoming a thing of the past is that we now feel the need to have larger houses with more accoutrements driving families to work longer hours and spend less and less time at home.  It is also the flight of families into the suburbs from the cities, driving families farther and farther apart that has a lot to do with diminishing family reunions.  In any case, regardless of the reasons for families not gathering like they used to, it is kind of sad that we are losing that connection with our extended families.  Even if there was a commitment to gather every five years, made by all family members, at least families would be able to gather.  It can't just be one person any more that handles the coordination and the contacting of extended family, it must be a concerted effort by all involved to remain in contact and put in the effort to bring families together.  With time being tight as it is, the onus is now on all family members to remain in contact with each other.  Maybe I am wrong and family reunions will return.  The only thing that might enable this to happen (and as horrible as it is) is the recession we are currently dealing with.  With some families finding it necessary to move closer together again to find the support they need to make it through the tough times, connections are being re-established on some fronts.  This isn't the case for every family and I am fully aware that the recession also makes it harder for families to gather.  But who knows, maybe one day we will return to large family gatherings and celebrating the diverse lives we live. 

Mental Deterioration

I think that most people would agree with me that the less we put our brains to use, the quicker they loser their sharpness and capacity to function at the highest degree possible.  This lack of use could take many forms, but in this digital age it is becoming more and more prevalent as technology affords us the option of not using our brains.  Perhaps the example that most people would be able to relate to is calculators.  While they are not a new invention by any means, their use has increased along with their capacity to perform a wider array of functions.  If you asked a group of teenagers today how to do long division, I would bet that most would have a difficult time with the task and would probably ask for the assistance of a calculator.  Figuring the problem out with a pencil and paper would be a foreign task for them and one that would prove extremely difficult.  In this case, calculators have become a crutch that we rely on to solve our mathematical problems.  Not everyone relies solely on calculators to help them, but I guarantee that most people do.  I remember back in high school (not horribly long ago) where calculators were already in heavy use, I had one math class that forbid the use of calculators because the teacher felt it was imperative that we be able to think through the answer on our own and figure it out with a pencil and paper.  To this day, I am thankful that he did that because I can still do long division with a pencil and paper and figure out most problems in my head (expect for algebra and calculus which I have long forgotten about).  Calculators, however, are merely the tip of the digital iceberg if you will.

Today we live in a world dominated by GPS devices and phones that can practically do everything for you except wipe your rear end.  GPS has taken navigation to the next level by allowing us to rely solely on a given device to get us to a particular destination.  It used to be that we had to break out a map, figure out which roads provided the most direct route, and translate what was on the map into the real world in front of us as we headed towards our destination.  Now, all we have to do is look and listen.  The GPS for the most part dictates to us which turns to make on which roads and notifies us when we have arrived at our location.  Don't get me wrong, I have used a GPS a few times, but I personally find it frustrating as the timing can be off a little bit, making me miss turns, and then having to turn around.  Currently, I have not used a GPS device in years and can navigate just fine without one.  What I do use however is a digital map on my phone, practically the same as a paper map, to see where my destination is and then I figure out how to get there on my own.  My phone has the potential to provide directions for me, but I rarely use it as I like the adventure of plotting my own course and then getting somewhere on my own accord.  The principles are the same from using a digital map to a paper map, you figure out what road you need to turn on and then figure out the roads preceding it so you know when your turn is coming up.  I am also lucky in the fact that once I have driven to a destination once, I can usually remember how to get there again.  But enough about me, what about these GPS's.  Essentially, they are the same as calculators; a crutch.  (NYTimes article here.)

There was one notable study done on cab drivers in London.  One part of the study in particular followed new cab drivers and studied their brain activity as they got to know the roads of the city, the best way to get somewhere, and where they would be most likely to encounter traffic.  These cab drivers used only maps, not GPS, and the area of their brain associated with maps and directions, the hippocampus, actually increased in size the more it was utilized.  This goes to show that the more we use our brains to figure out on our own how to get somewhere, the stronger they get.  The hippocampus, while not solely tied to maps and directions, is more directly tied to spatial relations, or how we relate to the world in front of us (landmarks, streets, positions of buildings) and how we navigate through that world.  Needless to say, the more we use our brains for certain activities, the stronger they will become in those areas.  It goes beyond calculators and GPS devices.  Today, we can have our phones or computers remind us of every event in our day, where we need to go, what we need to do, or even recite grocery lists for us.  We don't have to physically remember to do anything anymore (if we didn't want to).  All we have to do is program our phones or computers to tell us when or how to do something, and we follow suit.  I don't know what is next, but if we continue to rely more and more on computers and digital devices to perform functions for us that would have normally been performed by our brains, then where will we end up.   Our brains will decrease in size if we don't utilize them, the same as they grow when we use them more.  I am not saying that technology shouldn't be utilized, I am simply saying that we should not forget about our own brains and the power they have to solve problems, help us navigate through the world, and simply remember tasks that need to be performed.  Let us ensure that our brains remain strong and our mental strength doesn't deteriorate due to overuse of digital phones and computers. 

U.S. Caste System

What I plan on writing about today will most likely raise some bones of contention.  As the title implies, I will be writing about the caste system in the United States.  The caste system, at least as I see it, is not an overt, rigid, system of social structure meant to keep people at a certain level like the old caste system of India once did.  Rather, the caste system in the United States is a more fluid one, one where more mobility is possible, yet rarely realized.  It is also one that lies underneath the surface, in social perceptions developed over the years, and one that can subconsciously affect individuals.  The caste system I speak about is one relating to jobs and careers and the assumptions and pre-conceived notions that go along with a given job or career.  Unlike the caste system in India where one was born into a certain level and had to remain in that level throughout their lives, the caste system in the United States is one determined in part by the education one receives and in part by the choices that they make regarding what career or job they want to go into.  While individuals in the United States may switch jobs a number of times throughout their lives, most often they switch jobs within a certain level, pertaining either to their education level or what they know and are comfortable with.  Most job sectors have certain stigmas that go along with them.  A few examples are as follows.  Bankers are stuck up snobs who make good money and live in a nice house.  Large business owners don't mingle with the rest of society because they have too much money, don't want to share, and don't care what happens to anyone else.  A technology person must be a geek, a nerd, or someone who is introverted and in part removed from the people around them.  Painters are alcoholics who head straight to the bar once they get out of work.  I could go on, but I think you get the point. 

Now, the examples I gave are not just personal opinions, but perceptions that I have heard from more than a few people.  These assumptions about what people are like are not necessarily true, but as a society, we find it hard to believe otherwise.  The only way our perceptions are swayed is if a person in a given industry gives us reason to believe that they are not what we think they are.  A good part of the time, our perceptions are wrong, yet they still persist regardless of the changes that people make in their personal lives.  I for one know bankers who are personable, do not make tons of money, and are not stuck up snobs.  Yet I feel that there is still a good portion of the population who despise bankers and what they do.  Part of this is re-enforced by the economic events of the past few years.  Conversely, I have also had it said to my face that painters are alcoholics and am I one?  The answer would be no.  Yet despite what I may be like as a painter, people still have pre-conceived notions of what my career entails.  Are their alcoholic painters out there?  Absolutely, I have seen them, but are they alcoholics of their own accord, or have social perceptions played a part in their actions?  I don't know.  And then there is the mobility aspect.  It has already been well recorded that as time has progressed to the current day, mobility between "low class", "middle class", and "high class" is at an all time low.  Those who make tons of money running enormous conglomerates are most likely not going to take pay cuts in order to become a garbage collector.  Those residing in the higher classes perhaps have the most opportunity for mobility, yet rarely exercise it because they are comfortable where they are.  On the lower end of the scale, it is also rare that a garbage collector one day decides that he wants to be a banker, gets back into school, and changes his whole position in life.  This isn't necessarily because he doesn't want to, but the cost of living, the cost of education, and likelihood of success play a big part in keeping him where he is.  The garbage collector may switch jobs, but if he/she does, it will most likely be to a job with a similar pay grade and similar educational requirements.  Again, I am not saying that people haven't risen from a lower class to a higher class, I am merely saying that people rarely do.  As such, this is the caste system we live with in the United States, one built upon unverified perceptions and lack of mobility. 

Will everyone believe in this caste system?  No, in fact I am sure that most people would argue that calling what we have in the United States a caste system is being excessively harsh.  Some would argue that mobility is still prevalent and that anyone can change jobs and attain whatever level they want.  But is this really true?  I would challenge the notion that anyone can simply upend their lives and get a better job.  I am not saying it isn't possible, I am merely saying it extremely difficult to do so.  The difficulty that is associated with changing jobs or careers, "moving up" if you will amongst the classes, is what keeps most people where they are.  In providing for families, most people will keep the jobs they have in an effort to provide a steady flow of income for their household.  And lets not forget social perceptions of what people are like depending on the job they have.  This is probably the most contentious point that I have outlined today, yet I feel that it is one that we need to constantly grapple with if we are to overcome it.  There is not much we can do about mobility unless we are dead set on changing or improving our position in life.  That is entirely possible, yet with any change we make comes a change in people's perceptions of what we are like.  To call these assumptions and pre-conceived notions shallow is an understatement.  For people to hold judgements about others without even knowing them is being more than shallow, it is being naive and hurtful.  Yet many people can't get themselves out of the cycle of judging others or making assumptions about them without getting to know them first.  If we can change our assumptions and pre-conceived notions, then we can at least make a start at eliminating our unspoken caste system in the United States.  I have my doubts that most people can do this.  I am not being negative here, I am simply being realistic.  Feel free to disagree with me, raise your arguments, and show me where I am wrong.  This is something that needs discussion if we are to move past it.  For my own part, I do my best to approach everyone with an open mind and a willingness to listen and to not judge.  We all need to work at eliminating how social perceptions come to play in our own lives and our own views of what people are like and how they act before even meeting them.  Just food for thought, but I hope everyone has a great day!

Tribute to My Readers

I want to take time this Monday morning and pay tribute to all those who read my blog, whether it is daily or only once.   I started the blog almost a year ago with a hope that people would read it and comment.  A year later, and readership has slowly crept up.  I appreciate everyone who has taken time out of their busy days to sit down for a few minutes and read my thoughts on everything ranging from world politics to health to more recently being a father.  In a sense, it helps keep me writing because I know that there are people out there reading what I write.  Is it absolutely necessary to have people read what I write?  No, but it is a big help, especially when they comment on my thoughts, either via facebook or on the blog itself.  There is nothing I like more than to hear people's reactions to my writings.  I like to provoke people to think more about what is happening around them, to delve deeper into their own thoughts and see how they relate to world events or just to the people around them.  Through my blog, I try to offer a slightly different view of life, how we relate it to it, and how we can move forward.  To see that people continue to read what I write says that I am not completely full of it, that perhaps I have something to offer.  Have I attracted thousands of readers in a day as some bloggers have?  No, but that is not my intention.  If I have only a few people reading my blog daily, then that is enough for me.  I value the people who read what I write, wherever they are from, and it is intriguing in this digital age to see how my words can transcend language barriers and be read by people half way around the globe. 

There are two aspects that I find truly enjoyable about the blogging experience.  The first, which has intrigued me from the start, is to see what countries people are reading my blog from (it is one of the features of the blog).  I can click on the stats, see how many people read my blog in a given day, which posts get more traffic, and see if there is a continual following from a particular country.  I think it is pretty obvious that being an American, most of the people reading the blog are from the United States.  However, over the course of a year, I have had people read my blog from most countries around the world.  For example, just over the past week, I have had people from the following countries read my blog at least once:  U.S., Sweden, Russia, Canada, France, Georgia (the country), Netherlands, Brazil, Hong Kong, Latvia.   There are a few constants throughout, but the world audience varies each week.  The second aspect that I have come to enjoy about writing this blog is that I have more and more people coming up to me in my daily life and tell me that they read my blog daily and enjoy it.  Some I know have read it and it doesn't come as much of a surprise, but there are others who approach me and catch me off guard when they tell me they have read my blog.  I am truly thankful to everyone who has read it and continues to do so. 

I have heard it said that you shouldn't need people to read what you write in order to actually write.  While that is true, having people read my thoughts, my discourses on different topics, and to see that there is a steady stream of readers definitely helps.  Is there a part of me that wants more people to read my blog?  Absolutely.  But I would rather have a few people read my blog who are truly interested in a different view than to have people breeze through just for the sake of saying they have read my blog.  There are thousands of "bloggers" out there, each with a different topic, a unique voice, and varying perspectives on life.  Some blog just to get their thoughts down, some to gripe, some to teach.  I write this blog to offer what I think is a different view of the world.  Some may share that view at times and others may not.  I don't expect people to agree with me all the time, in fact, I like when they don't sometimes because it offers me a different perspective on one of my topics that I may not have considered.  But in any case, regardless of how many people read my blog, I will keep on writing.  I just want to thank all those who have read my blog over the past year.  I also want to thank all those that have contributed in some way.  So I end today with a tribute, and a toast of my coffee, to all those readers of my blog; thank you.