What does it mean to affirm the good in someone? Take a minute and think about what it entails. While it might seem fairly easy at first to affirm someone, is it really? Upon first thought, I also felt it would be easy to affirm someone else, but then I started thinking a little more about what is involved, and I realized that it is not always simply cut and dry to affirm the good in someone else. To start off with, it takes conscious effort to reach a point where we can affirm the good in someone else. In order to reach a point of affirmation, we must all start with attentiveness towards others, an awareness if you will of what they do, how they act, and who they truly are as an individual. If we are attentive enough, and aware enough of the people around us, we can affirm others even if we have just met them. We might affirm someones compassion towards others, their politeness, or their smile. These little acts of affirmation go a long way in lifting a person up, showing them that others recognize in them what is good, and provides impetus for them to continue doing what they are doing. Even random people that we meet at the store can benefit from our awareness and attentiveness. But affirmation can go much deeper than simply affirming people we have just met. Perhaps the most meaningful form of affirmation comes from those around us that we have known for more than just 5 minutes, those we work with for years, or our family members, or even friends and acquaintances who we have gotten to know on a deeper level. With people that we have known for a longer period of time, if we are attentive and aware, we can truly begin to realize who they are as a person, the good that they have within them, and help to perpetuate that by affirming them.
The key to affirmation, in my mind, is being attentive and aware of people around you, whether they are strangers or long time friends and family members. It requires us to move beyond ourselves, forget our innate selfish nature, and be in tune with others, not ourselves. Trust me, its not always the easiest thing to do, to turn our attention away from ourselves and towards others. I have trouble with it at times, especially if I am having a bad day, or am tired, or any other excuse I can come up with. If we continually focus on ourselves, then we are losing out on an entire world of good that others can offer us. Once we begin to realize this good in others, and how it affects us, then we can more easily tune ourselves out and tune in to others. By this tuning into others, we begin to see more minute variations of how they grow as individuals, how they act and react with others, and their innate nature that benefits those around them. Once we see this, we can affirm it in them, and it has a two fold benefit. On the one hand, it draws us closer as individuals because as a recipient of affirmation, we begin to realize that people are cognizant of what we do, who we are, and how we carry ourselves. Secondly, it serves as a perpetuating act in that it drives us to be a better person. Some may ask, how does affirmation drive you to be a better person? Simple, if we are told that someone really thinks we are doing a good job at embracing others with a smile, it is a form of reward and we will continue to embrace others with a smile. At times, affirmation requires us leaving our comfort zone to lay out our thoughts and beliefs of others and the recognition we have of the good they have done. Once we do it once, though, it becomes easier and easier and perpetuates itself.
So why did I choose to write about affirmation today? Well, very simply, because someone affirmed me yesterday and it really touched me. The person who affirmed me is a woman at our church whom I have known for well over ten years now. She also happens to be the woman who watches our son three days a week. Yesterday, as I was dropping of our son at her house, she stopped me before leaving just wanting to tell me a few things. In essence, she said that having watched me grow up for a good part of my life, go off on my own, get married and become a father, she wanted me to know that she thinks I am a wonderful person and great father. I am not saying this to be egotistical (although I would have years ago), I am just putting this out there because I thought it was a really nice gesture on her part to affirm me the way she did. After I left her house, my day was fantastic. It was that simple act in the morning that kept my day going well. It wasn't that I was having a bad day, it simply made my good day even better. It stayed with me and drove me to be nicer to people, not in an effort to receive affirmation from others, but just because I was being who I knew I could be on a continuous basis. Its amazing what a little affirmation can do for a person, how it can really lift them up and show them that they are valued. It shows us that people recognize the good that we do, the person we have become, and the person that we continue to be. I implore people today simply to be more attentive and aware of those around them. Whether it leads to affirmation or not, simply try and go beyond yourself and your concerns and focus on others!
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