I think that almost every single person reading this can remember a time when they were younger that a vulnerability of theirs was exploited by their peers and used against them. This vulnerability could have been anything from being a little goofy looking, to being awkward playing sports, to simply wearing mix-matched clothes to school. When we were younger, these vulnerabilities of ours were not something that we relished, in fact, I am sure that most of us were terrified of these vulnerabilities and tried to eradicated them at any cost. At a younger age, vulnerabilities were something that our peers used incessantly against us, tormenting us if we tried to fight against them and even if we shrugged off their comments, they would not stop unless we somehow embraced that vulnerability and showed that it was part of who we are. I still remember to this day a vulnerability of mine in seventh grade that others tried to use against me, made fun of me for, and in their own way tormented me. This was a gap that I had between my two top front teeth that made me look like David Letterman. It wasn't a permanent gap, but rather one that was created in order to straighten my teeth. My peers, as I mentioned, tried to make fun of me; but I remember somehow embracing that gap between me teeth (perhaps knowing that it was not permanent) and using it against them. Instead of reacting negatively, shutting down or lashing out, whenever they made a comment about the gap, I used to take one of those old wooden rulers and shove it in between the gap. More often than not, this would gross them out and cause the comments to temporarily cease. It came to the point where I would spontaneously shove the ruler in between my teeth just to see their reaction. You know what, the comments didn't last long and life moved on. I witnessed many other instances where my peers were picked on for their flaws and shortcomings and, not being able to embrace those flaws and shortcomings (their own vulnerabilities) they would retract into themselves and shut down. Little did I know at the time, but most of the kids who were making the comments and tormenting others were simply trying to hide their own shortcomings because they could not themselves embrace them.
So what does this have to do with us as adults and trust? How do the two factor together? Even as an adult, I see many people who are closed off from others, not allowing them to see them for who they truly are. This could be due to a number of causes. Either they never got over the torment they received when they were younger and as such have not come to terms with themselves, or even to this day they feel that by exposing themselves, they will be opening up new doors to being tormented and made fun of. I have learned that for the most part, the only people as adults who will make fun of others are those who do not truly know who they are and feel the need to dominate those around them. These people aren't worth being around period. Everyone else will most times be grateful that others have exposed who they are and as a result become more open themselves. This process of opening up, becoming vulnerable again, is the fastest way to gain the trust of others. If you see someone open up, showing different aspects of themselves that you didn't know were there, wouldn't you be more likely to trust them? I would. It shows that they are willing to be themselves and also shows that they are not hiding anything back and as such should have our trust. It is a complicated process and one that can leave us feeling awkward and vulnerable, but in the end, proves to increase any bond we may feel with others whether it be in the realm of business, friends, or family. It all goes back to some comments I made last week about knowing who we are. This takes it a step further. We must not only learn who we are and search to understand ourselves, but we must then become comfortable with ourselves so that we may open up to others, become vulnerable, and gain others' trust. If we do not trust others, how can we call them a friend or business associate.
Making ourselves vulnerable is perhaps one of the most difficult acts that we can go through. Mostly, this is because when we were younger we experienced such negativity when we were vulnerable. If we are to grow in life, however, we must examine those feelings we have about being vulnerable and seek to overcome them. We must seek to gain the trust of others by opening ourselves up and seeking to be understood by others. It is these times of being open, of being vulnerable, that we become the truest form of who we are. If we seek to put up walls and block others out, we will never experience a full level of trust among others. We may gain others trust partly by the way we act, the way we interact with others, and the way we do business, but unless we are true to ourselves and take down any walls we have erected, we will never establish a deep connection and trust with others around us. These walls we erect, in part, also block us from ourselves because at a subconscious level, we do not want to come to terms with who we are and those walls, as well as blocking others out, also block out ourselves. Are these walls easy to take down once built up? No, but the longer we wait to take them down and examine who we are, the taller and thicker those walls become and it will eventually get to a point where that wall can not be taken down. If we are to obtain the trust of others and for that matter trust in ourselves we must be like an open field without any structures to block the view of us. Today, let us all strive to be a little more open with others. Let us all start to take down the walls we have erected and instead of hiding behind those walls, lets stand on top of the rubble and be open to everyone around us. Let us gain the trust of others and increase their understanding of who we are, thus increasing our own understanding of ourselves.
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