Last Bid Farewell

I mentioned earlier this week, on Monday, that I was writing a piece about Matt Lofaro for the Milford Patch instead of writing my blog.  Well, I wrote it, I emailed it to the editor, and never heard back from him or saw it in the Patch.  So, in light of not getting the piece into the Patch, I will instead post it hear for any who wish to read it.  What I also did, because I had a feeling that something like this might happen, was printed it out and handed it to Matt's dad at the funeral on Monday morning.  I felt like having something about his son in hand might help him out a bit.  I'm sure that there isn't much that anyone can do to lessen the grief he is feeling, but I tried to do my small insignificant part.  In any case, following is what I wrote, maybe a bit lengthy, but here it is, unedited by any newspaper and not even a week old. 

 

Matt Lofaro, Coming Full Circle 

When I think about the perception that many people who never knew Matt Lofaro will have, it saddens me to think that most will only think of him as a criminal.  People will consider only the one incident that propelled him into the news and the one incident that ultimately led to his demise, his alleged robbery of a convenience store.  Yet to look at only one incident to define a whole lifetime, however short it may have been, is folly, for behind every incident is a story that needs to be told.  Perhaps I am not the best one to tell that story now, but being one of Matt Lofaro’s friends, I have been granted that opportunity.  I still, after almost a week, can’t fathom that Matt Lofaro would actually rob a store.  Even after talking to and hearing from dozens of people, none of it makes sense to me.  Looking back at his life, one that was led with an eternal smile plastered to his face, the only explanation that my mind can come up with as reasoning for his actions is that it was a stupid prank gone horribly wrong.  Even if the truth proves otherwise, in my heart I will believe it was Matt’s last devilish joke.  For Matt wasn’t a fighter, wasn’t a criminal, and had no bone in his body that would ever desire to hurt another human being.  For all intensive purposes, Matt was a lover of life and of people, and all who knew him were better off due to their relationship with him.  To think that Matt would ever intentionally harm another is truly beyond my comprehension.  Yet, what done is done, and we can’t undo the past.  Nothing we speculate about now will bring Matt Lofaro back.  No actions we take in hindsight will correct any wrongs.  The only thing we have left now is the memory of who Matt Lofaro was, and that memory for so many people is filled with good times, smiles, laughs, and friendship with a man who had everything going for him. 

 

I first met Matt Lofaro towards the end of my tenure in high school at St. Joseph’s in Trumbull.  We were introduced by a mutual friend, Matt Lanier, and if it weren’t for that introduction, I don’t know if we ever would have connected.  But our interaction back then was brief as he was three years younger than me, but that interaction planted the seed of friendship that would endure the next 13 years of our lives.  I went off to college for a few years before coming home to work on finishing college closer to home.  It was upon that return home that our friendship really took off.  Every time I saw Matt, he welcomed me with open arms and a smile, and of course, the persistent question about how I was doing.  He was always looking out for his friends, would do anything for them, and to me, that spoke volumes about his character and the family that brought him up.  Matt would not have been the person he was without his family, two younger brothers and a mother and father who loved him dearly.  Over time, I came to know them as well and I must affirm that the saying, “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” rang true for Matt Lofaro.  His family, much as he did, was always welcoming.  The Matt I knew was always seeking the good times with friends, and success in life.  There were his famous Mojito’s he made, better than any I had tried previously.  There was his desire to be successful in whatever job he held, which he largely was, and towards the end, there was his desire to move forward with his girlfriend in the house he recently bought.   All this speaks to the Matt I knew, the Matt with whom I shared many good times, and the Matt with whom I looked forward to years of future friendship.  The last few years of our relationship as friends saw a little distance, mostly due to the start of my own family with a child, now two years old.  I remember a few weeks after our son was born, Matt and his girlfriend Kat came over to visit, to see our newborn son, and to hang out for a bit in our house.  Yet even with the distance that grew between us, we always re-connected, always stayed in touch, and never forgot about our friendship.  It wasn’t until yesterday, at his wake, that I began to forget all that had happened last Wednesday morning.  To dwell on that one day would be to take away from the memory of who he was.  To see the long line of friends and family waiting to pay their last respects spoke volumes about who he was and the positive impact he had on others.  I cried yesterday, as many did at that wake, but not for Matt himself (he wouldn’t have wanted that), but for the people he left behind and the empty spot in their hearts that once beheld a wonderful person.  But mostly, I cried because Matt and his dad had not spoken in the weeks leading up to Matt’s death, and being a father now myself, it tore at my heart to know that his dad would never have the satisfaction of reconciling with his son, which he truly desired to do.  I was debating going to the prayer service/funeral today for Matt, but in the end, it is something I must do, if for nothing else than to say goodbye one last time, and of course, shed a few more tears. 

I titled this little piece “Coming Full Circle” and I am sure that some of you are wondering why I would title a piece over a friend’s death as such.  Well, it will all be explained now.  You see, about four years ago, for whatever reason, Matt Lanier (our mutual friend who introduced us) and I stopped talking.  For years before that we had been really good friends, and then there was nothing.  He went on to get married and have a daughter.  His daughter is about two weeks older than my son.  I don’t know what caused the split in our relationship, but we just didn’t talk, didn’t hang out, it was as if he and I had moved to different planets.  Yet, that distance disappeared last Thursday in the wake of Matt Lofaro’s death.  It was as if Matt Lofaro, in one of his last acts, brought Matt Lanier and myself back together.  The man who I was introduced to in the end re-introduced me to our friend.  And last Thursday, sitting at a bar, reminiscing about old times, toasting the Matt Lofaro we knew, we vowed to never let that distance get between us again.    To me, for every life lost, a new one is born, and this could not be more true than now.  People will mourn the passing of Matt Lofaro, but in his passing, he will undoubtedly change others for the better.  Whether it is renewing in others a commitment to their friends or family, or whether it is simply planting the inspirational seed to live life to its fullest and never let a moment pass us by, Matt Lofaro will have a lasting impact on many, I am sure.  Now is not the time for anger at what happened, but time to look forward and remember the Matt we all knew so well.  Nothing can change what happened, but in Matt’s passing, perhaps we can change ourselves for the better.  I know I was changed by Matt, and in his passing have renewed my own commitment to life, to friends, to family, and to everything I love and cherish.  We never know when life will turn on a dime for us, we will never know when life will come to an abrupt end, but what we can know is that we did the best we could, loved as much as our hearts could endure, and always put our best foot forward.  Matt Lofaro’s life was not in vain.  He impacted many and will continue to impact many for years to come.  For all those saddened by the loss of Matt, a friend, a son, whatever he was to you; I am sure that wherever he is, he is smiling down on us with love, for that is what he had for everyone.