Becoming a father changes a person forever. From the moment the child enters the world, nothing is ever the same for a father, or for that matter a mother, although becoming a mother changes a person even earlier I am sure. The way a father views the world is different than the way an ordinary man views the world. Nothing will ever be the same as it used to and a man finds that he has a larger capacity for love than he ever thought was possible. Life moves beyond the self to include those around him. The love of a child is different than any other love one can experience. Having part of you go into creating a child does not take a way anything of who you are, rather it increases what you have to offer. You find reserves of energy and patience that were previously hidden. There is a desire to everything possible to keep that child safe and to help them grow into their own unique adulthood. Every day that goes by sees a different challenge presented by a child, but every single one is accepted and surmounted. Yet, through every challenge, every push of a parents' buttons by a child, there is deep well of love that never seems to go dry.
Last night, I got home late from work and decided to have a bowl of ice cream and watch a little TV before making my way upstairs to go to bed. With the ice cream done, I decided to watch a few more minutes of TV. Well, somehow I fell asleep on the couch only to be woken up by our son screaming in his room, "Daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, ahhhhhhhhhhh." I waited a few minutes, hoping it would go away, but the screams got louder and I could tell there would be no going back to sleep for our son. Something was up and I had to check on him. When you are a father, you get to know the difference between the types of screams your child has. I know when I can leave our son in his crib and within five minutes he will be back in bed. I also know when no matter how long I leave him there, nothing will calm him and I will need to go in there. Trust me, I have no problem waking up in the middle of the night to take care of our son, even if it means getting less sleep. Well, I walk in, turn the lights on low, and see our son sitting in the middle of his crib; naked, shivering, wet, and screaming. In essence, he looked miserable. He has this new idea that he has to sleep naked in his crib so he somehow manages to take off his sleep and then his diaper, and since he can't control his bladder yet, he usually ends up peeing. Since it is starting to get cold out, its not so much fun when you pee in your crib, naked, and then have to sleep in it. So as soon as I walk in, I pick him up and he clings to me for dear life, shivering and shaking. I just held him tight as I went to get another diaper, get him dressed back up, and get him ready to go back to bed. I sat with him, rocking him and singing with him for about ten minutes before putting him back down. As a dad, you don't always consider everything so my wife had to go in almost right after I left because I had forgotten to check his sheets to see if they were wet, which they were. But that's another story for another day. The only thing that mattered to me last night was comforting him, loving him, and making sure he got warm and dry.
This past week, while depressing with the loss of a friend, has also made me realize how important certain things are in life. Family and friends. What is more important than that and the love we have for one another. More than that though, it made me look at our son a little differently. Not that I had any lack of love for him before, but seeing my friend's dad talk about him during the funeral made me realize just how special the bond is between parent and child. There is so much that we will never understand about our parent's love for us until we have a child and feel that love ourselves. We begin to realize that no matter what happens, the love we have for our child will never diminish, never go away, and stay with us until our dying day. A parent should never have to bury their own child. It has to be one of the hardest things to do on this earth. Every time I try to empathize with Matt's dad, it brings such an upwelling of emotions that I almost can't bear it. While I hope to never lose my son or my future child, I have had a glimpse of what it would be like, and I don't know if I would be able to handle it. If you don't have a child and are reading this, you will never quite understand the sentiments I am talking about until you have your own child. So over this past week, I have re-affirmed my love for my family and friends and have vowed to do my best to cherish every moment I can. Life is too short to live it any other way. I have always lived by the Latin saying "Carpe Diem" and will continue to do so till I leave this earth. Carpe Diem, translated, simply means "Seize the Day".
Last night, I got home late from work and decided to have a bowl of ice cream and watch a little TV before making my way upstairs to go to bed. With the ice cream done, I decided to watch a few more minutes of TV. Well, somehow I fell asleep on the couch only to be woken up by our son screaming in his room, "Daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, ahhhhhhhhhhh." I waited a few minutes, hoping it would go away, but the screams got louder and I could tell there would be no going back to sleep for our son. Something was up and I had to check on him. When you are a father, you get to know the difference between the types of screams your child has. I know when I can leave our son in his crib and within five minutes he will be back in bed. I also know when no matter how long I leave him there, nothing will calm him and I will need to go in there. Trust me, I have no problem waking up in the middle of the night to take care of our son, even if it means getting less sleep. Well, I walk in, turn the lights on low, and see our son sitting in the middle of his crib; naked, shivering, wet, and screaming. In essence, he looked miserable. He has this new idea that he has to sleep naked in his crib so he somehow manages to take off his sleep and then his diaper, and since he can't control his bladder yet, he usually ends up peeing. Since it is starting to get cold out, its not so much fun when you pee in your crib, naked, and then have to sleep in it. So as soon as I walk in, I pick him up and he clings to me for dear life, shivering and shaking. I just held him tight as I went to get another diaper, get him dressed back up, and get him ready to go back to bed. I sat with him, rocking him and singing with him for about ten minutes before putting him back down. As a dad, you don't always consider everything so my wife had to go in almost right after I left because I had forgotten to check his sheets to see if they were wet, which they were. But that's another story for another day. The only thing that mattered to me last night was comforting him, loving him, and making sure he got warm and dry.
This past week, while depressing with the loss of a friend, has also made me realize how important certain things are in life. Family and friends. What is more important than that and the love we have for one another. More than that though, it made me look at our son a little differently. Not that I had any lack of love for him before, but seeing my friend's dad talk about him during the funeral made me realize just how special the bond is between parent and child. There is so much that we will never understand about our parent's love for us until we have a child and feel that love ourselves. We begin to realize that no matter what happens, the love we have for our child will never diminish, never go away, and stay with us until our dying day. A parent should never have to bury their own child. It has to be one of the hardest things to do on this earth. Every time I try to empathize with Matt's dad, it brings such an upwelling of emotions that I almost can't bear it. While I hope to never lose my son or my future child, I have had a glimpse of what it would be like, and I don't know if I would be able to handle it. If you don't have a child and are reading this, you will never quite understand the sentiments I am talking about until you have your own child. So over this past week, I have re-affirmed my love for my family and friends and have vowed to do my best to cherish every moment I can. Life is too short to live it any other way. I have always lived by the Latin saying "Carpe Diem" and will continue to do so till I leave this earth. Carpe Diem, translated, simply means "Seize the Day".
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