I would have to say that for the most part, I don't have much guilt as a parent. I feel that I give my all to being a parent, to being there for my son, to helping him grow and develop, and to set rules and boundaries. Yet, as my dream of being able to spend more time at home with him has dissipated, and for the most part, disappeared, I do get pangs of guilt when I don't get to see him every afternoon. We do eat at least one meal a day together as a family, breakfast, and for the majority of the week, dinner as well, but there is a part of me that would like to be there more. Yet, it isn't exactly possible all the time. This fall has been utterly crazy with work, and as I am self employed, I have to do the work to bring the money in. Its not like a 9-5 where I can get there at a given hour and leave at a given hour. My days fluctuate with the weather, with the job, and with a thousand other variables that get factored in. Sometimes the worst guilt I get is when I go away to Vermont or when my wife tells me that our son was asking for me a lot in a given evening. Those are the times where my heart feels like it gets twisted a little in an iron grip, squeezed just a touch to let me know I care, and wrenched to and fro. I know I will not be able to be there for every aspect of our son's life, its just not possible, yet there is a part of me that would like to be. Judging from my upbringing, the early years are the most formative when it comes to raising a child. Those first five years have an impact that will last a lifetime and will guide a child into adulthood. More goes into a developing brain during the first five years of life than at almost any other time of a person's life. It is fundamental and there is large part of me that wants to make sure I have a hand in being a steadfast part of that first five years. Two are now down and there are three to go. These next three years will perhaps be the most fun and the most challenging, but I will love every second of them. This all comes as I am heading to Vermont this weekend to close up the campsite for the winter. My wife and son will not be coming as it will be too cold, but luckily its only for a weekend. As for me, I love the cold and will enjoy the fact that I won't be sweating up there at all.
But enough about my little pangs of guilt that come occasionally. I'm sure I'm not the only parent to ever feel them, so lets move on to our naked son again. Tuesday morning I went to get our son from his room as I normally do in the mornings. Upon opening the door (sounds very similar to another post I had, doesn't it) I see him curled up in a little ball, naked. As soon as he saw me, he popped up and handed me his PJ's and diaper. Yup, this time he got everything off, including undoing the little flap that normally covers the top of the zipper. Then again, the same thing happened yesterday morning, except the diaper didn't come off. So after two mornings in a row of finding our son naked in bed, we decided that it might be time to get a two piece set of PJ's for him, that way even if he manages to get his pants off, he will have his shirt to keep him half warm. That's the one thing he can't get off yet, his shirt. At least it isn't freezing at night yet so he doesn't get too cold. And not that it would actually get freezing in his room as we do have this modern convenience called a furnace to heat the house, but still, it does get a bit chilly at night. However this whole naked child thing turns out, I really don't mind as long as he doesn't come running downstairs naked as a teenager. Oh well, my mind is slow today and while I started this post yesterday and without the necessary time to finish it up and post it, I am finishing it this morning. It could be my mind is slow due to lack of sleep. I had a meeting last night from which I didn't get home till after 11. So 4.5 hours of sleep later with a dog that persistently inched her way up the bed till I had half a bed to sleep on, and here I am struggling to bring words to fruition and get them down in a logical and decipherable manner. Tonight will be another late night as I have darts so expect no post tomorrow. Yup, my life has taken a turn from normal/crazy to crazy/insane. The amount of sleep I have gotten this week is not nearly enough. It went from 6 hours on Monday night down to 5 on Tuesday night. Last night as I mentioned was even less and tonight will probably be around the same or less than last night. Tired, tired, tired with no end in sight. I'd say I love it but I fear I might be lying. In any case, I'll just keep on trucking, trying to get these blog posts out as often as possible (another minor cause of a different kind of guilt) which has diminished I know, and most importantly try to to keep from getting sick. Here is to Halloween, nightmares, and everything Octoberish. (See, I told you my mind was having trouble this morning.)
But enough about my little pangs of guilt that come occasionally. I'm sure I'm not the only parent to ever feel them, so lets move on to our naked son again. Tuesday morning I went to get our son from his room as I normally do in the mornings. Upon opening the door (sounds very similar to another post I had, doesn't it) I see him curled up in a little ball, naked. As soon as he saw me, he popped up and handed me his PJ's and diaper. Yup, this time he got everything off, including undoing the little flap that normally covers the top of the zipper. Then again, the same thing happened yesterday morning, except the diaper didn't come off. So after two mornings in a row of finding our son naked in bed, we decided that it might be time to get a two piece set of PJ's for him, that way even if he manages to get his pants off, he will have his shirt to keep him half warm. That's the one thing he can't get off yet, his shirt. At least it isn't freezing at night yet so he doesn't get too cold. And not that it would actually get freezing in his room as we do have this modern convenience called a furnace to heat the house, but still, it does get a bit chilly at night. However this whole naked child thing turns out, I really don't mind as long as he doesn't come running downstairs naked as a teenager. Oh well, my mind is slow today and while I started this post yesterday and without the necessary time to finish it up and post it, I am finishing it this morning. It could be my mind is slow due to lack of sleep. I had a meeting last night from which I didn't get home till after 11. So 4.5 hours of sleep later with a dog that persistently inched her way up the bed till I had half a bed to sleep on, and here I am struggling to bring words to fruition and get them down in a logical and decipherable manner. Tonight will be another late night as I have darts so expect no post tomorrow. Yup, my life has taken a turn from normal/crazy to crazy/insane. The amount of sleep I have gotten this week is not nearly enough. It went from 6 hours on Monday night down to 5 on Tuesday night. Last night as I mentioned was even less and tonight will probably be around the same or less than last night. Tired, tired, tired with no end in sight. I'd say I love it but I fear I might be lying. In any case, I'll just keep on trucking, trying to get these blog posts out as often as possible (another minor cause of a different kind of guilt) which has diminished I know, and most importantly try to to keep from getting sick. Here is to Halloween, nightmares, and everything Octoberish. (See, I told you my mind was having trouble this morning.)
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