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Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Subconscious Meanderings

Our subconscious is a fickle beast that lies just below the surface of everything we do.  Freud posited that our subconscious played a big role in governing our every day actions, thoughts, feelings, and emotions.  While some don't buy into this, I feel that our subconscious plays a bigger role in our lives than most would like to admit.  For the most part, we have limited ability to tap into our subconscious and all that it contains, whatever it contains.  We know its there, we see and feel its effect through our dreams, and we are also driven to a certain extent by its movement and force, however, as to what actually lurks within our subconscious, we are blind.  One of the most tangible ways I feel that we can get a glimpse at our subconscious at work is when we make automated decisions with no notion as to why we chose what we chose.  Whether it be driving down a road, faced with a decision as to turn left or right, and without thinking we turn right, or those off the cuff decisions we make while shopping to grab a random item without having planned to get that item   These types of instances show us that our subconscious is working, yet we still don't know what motivates or drives our subconscious to act the way it does or drive us the way it does.  There are a few ways in which we can get a glimpse at how our subconscious operates.  One of these ways is through exhaustion.  I am not referring to any specific scientific study that has been done, rather, I am referring to my own experience with it.   One of the benefits of working mainly by myself all day is that I become more in tune with the way my mind operates.  I am more aware at how it pushes and pulls me, drives me towards certain things while pulling me away from others.  Never is this push and pull more noticeable to me than when I am overly tired.  I am talking about those times when it feels almost impossible to keep my eyes open or after I have caught my proverbial "second wind". 

During these times of exhaustion, my conscious guard gets let down and I begin to operate more on auto pilot than on actual conscious thought.  There is a certain impulsive drive that reveals itself and begins to take over my actions, thoughts, and feelings.  I attribute that solely to my subconscious playing a bigger role in driving me during those times than my conscious self.  As my brain is tired, my body weak, there is very little to restrain the often times manic and volatile subconscious from revealing itself and to a certain extent taking over all bodily function.  There is never a complete surrender to the subconscious, however I have found that the more tired or exhausted I am, the more perilously close to the surface my subconscious comes.  Thus far I have been treating my subconscious almost as this monster that lurks beneath the surface waiting to destroy me.  I don't think that's the case at all.  Our subconscious is a driving force, yes, but it is also a depository for everything we see, hear, smell, taste, think, etc.  With all that is contained within our subconscious, our conscious mind is literally a filter by which our subconscious is tamed, drawn from when needed, yet always present.  In fact, most times when I am exhausted and I feel my subconscious inching closer and closer to the surface of the conscious world, I am accepting, if not actually glad that I can get a little glimpse as to what is operating below the surface of my mind.  As I mentioned, my subconscious tends to be a little manic and volatile from time to time, but there is also a distinctly random and creative side to it that inspires me, drives me, and is at times breath taking.  That random, creative, impulsive side is one that I actually admire and wish that I can tap into more regularly at such deep levels.  I feel that I have a certain ability to tap into it on a regular basis, but it those times when I am tired, it really shows itself.  It is all about letting our guard down, attempting not to filter anything, and letting our mind go where it needs to go. 

Often times in our daily lives, we get so caught up in everything going on around us that we can't actually tap into our subconscious.  I used the times when I am exhausted as an example because my thought process during those times is minimal. I find that it takes all the energy I have to focus on the task at hand, never mind putting a filter on my mind and trying to control myself.   It is only through quieting the mind and letting our instincts and gut reactions take hold that we can access our subconscious and some of what it contains.  Waxing Freudian here, I don't think we can ever access every aspect of our subconscious except through our dreams.  It is those times, when our conscious mind is shut down can our subconscious take hold and come fully to the surface.  Similarly, if one is adept at meditation, then the subconscious can be tapped through those means as well.  All that is needed is a quiet mind, void of all thought, and our true self can come to be revealed.  While true access to our subconscious can only be had through meditation or through dreams while sleeping, I think that certain people have more access than others do to what lies beneath the surface.  In part, I feel that those who operate creatively in their lives, (whether it be through the arts, personal expression, or some other means) are capable of accessing more of their subconscious than the average person can.  Some have no interest in seeing what lies beneath the surface, no interest in tapping into their driving force, and most probably shouldn't have that desire.  For others though, tapping into our subconscious is their ultimate goal and once capable of doing so, can get a greater understanding of who they are and why they do what they do.  For me, I waver.  There are times when my subconscious astonishes me, amazes me, and drives me to tap into it even deeper.  Then there are those other times when a darker side reveals itself and I just want to shut down the subconscious and push it deep under the rug.  Whatever the case may be, more often than not I would rather tap into my subconscious than not.  It is a fascinating beast to me (for my subconscious literally is a beast) and one that for the most part that I would love to get to know better.  Guess I better just get exhausted more often so my subconscious comes to the surface more often.   

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