It is in times like these, after a horrific event like the one that unfolded in Newtown, that our relationships with others becomes the strength by which we heal and move forward. I know that at this point, much of the United States and the world for that matter have moved on emotionally. Things have largely returned to normal in most places; people going about their daily business, going to school, going to work, carrying out their normal routines. However, while that is the case elsewhere, it is different in Connecticut right now. While normal activities have resumed, except in Newtown, there is a heaviness in the air, almost as if there is a void left by the absence of those who were killed. You can not escape continuing news unless you unplug from everything including the radio and you can distinctly tell when talking to people who has children or not. Many adults who have children are still struggling to wrap their heads around this tragic event, how it could have happened, what it means for the future, and how lucky they are to have their children still with them. I myself struggled a good amount yesterday. The morning was particularly rough listening to the radio, people calling in stories of those gunned down, the exceptional way they lived and the joy they brought to all those around them. There were poems being read on the radio, people crying, and it seemed like the gravity of the situation didn't really sink in until yesterday. On my way to work, listening to the radio, crying occasionally in the privacy of my work van, I decided I needed to go to morning Mass at my church. I usually only go to Mass on the weekends, but yesterday I needed to be amongst others, have some of my own void filled, and just be at peace for a while. Anytime I was alone yesterday, my thoughts kept wandering back to the events last Friday, the close proximity of those events, and the innocence take from this world too soon. I did some work yesterday, but mostly I sought out others, either to have a conversation with or to just to be around. It wasn't till I started being around other people, talking to them about events not related to last Friday, that I started to turn around. While my spirit yesterday was lacking, by the end it had somewhat returned, mostly due to the people around me.
At one point I called a friend who recently moved to California, one of my good friends that I have always enjoyed spending time with, Dave Smith. Originally from Connecticut, he had friends who live in Newtown, a brother who is a school superintendent, and young nephews that are under 10 years old. He was still in complete disbelief yesterday when I talked to him. Originally he was not going to be coming home for the holidays, but after hearing the news on Friday, he booked a flight home to be with family. We were both choked up talking about the incident, helpful in a way to discuss it with a friend, and then we moved on to our lives and how we both are doing. We ended up talking for about a half hour. It was conversations like that, just talking about life and how we both are doing, that helped me move past Friday in a way. While it at least helped me move past Friday a little, no amount of conversation can fill the void left by the taking of those 20 children, an entire classroom wiped off the face of the earth. There is still an emptiness in my heart today, but all the conversations I had with people yesterday helped me move forward a little. Alone, I broke down. We never know how much people matter to us until we are faced with a situation that makes us feel totally isolated despite our being surrounded by strangers. There is healing in talking to those we know and love and yesterday proved that more to me than I could ever understand previously. I always enjoy talking to people, but yesterday I searched people out to talk to, mostly because I needed it. There is nothing that is more precious to me than the relationships I have in my life, and luckily for me, I have a large amount of family and friends I can call and talk to, or just go and visit and talk to. I don't think I have ever taken those relationships for granted, but I know I never will now. They are simply too important. Rather than get a lot of work done yesterday, I talked. Relationships with others, especially in times of hardship and grief, are what holds us up and gives us strength to move forwards. I know that anyone who has gone through a tragedy in their lives knows the truth of this. For those who haven't, it is incredibly hard to explain and for the most part, you have to witness it yourself to truly understand how connected we are and how much we rely on others to bring us through the hard times. Sometimes we forget about those that are important, but we should all do our best effort to remember those around us that are in essence, our lifeline.
I know as the healing process continues, for some more quickly than others, I only hope that we can remember what is truly important and not distort what really happened and what it means to so many. Already I have seen distortions of the press online, highlighting certain parts of a press conference and neglecting everything else relating to it. It mind boggling to me, even though it shouldn't be, that people are already using this tragedy to further their own agendas. For my part, I would ask all these people to have a little respect for those living in Connecticut, especially those directly affected by the tragedy, and lay off your vitriol and distortions at least till after the New Year. The funerals of all those killed just began yesterday and will continue for days to come. Out of respect, keep your comments to yourself. I almost want to disconnect myself from Facebook and any news outlet because of the possibility of seeing something that will piss me off. But I know that in a way, seeing it is not a bad thing, as long as I don't let it get to me. It also goes to show how much people don't understand and can't empathize with those that went through this tragedy. As I mentioned before, almost everyone I know had a tough time yesterday, the real gravity of the situation didn't really start sinking in till yesterday. For those that feel the weight of the world is on their shoulders, find someone to talk to, a friend, relative, or even a co-worker. In times like these we need to strengthen any relationships we have instead of isolating ourselves and thinking we can deal with everything on our own. We can never deal with something like this on our own, it will just get bottled up and explode at a later date. If the need to cry is there, cry. If the need is there to scream, scream. But just remember that no matter what the case may be, there is always someone who has it worse than you do. There was a poem that I heard yesterday, written by someone named Tabitha (I hope I spelled it correctly) called the Field Trip. It was about the events on Friday from a child's perspective and it moved me to tears any time I heard it. Please search it out online or on Facebook. It is well worth the read and might help alleviate some of the grief. For me, I move forward little by little, still talking to people, ensuring my relationships are as strong as they can be, and slowly recovering from the tragedy on Friday. While I wasn't personally involved or connected to anyone directly involved, it hit me hard and will be slow to go away.
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