Happiness and Relationships

How do we become the happiest person we can possibly be?  Do we aspire to be successful in work or life?  To we seek to make as much money as possible thinking that it will buy us happiness?  Or do we delve in to activities thinking that the activity in and of itself will bring happiness to our life?  The answer would be none of these.  In the course of reading the "Brain Rules for Baby" book and also watching a documentary on men's relationships with one another called "Five Friends", I have heard a few times that it is our relationships, friendships, and the amount that we have that determine how happy we will be.  It has been proven that the more relationships we have with others, the happier we will be in the long run.  These aren't just business relationships, but rather friendships (including marriage) that form the basis for happiness in our lives.  As humans, we are social creatures and despite the fact that some of us feel we can go the course alone (which we could), in the end we would not be as happy as we would have if we had friendships along the way.  Some friends come and go, but if we keep on seeking to build new relationships with others, deepen the friendships we have, and practice the art of conversation, then in the end we will be happy.  I for one believe this.   I feel that the only way we can truly attain happiness is through the relationships we have with others.  We all need time alone to sort things through, but to live alone and without human connection is to deprive ourselves of happiness.

One of the facts that I found most interesting about happiness is the correlation, or lack there of, to money.  This fact came from the book "Brain Rules for Baby" yet is applicable to all aspects of our life, not just dealing with a young child.  In fact, the book brings up this point to show parents how their lives, and their happiness, directly influences their child and has great bearing upon how their child will turn out.  But I digress, I was talking about the money and happiness.  There was actually a study done on happiness, a scientific one at that, that came to show that individuals happiness rises with their income rates only to the mid five figures; that would be $50,000 a year.  Anything above that does nothing to increase happiness.  Lacking money obviously has a detrimental effect on happiness, but all in all, it does not take that much to ensure happiness in an individual, it is more about the relationships one fosters along the way that make the difference.  I personally found it fascinating that $50,000 a year in income is the "cap" if you will at which happiness peaks in association with money.  Throughout our lives, we always see people striving to make more money, to get the raise at work, to buy more things (and maybe in their minds happiness), and yet once you pass $50,000 a year in income, none of it matters.  Maybe if people took the time that they spent trying to make more money and invested it in human relationships, they would be happier.  Wait, its not maybe, that's what is needed.  It seems we are too often blinded by the dollar sign to see the people around us who are seeking a connection with us. 

Sometimes it seems that we retreat into our shell, or into our work, because relationships and friendships take effort to work on.  It goes beyond effort though, it requires us to lay bare a part of ourselves, to "trust" others with information about us.  That is not always the easiest thing to do, yet relationships require that we do it in order for that relationship to progress in a meaningful way.  It seems we have lost the ability to trust others, to form a deeper bond with them, to be confident enough in ourselves where we can move beyond the realm of mere "acquaintances" and form long lasting friendships.  Personally, I feel the lack of connection we are experiencing has a lot to do with technologies influence on our lives.  While we may feel connected through technology to others, feel that we have more friends because of technology, we are not really investing the necessary face time with others that is the only way capable of forming lasting relationships.  So what do we do to increase our happiness?  I say lets put down our phones, put away our ipods, and seek to re-establish that connection with others.  Lets focus on the friendships we have and on deepening them.  Lets also focus on creating new friendships and relationships with others.  There are many ways of creating new friends, but lets take the friendships offline and make them meaningful, not illusory, and maybe, just maybe, we will increase the happiness in our own lives.