The Worst People Ever

Everyone bears a cross, some weight of the world that they have to deal with, issues that they would rather pass to others or get rid of completely.  Often times, in our interactions with others, we don't see these crosses, these burdens that they suffer and struggle with.   People have a tendency to put their best face forward so others don't see their struggles.  They mask their pain in public and deal with the torment in the comfort of their homes.   In our everyday lives, how many times have we judged others because we think they are scatterbrained, flighty, "not with it", or maybe we think they are depressed, self-centered, or shy.  There are often times hidden struggles that influence the way people portray themselves in public.  Not everything is always as it seems.  In my work as a contractor, I sometimes spend a good amount of time around people in their homes, seeing that other side, being a silent witness to the struggles that they deal with.  I sometimes make silent assumptions about peoples motives, thinking one thing even though I know it may not be true.  I don't know the specific assumption that I made, but there is a lot more behind my current customer's actions and life than I could have ever imagined.  And this is how I discovered the worst people ever.  It wasn't her specifically telling me her struggles.  Instead, I overheard phone conversations that she has had while I am working there.  I don't eavesdrop.  I just happen to be working near her room when she is on the phone.  There is no where left for me to work in her house and while my intention is not to listen to her conversation, sometimes it can't be helped. 

So what is this cross that my customer is bearing?  From what I gather, my customer, divorced and living alone, has a daughter who lives in a group home and attends a school that teaches life skills.  I am guessing that her daughter is dealing with some type of mental health issue, perhaps autism or something similar.  I have never seen her daughter, but have heard her talk about her on the phone and have seen pictures of her when she was younger.   Sometime over the past year, her daughter has suffered abuse at the hands of her caregivers, the one's who care for her at the home, not the school.  She suffered both physical and mental abuse, including strangling and beating.  I don't know what type of psychological abuse she suffered, but I can imagine its not good.  There could be more, but I have not heard it.  Arrests have been made, lawsuits have been filed, and the process is still on going. There are debates about putting video cameras to help watch her daughter and the other kids at the house.  It all sounds like a giant nightmare being waged over the phone by a parent who wasn't able to be present to protect her daughter.  I would be enraged if this happened to one of my children and despite what this customer of mine is going through, she is able to maintain a relative calm demeanor on the phone.  If I hadn't over heard her talking about this issue, I would have had no inclination that anything was wrong with her daughter.  She manages to put on this smile every day, appear to be happy, and go about her life.  Yet, knowing what she must be dealing with inside is heartbreaking.  Having children of my own, there is a deep gut wrenching feeling that occurs whenever something happens to one of them.  The desire to protect and assist, to heal and to care for our children, is inherent in parenthood.  When the ability to do that is taken away through a mental health issue where external help outside the family is needed, it digs out the very fiber of what it means to be a parent.

Who are these people who prey upon those less fortunate, who feel that they can exert their power over them to whatever degree they see fit?  It is something that I can not comprehend and probably will never be able to.  We occasionally hear about similar cases on the news, but often times the abuse has to be more aggravated, more despicable, more horrendous for it to make the news.  How many other cases like this float beneath the radar because it either only happened once or is deemed not news worthy enough?  The cases that involve the mentally challenged either with autism, Down syndrome, or some other mental health issue are even harder to identify as often times the victims don't know how to speak up for themselves or are unable to do so.  The people who commit these heinous crimes, in my mind, are on par with the Bashar al Assad's, the Kim Jong Un's, and anyone else who is in a position of power and exerts that power over those less fortunate either for their own personal satisfaction or some other twisted reason.   The cross that my customer is bearing right now is not an easy one to bear as a parent.   It makes me feel fortunate that I don't have to deal with what she is dealing with.  It is also a reminder that everyone is dealing with something, either small or large, in their personal lives.  We may not know what it is people are dealing with it, but it never hurts to throw an extra dose of kindness into our interactions with others.  A simple smile, a kind word, or a gentle touch is sometimes all that people need to be lifted up a bit out of their problems.  So smile today, or maybe even ask someone, seriously, how they are doing.