Empathy for a Grandmother

Yes, I used that word again, "empathy", a word that I seem to be coming back to more and more of late.  Recently, I have been reading the "Brain Rules for Baby" book and empathy has been a big theme in that book in relation to raising children.  However, through reading the book and in turn inspecting my life and the lives of those around me, empathy has gained traction in my mind.  It has forced me to look at how I utilize empathy in my own life, sometimes less, sometimes more, and how I can teach empathy to my son as he grows older.  In dealing with family members especially, I have tried to take a step back from situations and see those situations from their perspective to try and understand where they are coming from.  Obviously this is not always the easiest thing to do and I am not always successful at completely understanding where someone else is coming from.  Granted, I know empathy is probably one of the hardest things we as humans can do honestly, but sometimes I come upon situations that either drag me in too deep or baffle me as to how I should respond.  And this is where one of my grandmothers comes in, Baba, my mother's mom.  The whole reason I am bringing this up today is because of recent events that have unfolded, most notably a few from mother's day when we were all gathered together at my parents house.  As I mentioned on Monday, we had a total of 6 mothers there, quite a few to reckon with, but it seems the one that needed the most reckoning with was Baba. 

So here is where the empathy comes in, or at least an attempt at empathy.  How does one empathize with a woman in her early 90's who has lost three husbands, spends most of her days alone (by choice as options for socialization are offered to her), and is slowly losing her memory?  How exactly does one place themselves in those kind of shoes and arrive at a point where one can say, "I understand where she is coming from and I feel for her."  Parts of her predicament are easier to empathize with than others, but then again, it all depends on the circumstances.  This past Sunday as we were all gathered together, Baba was the one craving most of the attention.  Almost all of us were seated in the living room with our son playing on the floor.  All the great grandparents were obviously excited to see him crawling around, the advances that he has made, and were all in some way trying to get his attention.  By far, Baba had to be the loudest and the most adamant about getting that attention.  Understandable from my perspective, maybe a little overboard, but understandable as she is the one out of everyone gathered who has the least interaction with others.  But it doesn't stop there.  After our son received more attention than he could handle and became a little over-stimulated, I whisked him out of the room.  The conversation that followed seemed to center on events in the news and occurrences in the world until Baba chimed in needing to add her two cents on a topic totally unrelated.  The rest of the conversation went silent when she chimed in and she continued to tell her stories.  I can empathize with her to an extent because I know her so well, but to someone who doesn't, it is much more difficult to see past her sometimes ornery, demanding nature to the underlying issues that she is dealing with. 

Its tough to envision sometimes what life must be like from her shoes.  After all, how many of us have escaped the grips of WWII, moved countless times to different countries, lost three husbands, lost a daughter, and on top of that have very little left that we can call our own except family?  I would guess that there are very few people if any, who can imagine going through something like that.  Granted, none of that excuses her actions from time to time, but it offers a glimpse of what it must be like now for her.  Empathy, for me especially, is difficult in this case.  Every time I think I understand where she is coming from, another part of her life surfaces or influences her that I had completely forgotten about previously.  Still, I try and empathize and in ways, I think it might be easier for me to do than for my parents who live with her day in and day out.  If I had to live with Baba, I think empathy would be even harder for me to employ than it already is.  But I guess in attempting to empathize with Baba, perhaps the hardest case out of my family, it makes it easier to empathize with others and put myself in their shoes.  In the end, what more is there to do than to simply deal with a person, love them as best you can, and help them with their life?  Not much, but it isn't always easy to do.  I must say, I am normally very good at dealing with Baba, but Sunday tested me.  There was just something about ensuring minimal stimulation for my son coupled with being loving and empathetic towards everyone else that drained me.  Sunday evening found me completely exhausted, probably because the day was emotionally draining.  It was still a good day, don't get me wrong, just trying at times.  In any case, on to another day at home with my son!

Water Main Electricity

I read an article last week in the NYTimes (I know, surprise surprise) about a fascinating new idea for an eco-friendly way of producing electricity.  Now if you haven't figured it out from the title of the post this morning, I will give you a little hint, the electricity would come from generators attached in some way to the water mains that feed New York City.  The way New York City gets its water is from a gravity fed system, similar to an aqueduct, that starts 125 miles away in the Catskill Mountains and makes its way down into the heart of the city.  To feed the thirsty city, nearly a million gallons of water flows down every minute with an initial power of 600 psi.  The momentum is such that it is capable of reaching the sixth story of almost every building in the city.  With this amount of power, some people have theorized that there is tremendous potential for producing electricity from the flow of water.  One company has already been formed that is starting the research and testing phase to see if it is plausible to generate electricity from the water.  While it wouldn't be enough to feed the energy appetite of all of NY city, it would be enough to ease the grid somewhat and provide electricity to pump stations, sewage treatment plants, or other small services.  The question is, would it be worth it to invest the money to install these hydroelectric generators to the water mains.  The only answer for now is, we shall see.

I personally have other questions that weren't necessarily addressed in the article (linked here).  My biggest concern would be the decrease in water pressure if these generators were installed.  I am sure that we all remember a little bit from science class and the lesson about energy.  Energy does not just appear out of no where.  Consequently, if the energy of the flowing water was used to power hydroelectric generators, it would in part decrease the power that the water had because the water would be turning turbines of some sort to create the electricity.  If the power of the water was decreased too much, then it might not reach the sixth story of the buildings in NY as it used to necessitating the installation of thousands of new pumps to provide the necessary lift to bring the water to where it needs to go.  Perhaps I am wrong and the power of the water would not be affected as much as I think it would.  After all, I am not a scientist or anything close to it, so it is merely a question on my part.  However, if this new idea (not entirely new as a few other similar systems are already in place) were to be implemented in NY, it could potentially save a good amount of energy costs.  It seems that innovation has not completely disappeared from out country yet, it has just diminished somewhat.  In any case, I hope that all the necessary tests that will be run prove that it would be worthwhile to install these hydroelectric generators and create some green electricity for New York City.

Unfortunately, not all water systems are gravity fed and as such, this type of generator could not be installed everywhere there are water mains.  However, if a system like this were to take hold in NY City, perhaps it would show other municipalities the benefit of at least investigating a system like it for their own towns.  While not taking the entire burden of electricity production away from fossil fuels and other sources, every little bit would help.  Easing the burden on the grid would be a huge benefit, especially since electricity needs are not getting any smaller and the population keeps on growing.  Another area that might be able to benefit enormously from a system like this would be Southern California.  Much of Los Angeles and the surrounding areas get their water from the mountains outside the city, another gravity fed system, and it could potentially provide much needed relief to their electricity grid as well.  But first NY, then we shall see how it spreads if it does.  I just though this was a fascinating system that could be beneficial to many people.  In this day and age of diminishing fossil fuels and soaring energy costs, we need more innovation when it comes to green, renewable energy.  This is a start, but we need more of it if we are to become energy independent.  It won't happen any time soon, but hopefully it doesn't take too long. 

Mother's Day Tribute

On Friday morning, during my weekly business meeting, I heard the best advice I have heard in a while about mother's.  It was from a gentleman who lost his mother 20 years ago.  What he said was, "Treat every day like its mother's day."  I couldn't agree more.  How often do we take our mother's for granted?  How often do we fail to realize everything that they do for us?  How often do we thank them for what they do and what they have done?  I think that many people, while appreciating their mothers, also take them for granted a lot of the time.  As a relatively new father on the scene, it is only now that I am truly coming to realize everything that mothers do, starting with pregnancy and never really ending.  Seeing everything that my wife does for our son makes me realize that my mother probably did the same as well as every mother out there.  From the sleepless nights to the breastfeeding to the worrying, it never ends.  Now this isn't meant to anger any fathers out there, but I think that mothers do a lot more in general for their children than fathers do.  A large part of it comes from the fact that mothers carry their children with them for 9 months and then are intimately involved with the raising of their children after birth.  This isn't to say that fathers don't put in a lot of effort, but I think mothers take the ribbon here.  Its the closer personal attachment that drives them to do more, their need to ensure their children are as safe and healthy as possible that makes them who they are.  But it isn't only biological mothers, but it goes beyond to any woman who acts in the capacity of being a mother. 

So what did you do for your mother yesterday to show her how much she means to you?  Our family gathered together, a total of 6 mothers being present in the household, and they did nothing but relax.  The men in our family, meaning my dad, brother and myself, took care of pretty much everything, the main event being a lunch that we cooked up (and didn't completely fail at).  We each had our task for the day, my brother was in charge of the fruit salad for desert, my dad in charge of rice and vegetables, and myself in charge of salad and cooking the chicken.  All in all, the food went over well and I think everyone enjoyed themselves.  That was our present for the mothers yesterday.  We could have bought them things, which my dad and brother might have (but I didn't), but we felt it was more important to give them a day off to relax and enjoy themselves.  After all, mothers do so much every day of the year, I think they are entitled to at least one day off (although more would definitely be welcome I am sure).  What I was most thankful for yesterday was to have all the mothers we had gathered together.  It is not often that we get that many mothers under one roof and let them do nothing.  I also think that it was probably hard for them not to do anything as mothers have this drive and need it seems to constantly be cleaning, cooking, and making sure that everyone else is happy. 

Of course, the only mother there who I know would have like to just sit in a chair all day by herself was my wife.  It was a little difficult yesterday with our seven month old and grandparents and great grandparents yearning to entertain and coddle him.  My wife even got a little over-stimulated and had to retreat to the outdoors.  As a result of all the stimulation, our son got maybe 45 minutes of napping in yesterday compared to his normal 2.5 to 3 hours.  But he made it through the day without any tantrums of nervous breakdowns so everything was OK.  At least next year our son will be older and better able to handle the overabundance of stimulation that he will undoubtedly receive.  Regardless, it was a beautiful day, perfect weather, and we were surrounded by family, so despite my wife's desire to just sit at home and do nothing, I think she had a decent time yesterday on her first mothers day.  So as we begin another week, let us all try to treat every day like it is mothers day and never let a day go by where we take our mothers for granted.   Life flies by too quickly for us to neglect our mothers.  If you didn't take time out to appreciate your mother yesterday, even if you don't have a good relationship with her, take the time today, give her a call, and just say thank you.  To all the mothers out there, thank you.