Becoming Best Friends

Every year is different.  There is a continuity that can be followed between the years, a thin line leading one from point a to b to c and so on ad infinitum.   Yet that line is merely a filament tracing existence from beginning to an eventual end.  The line changes, grows, shrinks, expands, contracts, the similarities rising and falling, yet always building upon what came previously.  This is our children's lives, a slowly expanding, ever increasing, volatile existence.  Everything changes in young children from month to month, year to year.  They may be similar in appearance to when they were newborns, but those radical first years are filled with such expansive growth that the line that connects every age is sometimes hard to discern.   Every age presents different challenges, different opportunities, and different moments to watch, record, retain, and admire.  Along with those splendid moments come those we wish to erase, the tantrums, the drawing on the bedsheets, and yet while we want to erase them, we can't.  We can use them to build that line, add to it, expand it, help it to grow.  But it is the moments of peace, calm, and companionship between brother and sister that make everything worth it.  To see our son randomly walk up to his younger sister to comfort her, to console, or just because he wants to giver her a hug, is priceless.  Of course the next moment he is tempting her into trouble, but the moments of temptation and discord are much less frequent than those where they can play together amicably.  It will not be an overnight occurrence, but I dare say they are becoming very good friends and hope that the friendship will continue throughout their lives.  We can, at this point, leave them to their own devices without excessive worry and doubt on our part. It may be premature, our son being almost 5 and our daughter at a solid 2 and a half, but it's not like we leave them home alone.   We are always just in the next room, or just inside while they are in the driveway.  We never go far when those two are playing because our son, at this point, doesn't understand the size of his body in relation to his sisters and the extra strength that he has.  Yet, 90% of the time, they play wonderfully.  Their personalities couldn't be more different in some respects, but in others, they are exactly the same.  They are both goof balls, both ingenious, and both of them love to laugh.  What more could a parent ask for.  Who needs a TV when you have two children to watch.  The content far surpasses anything on the boob tube and it never gets depressing.  I am fascinated by what the future may hold, and yet while fascinated, I relish the moments I have now with two wonderful children who are quickly I becoming the best of friends.  

The Allure of Driving

Saturday morning I decided to get up early and take my kayak out on the Housatonic River.  I had our son help me put it on the roof of our car the day before so I could just hop in and start driving.  I woke up a little after five, made coffee, had a banana and a glass of water, and by 530 I was headed out the door, way before most people would even be waking up.  I did go kayaking, the whole point of my early morning trip, but something happened when I sat in the car and started driving.   As soon as I pulled out of our driveway, the sky painted a deep orange on the horizon by the rising sun, I felt compelled to keep on driving.  My head was clear, there was a cup of strong coffee in my travel mug, sun roof open, and I felt that the world was open in front of me, beckoning me to just drive.  With a kayak on the roof, I could drive anywhere, stop off by a body of water, and put in and start paddling.  Or I could keep on driving.  It felt as if there weren't a worry in the world at that time and with very few cars on the road, I felt like I owned the road, the pavement unfurling in front of me, the white dotted lines beckoning me to follow them.  The possibilities were limitless, open, free from constraint, and very large part of me wanted to just drive for the sake of driving.  It was a solitary moment, one that tantalized and worms its way deep into your psyche.  "Drive" it says, "keep going till you hit the horizon."  But alas, my children and wife were sleeping at home, and driving aimlessly down the open road was not in the cards, but the feeling remained.  If I had no responsibilities, heaven only knows where I would have ended up.  And I suppose I could have kept on driving, but decided against it that morning.  

Later that night, I was telling my wife the feeling that I got, of feeling like everything was perfect and I could keep on driving forever with no destination in mind or goal to achieve.  She was quick to say that I was trying to escape, but that wasn't it at all.  I even, at that moment, brought my thoughts back to the morning and sifted through exactly what I was feeling, and there was no desire to escape anything, I just wanted to drive.  For those that haven't had a similar feeling, words will fall far short in attempting to explain it.  It is a feeling that resonates deep within you, a feeling of movement within your soul, of desire to do something.  In my case, at that moment, the desire was to drive.  It's as if all the stars were aligned and I was the center of them.  It was everything about that moment, the coolness outside, the sun just peeking over the horizon, the coffee, the music on the radio, the sunroof open, the quietness of the world.  It was a feeling that sometimes is best just savored, enjoyed while it is within you, and allowed to exit as it winds down.  That moment, once we are attuned to it, can be recognized as fleeting.  It is a moment that drives us forward, but is simply that, an impetus, a motivator, and spark underneath your rear.  Once started the feeling drifts away leaving tangible trails within you to hold on to, remember it by, and add to the library of one's self.  The feeling came and went, but still, I can smell the air, feel the coolness of the breeze through the window, and smile when it hits me how wonderful that feeling was.  Just the desire to drive, that's it.  And yet, it is so much more.  Sometimes we need those early mornings, those times of peace and tranquility, to use as an anchor for our hectic lives.  They ground us, let us know the world is inherently good despite what we may see the rest of the day.   Maybe next time I will keep drive on a little farther, but probably not.  I do know that I will welcome the feeling when it comes.  

The Apple Never Falls Far

Looking at our daughter, I can picture myself as a young child of 2 and a half multiplied by a factor of 10.   I would speak for my wife as well, however, I did not know her as a child or what she was like.  Yet, from what she has said, our son has a personality that is more in tune with her's than mine...at least for now.   To say that our daughter has a mind of her own is an understatement.  In regards to almost everything she does, she has to do it herself or at least her way.  There are no other alternatives but hers.  End of discussion.   As you can imagine, it has created a clash of wills, a fight to the tears, and I am quickly learning that whatever patience I learned to have with our son quickly needs to be multiplied.  Yet, in all fairness, as our son gets older, I am needing more with him as well, but more on that another day.   Our daughter is a quick study just like her brother was, if not even quicker.  We have reached the point now, with her only two and a half, that we can not keep a gate either at the top or bottom of the stairs as she has learned how to climb over it and has become adept at both climbing and descending the stairs.  Whenever she does fall (and it has not been down the stairs yet but more from running to quickly in the house), she gets up quickly without any fuss.  Whichever man says girls aren't as tough as boys is living in a delusional world of his own design and I will introduce him to my daughter when she is older and she will kick his ass.  Sorry, but everything about our daughter is tougher than most boys her age.  Yes, she is starting to show a softer, more feminine side if you will, but she is more prone to violence and fewer tears in general than our son was at the same age.  

This whole stubbornness thing is the part that I am having the hardest time dealing with.  I admire the fact that she knows what she wants and has the tenacity to attempt everything herself.  I love the fact that she wants things her way.  I just don't like it when it conflicts with me being a parent and looking at for her safety.  That's when things start to suck.  It sucks even more because she has an older brother who she idolizes for the most part and wants to be wherever he is doing whatever he is doing.  It could be climbing ladders (as happened when I was at the top of a 32' ladder, look down and see her about a 8'up), digging holes, riding bikes, or hammering things (as she accidentally hammered our sons head with a small metal hammer (he is fine)).   In any of these cases, it is exceptionally hard to get her to change course.  Many times, despite my most patient and concerted effort, I need to resort to picking her up and physically removing her from a situation.  She never likes it, but the consequences could be her getting hurt or hurting someone else (like her brother).   And when I do pick her up, she cries for mommy.  "I want my mommy!!!!"  Tears, squirming, screaming, and eventually resentful submission to parental authority figures.   It's funny (perhaps ironic would be better) at how much more you let your second child get away with versus your first.  As a child with a younger sibling, you think it's unfair that they get away with so much more than you did.  And then as a parent, you realize the reality of the situation and how you can't keep them back as much because they are simply following their older sibling.  As long as it is safe and within the rules of our house, we pretty much allow it.   

Yet, for all the stubbornness and resistance, our daughter is an awesome girl with in infectious laugh and a comedic aura that can put a smile on anyone's face.  And there are moments when I know that I must be doing something right.  One of these moments happened not long ago, I want to say with the past week, where I had to pull our daughter way from something she was doing.   As always, she hated it, wanted her mommy, and fled to her arms as soon I would let her.  She got to her mommy' arms and immediately proceeded by telling mommy that, "I don't like daddy right now".  I was standing there and chuckled.  I simply said, "ok, but do you love me?"  She hid her face in mommy' shoulder, and with a muffled voice said, "yes".  "Can you give me a hug?" To which I got the same response:  "yes".   As soon as her little arms were wrapped around my neck I said, "you don't have to like me,  it I'm glad that you love me."  From there, her demeanor improved and while she did not stay in my arms, I was ok with that.  I felt, in a sense, like I was talking to a teenager.  Thinking of what I just said now, I fear for the years when she is a teenager.  The good thing is, I have some time to prepare myself for those tumultuous, insanely crazy, hormone driven years.