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Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Throwing Diggers

Lets start this off by having everyone who has ever been the recipient of a digger raise their hand (or at the very least nod your head to yourself as your reading this).  For those of you who don't know what a "digger" is, it is verbal denigration of a person meant to either make the "thrower" look or feel better in the eyes of others or to put the "recipient" in his/her place.  It can be equated to vicious sarcasm in some ways and a verbal onslaught in others.  So now that everyone knows what a digger is, who has been the recipient of one?  Let me start off by saying that I have thrown diggers myself and on occasion still do, but for the most part I try and stay away from them because I know the effect that they can have on others.  I find that at this point in my life, most of the times I throw diggers at people is when I have first been the recipient of one.  This doesn't make it right on my part, but its a knee jerk reaction that sometimes I just can't help.  I guess the ultimate question still remains, why am I writing about this today.  Well, I was the recipient over the weekend of a seemingly endless onslaught of diggers.  I won't relay who exactly was the originator of said diggers, but lets just say that it is someone close to me.  A few here and there usually don't bother me too much, but when they continue ad nauseum for a few hours on end, it gets tiring and frustrating and really pissed me off.   Perhaps the part that pissed me off the most is that if I am with this person one on one, there aren't any diggers thrown yet as the number of people around us increases, the onslaught increases in severity and number.  (For the record, it is not my wife and she knows this.)

For the life of me, I am still trying to wrap my head around how this person can be so nice at times and then such a vicious, selfish prick at others.  Even after a few days, it still bothers me, those diggers thrown casually my way with no thought paid as to their effect on me.   I know I have to talk to this person about it, but there is a part of me that wants to just say screw it and not talk to that person again.  I won't choose the latter as that is not who I am, but it is very tempting at times just to eradicate the source of those diggers so I don't have to deal with them again.  I will say that even over the weekend, I did respond with my own digger or two at the beginning, but quickly realized that it wasn't worth my effort and I really didn't want to drag down everyone around us into the verbal quagmire in which we were engulfed.  The only possible explanation that I can come up with for this person acting the way they did was because they are probably insecure about something or feel the need to raise themselves up on this lofty pedestal while kicking all those around them (or at least me) in the face.  It almost seemed like the person needed to garner as much attention as possible at whatever expense necessary.  Whether it was gloating about their accomplishments or simply chopping me down bit by bit, they needed to feel important, wanted, validated, praised, whatever.  And even though I recognize what might be the cause of all this, it doesn't help in dealing with it.  As a recipient of such an onslaught over the weekend, it made me realize just how hurtful diggers can be and made me vow to minimize any retaliation on my part in the future.

Seeing the actions of another made me think back to when I was younger and insecure.  I know that I acted similarly, but upon talking to my wife who has known me now for seven years, even she has said that I was never as bad as this person was over the weekend.  But regardless, it is now in the past and time to move on with my life.  I will forgive this person, that is not the issue.  The issue I am dealing with right now is how to try and make this person see what they did and try and convince them to change their ways.  All sorts of ideas have been coursing through my brain over the past few days, most of them not very pleasant or nice, but I can't help those thoughts.  I will refrain from being an ass myself, however hard it may be, and do my best to move forward.  The only words of advice I have for anyone reading this is to consider what you are saying before you actually say it.  I know we don't always have a filter on and it can be hard to filter yourself, but once you say something, you can't take it back or the hurt that it may convey.  The old saying goes that "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt."  What a crock of bull that is.  Words may not leave physical marks or break any bones, but they do leave an impression, sometimes negative, that is hard to remedy or recoup from.  For the sake of those around you, throw the diggers in the garbage and treat everyone the way you would want to be treated. 

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